I guess a message like this only works if the female online likes your pic??

[PhillyDude]

"Hello, I just want to say I'm intrigued that you are working as a teacher because so many of our kids need that guidance that will help them succeed. Exactly how did you develop a interest in teaching?

 

 

 

 

Now my message is complimenting her line of work in addition to asking how she got into that field and I still get no reply-lol I said nothing about how sexy she was or how pretty she was so I guess it all comes down to physical attraction.

 

 

 

Something tell me complimenting a female's legs or thighs is accepted if she thinks you are good looking

[oaks]

Yes, pretty much any message only works if you pass the photo test. (Although you can fail before that by writing something dumb.)

[manup]

You're right to a point, but you really should have said "How do you like teaching?" "And maybe something about how kids are monsters or difficult." Then she can yap away about teaching and crap. The whole guidance of youth thing was a bit much. Just right like you talk.

[PlumPrincess]

I get that kind of message quite a lot and I find it boring. And every time I take a look at the profile it's someone who might be a nice person, but I always know it's someone I can dominate.

[ScienceGal]

The message is a little cheezy with the 'so many kids need guidance'. Even though its true, its not personal enough to you. I would switch the message to say something like, "I loved my 5th grade teacher because she was fun and taught me a lot. As an adult, I appreciate the hard work and patience that it must take! Is teaching everything you hoped it would be? Any surprises or disappointments?" Here you have expressed appreciation for her line of work and opened the door for her to brag or bitch.

 

But yes, it mostly comes down to pictures.What are yours like?

[Philosoraptor]

Everyone is different. It might have been your profile, she might be seeing someone now on a regular basis but still hasn't removed her profile, it might be your looks... who cares? Move on.

[jobaba]

"Hello, I just want to say I'm intrigued that you are working as a teacher because so many of our kids need that guidance that will help them succeed. Exactly how did you develop a interest in teaching?

 

 

 

 

Now my message is complimenting her line of work in addition to asking how she got into that field and I still get no reply-lol I said nothing about how sexy she was or how pretty she was so I guess it all comes down to physical attraction.

 

 

 

Something tell me complimenting a female's legs or thighs is accepted if she thinks you are good looking

 

I get that kind of message quite a lot and I find it boring. And every time I take a look at the profile it's someone who might be a nice person, but I always know it's someone I can dominate.

 

Perfect segue from the 'High Quality Man' thread...

[PhillyDude]

I get that kind of message quite a lot and I find it boring. And every time I take a look at the profile it's someone who might be a nice person, but I always know it's someone I can dominate.

 

Why do you find it boring?

[serial muse]

Yeah, I agree with the above poster who said the "so many of our kids need guidance" is the problem. I know you meant it as a way of complimenting her selflessness, but to be honest, the way it's worded is pompous rather than friendly. Would work for an employer but not so desirable in a date.

 

I think there's a fun/friendlier/more personal way to go, maybe something like:

 

"You're a teacher - that's an interesting occupation! I'm not sure I'd be able to handle standing in front of a classroom/grading the homework/wrangling the kids (pick one), myself - but I admire people who can. How did you become a teacher?"

 

or

 

"You're a teacher - that's an interesting occupation! I have really great memories of my science teacher, Mr. X - somehow he got us to care about cells. How did you develop an interest in teaching?"

[KathyM]

The message is a little lame. Sorry. And don't make comments to her about her appearance as an initial Email either. And you are right that women will probably not respond if they don't like your pic, since being attracted to you is a requirement for most women.

[PlumPrincess]

Yes, pretty much any message only works if you pass the photo test. (Although you can fail before that by writing something dumb.)

It's not only about being good-looking, but how you present yourself. I put up pictures where I'm sure that most people will agree that I look nice and friendly regardless whether they think I'm attractive or not.

[jobaba]

Phillydude,

 

I have a question for you? Did you think she was attractive and would you have messaged her if you didn't? Because if not, then her snub was fair game.

 

I have a Match.com account but I never paid to be a member. They send me periodic emails with matches which I usually ignore. But last week, I was browsing them and came across a woman who does nonprofit work, likes to volunteer, AND watches football! And she had a very broad height and race requirement. Her looks were so-so, nothing that would have caught my eye.

