mike588 Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I so hesitated bringing this up but there is a comment my ex. made to me(email) just a few days after she dumped me for her ex. and it has bugged me and played on my curiousity since. I've already canceled this thread several times now but keep coming back typing it again...it's something I just need to get off my chest,, to vent. There are alot of "new-bees" here who don't know my story so very briefly.. My ex. dumped me for her ex. we dated almost 1 year..this is her 2nd..3rd time back to him...see that was brief,lol. In her I'm so very sorry email to me she said: I chose to continue this relationship (with him) KNOWING it will fail AGAIN and that she failed in the relationship with him and this is probably not the best decision I've(her) ever made. Yes I know I was a rebound...but the thought of her being SO willing to throw me away by going back to the relationship knowing it will fail again really stung!! I've heard that a rebound b/u is one of the toughest to deal with.....True. I know, I really know I shouldn't be trying to make some sense of her statement...it's not going to change anything..what's been done is done... to me it just gos against all logic ...any reasonable thinking...and Oh how I wish she wouldn't of said this then I wouldn't be posting it. What an unusual statement...What??? Would you rob a bank KNOWING it will fail? Yeah I know there is a difference...going to jail.. but the idea is the same..if will fail I really don't know why this comment has been that "Thorn in my side" maybe to give me some kinda hope that when it fails again she would come back or to aleviate guilt she's feeling? I'm 4 months into strict N.C... Thank God I followed all your advise not to break it!! and if we were to ever be friends many..many months,,years down the road when I'm 100% over her this is probably the 1st question out of curiousity I'd ask her...What the hell did you mean? I NO longer cry over her...she's not the 1st thing on my mind when I wake or the last thing on my mind when I go to bed.....but that crazy statement plays in my head. Thanks to the few of you who I've PMed this question but I wanted to throw it out there to all of you. Don't beat me up to bad on this.... I just finally wanted to get this off my chest... X-Mas is coming and it's making me blue. Only she know what she really meant...No need to comment....just venting!! Thanks for listening.
Author mike588 Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 It's supposed to be.. The title.. A Thorn in my side.
Philosoraptor Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I so hesitated bringing this up but there is a comment my ex. made to me(email) just a few days after she dumped me for her ex. and it has bugged me and played on my curiousity since. I've already canceled this thread several times now but keep coming back typing it again...it's something I just need to get off my chest,, to vent. There are alot of "new-bees" here who don't know my story so very briefly.. My ex. dumped me for her ex. we dated almost 1 year..this is her 2nd..3rd time back to him...see that was brief,lol. In her I'm so very sorry email to me she said: I chose to continue this relationship (with him) KNOWING it will fail AGAIN and that she failed in the relationship with him and this is probably not the best decision I've(her) ever made. Yes I know I was a rebound...but the thought of her being SO willing to throw me away by going back to the relationship knowing it will fail again really stung!! I've heard that a rebound b/u is one of the toughest to deal with.....True. I know, I really know I shouldn't be trying to make some sense of her statement...it's not going to change anything..what's been done is done... to me it just gos against all logic ...any reasonable thinking...and Oh how I wish she wouldn't of said this then I wouldn't be posting it. What an unusual statement...What??? Would you rob a bank KNOWING it will fail? Yeah I know there is a difference...going to jail.. but the idea is the same..if will fail I really don't know why this comment has been that "Thorn in my side" maybe to give me some kinda hope that when it fails again she would come back or to aleviate guilt she's feeling? I'm 4 months into strict N.C... Thank God I followed all your advise not to break it!! and if we were to ever be friends many..many months,,years down the road when I'm 100% over her this is probably the 1st question out of curiousity I'd ask her...What the hell did you mean? I NO longer cry over her...she's not the 1st thing on my mind when I wake or the last thing on my mind when I go to bed.....but that crazy statement plays in my head. Thanks to the few of you who I've PMed this question but I wanted to throw it out there to all of you. Don't beat me up to bad on this.... I just finally wanted to get this off my chest... X-Mas is coming and it's making me blue. Only she know what she really meant...No need to comment....just venting!! Thanks for listening. I saved you from deleting it again. To me that statement is a bit odd and can be taken many ways. Either she knows she is wrong and wants to push you away so you wouldn't try to come back... or she wants you to know she will be single again soon and have you waiting for that moment. Either way this person is immature and probably quite toxic so I would stay away.
YouNeverKnow86 Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 She probably just said that to give you false hope. Why do you believe rebound breakups are the worse? Since the answer is right in front of you and doubting she ever had feelings?
