venting

[kareena]

I'm just venting.

So I tried the whole NC thing but was too depressed to go through with it and of course with my trade mark self destructive behavior I just HAD to call MM and ended up going back on HIS terms (smart girl right?!) at first I thought I was happy and I was thinking that I should not have ended it in the first place,things were nice and the pain was gone.But then he just had to show his true colors which I'm glad he did! He comes over upset and all,so my stupid self is all over him comforting him and doing my best to make him feel better and of course he does not want to talk about it so me not being the "pushy" type I just left it at that.

 

Then (after we had slept together of course because apparently that's all I'm there for after all) he starts going on and on about how worried and confused he is and that he thinks she knows and that it would be better if we didn't talk for a while!! Does he think that I'm f***ing stupid or something?! he obviously has plans for the holidays and wants to make sure that I don't get in the way!! I got so mad and asked him to leave! How dare you treat me this way I am not some sex object! I am not one of your toys you selfish man!! how dare you play with my heart and feelings in such a manner!! so was it ALL just a lie?? everything?? I feel like I don't even know him anymore!I don't see the man I fell in love with in him anymore. I'm so angry,I'm mad at him and I'm mad at myself and I'm mad at the world just mad mad mad!! and the worst part is..I still love him!!

[Emme]

I say your best remedy right now is to try and not think about this situation. I think it's time for you to focus on what you do have in your life. The holidays are coming up and you still have your family and friends. I'm not saying don't be mad. Get all that anger out. I'm sorry this happened to you but use this as your fuel to fight the love you have for him. I always say be optimistic... find the will.

[MyApology]

It is good to let him know how you feel, but it may help if you two do talk to build yourself up to him, let him know you are the prize. If you do email or contact him again, which unfortunately, if you do feel you love him you will, start placing small facts into his mind, that not questions, 'why,' he does these things to you, but make a list and write how you in no way, if and or but, will allow him to treat you in A, B, C, or D, and you are way too self assured and confident to allow a man to run you over, and that your feelings sometimes run loose because of your confidence and esteem, and if he cannot handle it, then he should go and seek someone else who will let him treat them like a doormat.

[MissBee]

It is good to let him know how you feel, but it may help if you two do talk to build yourself up to him, let him know you are the prize. If you do email or contact him again, which unfortunately, if you do feel you love him you will, start placing small facts into his mind, that not questions, 'why,' he does these things to you, but make a list and write how you in no way, if and or but, will allow him to treat you in A, B, C, or D, and you are way too self assured and confident to allow a man to run you over, and that your feelings sometimes run loose because of your confidence and esteem, and if he cannot handle it, then he should go and seek someone else who will let him treat them like a doormat.

 

This won't work...

 

One should not need to convince a man that one is the prize...especially as the OW...prize...what kind of prize are you? A man either thinks you are a prize ALREADY and will show it or not. It's not about you convincing him you are...I can almost guarantee that that will be a futile venture of you bending over backwards and doing tricks to "show him" when the truth is, he wants an OW....he's not trying to get a new wife and certainly since you've agreed to that position, you haven't shown yourself to be that great of a prize anyway. Real talk.

 

What you're telling her to do is a game....it's ALL TALK and zero action and I can tell you...it won't work. Emailing a man saying you are confident and self assured...while you continue to be his OW whom he treats how he wants to treat, on his terms...does not in fact make any of what you said true. Your actions speak louder which is: I am saying I am confident but really, I am begging you to love me and see me as a prize please...don't you see me sticking around no matter what..choose me...love me...treat me special!

 

What you're doing is having length discussions....I realized that men are are not idiots (omg surprise there ). Having millions of discussions with anyone about the SAME thing means you're not being listened to and they don't care...NOT that they don't get it. Someone with confidence would tell them ONCE and then the second time move forward from that place. A man knows what he can get away with and with whom....what you've done and what Kareena has done and admits to doing does nothing but show the man that HE has the upperhand, you "love him" more than yourself and no matter if you get upset and write emails about confidence you will STILL be around when he comes knocking.