 

I almost signed up and paid the fee just for her, ready to write a message like yours saying "I signed up for Match just because your profile was so striking" fully expecting mind you to get rejected because she didn't think I was attractive enough.

 

Unfortunately, life has taken a turn where I cannot do that anymore...

[ScreamingTrees]

I get that kind of message quite a lot and I find it boring. And every time I take a look at the profile it's someone who might be a nice person, but I always know it's someone I can dominate.

 

Ha. Better hope you never meet someone like me, who probably fits your INITIAL perception of "boring" - until you TRY to "dominate" me, which would turn really ugly really fast. Not every guy that appears "boring" is a push over. In fact, it could be the total opposite, but by the time you figure that out, it'd be too late and you'd have taken the bull by the horns.

 

Y'know, Philly, maybe you came off as too formal? I wouldn't think of you as the "formal" type, so maybe you should "relax" the tone of your next message?

[PlumPrincess]

Perfect segue from the 'High Quality Man' thread...

Well, I'm sorry, but it's the guy who puts me on a pedestal. I didn't ask him to. See, when I say, "if a guy doesn't reply to my message, I'd never continue visiting his profile," other guys here will tell me I'm arrogant and that I think too highly of me. - Ok...

[PlumPrincess]

Ha. Better hope you never meet someone like me, who probably fits your INITIAL perception of "boring" - until you TRY to "dominate" me, which would turn really ugly really fast. Not every guy that appears "boring" is a push over. In fact, it could be the total opposite, but by the time you figure that out, it'd be too late and you'd have taken the bull by the horns.

I'm pretty sure that you will have it mentioned somewhere in your profile that you are different than all the other boring guys and that is also uncool.

[PlumPrincess]

Why do you find it boring?

Because I really associate it with timid guys, I guess. I'm not much into getting to know someone through messages. I prefer to meet. I'm more, "get to the point!"

[ScreamingTrees]

I'm pretty sure that you will have it mentioned somewhere in your profile that you are different than all the other boring guys and that is also uncool.

 

Nope, I'm pretty average, just not a push over. Is the average guy a push over? I wasn't aware.

 

How are you so interesting? What makes you different from all of the boring girls? Nothing. You're just spitting venom, it's all empty bs.

[jobaba]

Well, I'm sorry, but it's the guy who puts me on a pedestal. I didn't ask him to. See, when I say, "if a guy doesn't reply to my message, I'd never continue visiting his profile," other guys here will tell me I'm arrogant and that I think too highly of me. - Ok...

 

I'm pretty sure that you will have it mentioned somewhere in your profile that you are different than all the other boring guys and that is also uncool.

 

Because I really associate it with timid guys, I guess. I'm not much into getting to know someone through messages. I prefer to meet. I'm more, "get to the point!"

 

You don't have to apologize.

 

I get IT. Women don't want a man who's a f@cking wussy and is boring and doting and will go pick up trash in the park with them. I'll do that in my spare time, not to meet women. They want someone with balls who is exciting, who isn't afraid to be a jerk every now and then and will treat them like they're one of several possible options. It took me a long time to get it, but now I've got it.

 

And yet when I try and hammer that point home to the nice timid guys who are getting their hearts ripped out by women on threads here, I'm a bitter a-hole. Go figure...

[ScreamingTrees]

I'm getting more to the point where I really just don't care at all, anymore. I simply come on here to read stuff out of curiosity, but I'm even disinterested in that. Whatever. I don't feel I have any social issues back in reality, so I'll take my boringly "unique snowflake" self back there.

[PlumPrincess]

Nope, I'm pretty average, just not a push over. Is the average guy a push over? I wasn't aware.

 

How are you so interesting? What makes you different from all of the boring girls? Nothing. You're just spitting venom, it's all empty bs.

You are overreacting...

 

I don't have to explain why I'm not boring. If people visit my profile and don't find me boring - cool. If they do, they will move on. What's the point again?

[ScreamingTrees]

You are overreacting...

 

I don't have to explain why I'm not boring. If people visit my profile and don't find me boring - cool. If they do, they will move on. What's the point again?