KathyM Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Her statement means that she knows there is very little hope that her relationship with her current bf will work out in the long term, but she still feels compelled to try it again, as if it might be different this time around. Some people think with their heart and not their head. My sister made a similar mistake with her now X husband. She ignored the fact that the guy can't keep a relationship together to save his life. He had multiple divorces even, but somehow she thought this time around would be different. That he somehow changed this time, and it would work out this time, so she foolishly married him, knowing the risk of failure was so high. Do yourself a favor and move on from this woman. Don't hold out hope she'll be coming back to you, and don't take her back if she does come running back. She has chosen this other guy over you. Have some self respect and don't settle for being second choice, or a back up plan.
Author mike588 Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 She probably just said that to give you false hope. Why do you believe rebound breakups are the worse? Since the answer is right in front of you and doubting she ever had feelings? That's the whole thing..you give a person your heart..develope a emotional bond...believe all the things they say...and feel the same way,,I really do love you...blah blah blah only to find out later is was all fake....they drop you in a heart beat to go back to an ex. That's were the betrayel really hurts. If your not used as a rebound atleast you knew that during the relationship there were "real feelings..real IN LOVE with you" emotions.
Author mike588 Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 (edited) Her statement means that she knows there is very little hope that her relationship with her current bf will work out in the long term, but she still feels compelled to try it again, as if it might be different this time around. Some people think with their heart and not their head. My sister made a similar mistake with her now X husband. She ignored the fact that the guy can't keep a relationship together to save his life. He had multiple divorces even, but somehow she thought this time around would be different. That he somehow changed this time, and it would work out this time, so she foolishly married him, knowing the risk of failure was so high. Do yourself a favor and move on from this woman. Don't hold out hope she'll be coming back to you, and don't take her back if she does come running back. She has chosen this other guy over you. Have some self respect and don't settle for being second choice, or a back up plan. Hey thanks for your comments I appreciate it...like all of us dumpees at 1st we hoped and prayed that their ex. would come back...that they changed..it will work this time...etc. I'm just as guilty but 4 months later after having time to reflect and not receiving any breadcrumbs I know what to do...how it would only hurt me again if I responded to her or took her back......it would NEVER work...the trust has been SHATTERED!!! and I do accept some responsibility for my pain by not acting on some red flags that were slapping me in the face. Edited December 20, 2011 by mike588
lilyblue Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I agree with Kathy. Maybe there was just something unfinished for your ex, but logically she knew that the chances that it would work the third time around with her ex were slim. Maybe she just felt that she needed to finish it. I've gone back to an ex twice before. Only after the last time did I feel like things were truly done. And they are. We just don't work, and sometimes you need to be beaten over the head with that to figure that out. Now we both have, and we have both moved on (although me to my current ex... now to move on from him...).
Author mike588 Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 I agree with Kathy. Maybe there was just something unfinished for your ex, but logically she knew that the chances that it would work the third time around with her ex were slim. Maybe she just felt that she needed to finish it. I've gone back to an ex twice before. Only after the last time did I feel like things were truly done. And they are. We just don't work, and sometimes you need to be beaten over the head with that to figure that out. Now we both have, and we have both moved on (although me to my current ex... now to move on from him...). Well since I've finally realized that it would NEVER work between us and I don't want her back maybe I should break N.C. and beg and plead for her to come back.....that would be a great stragety to keep her away or throwing me breadcrumbs..lol...
KathyM Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 (edited) Hey thanks for your comments I appreciate it...like all of us dumpees at 1st we hoped and prayed that their ex. would come back...that they changed..it will work this time...etc. I'm just as guilty but 4 months later after having time to reflect and not receiving any breadcrumbs I know what to do...how it would only hurt me again if I responded to her or took her back......it would NEVER work...the trust has been SHATTERED!!! and I do accept some responsibility for my pain by not acting on some red flags that were slapping me in the face. I'm glad you realize then that you deserve better than her. Try to move on from this, and don't ignore the red flags when you see it. My sister ignored all kinds of red flags with her X, which she now regrets. She has since found a wonderful man who has no red flags and is a wonderful person. Lots of fish in the sea. Don't settle for someone who's not worthy of you. Edited December 20, 2011 by KathyM to finish my sentence.
wilsonx Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I read that as she loves her ex unconditionally and she's realizing it, that the possibility that it might fail but shes willing to go with him again and take that risk.
