patagonia Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Any advice is appreciated! I've made a few posts about this woman I've been seeing. In short I've been divorced now for a year. This woman and I started talking to one another in August and things were literally fantastic. We would both admit that. In October we were fooling around and my ex-wife's name slipped out...I felt like an idiot. The next week I was back in the bed with her fooling around again so I thought she took it well and was generally over it. Well it seems as though just because of this one slip up, she believes that I am not over my ex. Granted I had a rough spell but by no means am I on the rebound, looking to cover up old hurts with someone new. She says though that she just isn't sure if I'm over the break up and it hurts because to me that just means she doesn't trust me when I say, I really am over it all. It also hurts because I am being accused of something that just isn't true. It's tough for me to think this is the only thing holding her back from pursuing something deeper with each other. What would you do in this situation if you were in my shoes? Thanks
Ruby Slippers Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Think about how you would feel if she said her ex's name while she was fooling around with you. If you really like her and want to get more serious, reassure her that you're over the ex and ready to move forward with her. Admit it was a dumb mistake and force of habit to say her name, and apologize for it. Then reassure her that you are into her and want to be with her. If you really are, and she is, too, this should convince her.
Janesays Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 How long were you with the ex? If it was awhile, you just get used to saying the name. I slipped up with my boyfriend myself. Thank god never during an intimate time, usually when we're talking about something that bothers me. Of I were you, I'd maybe accidentally call her your sisters name or aunts and just say you're bad with names in general.
Author patagonia Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 Think about how you would feel if she said her ex's name while she was fooling around with you. If you really like her and want to get more serious, reassure her that you're over the ex and ready to move forward with her. Admit it was a dumb mistake and force of habit to say her name, and apologize for it. Then reassure her that you are into her and want to be with her. If you really are, and she is, too, this should convince her. I've thought about it and I have beat myself up over it. I know I wouldn't feel good if it happened but it was an honest mistake, slip of the tongue and wasn't in a million yrs thinking of the ex. I have admitted it was terrible and that I was very sorry, said it was habit, etc. I've also told her very much so that I am into her and how I feel. Thank for your advice! Jane- I was with the ex for 4 yrs and she was the only woman I was really intimate with. I won't do the name thing lol because she knows me better than that! Thanks!
Soxfaninfl Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Damm dude you said you're ex's name in bed! Thats a no no. Boy that must if killed the mood lol.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Ha...this is why i dont mention names in bed. Chances are that you did a few other things that your lady took as clues that you arent over your ex. If thats the case, it was probably things that were fairly obvious. Did you talk about your ex wife to her at all? if you made any mention of your ex wife whatsoever, that would make a new date think you arent over your ex, and trying to shoehorn an ex mention into the conversation. Am I close?
Author patagonia Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 Ha...this is why i dont mention names in bed. Chances are that you did a few other things that your lady took as clues that you arent over your ex. If thats the case, it was probably things that were fairly obvious. Did you talk about your ex wife to her at all? if you made any mention of your ex wife whatsoever, that would make a new date think you arent over your ex, and trying to shoehorn an ex mention into the conversation. Am I close? Not really...I'm coming to believe that the issue is just more of the fact that I've been married before, which she doesn't like. iIt doesn't have anything to do with the fact of being over someone. And perhaps quite a few insecurities. But that is just my guess. Thanks for your input.
HappyPanda Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 (edited) YEESH! Thats rough... for both parties, really. Im sure you were humiliated, and she was horrified. I cant speak from experience (Thank God!) but I can tell you that the mere thought of my boyfriend being with anyone other than me, invokes a physical reaction... I actually feel nauseous. Im not sure how long you and your new lady have been dating, but assuming that you two are in love (?) I imagine that this kind of screw up, may take quite some time to rectify. Although it seems as if it was an honest mistake, you threatened her sense of security by saying this. I'd imagine that was almost like an out of body experience to have had. Here she is, making love to a man, who once uttered vows to another woman... and then he says her name. Its like she for a moment in time, was living HER life. Her fight or flight mechanism has kicked in... Give her time, she'll get over it. But in the interim, my advice to you is to NOT keep bringing it up... but to be sure to make her feel like she's your one and only. Edited December 21, 2011 by HappyPanda I dont know how I got that "embarrased" face on the subject line! lol
Author patagonia Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 YEESH! Thats rough... for both parties, really. Im sure you were humiliated, and she was horrified. I cant speak from experience (Thank God!) but I can tell you that the mere thought of my boyfriend being with anyone other than me, invokes a physical reaction... I actually feel nauseous. Im not sure how long you and your new lady have been dating, but assuming that you two are in love (?) I imagine that this kind of screw up, may take quite some time to rectify. Although it seems as if it was an honest mistake, you threatened her sense of security by saying this. I'd imagine that was almost like an out of body experience to have had. Here she is, making love to a man, who once uttered vows to another woman... and then he says her name. Its like she for a moment in time, was living HER life. Her fight or flight mechanism has kicked in... Give her time, she'll get over it. But in the interim, my advice to you is to NOT keep bringing it up... but to be sure to make her feel like she's your one and only. Thanks for the advice. Like I said this was in Oct and we started talking in August...so really not long but I sure did like her. In a pure way. I feel like this really screwed things up. I definitely feel for her, I felt like an @ass and still do. I pray that I am forgiven and we can move on from this. Thanks for the input.
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