OOReeee Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Hello LoveShackers, Hope all is well this holiday season. I am writing to you because I have this situation that not many know off and I had to get it off my back. About 10 months ago I moved in with 2 girls (I'm a 20-something y/o guy) - one who went to my school, and the other one who I was interning with a few years before and didn't really keep in contact, but when she found out I moved to NY she was also looking for a place to live so we moved in together. We didn't really know each other that well but we quickly found out how similar we are - we both like the same things, hobbies, music, humor, etc., we both like going to the same places and just have fun. We would hang out a lot and we would get very flirty with each other but nothing happened. We both got out of relationships, hers was five years and mine was four months right before we moved in together. As time passed, I started seeing other girls and we maintained our close friendship, but only recently I found out that I have feelings for her, and stopped "actively seeking" for girls out there (I had a girl who was my FWB and I ended it because I felt uncomfortable. Another thing that happened is that we became exceptionally close. On a usual day, we walk to work together, talk over text or fb chat, meet at home, cook dinner and then go out or just chill together (last week we were out till way late doing stuff together). I have never had this connection with any other girl. Ever. We just have so much in common and I feel like she sees me as more than just a "best friend." Because (with being roommates and all), we function as a couple pretty much.. only without the fun parts. It has been bugging the living crap out of me because while I am loving spending time with her so much I really thing we need to be together, with us being roommates may be the only thing stopping us. I am currently on vacation at home (I'm from a different country) for the week, and we still talk almost all the time. I am trying to figure out what to do and how to do it when I'm back but I know 3 things: 1. I wanna be with her 2. I can't bare the fact of her being with other guys 3. I feel like I need to be true to myself and not suffer from the situation - meaning I need to do something about it. Letting go and looking for others, while sounds smart is not an option because I will only think about her. The stakes, as mentioned earlier, are mighty. We are each other's social life (with the addition of 2-3 more people), and we obviously live together (our lease is up in the end of January). Please, I need your thoughts and advice: what would you do, how would you do it? How would you tell her, would you? Thanks!!!
Standard-Fare Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 I think if a guy really likes someone he needs to GO FOR IT rather than waiting around and overanalyzing everything. By continuing the status quo with her, you will most definitely seal yourself permanently into "Friend Zone." To test if she has any interest in getting romantic with you, I recommend some very subtle physical moves. Like, if you're together in the kitchen, get yourself behind her and run your hands lightly down her waist for just a SLIGHT second. Or, if you're watching TV together on the couch, make your leg touch hers for a moment, see how she responds. Her reactions to these types of move should give you a good idea if she's receptive to you or not. If she's not into you in that way, she'll make that clear... she'll quickly change positions or something. In which case, do not push it further because it's no longer playful, it's creepy. But if she does seem receptive, try to work up the courage for a bolder move -- ideally a kiss. And yes, this is a risky move, but you know you like her, you only live once, and you gotta give it a try or you'll be kicking yourself when she finds a new man or moves on without you. I'm curious how other women will respond, but I think it's a MAJOR mistake for you to consider having a conversation about this with her. I've been in that situation in the past where a guy has sat me down and confessed long-repressed feelings for me -- while I'm wondering "Then why the hell haven't you kissed me? Why aren't you just kissing me RIGHT NOW?" It's boring and off-puttingly neurotic if they have to have a long conversation about their feelings, or if they send a long letter about their feelings, needily seeking your approval. But it's exciting and romantic if they just GO FOR IT.
jobaba Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 You f@cked up man... You should have made a move on her a lot earlier when you had a lot less invested in her. I know it seems contrary to logic and etiquette, you being roommates and all but... Would it have been more awkward if she rejected you then in the beginning or if she rejects you now when you both have so much invested in each other, you in her romantically, and her in you as a friend and who knows how much more. It's not your fault though. You fell slowly for her. Been there, done that. All in all, you're in a win big or lose big situation. If you win, you have a girlfriend who you already live with. If you lose, one of you is probably going to have to move out. What's your lease term? I'd say go for it. And come back here and give us the results. I REALLY want to hear how this one goes.