Author mike588 Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 I read that as she loves her ex unconditionally and she's realizing it, that the possibility that it might fail but shes willing to go with him again and take that risk. Very well put!!
lolita jade Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I read it the other way round Mike. People say things like that when they want you to hold out that they may return to you. It is the eviquilant of my ex saying he is happy 'at the moment' or when people have affairs they say they are not happy with their partner to give you the impression they want to be with you and not their partner. I think she is holding you in the wings in case it goes wrong and she can come back to you. They are all uncertain and dont want to end up alone. They want their cake and to eat it.
wilsonx Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I no longer agree with the wanting your cake and eating it too philosophy. I think that's built out of resentment of people that are hurt and angry from relationships that don't know how to communicate effectively. I use to preach that don't get me wrong but after growing up, I don't think that's the way it is. Fact is she has made no effort in contacting Mike, there's no string, she let him go
Author mike588 Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 I no longer agree with the wanting your cake and eating it too philosophy. I think that's built out of resentment of people that are hurt and angry from relationships that don't know how to communicate effectively. I use to preach that don't get me wrong but after growing up, I don't think that's the way it is. Fact is she has made no effort in contacting Mike, there's no string, she let him go Yeah after 4 months and no breadcrumbs that's the way I'm looking at it too. I was a rebound...I was used...there was never any deep emotional connection with me so why should she contact me??? Well...... I could possibly see her reaching out to me if the relationship fails AGAIN....but only as a bandaid. Then she'd leave again. There could be so much guilt on her too...especially the way I was dumped after the Dr. thing I mentioned. That used to really hurt me.....but now I see where it could play in my favor...the guilt...so don't come back and play with my head and heart anymore!!!
wilsonx Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Yeah after 4 months and no breadcrumbs that's the way I'm looking at it too. I was a rebound...I was used...there was never any deep emotional connection with me so why should she contact me??? Well...... I could possibly see her reaching out to me if the relationship fails AGAIN....but only as a bandaid. Then she'd leave again. There could be so much guilt on her too...especially the way I was dumped after the Dr. thing I mentioned. That used to really hurt me.....but now I see where it could play in my favor...the guilt...so don't come back and play with my head and heart anymore!!! I think you are beating yourself up over this... She loved you, otherwise she wouldnt have stayed with you for a year. Feelings resurface, it happens all the time. Its not a bad thing mike, stop saying it was you, just say it did not work out and let go of the resentment towards her and yourself. You weren't a bandaid (that's a hurt person comment), how do you know if she came back she would leave you again. The fact is you don't. If you think like this then it will, until you learn to let go of this negative energy, lifes too ****ing short, it will keep plaguing you I am going to tell you your biggest problem, you need to let go of the anger and resentment towards yourself and her. Thats the only problem you have to do, forgive her and forgive yourself and move forward
Author mike588 Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 I think you are beating yourself up over this... She loved you, otherwise she wouldnt have stayed with you for a year. Feelings resurface, it happens all the time. Its not a bad thing mike, stop saying it was you, just say it did not work out and let go of the resentment towards her and yourself. You weren't a bandaid (that's a hurt person comment), how do you know if she came back she would leave you again. The fact is you don't. If you think like this then it will, until you learn to let go of this negative energy, lifes too ****ing short, it will keep plaguing you I am going to tell you your biggest problem, you need to let go of the anger and resentment towards yourself and her. Thats the only problem you have to do, forgive her and forgive yourself and move forward Yeah I probably have more anger at myself for not acting on the red flags but I have forgiven her...everyone has the right to follow their heart...heck I may have done the same thing? I hope not though. I use the bandaid example due to being used (intentionally or not?,,,she did towards the end) to take away her pain..sadness after the b/u with him..you know what I'm talking about during a rebound. Anyway thanx for your comments. Hope you are doing well.
wilsonx Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 You weren't used stop that.. Im going to come bitch slap you if you dont stop
Author mike588 Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 You weren't used stop that.. Im going to come bitch slap you if you dont stop lol big time!!!!
