SkyEmtRN Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 (edited) Ok I'm the dumpee 2 months since bu Reason: took her for granted, wouldn't spend much time with her, she states "i treated her badly" I told her time and time that I don't want to be in her life as a friend. I told her I can't be her friend and don't want to be her friend. Told her that its best if we don't talk. If I respond to her, they'll be closed ended one word responses. She always trys to continue the conversation. Yet she continues to talk to me despite the obvious signs that I don't want to talk. She tries to make things funny and act as if everything is ok to talk. She omitted to wanting to cry at lunch during her work break yesterday. I ignored her statment at that time. I even told her that can you please not talk to me until wedsnday night. She still ends up contacting me. I respond but its 1 word every 2 hours compared to before when it would be an essay every 2 minutes lol. And that one word would be "ok" or "ty"...the same things she used to pulled off with me. She checks my facebook and she messages me right away when she signs online. I try to block her but always end up unblocking her. Her number is still deleted from my phone. And I really have no intentions of texting her. I know they say that contacting her is pushing her away. But right now I feel as if she contacting me is pushing me away. I never been so hesitant to pick up my phone after I get a text message. I don't see this as a sign of her wanting to get back. I know that if we do see eachother (I hope we do) at one point anytime soon, I would fall flat on my face filled with how much I love her. But as of now, I cringe at reciveing a message from her... Why is she being like this if she states "i treated her badly" ??????????????????? I want to know why rather than how to fix this becuase I already know that nc can fix this but I have been trying to implement that for the longest.... Or atleast possible reasons why since we can't predict what she's thinking. Edited December 20, 2011 by SkyEmtRN
ditzchic Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 She misses you. My best guess would be that she is having second thoughts about breaking things off. What you need to do is stop all contact with her. Do not respond at all. It's hard but you have to do it. If you want to successfully revisit the relationship you have to be in different places emotionally to do it. Give yourselves time to heal. If she keeps badgering you after a few days of you not responding at all, tell her you aren't speaking to her anymore and she is wasting her breath. It might hurt her but she will get over it. And if this thing is meant to be you will meet again in the future but for now your healign is the most important part.
Author SkyEmtRN Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 She misses you. My best guess would be that she is having second thoughts about breaking things off. What you need to do is stop all contact with her. Do not respond at all. It's hard but you have to do it. If you want to successfully revisit the relationship you have to be in different places emotionally to do it. Give yourselves time to heal. If she keeps badgering you after a few days of you not responding at all, tell her you aren't speaking to her anymore and she is wasting her breath. It might hurt her but she will get over it. And if this thing is meant to be you will meet again in the future but for now your healign is the most important part. Thank you for your response. NC is hard I failed countless of times lol. But I have been getting better even though I havn't done NC completely. I think its also the holiday season that makes it difficult for nc. Xmas in a few days and then New years after that...
Dust Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 You already seem to know whats going on. Why don't you listen to your own insight instead of that of a girls for a change?
Author SkyEmtRN Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 You already seem to know whats going on. Why don't you listen to your own insight instead of that of a girls for a change? Becuase it doesn't hurt to have opinions from others. I take pieces of everyones opinions to shape my insight. I'm just looking for more supportive data.
Dust Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Becuase it doesn't hurt to have opinions from others. I take pieces of everyones opinions to shape my insight. I'm just looking for more supportive data. Why "girls insight or thoughts or comments!!" Do you feel women give better advice on dating for men?
Author SkyEmtRN Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 Why "girls insight or thoughts or comments!!" Do you feel women give better advice on dating for men? Nope, I just have enough insight from the guys thats all. Has nothing to do with who has better advice. I'm trying to see things from both perspective rather than all from guys.
smokey bear Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Ok I'm the dumpee 2 months since bu Reason: took her for granted, wouldn't spend much time with her, she states "i treated her badly" I told her time and time that I don't want to be in her life as a friend. I told her I can't be her friend and don't want to be her friend. Told her that its best if we don't talk. If I respond to her, they'll be closed ended one word responses. She always trys to continue the conversation. Yet she continues to talk to me despite the obvious signs that I don't want to talk. She tries to make things funny and act as if everything is ok to talk. She omitted to wanting to cry at lunch during her work break yesterday. I ignored her statment at that time. I even told her that can you please not talk to me until wedsnday night. She still ends up contacting me. I respond but its 1 word every 2 hours compared to before when it would be an essay every 2 minutes lol. And that one word would be "ok" or "ty"...the same things she used to pulled off with me. She checks my facebook and she messages me right away when she signs online. I try to block her but always end up unblocking her. Her number is still deleted from my phone. And I really have no intentions of texting her. I know they say that contacting her is pushing her away. But right now I feel as if she contacting me is pushing me away. I never been so hesitant to pick up my phone after I get a text message. I don't see this as a sign of her wanting to get back. I know that if we do see eachother (I hope we do) at one point anytime soon, I would fall flat on my face filled with how much I love her. But as of now, I cringe at reciveing a message from her... Why is she being like this if she states "i treated her badly" ??????????????????? I want to know why rather than how to fix this becuase I already know that nc can fix this but I have been trying to implement that for the longest.... Or atleast possible reasons why since we can't predict what she's thinking. Nc is not the way to fix a break up if the reason was neglect!
