Buttercup84 Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 My ex dumped me in July , he was grea at times but emotionally abusive and even my thearapist was shocked after hearing how he treaed me . Says a lot . I didn't contact him for 4 months and he emailed me about some of my stuff a few days ago . I just told him to get rid of them . Now I have the urge to send him a chrismas card . What is wrong with me ? anyone else feel like doing something dumb ?
Million.to.1 Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 My Ex gave me his favourite watch which he hasn't worn in years so I could get the strap repaired for him while he was in Indonesia on a surfing trip i didn't get invited on, but he did a shout out on FB asking everyone else he knew. Anyway.. I still have the watch, as i completely forgot about it till i found it last week in a bag i haven't used for months. I been thinking about getting it fixed and then posting it too him for Xmas. So pathetic. I won't do it. Still don't know what to do about the watch... I think I'll put it in a box and forget about it.
Rorschach64 Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 (edited) Buttercup, There is nothing wrong with you...infact I think you wanting to send him a card is a sign that you are a good person even though your ex has been abusive, in my opinion at least. Best case to do in this situation is to analyze this, SO....why do you want to send this card? Then tell me how it will benefit you in any shape or form and, lastly, do you expect/want a response and if so, what kind of response? Oops, little slow on the posting, what million suggested might be the best course of action. Also million, yeah just box it and forget it, unless he comes looking for it. Edited December 20, 2011 by Rorschach64
smudge21 Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Normally I'd say when it comes to Xmas, just do whatever you want to do - if you feel like sending an ex a card or text, do it, but understand in yourself why you're doing it; what do you expect to get out of it. It may end up hurting you more in the long term. However, the word abuse is in use here so I would simply say don't do it. He deserves nothing from you. Clearly he still has some influence over you which will go with time, but sending a card will only bring that connection back and before long you could end up seeing him for a chat, then for a drink and then oh no, you slept with him, then back together, then he's abusing you again... maybe, maybe not. If you send the card you'll be thinking about him all over the holidays, whether he does reply or not. You really want to waste anymore time on someone who doesn't love or respect you?
Sugarkane Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I wouldn't send anything at all. What If you get sucked into this abusive relationship again? Just because it's Xmas doesn't mean that this person has changed or the situation has changed.
mike588 Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 My ex dumped me in July , he was grea at times but emotionally abusive and even my thearapist was shocked after hearing how he treaed me . Says a lot . I didn't contact him for 4 months and he emailed me about some of my stuff a few days ago . I just told him to get rid of them . Now I have the urge to send him a chrismas card . What is wrong with me ? anyone else feel like doing something dumb ? You know my story... last month I'd convinced myself to send her a Christmas card with only my signature on it...nothing else...no "miss you"..I care about you or any of that stuff.lame. If I did that then I'd probably expect some kind of response and if I didn't get one I'd be disappointed..like geeze...it's X- Mas for Gods sake and you can't even wish me a Merry X-Mas after all the things I did for you and treated you so very well. Even if she did respond it would make me think...Wow she responded..maybe things aren't going so well with her and her ex...maybe I stand another chance and that would stir up all those feelings/emotions I finally came to my senses and decided not to....I'm alittle over 4 months after the b/u now and I just want to keep healing and moving foward....not have another setback....I've had enough of those.
lolita jade Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 When I went to collect the last of my stuff from my marital home, I gave my ex a card to him and the cats (to make it a little less personal) Excuse my french but F all in return.............. This is after 25 years. Shows what a new woman can do to a mans mind, last year buying presents, this year doesnt want to contact me at all. It is ironic I am doing NC when he is quite happy doing NC anyway. I am not sure how that works
M2155 Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 (edited) Ok. Stop:D. That was easy! How would you feel receiving a generic christmas card from a man who is no longer contacting you...weird, pointless, confused? I'd think "what a lame effort to be nice' when there so many other courtesies he never extended. So, how about you don't waste the stamp making the effort towards him? Why let him- a man who exited your life- know you're still thinking of him at Christmas time? It's a nice gesture, and I think it's no harm done if you genuinely don't care if you get a response, but I just don't see the point. Just think, the money for the card and stamp you could do something more enjoyable with like get a scoop of your favorite ice cream or something. Edited December 20, 2011 by M2155
SkyEmtRN Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 From my experience with sending a x-mas I sent one but it wasn't directed to the ex. It was directed to the whole family. They did get the card. My ex texted me thank you for the card. She said her mom was "pleasantly suprised" and her dad said "she (ex) is being mean to me" They (and the ex) said the card was very nice, and even complemented my hand writing. Ex then told me how she wanted to cry at her lunch break. I'm guessing the card had some effect on her but that is just an assumption. I did feel good about writing the card to the family, it was a nice thing to do and it did have a positive result. Made her mom happy and dad possibly opened up her eyes a bit. I just texted back saying "your family is welcome" or something like that...I forgot..and this was last night lol. If you think it'll make you feel good, go for it. If you think it will cause a negative result then obviously avoid it. It's the holiday season. Do what you think is best for you when it comes to the xmas card. Knowing the people that knew my story, if I would have created this thread they would have all told me to not do it and to just stay nc. But I felt it was a nice thing to do and well what ya know, some positive value came out of it.