jobaba Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 I'm curious how other women will respond, but I think it's a MAJOR mistake for you to consider having a conversation about this with her. I've been in that situation in the past where a guy has sat me down and confessed long-repressed feelings for me -- while I'm wondering "Then why the hell haven't you kissed me? Why aren't you just kissing me RIGHT NOW?" It's boring and off-puttingly neurotic if they have to have a long conversation about their feelings, or if they send a long letter about their feelings, needily seeking your approval. But it's exciting and romantic if they just GO FOR IT. Hahaha. I've been that guy to sit down the girl and reveal my feelings and then somebody told me the next girl, just STFU and go up and kiss her. I did that, and ended with the same results. Rejection. Pretty funny you mentioned that though.
whichwayisup Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I think if a guy really likes someone he needs to GO FOR IT rather than waiting around and overanalyzing everything. By continuing the status quo with her, you will most definitely seal yourself permanently into "Friend Zone." To test if she has any interest in getting romantic with you, I recommend some very subtle physical moves. Like, if you're together in the kitchen, get yourself behind her and run your hands lightly down her waist for just a SLIGHT second. Or, if you're watching TV together on the couch, make your leg touch hers for a moment, see how she responds. Her reactions to these types of move should give you a good idea if she's receptive to you or not. If she's not into you in that way, she'll make that clear... she'll quickly change positions or something. In which case, do not push it further because it's no longer playful, it's creepy. But if she does seem receptive, try to work up the courage for a bolder move -- ideally a kiss. And yes, this is a risky move, but you know you like her, you only live once, and you gotta give it a try or you'll be kicking yourself when she finds a new man or moves on without you. I'm curious how other women will respond, but I think it's a MAJOR mistake for you to consider having a conversation about this with her. I've been in that situation in the past where a guy has sat me down and confessed long-repressed feelings for me -- while I'm wondering "Then why the hell haven't you kissed me? Why aren't you just kissing me RIGHT NOW?" It's boring and off-puttingly neurotic if they have to have a long conversation about their feelings, or if they send a long letter about their feelings, needily seeking your approval. But it's exciting and romantic if they just GO FOR IT. I"m a woman and I agree with this advice. Don't talk to her about this because chances are she's going to freak out a bit. Do the hug thing, maybe cuddle on the couch, rub her neck, move her hair off her face, little subtle things that she WILL pick up on then you wait for reaction.
Pizzaman81 Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 When I first went to college, I moved in with 3 other girls. Best decision of my life.
Author OOReeee Posted January 6, 2012 Author Posted January 6, 2012 So if any of you wondered how things are going with me and my roommates, here is what happened since I got back from my vacation: So I got back and again, we both continued to be very close. On New Years Eve we all got pretty drunk and at about 4am when we all got home, we were hanging out in the living room and when a mutual friend of ours went to the bathroom, I got up and kissed her. She kissed me back. It lasted a few seconds because our friend got out of the bathroom and that was that. We didn't really talk about it after, but I knew she remembered, I just tried to figure out what to do next. On Wednesday night, my other roommate was gone, and we cooked dinner together. We ended up talking from about 8pm until 1am, and finished 3 bottles of wine (oops). We decided to watch a movie together, and i wrapped my arm around her, and she kind of hugged me back but then freaked out a little, said she has to go to bed and went to her room. I decided it's now or never for me, and went to her room. I got in, sat on her bed and asked her if she remembers NYE. She said yes. I asked her if she remembers me kissing her on NYE. She said yes. I told her that I wasn't that drunk, and that I don't take it back, I only kinda had to be drunk to have the guts to do it. She smiled and I kissed her again. We made out for a little bit but I tried to hold myself, the whole situation just seemed surreal (still does). At one point we side tracked and talked about other stuff, I ended up staying in her bed until about 6 am (we fell asleep), then went to my room. The following day was kinda business as-usual for us. Still no reference to what happened the night before. Last night we were both alone at home, and once again spent it talking (only with one bottle of wine this time). I decided to address the night before and said "about last night," to which she said "I'm not sure I can make a decision right now." I told her that I never asked her to make a decision nor do I want her to. But I did ask her out on a real date next week (she has a family emergency and had to go home for the weekend). She smiled and agreed. Now I need to figure out how I take my roommate on a real date. I don't even know where to start. In addition, she still seems hesitant about the whole thing. She only gives me hugs and not trying to kiss, and gets really startled when we talk about it. So I have to deal with hoping she's not playing along because she feels sorry for me or something. But at least I know I did something, which absolutely had to happened. If you have any insights I'm glad to read! Have a great weekend!
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