Edited December 19, 2011 by MissBee

[SunsetRed]

This won't work...

 

One should not need to convince a man that one is the prize...especially as the OW...prize...what kind of prize are you? A man either thinks you are a prize ALREADY and will show it or not. It's not about you convincing him you are...I can almost guarantee that that will be a futile venture of you bending over backwards and doing tricks to "show him" when the truth is, he wants an OW....he's not trying to get a new wife and certainly since you've agreed to that position, you haven't shown yourself to be that great of a prize anyway. Real talk.

 

What you're telling her to do is a game....it's ALL TALK and zero action and I can tell you...it won't work. Emailing a man saying you are confident and self assured...while you continue to be his OW whom he treats how he wants to treat, on his terms...does not in fact make any of what you said true. Your actions speak louder which is: I am saying I am confident but really, I am begging you to love me and see me as a prize please...don't you see me sticking around no matter what..choose me...love me...treat me special!

 

What you're doing is having length discussions....I realized that men are are not idiots (omg surprise there ). Having millions of discussions with anyone about the SAME thing means you're not being listened to and they don't care...NOT that they don't get it. Someone with confidence would tell them ONCE and then the second time move forward from that place. A man knows what he can get away with and with whom....what you've done and what Kareena has done and admits to doing does nothing but show the man that HE has the upperhand, you "love him" more than yourself and no matter if you get upset and write emails about confidence you will STILL be around when he comes knocking.

 

THANKS for reminding me of what NOT to do. Its very tempting to contact him to show him that I am a changed, self confident woman..so you should desire me now. Thanks for reminding me that emailing him with that info defeats the whole concept of being self confident! You are right, if you have to show a man you are a prize, then he must not think you are one. I will continue on w my NC!

[Quiet Storm]

This won't work...

 

One should not need to convince a man that one is the prize...especially as the OW...prize...what kind of prize are you? A man either thinks you are a prize ALREADY and will show it or not. It's not about you convincing him you are...I can almost guarantee that that will be a futile venture of you bending over backwards and doing tricks to "show him" when the truth is, he wants an OW....he's not trying to get a new wife and certainly since you've agreed to that position, you haven't shown yourself to be that great of a prize anyway. Real talk.

 

What you're telling her to do is a game....it's ALL TALK and zero action and I can tell you...it won't work. Emailing a man saying you are confident and self assured...while you continue to be his OW whom he treats how he wants to treat, on his terms...does not in fact make any of what you said true. Your actions speak louder which is: I am saying I am confident but really, I am begging you to love me and see me as a prize please...don't you see me sticking around no matter what..choose me...love me...treat me special!

 

What you're doing is having length discussions....I realized that men are are not idiots (omg surprise there ). Having millions of discussions with anyone about the SAME thing means you're not being listened to and they don't care...NOT that they don't get it. Someone with confidence would tell them ONCE and then the second time move forward from that place. A man knows what he can get away with and with whom....what you've done and what Kareena has done and admits to doing does nothing but show the man that HE has the upperhand, you "love him" more than yourself and no matter if you get upset and write emails about confidence you will STILL be around when he comes knocking.

 

Great post, Miss Bee.

 

You can't sell yourself as self confident. You just are. Self confident women do not become OW, and MM know this.

[MissBee]

THANKS for reminding me of what NOT to do. Its very tempting to contact him to show him that I am a changed, self confident woman..so you should desire me now. Thanks for reminding me that emailing him with that info defeats the whole concept of being self confident! You are right, if you have to show a man you are a prize, then he must not think you are one. I will continue on w my NC!

 

 

Great Sunset! I had to learn this myself....when you consider it, it is really silly! A man truly either meets you, dates you and believes you are a prize and will go out of his way to show you this...or not. Especially if he has known you for a while, there is NO REASON and no point really in trying to "show him" anything. He already knows by now how he thinks of you and what he wants from you and you're wasting time trying to change his mind. You can proclaim confidence from the peak of Mt.Everest...but really, it doesn't need to be stated. If one were confident and self assured: 1) You wouldn't be trying to get a man to see anything. You'd be happy and confident and not behave like a married man is your last chance at love and therefore you wouldn't need to spend energy teaching him how to treat you and 2) You won't be dating any man who is that "dense" that you have to show your worth to.