Dust Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Nope, I just have enough insight from the guys thats all. Has nothing to do with who has better advice. I'm trying to see things from both perspective rather than all from guys. Do you believe that? Did you ever think figuring out the why is your problem? You already have everything you need to see it from her perspective. Really its your own perspective you need to focus on...
Author SkyEmtRN Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 Nc is not the way to fix a break up if the reason was neglect! I just reread that and I now realized how that came out. I know nc is for fixing me and moving on blah blah blah. My mistake.
smokey bear Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I just reread that and I now realized how that came out. I know nc is for fixing me and moving on blah blah blah. My mistake. You read it correct the first time, if you neglected her and she broke up with you, neglecting her again with nc is not going to solve the problem or show that you have changed. it will enforce the neglect issue
Melrapuo Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 You read it correct the first time, if you neglected her and she broke up with you, neglecting her again with nc is not going to solve the problem or show that you have changed. it will enforce the neglect issue Do you think if you are dumped because you would make her feel guilty for going out with her friends, that nc would work in that case? I'm just trying to see how NC is somehow brought up as a tool, first and foremost, to heal, but when it comes as a tool for getting people back, the consensus is never agreed upon. Some say NC can get ex's back, others say it won't. /sigh...relationship advice really does suck sometimes, lol
chados Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 ive said this a thousand times, give the whole story behind this so people know whats going on, and not just the positive signs. "But right now I feel as if she contacting me is pushing me away" are you sure that you want her back? could very well be a sign that youre alone and you miss to have someone there. its kinda obvious if she would come back isnt it? all the signs from her that ive seen in your other treads really looks like a test from her. the thing here is that she hasnt told you she wants you back. it doesnt matter how many opinions you will get, theres still no real sign except that she's reaching out for comfort. ever since you started ignoring her she has shown signs that she's not comfortable with the situation. its bugging her that youre ignoring her. its her job to tell you if she wants you back not yours. if she really loves you she will tell you sooner or later.
Author SkyEmtRN Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 ive said this a thousand times, give the whole story behind this so people know whats going on, and not just the positive signs. "But right now I feel as if she contacting me is pushing me away" are you sure that you want her back? could very well be a sign that youre alone and you miss to have someone there. its kinda obvious if she would come back isnt it? all the signs from her that ive seen in your other treads really looks like a test from her. the thing here is that she hasnt told you she wants you back. it doesnt matter how many opinions you will get, theres still no real sign except that she's reaching out for comfort. ever since you started ignoring her she has shown signs that she's not comfortable with the situation. its bugging her that youre ignoring her. its her job to tell you if she wants you back not yours. if she really loves you she will tell you sooner or later. Chados don't worry I heard you...I just don't have the time right now to type my whole story...Still in the middle of finals. I come here to get a 5 minute break. I would like to have her back, BUT I need to see her first before anything ya know, rather then jumping into anything through text messages. Just to sum it up: Neglect is too strong of a word. I was there for her whenever she needed, we just didn't go out on much dates b/c of schedual wise, school etc. I understand what you saying smokey I'll post my full story late wedsnday night Chados, starting from Day 1 I havn't been talking about getting back together with her to her. Like I said, any form of contact I do with her is usually a one word close ended statement
twinkles Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Oh, for goodness sakes, just ask her if she wants to grab a hot chocolate, smoothie, coffee (whatever she likes) with you sometime soon. No booze.
Author SkyEmtRN Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 (edited) Oh, for goodness sakes, just ask her if she wants to grab a hot chocolate, smoothie, coffee (whatever she likes) with you sometime soon. No booze. LOL!!!! Soon maybe I'll try for it idk. And we don't drink at all. She also tells me about her day. I don't even ask what she does or doesn't do. I'm at the point where i really don't care lol. But I know if I do see her, my feelings of not caring will do a 180 and fall head over heels.... Edited December 20, 2011 by SkyEmtRN
twinkles Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Don't wait too long...then she'll be too busy with Christmas coming up. Just try to get over the fear of rejection. This is all good practice for what's ahead in your life. Not everyone is going to say yes to you all the time and the funny thing is each rejection will be easier to take than the last. Consider this a rehearsal. One day you will have to be the one who says no.
