MammaMia Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I am currently reading an Ebook by Dr. Huizenga called " Break Free from the Affair" It has powerful advice It also tells you what do do depending on what type of affair the spouse had. The common thread for all types is to charge neutral. Not easy to do, but once achieved, it is a powerful tool. Has anyone else read the book? Did you find it helpful? I have read Not Just Friends; I call it the "Bible" of infidelity.
Author MammaMia Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 Yes, sadintexas. He has read Not Just Friends. I did not even have to ask him to. That book opened his eyes and for the first time he realized that however " innocent" his "friendship" with this woman was, it was getting to be dangerous and it was very close to it. He also willingly - I did not even tell him to- listened to an online webseminar by Dr Huizenga about confronting the other woman and the types of affairs. That was October 2010 even before breaking it off with her. He will read this new book when I am done with it. Have I answered your question?
2long Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Intersting. Can you elaborate on what "charge neutral" is about? -ol' 2long
Author MammaMia Posted December 22, 2011 Author Posted December 22, 2011 2long: I will be glad to explain it as best I can. The book gives you examples of what to say and what to expect back. The explanation of " charging neutral" is a long one, but I will do my best. Here it is: Charging neutral is a very subtle approach,but very powerful. Charging neutral is clean communication without accusations,defensiveness, or explanations that mire communication. Charging neutral is controlling your feelings instead of reacting and your feelings flowing all over the place. Charging neutral takes practice, practice and more practice. Charging neutral is to communicate with neither up or down, but neutral charge. Communicate in a calm way, control your voice. Carry yourself in a calm way. This is just to sum it up. I do understand that this is not easy right at Dday or shortly after, but once we let our WS have it, I see nothing wrong with charging neutral. I am practicing it at this point, but I am still in the beginning of the game. Like I said, this is a long chapter and the Dr. gives examples of what you can say. One thing he makes sure we should avoid, is the word " I." It is not about us at this point. I hope I have helped. let me know if you have questions.
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