 

The fact you keep discussing, keep showing, keep teaching, keep being available....says a lot.

[MissBee]

Great post, Miss Bee.

 

You can't sell yourself as self confident. You just are. Self confident women do not become OW, and MM know this.

 

Thanks Quiet. This is true!

 

We can say whatever we want but really, what we do and our energy say a lot more and we ALL read people's energy all the time, consciously or subconsciously and treat them not based on the things they espouse but how they come off to us and how they act and what we've seen them accept.

[spice4life]

Thanks Quiet. This is true!

 

We can say whatever we want but really, what we do and our energy say a lot more and we ALL read people's energy all the time, consciously or subconsciously and treat them not based on the things they espouse but how they come off to us and how they act and what we've seen them accept.

 

This is soooo true! I totally agree MissBee.

 

I used to try and convince too, but not anymore. I "cringe" when I think about how I used to be that way. After the hard work I was doing on myself started to kick in, I naturally stopped trying to convince anyone anymore. It happened by osmosis (sp? And is that correct word?...lol). If you are confident and self assured, there is no need to convince because it just shows! With me, it was like a switch got flipped one day and I had no need or desire to try and convince anyone who I am...I just started living instead!

[MyApology]

Again the same posters changing the meaning of what I was saying to fit their negative views of anything mentioned. I NEVER said convince you so convincingly ha ha have wrote to make it look i wrote that. Not the case sorry.

You have to have a positive reflection of yourself and let it shine. That is all I was mentioning. Geesh:p

[kareena]

Thanks everyone, MM and I haven't spoken since but I guess that's a good thing right? I think I might go out for a change I haven't been out in ages,maybe that will make it easier!

[SunsetRed]

Thanks Quiet. This is true!

 

We can say whatever we want but really, what we do and our energy say a lot more and we ALL read people's energy all the time, consciously or subconsciously and treat them not based on the things they espouse but how they come off to us and how they act and what we've seen them accept.

 

 

Again, more words of wisdom to live by. I do know deep in my heart that someone else's husband is not my last chance at love.

 

Also, I see how futile it would be to try and convince him that I am a sexy, self confident strong woman..."so please wont you give me an hour of your time before you go home to your wife? In fact I have so much self confidence that you should leave your wife for me. I'll pay all the bills so that you can pay alimony and child support and I'll be really understanding about all the family functions you still have to attend."

 

A truly self confident woman would just put all that crap behind her and move on which is what I am really trying to do. Jan will begin 4 months of NC

[TigerCub]

Kareena,

 

I'm truly sorry that you're hurting, but you need to use this anger at him and yourself to stop this.

 

You're mad that he made you feel as though he thought you were an idiot - well stop acting like his fool!

 

I'm not saying this to be hurtful, but you know that you play a major role in this - hence the anger at yourself.

 

Use this anger, write down all the mean things he's done to you, all the ways he made you feel used, made you feel like just a sex object, made you feel foolish, hurt your feelings, hurt your pride, hurt your self esteem.

Write all of it down and put it up on your wall, so the next time you have an urge to call him, you can look at it and then decide if you really want to go back to that.

 

The only way you can reclaim your self respect and your own worth is by taking a stand and saying "I deserve way better than this, this is crap and I will not settle for it"

 

You have the power to look after you.

He's not gonna do that for you.

 

I've been in your shoes, in my own way, and to this day, I'm so glad that I'm the one that put an end to it, stood my ground and moved on instead of being thrown under the bus and used and reused.

 

You might miss him at first, but its just the addiction talking, you can get past this if you really try.