SkyEmtRN Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 (edited) I guess, if you want to send a card....send it to the entire family. It'll have a different effect then sending it directly to the ex. And I did not care at all that I did not get anything in return from them becuase I wasn't expecting anything. I guess I was prepared for all possible outcomes that it didn't bother me what they thought or what they didn't do. Family was pleased with the card and me so that gave me some respect and their eyes. I can assure you, it would have been a completely different story if I just sent it to the ex. It would have made her felt awkward and push her further away. Then she'll feel like dirt for not sending one back or thinking to send on. Edited December 20, 2011 by SkyEmtRN
lolita jade Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Ok. Stop:D. That was easy! How would you feel receiving a generic christmas card from a man who is no longer contacting you...weird, pointless, confused? I'd think "what a lame effort to be nice' when there so many other courtesies he never extended. So, how about you don't waste the stamp making the effort towards him? Why let him- a man who exited your life- know you're still thinking of him at Christmas time? It's a nice gesture, and I think it's no harm done if you genuinely don't care if you get a response, but I just don't see the point. Just think, the money for the card and stamp you could do something more enjoyable with like get a scoop of your favorite ice cream or something. Dont get me wrong M2155 I wanted a response at the time of the card (my last contact) but I have grown past that now. I would buy myself something now. I am strong enough now to do NC for ever if I have to and its all about me moving on now.
SkyEmtRN Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 OK so if you do send it: 1. You'll be wondering if he got it or not 2. If he did get it, will he respond or not 3. If he doesn't respond, you'll never know he got it and you'll have the urge to say something 4. If he does respond, who knows what he will say 5. If he does respond, will you be ok with that regardless of what he says? 6. If he does respond, you'll be worried about having to say something and breaking nc which can risk your 4 months of healing If you want to send the card, make sure you know all the possible outcomes and be prepared for a response or not.
youngster Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I think I'm in a similar situation, but slightly worse... The last contact my ex made with me was two weeks ago in an email. She ended the email saying she wanted to drop off my Christmas present before Christmas and she really hopes I like it. For the past two weeks I've been beating myself up, trying to figure out two things- 1) wether or not she's even going to show. 2) if I should reciprocate the exchange Not until last night did I wrap up her gift. I figured that I would prepare it in the event that she actually does pop in. I know that this is setting a sense of false hope in me, but I'd rather be prepared. I know there is a strong chance that they were just words to let me down gently (realized I was a rebound), but she has a good heart and I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.
SkyEmtRN Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I think I'm in a similar situation, but slightly worse... The last contact my ex made with me was two weeks ago in an email. She ended the email saying she wanted to drop off my Christmas present before Christmas and she really hopes I like it. For the past two weeks I've been beating myself up, trying to figure out two things- 1) wether or not she's even going to show. 2) if I should reciprocate the exchange Not until last night did I wrap up her gift. I figured that I would prepare it in the event that she actually does pop in. I know that this is setting a sense of false hope in me, but I'd rather be prepared. I know there is a strong chance that they were just words to let me down gently (realized I was a rebound), but she has a good heart and I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. Don't think of the gift as related to the relationship. Think of it as a gift related to the holidays. It'll change your perspective. I would give her the gift any way it won't show that your desperate, it will show that you are caring. If thats going to be the last tim she sees you, You might as well make it so that she'll leave with a postive thought. Its the holiday seasons. Time to put that pride aside and just do the nice thing. She comes, she comes if not then return the gift and get your money back and say "thank god thats more money I saved on gifts."
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