CocoaBrown Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 What do you say when someone you aren't interested in approaches you? It could be you are not attracted to them, they are too young or old...any reason at all. Bottom line is you just want the conversation to end ASAP! Smoking is a huge turn off for me so even when I'm attracted to someone as soon as I smell cigarettes it's an automatic NO. Why sit there and spend 30 minutes (or longer) talking to them when you know if they ask you for your number the answer is no? I'm not the kind of person who wants to give a man the wrong number because that's just rude. I don't want to lie either and say I'm not looking to date. That has backfired on me when they 1) See me talking to and accepting drinks from another man the same night lol 2) See me giving my number to someone else or 3) They think they can change my mind and won't go away! So, what do you say? It would be easy if they were rude and/or sloppy drunk and obnoxious, but I'm talking about a nice "normal" man (or woman) who approaches you. Also, have you ever met someone in person after meeting them online and they just aren't what you thought they would be? I've had dates where I arrive and I'm like ummmm this doesn't seem to be the same person (when it comes to personality) that I've been sending messages to. lol You give it 30 to 45 minutes to warm up to each other thinking maybe they are just nervous or maybe it's you but nothing changes. Do you cut the date short? Stick it out? I had a date where I knew within 15 minutes it wasn't going anywhere. Should I have ended it then? I didn't want to be rude and decided to give it more time and the date lasted waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long!! What do you do?
oaks Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 What do you say when someone you aren't interested in approaches you? It could be you are not attracted to them, they are too young or old...any reason at all. Bottom line is you just want the conversation to end ASAP! Smoking is a huge turn off for me so even when I'm attracted to someone as soon as I smell cigarettes it's an automatic NO. Why sit there and spend 30 minutes (or longer) talking to them when you know if they ask you for your number the answer is no? "I notice you're trying to hit on me, but it's only fair that I tell you that I abhor smokers." I had a date where I knew within 15 minutes it wasn't going anywhere. Should I have ended it then? I didn't want to be rude and decided to give it more time and the date lasted waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long!! What do you do? Make the first date just having a drink rather than having a meal, and you can leave after having the first drink if you're not feeling it (or you can stay for more drinks, or even 'upgrade' to dinner, if things are going well).
TheFinalWord Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 What do you say when someone you aren't interested in approaches you? It could be you are not attracted to them, they are too young or old...any reason at all. Bottom line is you just want the conversation to end ASAP! Smoking is a huge turn off for me so even when I'm attracted to someone as soon as I smell cigarettes it's an automatic NO. Why sit there and spend 30 minutes (or longer) talking to them when you know if they ask you for your number the answer is no? I'm not the kind of person who wants to give a man the wrong number because that's just rude. I don't want to lie either and say I'm not looking to date. That has backfired on me when they 1) See me talking to and accepting drinks from another man the same night lol 2) See me giving my number to someone else or 3) They think they can change my mind and won't go away! So, what do you say? It would be easy if they were rude and/or sloppy drunk and obnoxious, but I'm talking about a nice "normal" man (or woman) who approaches you. Also, have you ever met someone in person after meeting them online and they just aren't what you thought they would be? I've had dates where I arrive and I'm like ummmm this doesn't seem to be the same person (when it comes to personality) that I've been sending messages to. lol You give it 30 to 45 minutes to warm up to each other thinking maybe they are just nervous or maybe it's you but nothing changes. Do you cut the date short? Stick it out? I had a date where I knew within 15 minutes it wasn't going anywhere. Should I have ended it then? I didn't want to be rude and decided to give it more time and the date lasted waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long!! What do you do? Good question. I don't think there is any nice way to do it. I don't ever suggest more than a coffee or light lunch the first date. That way it won't cost you much (for guys, usually we have to pay for the first dates) and won't take much of your time if you're not feeling it. If I'm out with a girl and like her I will suggest we do something else after lunch. But I never make those plans beforehand anymore. I did that once and was stuck the whole day with a girl I didn't care for. She kept contacting me and eventually I had to make up some excuse. I think I said I wasn't ready for a relationship right now (we all know what that really means lol). The thing is people will know when you're giving them a line so you might as well just do what makes you most comfortable. Yes, I have met women on-line who have not been what I thought when I met them; primarily in the looks dept. though. I don't know if they are using older pictures or have a misguided view of their body shape...to me this a form of lying though. Eventually the guy is gonna find out when you meet so it's better to be upfront. When I see them in real life and it doesn't line up I am immediately disinterested b/c to me they are already displaying dishonest qualities. For guys: If the girls puts up only 1 or 2 pics that are fuzzy or not clear, don't go for it. You should see recent, clear photos, and at least one that shows her general shape!