 

I wish you luck

[MissBee]

Again the same posters changing the meaning of what I was saying to fit their negative views of anything mentioned. I NEVER said convince you so convincingly ha ha have wrote to make it look i wrote that. Not the case sorry.

You have to have a positive reflection of yourself and let it shine. That is all I was mentioning. Geesh:p

 

This what you said....

 

It is good to let him know how you feel, but it may help if you two do talk to build yourself up to him, let him know you are the prize. If you do email or contact him again, which unfortunately, if you do feel you love him you will, start placing small facts into his mind, that not questions, 'why,' he does these things to you, but make a list and write how you in no way, if and or but, will allow him to treat you in A, B, C, or D, and you are way too self assured and confident to allow a man to run you over, and that your feelings sometimes run loose because of your confidence and esteem, and if he cannot handle it, then he should go and seek someone else who will let him treat them like a doormat.

 

I said those things won't work. I have in no way changed your post to mean something else.....

[MissBee]

This is soooo true! I totally agree MissBee.

 

I used to try and convince too, but not anymore. I "cringe" when I think about how I used to be that way. After the hard work I was doing on myself started to kick in, I naturally stopped trying to convince anyone anymore. It happened by osmosis (sp? And is that correct word?...lol). If you are confident and self assured, there is no need to convince because it just shows! With me, it was like a switch got flipped one day and I had no need or desire to try and convince anyone who I am...I just started living instead!

 

Yess! I can totally relate.Certainly, the more it becomes truly a part of you, the less you notice it and you don't need to convince....it seeps through your pores and is obvious to those around you, even when you're not paying attention.

 

I am not 100% where I need to be but have come leaps and bounds from that point of always selling myself and marketing myself to men who made it clear through their actions that they weren't trying to "buy" but get free samples Women need to realize whether or not a man is there to buy, rent or just get freebies! And most likely, their mind is already made up after knowing you for a little, what their intention is with you....and you can't convince a man who is trying to get freebies or rent to buy. And even if you could...why would you want to???

 

Most MM are not trying to "buy" anything! Hellloooo...they already bought what they wanted...it's at home. Now they're getting freebies or a rental from the OW. So convince all you want...but you'll be like a clerk at a store being extra nice and helpful to a customer who has NO PLANS of purchasing but is window shopping. Helping this person try on clothes, following them around, showing them things in cases, putting your best sales foot forward....and after an hour....they say "Thanks...not today" or "Thanks...maybe tomorrow" and you received no commission and wasted all that time when someone else in the store that day had already made their mind up to shop!

[MissBee]

Again, more words of wisdom to live by. I do know deep in my heart that someone else's husband is not my last chance at love.

 

Also, I see how futile it would be to try and convince him that I am a sexy, self confident strong woman..."so please wont you give me an hour of your time before you go home to your wife? In fact I have so much self confidence that you should leave your wife for me. I'll pay all the bills so that you can pay alimony and child support and I'll be really understanding about all the family functions you still have to attend."

 

A truly self confident woman would just put all that crap behind her and move on which is what I am really trying to do. Jan will begin 4 months of NC

 

 

Yaaaaay Sunset! I am literally smiling behind my computr I'm really happy for you

[kareena]

 

Most MM are not trying to "buy" anything! Hellloooo...they already bought what they wanted...it's at home. Now they're getting freebies or a rental from the OW. So convince all you want...but you'll be like a clerk at a store being extra nice and helpful to a customer who has NO PLANS of purchasing but is window shopping. Helping this person try on clothes, following them around, showing them things in cases, putting your best sales foot forward....and after an hour....they say "Thanks...not today" or "Thanks...maybe tomorrow" and you received no commission and wasted all that time when someone else in the store that day had already made their mind up to shop!

 

This really hit a nerve,I'm very upset that he hasn't called I feel that he owes me an apology or anything I'm really starting to obsess over him not calling :s

[bentnotbroken]

This really hit a nerve,I'm very upset that he hasn't called I feel that he owes me an apology or anything I'm really starting to obsess over him not calling :s

 

 

Why are you upset he hasn't called? What do you want him to say that will remove the feelings you have now? Do you think his apology will change his actions? Or make him a better person? Why do you feel that if he was so willing to hurt his wife without apology, he wouldn't be willing to do the same to you?

