The Definition of a High Quality Man

[dasein]

Yeah because most people know it's not a good idea to approach strange animals (like Janesays says "quality men" should do) and call Animal Control when they encounter one.

 

Weeeellll if it's a possum or a coon, just maybe, a dog or cat? Believe me they aren't predators, and are less likely to have a disease that makes em want to bite you than they are to run the hell away.

[lululucy]

Not that I'm chasing down animals these days, but rabies isn't exactly an epidemic, same for the others. You are more likely to catch crabs from a toilet seat.

 

I don't chase down stray animals because they are fast and I am not.

 

lololol

 

Whether or not it's safe, if I see a dog wandering my front street I always call it over and check for a tag. Normally they live a few streets away so I walk the dog home. I'm apparently a quality man.

 

 

I read bits of this thread but don't remember much of it. My definition of a quality man is someone who is honest, loyal and kind and puts my interests as equal to his own. Intelligent helps as well, but it doesn't have to be book smart. Intelligence comes in all flavours. I guess I'm pretty easy to please.

[lululucy]

Ditto. Like I said, I'm in college. I'm not interested in what 30-40 year old women want. I'm more interested in what 18-25 year old girls want.

 

 

I'm in that demographic and I think I've certainly shifted the type of man I go for, at least between my last boyfriend and my current one. My ex was a hockey player, guys guy, life of the party kind of dude. I loved him, we were really happy -- of course, he was also getting it on the side. But he's just that kind of guy. When I realised I couldn't change that about him (took me way too long if you ask me), I bailed.

 

The guy I'm dating now is much more of a "quality man" than my ex. He's kind, thoughtful, conscientious.. he's the kind of guy who would drive his friend a hundred miles to see his kid for an hour (which happened just last month). All my friends seem to be shifting their focus to higher quality individuals. We're all 23 turning 24, for the record.

[dasein]

lololol

 

Whether or not it's safe, if I see a dog wandering my front street I always call it over and check for a tag. Normally they live a few streets away so I walk the dog home. I'm apparently a quality man.

 

You want to know what men think of as a quality man? A guy who pays for his share of the beer. That's about it. Yes I drank too much wine with my parents tonight.

[lululucy]

You want to know what men think of as a quality man? A guy who pays for his share of the beer. That's about it. Yes I drank too much wine with my parents tonight.

 

 

So true. That's how I won over most of my ex's friends, going out for wings and beer and buying a pitcher and a couple dozen wings before I left. They loved me after that

[dasein]

So true. That's how I won over most of my ex's friends, going out for wings and beer and buying a pitcher and a couple dozen wings before I left. They loved me after that

 

We are simple, simple creatures. Sometimes I curse god for not making me gay, but then I remember that my gay friends are like women... only jacked up on the equivalent of drama steroids.

[counterman]

Did she nod speedily and go "yep...yep" in that way that pretty much says "hurry up and spit it out or shut up so that I can talk"? Or was it in more of a zoned out "yeah, man..." kind of way?

 

 

I think it makes you feel better if people remember things about you, but I think it also reflects more positively on them if they show the curiosity/information gathering skills that are involved in seeking out further information about a person or their situation.

 

It's an interesting thing to observe on this board, where people are asking for advice on a situation they're in. Some will respond with a very cut and dried (or sometimes cookie-cutter) opinion, others will respond in a more exploratory way. I think I'm often guilty of doing the former rather than the latter...but the latter is the more ideal approach I think. It keeps the person engaged and interested, and also keeps them as the focal point of their thread.

 

She would say in in a 'yep...' and zone out kind of way, most of the time, She had interrupted me a many times before and ignored what I had to say just so that she could tell her story. Towards the end of my relationship, she was forgetting things I told her the day before...

 

It definitely reflects well on someone who truly listens and take any information gather and learn more about somebody, a recipe for great communication. Whenever I talk to someone and remember something from the last conversation we have had, they always light up, smile and exclaim 'wow, I can't believe you remember that!'.