jobaba Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 What do you say when someone you aren't interested in approaches you? It could be you are not attracted to them, they are too young or old...any reason at all. Bottom line is you just want the conversation to end ASAP! Smoking is a huge turn off for me so even when I'm attracted to someone as soon as I smell cigarettes it's an automatic NO. Why sit there and spend 30 minutes (or longer) talking to them when you know if they ask you for your number the answer is no? I'm not the kind of person who wants to give a man the wrong number because that's just rude. I don't want to lie either and say I'm not looking to date. That has backfired on me when they 1) See me talking to and accepting drinks from another man the same night lol 2) See me giving my number to someone else or 3) They think they can change my mind and won't go away! So, what do you say? It would be easy if they were rude and/or sloppy drunk and obnoxious, but I'm talking about a nice "normal" man (or woman) who approaches you. Also, have you ever met someone in person after meeting them online and they just aren't what you thought they would be? I've had dates where I arrive and I'm like ummmm this doesn't seem to be the same person (when it comes to personality) that I've been sending messages to. lol You give it 30 to 45 minutes to warm up to each other thinking maybe they are just nervous or maybe it's you but nothing changes. Do you cut the date short? Stick it out? I had a date where I knew within 15 minutes it wasn't going anywhere. Should I have ended it then? I didn't want to be rude and decided to give it more time and the date lasted waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long!! What do you do? So you have no interest in having a platonic conversation with a man you meet at a bar? OK. If that's the case, then just cut it off after a few smiles and pleasantries. Just be curt with your responses but nice. If he keeps going and doesn't get the hint, then you can start ignoring him. If he still keeps at it or gets upset when you make out with the hot guy at the other end of the bar, then he's a p@ssy loser. That's his own fault for being such a wuss... If he's the rare psycho type, then make sure your car is parked near and that you are good at weaving in and out of traffic...
Disenchantedly Yours Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 I say something along the lines of "I'm flattered by your attention but I don't think this is going to work." Or, "thank you for the conversation, I'm going to go talk to some people over there. Have a nice night." You can't avoid talking to people you might not be interested in, so it's best to give them a little of your time and be kind and look at it from the perspective of what you can learn from the (hopefully) short interaction with them. Then kindly excuse yourself and change your location. I especially like the the approach of complimenting them in some way, if they are already a nice man or woman that you just aren't interested in, and closing the door on that. If you commit to meeting someone online, then even if you know in the first couple minutes it's not going to work, there is no harm in spending a little time with them talking. Meeting for coffee or drinks is ideal. You sit, you chat, and at the end of the day you just be kind and upfront.."It was nice to meet you but I don't see this working out." Being rejected isn't fun but I think most healthy people, while might be intialy let down, will appreciate someone treating them with respect and honesty. People need to remember that they aren't so *great* that their rejection of someone is going to crush someone else. At least again, when it comes to a healthy person. I
Standard-Fare Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Others may disagree, but I don't think a little white lie is out of line in situations like this. "I'm flattered but I have a boyfriend," or "I'm in the midst of a messy breakup and not looking to date right now" -- whatever it takes. I actually believe this is the kinder option because let's recognize that it does take some balls to approach a total stranger and put yourself out there, and rejection hurts. I know you said this can backfire if they see you accepting another guy's number, but really, at that point it's none of their business and they need to stay away. They don't need to know the details and you don't have to explain yourself. As far as online dates that are clearly going nowhere, I believe in sticking it out however painful that might be. It would be seriously rude to just ditch a date 20 minutes in. You gotta sit there and at least attempt a decent conversation. It's helpful with online dates to have an excuse ready to leave. Like, "I'm meeting my friend at such and such place after" (but not mentioning an exact time -- springing that info out later when you feel it's time to head out). I guess I'm advocating for white lies all around. That's just me.