 

I don't know, you implied that I was boring and thought myself a special little snowflake the same way I implied that I'm different from every other guy. I don't have an OLD profile anyway, and if I did, it wouldn't mention anyone other than myself.. what would the point be otherwise? I don't think I'm different from other guys.

 

If someone were to think I'm different from other guys, it'd be from reading my profile for what it is and their own decision of it, not what I claim I am. Please, don't misinterpret what I was saying. I feel the same way as you.

[kaleidoscope]

I hope men and women will one day evolve to a state where these silly games are not required.

 

Personally, I think your original message is absolutely fine. And there will be women who think its fine too.

 

Just be authentic and don't be somebody you don't want to be.

 

Lets say you get the girl using some technique or trick. Then what? You'll be working so hard at playing games to be keep her attracted.

 

Its different if you have a vision for yourself and are improving yourself. Maybe you are trying to keep in shape, maybe you work hard at finding clothes that look good. Great.

 

I think people in the dating world should show a little more empathy and kindness for each other.

 

That's why some people may be put off be someone dismissing them so easily. Too boring, too non-dominant, whatever. How can you tell from just a paragraph?

 

Just be nice to each other.

 

Personally, I write back to everyone interested in my online profile. Just a polite quick reply is nice. People don't get to know each other anymore. There can be so much to a person to explore.

[Cypress25]

There's nothing really wrong with your message, although it does sound a bit formal and pretentious. But it shows that you read her profile and you want to know more about her, which is great (women love that). In the end, it probably came down to your own profile, either she was not attracted to your pics or she didn't think you'd be compatible based on what you wrote about yourself.

 

Case in point: Once I got a fairly decent message (not spectacular, but not crap) from a guy online, so I checked out his profile. He was actually kinda cute, but his entire profile was all about football and how much he loves it. He rambled on about his favorite teams and his favorite players and why they were so amazing and why their rivals sucked, and he made it clear that he was obsessed with football and he spent all his free time watching it or talking about it. He also wrote something like "If you don't know the difference between a field goal and a touchdown, we're not a good match."

 

Well, I'm not a football fan, so I didn't respond to his message. (It's fine if a guy likes football and lists it as one of his hobbies, but if his entire life revolves around football, that's a deal-breaker for me.) A few days later he sends me another message, demanding to know why I didn't reply. Um, maybe because there's a football where his brain should be?

[serial muse]

 

Well, I'm not a football fan, so I didn't respond to his message. (It's fine if a guy likes football and lists it as one of his hobbies, but if his entire life revolves around football, that's a deal-breaker for me.) A few days later he sends me another message, demanding to know why I didn't reply. Um, maybe because there's a football where his brain should be?

 

Wow...I wonder if he even remembers that he put that on his profile? When I was doing OLD, it sometimes seemed to me that people had been on there so long they forgot what they originally wrote, including why we wouldn't be a good match - based on their OWN words!

 

I am a football fan, but that's a bit much. In response to his question, I would've been so tempted to write back, briefly, "What's a touchdown"?

[Lil1]

"Hello, I just want to say I'm intrigued that you are working as a teacher because so many of our kids need that guidance that will help them succeed. Exactly how did you develop a interest in teaching?

 

Now my message is complimenting her line of work in addition to asking how she got into that field and I still get no reply-lol I said nothing about how sexy she was or how pretty she was so I guess it all comes down to physical attraction.

 

Something tell me complimenting a female's legs or thighs is accepted if she thinks you are good looking

 

I don't have too much experience with online dating PhillyDude (I've only done it once) but I think the message you sent her is fine. Was that the only thing you wrote to her? Perhaps a little more information about yourself would have been more helpful for her. If I were the one receiving your message I would wonder if you liked kids, if you also work with kids or if you're in the academic field. I know physical attraction plays a huge role in online dating - your picture is your 'shoe-in' so to speak but what you say also counts for something. I think your message is intreaguing and I would probably respond to it... unless I didn't think you were a good match for me physically speaking. This doesn't mean that I would respond to some gorgeous man if he wrote me something shallow/offensive/ or just plain stupid. You showed genuine interest and it will pay off believe me. There is a lady out there for you who will see you as a good fit. You just gotta keep trying. The worst thing you could do for yourself (that is, if you are looking for a relationship) is become cynical. Approach life with an open heart and good things will come to you. I truly believe this.