TigerCub Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Hi, I have a friend who has a 12 year old daughter. Last month, the daughter said that she's not happy at home and wanted to stay at her friend's house for a while. My friend and her husband let her, despite what they thought was best. Their argument was that there isn't really anything they can do. I mean, yeah they can't force her to stay at home, but the girl is still a minor, aren't there laws that parents have in such situations? There are a lot of laws against child abuse (as there should be), but in Canada/America what laws are there for parents? Please excuse my ignorance on this topic, but I have no children and I really don't know much about these things. I just found it really weird that there was nothing they could do.
norajane Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Yes, of course there are laws, and legally they can most certainly force her to stay home. For example, if they told her she could not stay at her friend's house and she went anyway, the parents have a legal right to get their daughter and bring her home. Her friend's parents could not keep her at their place legally - the parents could call the police and get their assistance in bringing the girl home. However, the parents are probably thinking that if the girl doesn't want to be at home, she might run away, which is a whole other problem. It's doubtful a 12 year old would run away to live on the streets, though. Still, I think it would have been productive if the parents had a little chat with their daughter about WHY she wants to stay with her friend instead of being at home. That's the real problem.
Author TigerCub Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 Yes, of course there are laws, and legally they can most certainly force her to stay home. For example, if they told her she could not stay at her friend's house and she went anyway, the parents have a legal right to get their daughter and bring her home. Her friend's parents could not keep her at their place legally - the parents could call the police and get their assistance in bringing the girl home. However, the parents are probably thinking that if the girl doesn't want to be at home, she might run away, which is a whole other problem. It's doubtful a 12 year old would run away to live on the streets, though. Still, I think it would have been productive if the parents had a little chat with their daughter about WHY she wants to stay with her friend instead of being at home. That's the real problem. Thank you for the reply. I was hoping that parents could do something to keep their kid at home - and I guess they can. The story ended up being crazy. It turned out that the friend's mom was really in the hospital and the girls were staying at the friend's home by themselves, and my friend and her H found out because the police somehow found out and ended up notifying them. It turned into a huge mess. But yeah, my first thought was - "really? there is nothing parents can do?". But now I know Thanks
setsenia Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 I agree, they can definitely get her and take her home. So yes, there is rights for the parents. However, if they were to go through with the law or police to get her, the police might investigate why she ran away from home in the first place. Neglect, child abuse etc to see if there is a legitimate reason for her leaving home and under those circumstances, she will not have to go back home. However, if there is no proof of any of the above, any parent can most certainly go and get them, although in some cases if there is hardship between parent and child, it might be best to give them some time to "cool off". Be grateful the child is in a safe place and you know their whereabouts, it's better than if they were to run away all together.
norajane Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 The story ended up being crazy. It turned out that the friend's mom was really in the hospital and the girls were staying at the friend's home by themselves, and my friend and her H found out because the police somehow found out and ended up notifying them. It turned into a huge mess. Oho, so the girls thought they could play around without adult supervision, eh? Did they have a party or something and the cops were called? Or maybe a neighbor noticed? Geez, what kind of daughter plans trouble when her mother is in the hospital? And why didn't the girl have a sitter or family member at home if her mom was in the hospital and her dad was (presumably) at the hospital with mom? Anyway, your friends are in for a terrible time during this girl's teenage years if this is how she's getting up to in her pre-teen years! They'd better quick get smart on some things...like... When your kid says they are going to spend the night/stay over a friend's house for a few days, the FIRST thing the parents need to do is CALL the friend's parents and verify that an invitation was issued by THEM and that there would be an adult at HOME while the kids are there. Shaking my head at how lucky the parents were that nothing BAD happened to those girls.
Tayla Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 My mother raised three teen boys that were good friends with my brothers. She allowed them to sleep at the house and help out ....they had ruff home lives and my moms place was a "safehaven". The Police didn't show up and the kids parents were at wits ends with their attitudes. Oddly when they stayed at my moms they never gave her lip and often treated her like a true parent. naturally this was in the 70's era when we seemed to care about the neighboring kids and how to be a positive in their lives..... Parents have the right to: Seek medical care for the child, Seek responsible caretakers , State regulates educations be it home schooled or private/public education, Clothing, food, shelter. Abide by curfews . Report missing child. Our state recently enacted a law that "requires" parents/guardians to report a child missing when its suspected....