smokey bear Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I so hesitated bringing this up but there is a comment my ex. made to me(email) just a few days after she dumped me for her ex. and it has bugged me and played on my curiousity since. I've already canceled this thread several times now but keep coming back typing it again...it's something I just need to get off my chest,, to vent. There are alot of "new-bees" here who don't know my story so very briefly.. My ex. dumped me for her ex. we dated almost 1 year..this is her 2nd..3rd time back to him...see that was brief,lol. In her I'm so very sorry email to me she said: I chose to continue this relationship (with him) KNOWING it will fail AGAIN and that she failed in the relationship with him and this is probably not the best decision I've(her) ever made. Yes I know I was a rebound...but the thought of her being SO willing to throw me away by going back to the relationship knowing it will fail again really stung!! I've heard that a rebound b/u is one of the toughest to deal with.....True. I know, I really know I shouldn't be trying to make some sense of her statement...it's not going to change anything..what's been done is done... to me it just gos against all logic ...any reasonable thinking...and Oh how I wish she wouldn't of said this then I wouldn't be posting it. What an unusual statement...What??? Would you rob a bank KNOWING it will fail? Yeah I know there is a difference...going to jail.. but the idea is the same..if will fail I really don't know why this comment has been that "Thorn in my side" maybe to give me some kinda hope that when it fails again she would come back or to aleviate guilt she's feeling? I'm 4 months into strict N.C... Thank God I followed all your advise not to break it!! and if we were to ever be friends many..many months,,years down the road when I'm 100% over her this is probably the 1st question out of curiousity I'd ask her...What the hell did you mean? I NO longer cry over her...she's not the 1st thing on my mind when I wake or the last thing on my mind when I go to bed.....but that crazy statement plays in my head. Thanks to the few of you who I've PMed this question but I wanted to throw it out there to all of you. Don't beat me up to bad on this.... I just finally wanted to get this off my chest... X-Mas is coming and it's making me blue. Only she know what she really meant...No need to comment....just venting!! Thanks for listening. You follow my thread mike, you know my story, when i went back after gigs guy, i said the exact same thing. Thats the thing but, we love them that much and know there is problems, people like us who go back time and again will eventually fix the problems because the love is so strong that its a better option than heart ache, for people who have tried to split and move on but still get back together, i feel they do eventually fix the problem, which seems to always be the same, communication.
smokey bear Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 You weren't used stop that.. Im going to come bitch slap you if you dont stop He was used, it just wasnt intentional.
smokey bear Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 You weren't used stop that.. Im going to come bitch slap you if you dont stop Your quite a fiesty wee f*cker lately, Wilson are you sexually frustrated at the moment? PMSL xxxx
M2155 Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 (edited) Mike dude, I don't think she intentionally used you, it's what she felt during those months. She probably felt bad that she couldnt return the feelings you had for her since deep down she still had love for her ex. I'm sure where she feels bad the most is that she wanted it to work with you but she just couldn't sustain the same feelings. Let the doctor thing go, it's not that serious, I would stay with a friend who didn't have anyone around to help them recover. You're a nice guy doing what any friend/boyfriend would do (I went out of the way for my ex big time before we ended). She broke up with you (remember my ex didn't)-her loss! She knew what she was letting go, hence the statement. That doesnt sound like a leave the door open statement, it sounds like she just didn't want to make it out to be like she was moving on to some great thing-not wanting to get her hopes up (even though of course she wants it to work). Stop blaming yourself. You always want to label her as selfish....well now is a good time as it was not about you. You were special for the time she spent with you. She just couldn't help the stronger feeling she had for her ex and knew it wasn't fair to you. Don't be so hard on yourself. Edited December 20, 2011 by M2155
Author mike588 Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 (edited) Mike dude, I don't think sheintentionally used you, it's what she felt at the moment. She probably felt bad that she couldnt return the feelings you had for her since deep down she still had love for her ex. I'm sure where she feels bad is that she wanted it to work with you but she just couldn't sustain it. Let the doctor thing go, it's not that serious, I would stay with a friend who didn't have anyone around to help them recover. You're a nice guy doing what any friend/boyfriend would do (I went out of the way for my ex big time before we ended). She broke up with you (remember my ex didn't)-her loss! She knew what she was letting go, hence the statement. That doesnt sound like a leave the door open statement, it sounds like she just didn't want to make it out to be like she was moving on to some great thing-not wanting to get her hopes up even though of course she wants it to work. Stop blaming yourself. You always want to label her as selfish....well now is a good time as it was not about you. You were special for the time she spent with you. She just couldn't help the stronger feeling she had for her ex and knew it wasn't fair to you. Don't be so hard on yourself. Thanks for the words...your comments are always great and alot of things you said ring true. Yes I know I need to completely let go by your and other ppls thoughs/opinions on this. Glad I finally got that (this thread) off my chest and feel better after doing so..It's comforting to know now that there were feelings involved...and her reason/s to let me go...it's just sad though. Thanx again... I'll hang around here giving my 2 cents of advise to others but I can finally put my threads to bed. Oh and remember I'll take you up on that drink offer if she Doesn't come snooping around in the future.lol Edited December 20, 2011 by mike588
M2155 Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Oh and remember I'll take you up on that drink offer if she Doesn't come snooping around in the future.lol Umm....but I don't think your ex will come snooping around in the future. Lolita Jade's ex is the one that I would bet on. But hey...whats the harm in waiting it out:cool:
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