[kareena]

Apologize for what? Enjoying his holiday with his family?

You knew he was married when you chose to start the A.

He owes you nothing.

 

You, however, owe it to yourself to figure out why you are spending wasting your time pining over an unavailable man.

 

I didn't mean it that way,its not about spending the holidays with his family its the fact that he treated me in a very bad way!we have been together for a year,I left my bf for him right from the start and I did everything I could for him.He has clearly lied to me and lead me on,his marriage is obviously not as bad as he made it seem and he obviously has no intention to leave.

 

I have accepted that,I don't want to go on with this A but I feel used and objectified and feel as though a simple apology would help me with my healing/moving on process.That's all,and yes I know he lied to his wife so why wouldn't he lie to me and all that but is a simple apology too much to ask for from the man I devoted the past year of my life to?is a simple "i'm sorry" from the man I loved and cared about and was there for too much??

 

I thought he loved me,and I thought we would end up together and now that I realized that he was lying I can't even ask for an apology? this A has messed me up on so many levels and yes although I walked into it willingly I do feel as if he dragged me into it by pursuing me and making me feel as if I was his one and only,I do feel used ,and I believe that he took advantage of the age difference to use me this way.when you are a 21 year old girl in an abusive relationship and a handsome,sophisticated,caring,34 year old man comes into the picture you don't exactly make the "best" choice.I'm sure he knew that right from the start...

[Hazyhead]

Probably. So why would an apology from a liar make you feel better?

 

He is what he is. He showed you what he was when he informed you that he was married, but still pursued an A with you. Stand-up guys don't do that.

 

He can't make you feel better. Only you can.

 

Totally agree with this. Kareena, honestly, by not apologising he's doing you a favour. If he said sorry it would only soften your opinion of him and risk you pining more. Let it go - see it as a sign and move on.

[Quiet Storm]

I am not 100% where I need to be but have come leaps and bounds from that point of always selling myself and marketing myself to men who made it clear through their actions that they weren't trying to "buy" but get free samples Women need to realize whether or not a man is there to buy, rent or just get freebies! And most likely, their mind is already made up after knowing you for a little, what their intention is with you....and you can't convince a man who is trying to get freebies or rent to buy. And even if you could...why would you want to???

 

Most MM are not trying to "buy" anything! Hellloooo...they already bought what they wanted...it's at home. Now they're getting freebies or a rental from the OW. So convince all you want...but you'll be like a clerk at a store being extra nice and helpful to a customer who has NO PLANS of purchasing but is window shopping. Helping this person try on clothes, following them around, showing them things in cases, putting your best sales foot forward....and after an hour....they say "Thanks...not today" or "Thanks...maybe tomorrow" and you received no commission and wasted all that time when someone else in the store that day had already made their mind up to shop!

 

This is so true. Not just for MM/OW, but for all relationships. I will print this out and give it to my daughter in a few years when she starts to date.

 

Most men categorize women when they meet us and decide whether they see us as wife material, just for "fun" or unattractive. It gives women the upper hand to be able to recognize this. Knowledge is power.

 

I think most women don't feel they are giving out freebies. They usually are naive or confused or reading his signals wrong. They were never given the tools by their parents to recognize when they are being taken advantage of, and they don't have the life experience and wisdom to see it on their own. Other women have low self esteem and feel flattered by any attention, positive or negative.

 

The thing is, it is very rare for a man to come right out and say "You are in my "just for fun" category and I have no intentions of being with you". They often show their romantic side to women that are "just for fun", so this confuses these women. The women take the big words and pillow talk as evidence that he is falling for her. And the truth is, he may be falling for her, in that moment. However, his feelings are often fleeting and very "out of sight, out of mind".

