smudge21 Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Came on here back in January when I realised that staying friends with the ex was slowly killing me and I'd reached rock bottom. I knew I had to cut all contact, but kept making excuses not to: the usual mutual friends, work commitments etc. Like everyone else, I posted my sorry tale and got a few responses - the usual things we all hear and say: block on Facebook, go no contact, time heals all wounds... etc etc, but it's been so hard. I did force NC upon myself and it did help, but she would occasionally make contact or speak to mutual friends - it was always clear she wanted me in her life, just not the way I wanted to be in her life. Well now it's nearly the end of 2011 and I'll be glad to see the back of it. I'm not fully healed, no way. I still think about her, I still have feelings, but I just accept that they're there and get on with things. She still occasionally pops up in my life somehow/somewhere and I kinda' accept that too. Like many, I have good and bad days. I know that there is still that tiny bit of hope that lingers in the back of my heart and mind, despite everything I know. I guess what I'm saying is a simple basic thank you to everyone on here over the past year that has helped in some way or other, whether it be posting to me or even posting to others and their advice has struck a cord with me. I truly believe I'd be a total wreck by now if it weren't for LS and the people on it. As 2012 approaches I hope that I'll eventually fully move on but I know now that these days it's so much harder to do that, what with social media and the fact we're all so more in touch with everyone now. Gone are the days of going away for a week and no-one being able to contact you. Things are definitely a lot harder than they were ten years ago, and for that reason, people need sites like this. So I wish everyone on here a great Christmas and a Happy New Year. Love to you all.
Mack05 Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Smudge I have had a tough year myself. Two failed relationships and 4 months of Therapy. I think how we bounce back from adversity, determines what kind of life we end up leading. I will be moving to the sunny Algrave (Portugal) in the new year. I think the more positive changes we can make when we are feeling down, thats what helps us get back to who we really are. I think previously I tended to look at my ex's faults, where now I am focusing on my own faults. I have also decided to go back to Therapy and take 12 months away from the 'dating' scene. Taking heed of what my ex's have said to me (negative things they have said) and hopefully resolving as much as I can of my own personal problems (insecurities, bad communicator etc etc). I never realised how bad a communicator I was in relationships until recently. I tend to say things without thinking and at times an ex has taken what I said, in completely the wrong context. Relationships are so intricate and great communication truly is an art. Without great communication you tend to have mis-understanding, Mis-interputation, mis-trust. I have no doubt I am single because of my communication. I hope in a few years to come back here and put together a helpful article on relationship communication. Also, I will state this a million times. It is impossible to be in a healthy R if you have low self esteem and/or insecurities. I tended to kid myself that I got my self esteem back after 4 months. I realise now life is not that simple..On this site I think too many people focus on their ex's faults and their behaviour instead of their own. Smudge, I would personally like to thank you for all the hours you spent helping people on this site. I think I speak for most people when I say you are one of the most respected posters on this site. I wish you (and your family) and all LS members a peaceful and happy Christmas and hopefully everyone finds Love or/and happiness in 2012.
Author smudge21 Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 Well said and good luck to you, I wish you all the best. Thanks also for those kind words. It's been a very odd trip - I mean, I came here for help and found that by offering my thoughts to others actually helped me.
lolita jade Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I think everybody on this site hasnt had a very good year or the end of the year!! It was ironic, I said last NYE next year will be amazing but it wasnt. There is a saying........ If you do what you always did, you will get what you always got....... So this NYE I am going to back up me saying 2012 will be amazing with changing things as well. The new year will only be different if we change, to get that new job, moving on, moving, travelling etc etc it will only change if we do. 2012 will be great for all of us if we are positive and we can all do it.
SelfCentered Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Tell me about it. Watched two relatives die from cancer, watched my family barely able to manage the situation. Company announced redundancies, then my ex became distant and broke up with me. I'll be glad to see the back of it too! This time last year I was thinking how bored I had been....But I had achieved so much. This year has been anything but boring...It's been too dramatic! I'm long overdue a good one I think! Good luck to the rest of you too. LS has been an absolute rock for me this past month, as it was during my last bad bout a few years ago. Next year will improve for all of us. I have to think that!
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