Author SkyEmtRN Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 lol and now she says "hey, idk, maybe we shouldnt be talking" long story, but im not going to post any details on it tonight
chados Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 lol and now she says "hey, idk, maybe we shouldnt be talking" long story, but im not going to post any details on it tonight let me guess, and be honest.. you had contact with her, and she just said that out of the blue? if so, she's testing you, as soon as you showed that she could still talk with you she said stop. or.. you acted angry or desperate when you talked to her, brought up the relationship maybe?
Art_Critic Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 lol and now she says "hey, idk, maybe we shouldnt be talking" long story, but im not going to post any details on it tonight ... Until you stop contacting her you will be caught up in this whirlwind. Stop contacting her, and if she contacts you then ignore her.. Please let some time pass before even thinking about contact at this point. and don't look for only the things you want to hear in these threads so you can contact her again.. you have been down that road and gotten nowhere. A person cannot miss someone if they are never given the chance to miss them, and when you don't give them the chance to miss you you push them away with the repeated contact
Author SkyEmtRN Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 let me guess, and be honest.. you had contact with her, and she just said that out of the blue? if so, she's testing you, as soon as you showed that she could still talk with you she said stop. or.. you acted angry or desperate when you talked to her, brought up the relationship maybe? She said that out of blue I was to bzy dealing with finals to want to talk to her. Long story short. I told her right now it's best we shouldn't be talking. I don't have a problem of not contacting her first. She's the one that always hits me up. So hopefully that put a stop to it.
TearyEyedPride Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Like someone else said... bottom line is she misses you. I know for a lot of women we fall into a routine, where our bf or significant other becomes part of our support system our social system, our daily routine. So when you breakup... you find that usually within the first month.... there's a lot of unused time there where you're used to talking to that someone. And it does get very lonely on both ends. I'm not sure if you're trying NC for you, or whether you're using it as a tool get her back as well... If you're using it for you... you have to be serious about it. Block her... realistically... permanently from FB/Twitter and if it becomes necessary your phone. Phone companies allow people to block numbers. Use the tools. Admit that it's goodbye because at the current rate she is using you forcefully as her friend and not respecting your terms. That's very disrespectful. If you're trying to win her back... and your issue was neglect... I don't think NC is the plan. She keeps seeming to reach out, so you need to seize one of these opportunities to set up a mutual meeting and put all the cards on the table. Instead of juggling this back and forth confusion game. Meet somewhere private enough to talk and have a real discussion that could become intense and uncomfortable, but not in a place where it may become too intimate. Tell her how her communication is throwing you off, and that you really don't want to be just friends. Ask her where her head is in regards to reconciling and if it's still a bullsh*t answer, or not the one you need to hear right now... then you need to let go. Really let go and stop holding out hope. If you happen to reconcile... then congrats! But the back and forth has to stop. Good Luck!
SimonMas Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Like someone else said... bottom line is she misses you. I'm not sure if you're trying NC for you, or whether you're using it as a tool get her back as well... If you're using it for you... you have to be serious about it. Block her... realistically... permanently from FB/Twitter and if it becomes necessary your phone. Phone companies allow people to block numbers. Use the tools. Admit that it's goodbye because at the current rate she is using you forcefully as her friend and not respecting your terms. That's very disrespectful. If you're trying to win her back... and your issue was neglect... I don't think NC is the plan. She keeps seeming to reach out, so you need to seize one of these opportunities to set up a mutual meeting and put all the cards on the table. Instead of juggling this back and forth confusion game. Meet somewhere private enough to talk and have a real discussion that could become intense and uncomfortable, but not in a place where it may become too intimate. Tell her how her communication is throwing you off, and that you really don't want to be just friends. Ask her where her head is in regards to reconciling and if it's still a bullsh*t answer, or not the one you need to hear right now... then you need to let go. Really let go and stop holding out hope. If you happen to reconcile... then congrats! But the back and forth has to stop. Good Luck! I agree with the above comment. If you are serious about her then you really need to have a face to face talk with her otherwise this mind playing game is getting you nowhere. From what you have written, it appears to me as if that you are playing some sort of mind game with her. It is obvious she misses you. Get it out in the open and see what both of you really want. If BOTH of you want a second chance go for it. If she just want to remain friends with you and you are not ready for it, then move on and go NC. You need to made a decision at the end of the day (whether it is a tough decision or otherwise). You sound like an intelligent guy and I have every confident you will make a rational decision at the end of the day.
chados Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 out of the blue, so what does that mean? well since youve had contact with her she doesnt miss you anymore. thats why she told you that you shouldnt have any contact, or of course it could be a test. for the love of jesus, stop contacting her. i know you told her that right now, but youre still continuing to answer her texts everytime youre trying to not do it.
SimonMas Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 I just noticed the heading in your thread. You wanted the ladies' views on this. My apologies, didn't mean to intrude with my earlier comment.
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