 

Conversation, connection, great sex are all fun things for the married man to experience again with a new woman, but this in no way translates to him wanting to change his life and actually be with that woman.

 

When most women are in love, we want to be with that person. We want to marry or live with that person. We live our lives with the intent of sharing them with that person. However, many men have no problem just feeling the "love", in that moment, with no intentions or desire to make it forever. Their attitude is more "it is fun, awesome, the feelings are great while they last...but this has an expiration date, and that's okay".

 

But men know women would be insulted and hurt if they knew this, and women don't often share the "let's have fun while it lasts" attitude. Women want some kind of confirmation that this is going somewhere, that this love is going to MEAN SOMETHING. So the A dynamic is often very lopsided and manipulative because the MM knows that OW is falling in love with him, and he knows that she will be very upset if he is honest and says he has no intentions of ever leaving his marriage. So he has to lay on the romance, avoid hard questions, put down the wife, play up his home misery...all to keep the OW on a string. Not because he has intentions of being with her, but because he wants her available to fill the gaps in his marriage or to stroke his ego.

 

Even the MM that are upfront and say they are staying married use the romance card to keep OW hooked. OW says she knows he's not leaving, but MM sets up that competition dynamic and manipulates OW to feel that, even though he says one thing, he means another. So he can say "I'm not leaving my marriage", but on the other hand he says how miserable he is, he shows disdain for his wife, he romances the OW and plays up their "unique connection". So OW is thinking, he SAYS he's not going to leave, but I CAN SEE that he loves me so much, his life will be so much better with me and his logical conclusion would be to leave her. So OW thinks she has a chance, and she hangs in there, sometimes for years, until what's left of her self esteem is shattered, until she has distanced herself from family and friends, until she finally realizes she's been played and becomes desperate and panicked.

 

By this time in the relationship, MM has usually driven OW to crying, emotional, desperation mode with his back & forth bul!*****...which is the perfect time for MM to say she is "crazy". By now, all the fun & sexy traits of OW have faded away because MM has to deal with her emotions and unmet expectations. Instead of trying to impress and romance her, dealing with her emotions becomes annoying to him and his only goal is to manage her. He will go back in forth between romance to being cold and short with her, because he is done with the relationship, but is now afraid she will tell his wife and cause problems in his real life.

 

It's really a fncked up dynamic and one that rarely benefits the OW and BW.

[bentnotbroken]

.

He has clearly lied to me and lead me on,his marriage is obviously not as bad as he made it seem and he obviously has no intention to leave.

 

Yes, he lied to you. He by having an affair with you is a liar. This isn't a dig, but a fact.

 

I have accepted that,I don't want to go on with this A but I feel used and objectified and feel as though a simple apology would help me with my healing/moving on process

.

 

I get you feel used and objectified, just understand you not only allowed that to happen to you, you used and objectified yourself. You took on a role to a man who was married and you played that role. You gave yourself over to that role.

 

And just so you know, your healing comes from within you. If you are looking for healing from his words you are still putting the "owness" at his doorstep. Big mistake.

 

That's all,and yes I know he lied to his wife so why wouldn't he lie to me and all that but is a simple apology too much to ask for from the man I devoted the past year of my life to?is a simple "i'm sorry" from the man I loved and cared about and was there for too much??

 

There is nothing simple about a sincere apology. Apologies aren't meant to be passed out like candy. So many do it, without there being any thought behind it. It is just a way to brush aside the emotions of those they hurt.

 

I thought he loved me,and I thought we would end up together and now that I realized that he was lying I can't even ask for an apology? this A has messed me up on so many levels and yes although I walked into it willingly I do feel as if he dragged me into it by pursuing me and making me feel as if I was his one and only,I do feel used ,and I believe that he took advantage of the age difference to use me this way

.

 

Yes, I am sure the affair messed you up. Yes, I am sure your age was a factor...but does the fact you are ( I assume)rational, thinking adult play any role in what has happened to you. A MM can't drag you anywhere you aren't willing to be dragged(no more than a MM can be dragged by an OW). You had one important(maybe two) facts before you got involved.