Author TigerCub Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 I agree, they can definitely get her and take her home. So yes, there is rights for the parents. However, if they were to go through with the law or police to get her, the police might investigate why she ran away from home in the first place. Neglect, child abuse etc to see if there is a legitimate reason for her leaving home and under those circumstances, she will not have to go back home. However, if there is no proof of any of the above, any parent can most certainly go and get them, although in some cases if there is hardship between parent and child, it might be best to give them some time to "cool off". Be grateful the child is in a safe place and you know their whereabouts, it's better than if they were to run away all together. That totally makes sense and seems fair. Thanks
Author TigerCub Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 Oho, so the girls thought they could play around without adult supervision, eh? Did they have a party or something and the cops were called? Or maybe a neighbor noticed? Geez, what kind of daughter plans trouble when her mother is in the hospital? And why didn't the girl have a sitter or family member at home if her mom was in the hospital and her dad was (presumably) at the hospital with mom? Anyway, your friends are in for a terrible time during this girl's teenage years if this is how she's getting up to in her pre-teen years! They'd better quick get smart on some things...like... When your kid says they are going to spend the night/stay over a friend's house for a few days, the FIRST thing the parents need to do is CALL the friend's parents and verify that an invitation was issued by THEM and that there would be an adult at HOME while the kids are there. Shaking my head at how lucky the parents were that nothing BAD happened to those girls. It actually turns out that the police got involved because the girls were blabbing about what they were doing at school, and obviously it got out . Everything you said about what SHOULD happen before one's child goes for a sleep over makes sense and is what my parents did, is what most responsible parents with any common sense would do. I don't know why these parents do things the way they do. oh yeah and the part about the mom being in the hospital and the daughter not having anyone to watch her struck me as really odd as well. I really don't know all the details, but something is definitely off.
Author TigerCub Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 My mother raised three teen boys that were good friends with my brothers. She allowed them to sleep at the house and help out ....they had ruff home lives and my moms place was a "safehaven". The Police didn't show up and the kids parents were at wits ends with their attitudes. Oddly when they stayed at my moms they never gave her lip and often treated her like a true parent. naturally this was in the 70's era when we seemed to care about the neighboring kids and how to be a positive in their lives..... Parents have the right to: Seek medical care for the child, Seek responsible caretakers , State regulates educations be it home schooled or private/public education, Clothing, food, shelter. Abide by curfews . Report missing child. Our state recently enacted a law that "requires" parents/guardians to report a child missing when its suspected.... All those "rights" are for providing for the children (as parents should). But it strikes me that parents really don't have many rights when it comes to dealing with out of control children. Like in this example, if these parents went to the friends house and told the girl to come home with them, and she refused, and they laid a hand on her to drag her out of there isn't that child abuse? Don't get me wrong, I'm so in support of laws that protect children, but it seems like there is only a very thin line for parents to walk before what they do would be considered abusive. - Maybe I'm wrong, I really don't know much about it all, but that's the impression I get. How do people raise their kids, especially the difficult, and rebellious ones?
turnera Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 By not letting the kids think they have rights in the first place. My husband was always the one who said 'would you like to go to bed now?' Duh, of course she didn't want to go to bed. I just went in behind him and said 'bedtime in 5 minutes.' And she went. Parents are NOT doing kids a favor by trying to be their friend; sounds like that's what your friends did.
Author TigerCub Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 By not letting the kids think they have rights in the first place. My husband was always the one who said 'would you like to go to bed now?' Duh, of course she didn't want to go to bed. I just went in behind him and said 'bedtime in 5 minutes.' And she went. Parents are NOT doing kids a favor by trying to be their friend; sounds like that's what your friends did. You are quite wise For real, I think what you're saying is very true and I don't even have kids!
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