 

I agree with what you said about providing opinion on this board. I too am guilty of it and sometimes I give blunt, dry advice as if it's the most obvious thing in the world but I find the more in-depth, more exploratory perspective better personally. Some give generic advice for a situation which they know little of and ignore that although the situation may be similar to what others have been through, it's unique to the person who's going through it because he/she is feeling the emotions and has to deal with the consequences and sometimes things aren't so clear cut. I've also noticed that often when I talk to someone they can't wait for me to finish so that they can talk themselves, about themselves.

 

By the way, I haven't gotten around to trying the 'how to reduce your stress' CD yet Been really swamped at work (ironic as it's probably the best time to use it!)

[KathyM]

I think having goals and ambition, and pursuing those goals is one thing that separates the high quality man from the average guy. The high quality man has goals and ambition, which doesn't always equate to a high income level. My husband and I were both broke college students when we got married, but what made my husband stand out for me was that he had ambition and goals in life. He wanted to make something of himself, and had a strong work ethic. He turned that ambition into a good career for himself. My prior two boyfriends didn't have that going for them. They didn't know what they wanted out of life, and were just "coasting" through life with no real goals for the future. That's one thing that separated my husband from the other guys, and which I admired about him.

[TheFinalWord]

I think having goals and ambition, and pursuing those goals is one thing that separates the high quality man from the average guy. The high quality man has goals and ambition, which doesn't always equate to a high income level. My husband and I were both broke college students when we got married, but what made my husband stand out for me was that he had ambition and goals in life. He wanted to make something of himself, and had a strong work ethic. He turned that ambition into a good career for himself. My prior two boyfriends didn't have that going for them. They didn't know what they wanted out of life, and were just "coasting" through life with no real goals for the future. That's one thing that separated my husband from the other guys, and which I admired about him.

 

Thanks for that post KathyM! That makes me feel good b/c I'm a goal setting fanatic

 

Brian Tracy is probably my favorite teacher on the topic...

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhaOFCj-tvQ

[Taramere]

It definitely reflects well on someone who truly listens and take any information gather and learn more about somebody, a recipe for great communication. Whenever I talk to someone and remember something from the last conversation we have had, they always light up, smile and exclaim 'wow, I can't believe you remember that!'.

 

Are you visual or auditory? I tend to remember things people have said (even when I don't always want to) because the sound of them saying it makes an impact on me. People who are more visual might remember what you were wearing the other day, but not remember what you spoke about.

 

I got told off by a friend about that one time, when she'd missed a social event and wanted to know what people were wearing. I'm the last person anybody should ask "what was X wearing?" because I don't notice...but I will remember what people say.

 

If you tend to remember what people said to you without having to even try, maybe you're also auditory. Do you play a musical instrument?

 

I agree with what you said about providing opinion on this board. I too am

guilty of it and sometimes I give blunt, dry advice as if it's the most obvious

thing in the world but I find the more in-depth, more exploratory perspective

better personally. Some give generic advice for a situation which they know

little of and ignore that although the situation may be similar to what others

have been through, it's unique to the person who's going through it because

he/she is feeling the emotions and has to deal with the consequences and

sometimes things aren't so clear cut. I've also noticed that often when I talk

to someone they can't wait for me to finish so that they can talk themselves,

about themselves.

 

You can see that throughout the board. Somebody will respond really vehemently or angrily to a fairly innocuous "can somebody advise me?" post....suggesting that what they (the adviser) are really posting to do is sound off about an experience they had that the post triggered off a memory about.

 

There are all kinds of advice...and often the blunt, dry advice is very good. Probably the least helpful kind is when people are projecting their own issues onto the poster (or associated party) under the guise of advice-giving....but as it's such a tempting thing to do, it happens a lot.

 

 

By the way, I haven't gotten around to trying the 'how to reduce your stress' CD yet Been really swamped at work (ironic as it's probably the best time to use it!)

 

I know that feeling. It's similar to the "I feel too blue to listen to uplifting music..." one. If you download the CD onto your Ipod, you can just listen to it last thing at night when you're dropping off to sleep...rather than setting aside a time to listen to it.

[Jane2011]

Here's my definition of a high quality man:

 

-- in shape. Doesn't mean perfect body (necessarily), but he's a guy who exercises enough that he stays toned and in shape.

-- eats pretty well. Again, doesn't have to be that quintessential "healthy eater," but he's a guy who watches his intake.