1) he was married and not divorced.

2)his wife did not know.

These two facts alone didn't require you to be older than you are or the same age as he was to run the other direction as fast as you could go.

 

Pursuit does not equal compliance. If it bothered you enough you would have put him in his place ASAP. Most women are approached and in some cases pursued by those who we do not wish to be involved with. Here is the rub, you make a choice then based on your own personal standard...not by the standard of a person who has few if any boundaries. Where were your boundaries? This again is something you have to own.

 

The fact that you fed into the fantasy of being together is again, not his fault. If you really wanted that, what prevented you from telling him to come look you up when he was officially divorced? Why did you allow yourself to daydream? Why did you feed the emotions? We may not control who we are attracted to, but we do control how that attraction grows. If you feed....it will grow.

 

I have children older than you and no matter what their choices are...they are their choices.

[kareena]

.

 

Yes, I am sure the affair messed you up. Yes, I am sure your age was a factor...but does the fact you are ( I assume)rational, thinking adult play any role in what has happened to you. A MM can't drag you anywhere you aren't willing to be dragged(no more than a MM can be dragged by an OW). You had one important(maybe two) facts before you got involved.

1) he was married and not divorced.

2)his wife did not know.

These two facts alone didn't require you to be older than you are or the same age as he was to run the other direction as fast as you could go.

 

Pursuit does not equal compliance. If it bothered you enough you would have put him in his place ASAP. Most women are approached and in some cases pursued by those who we do not wish to be involved with. Here is the rub, you make a choice then based on your own personal standard...not by the standard of a person who has few if any boundaries. Where were your boundaries? This again is something you have to own.

.

 

I am not denying my role in this,what I was trying to say is..you see the way we even started talking was very innocent,we became friends and we would just talk and stuff.and its not like the minute he said something sweet I was like ok lets go!i'm not some stereotypical OW being throwing myself all over a married man,on the contrary,I am quite conservative I have only had 3 sexual partners MM included so yeah I do have boundaries and standards. I did say no at first and I did give him the whole "we cant do this you're married" speech many times til finally I did give in because I did develop feelings for him throughout that time and i'm only human,and that's why i feel that he owes me some sort of apology. I realize that it was my choice,but that doesn't mean that he's innocent.

[bentnotbroken]

 

I am not denying my role in this,what I was trying to say is..you see the way we even started talking was very innocent,we became friends and we would just talk and stuff.and its not like the minute he said something sweet I was like ok lets go!i'm not some stereotypical OW being throwing myself all over a married man,on the contrary,I am quite conservative I have only had 3 sexual partners MM included so yeah I do have boundaries and standards. I did say no at first and I did give him the whole "we cant do this you're married" speech many times til finally I did give in because I did develop feelings for him throughout that time and i'm only human,and that's why i feel that he owes me some sort of apology. I realize that it was my choice,but that doesn't mean that he's innocent.

 

 

He is as far from innocent as one can get. What I just read in this post was...."yes, I did wrong....but" playground mentality. I don't think I mentioned anything about stereotypical OW. I addressed YOUR post and only your post. Saying no at first is still does not mean that he is at fault(innocent or otherwise). Your standards should never be dependent on someone "wearing" you down. Human yes, owed something...no. You owe yourself...nothing more, nothing less.

[kareena]

 

 

He is as far from innocent as one can get. What I just read in this post was...."yes, I did wrong....but" playground mentality. I don't think I mentioned anything about stereotypical OW. I addressed YOUR post and only your post. Saying no at first is still does not mean that he is at fault(innocent or otherwise). Your standards should never be dependent on someone "wearing" you down. Human yes, owed something...no. You owe yourself...nothing more, nothing less.

 

I think you are not getting what I'm trying to say, I'm talking about how I feel inside about this I'm not denying anything and I'm not saying that what I did was right,I am not saying that it is ok because I said no at first I'm saying that this is how I feel and those are the reasons behind me feeling this way,that's all.