-- articulate, well spoken. Level of education can vary. Can be anywhere from "some college" to Bachelor's degree to Master's degree to PhD...but he should be basically educated.

-- is passionate about something, yes. Can vary as far as "what," and might even just be his job.

-- has a few things he likes to do that are not completely stupid.

-- I'm okay with a guy who is currently in a state of limbo (as far as job), but there has to be some evidence in his past that he is capable of working consistently. (i.e. he's only working part-time now in some field he's trying out while taking a class at college or something, but in the past, he worked for four straight years full time...)

-- Can live at home as long as he's not a complete bum. Better if he lives on his own. But I wouldn't judge someone who lives at home as long as they're independent and take care of several adult dealings on their own. (like car payments...etc.)

-- a guy with a spine. Even though I want a guy to be the sensitive type who's most of the time trying to please me, I like when he stands up to me too (when I act out of line, and I sometimes do).

-- has a few friends. At least two or three.

-- Writes reasonably well.

 

That's about it...

[Els]

Browsing through a few pages of this thread, I think we can all agree on something: Nobody is going to agree about what exactly a 'high-quality man' is, because jebus, could anything be more subjective?

 

Personally, I define a high quality boyfriend (which is what this thread is talking about, I think, as no one has mentioned their father or brother) as one who treats me well throughout our R.

[Taramere]

Problem is these vapid broads have grown up on Paris Hilton Kim K etc theyre defitnion of a good man is mostly shallow and how much money he makes

 

Now that you've defined vapidity as a quality control issue, are you going to stop posting about how tall you are and start posting gritty, carefully considered and well researched analyses of the political crisis in Egypt?

[Oxy Moronovich]

Me too . . . the LS women really build up their guys to sound like perfection -- I can't imagine any woman, even my wife, thinking that objectively high about me. The vast majority of us guys fall in that broadest region of the spectrum that most people call "regular" or "average" -- often because of counter-balancing qualities. In my case, my above-average education and career stability are undermined by my below-average looks and social prowess. How can we "regular" guys ever hope to reach these seemingly unattainable benchmarks of "quality"? THAT is the communication disconnect between men and women on this issue . . .

I knew I wasn't the only dude who noticed this. So many women are coming out and basically saying, "My guy is average and nothing special but I love him because he's the best guy evar!" And they also try to make it seem like they had tons of better men to choose from before settling for this dude. This may be the case with one or two women in this thread, but when it's more then that I question the honesty of the women saying this.

Now that you've defined vapidity as a quality control issue, are you going to stop posting about how tall you are and start posting gritty, carefully considered and well researched analyses of the political crisis in Egypt?

LOL. Why is this chick so bitter?

[Taramere]

LOL. Why is this chick so bitter?

 

Only if bitter is shorthand for bloody wittier than you. Don't be such a sore loser. That's bitter.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Only if bitter is shorthand for bloody wittier than you. Don't be such a sore loser. That's bitter.

We must be in two completely different threads. Sore loser? Do we get points for being bitter or...erm...excuse me "bloody wittier" than the next person? How do you lose by making comments in a thread?

[Els]

Now that you've defined vapidity as a quality control issue, are you going to stop posting about how tall you are and start posting gritty, carefully considered and well researched analyses of the political crisis in Egypt?

 

ROFL!!! :lmao::lmao::lmao:

[Mme. Chaucer]

It's pretty easy to attribute "quality" to a person without being attracted to them.

 

At least one of the guys on this thread continues to post here about how women are so messed up that they cannot discern his "high quality," and if they could, they would be lining up to provide him with the casual sex he feels he is entitled to.

 

That's not "quality."

 

Most of us women who have been in relationships with men who are really "quality" people probably agree on one thing - we were also attracted to them.

 

I disagree with the statement that women are saying that they passed up "better" men for the one they ended up with. I read what these women are saying is that they passed up men who may have had higher paying jobs, better cars, been taller (), had more game, etc., for the one they ended up with.

 

I can speak for many women, I'm sure, when I say that the kind of guy we want to be with when we are grown up has "qualities" that are not superficial … but we also find him sexy!

[Taramere]

It's pretty easy to attribute "quality" to a person without being attracted to them.

 

At least one of the guys on this thread continues to post here about how women are so messed up that they cannot discern his "high quality," and if they could, they would be lining up to provide him with the casual sex he feels he is entitled to.

 

That's not "quality."

 

I do agree with Eve about the strangeness of the term "quality" as applied to human beings. There's something pretty archaic about it. I picture a quality man having stary eyes, a handlebar moustache and standing next to a starched, terrified looking family.

 

I tried googling images of "quality man" and an array of things came up. A pair of trainers, lots of shoes, a woman with a big cleavage, a man wearing a pair of briefs with what seems to be a bat attached to them Michael Jackson and that mask Hannibal Lecter wore.

 

I suppose that in many ways Hannibal Lecter was a man of quality. He was highly educated, had an excellent appreciation of fine wines, a well tuned nose for women's perfume and was a good conversationalist.

[serial muse]

You get angry because you know I'm correct.

 

No, that's not why I'm annoyed by what you wrote. I'm annoyed because it's really freaking rude to call other people liars simply because you don't like being disagreed with. And you know I'm correct - but you've said that you basically don't care and are in it for the shvt-stirring. So, that's your lookout, then.

 

I have the easier argument in that I just have to say "no thats not the definition of quality man."

 

Well, yes. It's always easier just to spout any old nonsense without caring about backing it up.

[carhill]

I suppose that in many ways Hannibal Lecter was a man of quality. He was highly educated, had an excellent appreciation of fine wines, a well tuned nose for women's perfume and was a good conversationalist.

 

The man behind the role certainly could bear scrutiny with regard to the topic at hand. I find it somewhat coincidental that he would marry a Colombian 17 years his junior as his most recent spouse. Fava beans and a good Chianti, anyone?

[Oxy Moronovich]

At least one of the guys on this thread continues to post here about how women are so messed up that they cannot discern his "high quality," and if they could, they would be lining up to provide him with the casual sex he feels he is entitled to.

 

That's not "quality."

How is this different from female posters like verzhn who constantly slag guys for being clueless because they can't see what a great woman she is?

Most of us women who have been in relationships with men who are really "quality" people probably agree on one thing - we were also attracted to them.

But how big was level of attraction? And what circumstances made you attracted to them? That's what most guys here wanna know.

 

I'm sure there are women who find Dustin Diamond attractive. But would they find him as attractive as Brad Pitt?

 

Plus, I'm sure women in their 20s find Dustin Diamond attractive. But most wouldn't put up a fight to get with him as they would Brad Pitt. Things start to change when these women reach 30. Their looks and the quantity of men goes downhill. So they are now willing to settle for the "high quality men" like Dustin Diamond.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I think this is a warped perspective.

 

When we are in our 20's, we are mostly about having fun. We like what we like, men and women both. We are not necessarily thinking about the long haul.

 

When we get closer to our 30's, a lot of us are. This does not mean that we are now old shriveled hags and have to face the reality of "settling" for "less" than what we want. Our criteria have changed.

 

This is not gender specific.

[Janesays]

 

When we get closer to our 30's, a lot of us are. This does not mean that we are now old shriveled hags and have to face the reality of "settling" for "less" than what we want.

 

 

Preach it, sister! It's weird to me that people think that because I'm 32 years old (gasp!) that I must be old, washed up, ugly. I mean, just 3 years ago, I was still in my 20's, but whoa, on my 30th birthday, everything just aged crazy quick!

 

Oddly enough, this grandma still gets asked out by guys in their early to mid 20's. *shrugs

[verhrzn]

How is this different from female posters like verzhn who constantly slag guys for being clueless because they can't see what a great woman she is?

 

*Scratches head* Do I? I thought I slag guys for having double standards, or treating women as objects that exist purely as reflections or extensions of the guy's ego and not individuals with their own opinions and preferences. That whole idea of "I get to have standards, but she better not or else she's shallow/stuck-up."

 

All that has pretty much nothing to do with me. I don't think I slag guys at all for not noticing me (heck, on another thread I got yelled at because I JUSTIFY guys not noticing me by bashing my looks.) So... not sure where you're getting that. Please play again.