Author CocoaBrown Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 "I notice you're trying to hit on me, but it's only fair that I tell you that I abhor smokers." Make the first date just having a drink rather than having a meal, and you can leave after having the first drink if you're not feeling it (or you can stay for more drinks, or even 'upgrade' to dinner, if things are going well). lol the word abhor is quite clear! haha! But yes I guess just making it known I don't date smokers seems easy enough my mouth just seems to get stuck lol The date that lasted too long was actually bubble tea! Where I went wrong is he wanted to go for a walk after and look in little shops. I know I know I could have just made something up and left, but again my mouth got stuck. I had also made the mistake of saying I had the whole day free when we were trying to make plans to meet. Won't be doing that again. lol
Author CocoaBrown Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 Good question. I don't think there is any nice way to do it. I don't ever suggest more than a coffee or light lunch the first date. That way it won't cost you much (for guys, usually we have to pay for the first dates) and won't take much of your time if you're not feeling it. If I'm out with a girl and like her I will suggest we do something else after lunch. But I never make those plans beforehand anymore. I did that once and was stuck the whole day with a girl I didn't care for. She kept contacting me and eventually I had to make up some excuse. I think I said I wasn't ready for a relationship right now (we all know what that really means lol). The thing is people will know when you're giving them a line so you might as well just do what makes you most comfortable. Yes, I have met women on-line who have not been what I thought when I met them; primarily in the looks dept. though. I don't know if they are using older pictures or have a misguided view of their body shape...to me this a form of lying though. Eventually the guy is gonna find out when you meet so it's better to be upfront. When I see them in real life and it doesn't line up I am immediately disinterested b/c to me they are already displaying dishonest qualities. For guys: If the girls puts up only 1 or 2 pics that are fuzzy or not clear, don't go for it. You should see recent, clear photos, and at least one that shows her general shape! Showing old pics/fuzzy pics is just wrong. Luckily I haven't had anyone do that to me yet. And yes, if you decide to meet it will be obvious you've put on weight so it's best to be honest from jump. If they can't be honest about what they look like I would call it a no go as well. LOL at not being ready for a relationship. Yeah, we all know what that means lol But that sucks you had planned a whole day with her! Lesson learned!
Author CocoaBrown Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 So you have no interest in having a platonic conversation with a man you meet at a bar? OK. If that's the case, then just cut it off after a few smiles and pleasantries. Just be curt with your responses but nice. If he keeps going and doesn't get the hint, then you can start ignoring him. If he still keeps at it or gets upset when you make out with the hot guy at the other end of the bar, then he's a p@ssy loser. That's his own fault for being such a wuss... If he's the rare psycho type, then make sure your car is parked near and that you are good at weaving in and out of traffic... I know the difference between a man saying "Hi" and being friendly and a man hitting on me. The friendly "hello men" usually keep it movin' pretty fast so I don't mind it but to be honest if they tried to stick around for a long period of time I would have a problem with it. I say this because when I go out I go out to see who I can meet and possibly go out on dates with. I don't want to sit in the corner with Mr. Friendly and hear life stories. Mean? Maybe. It's just how I feel though. But yeah it just sounds like I'm going to have to be more firm. They usually aren't jerks so this is hard for me to do for some reason. If they were it would be easy to tell them where to go and move on. lol
Author CocoaBrown Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 I say something along the lines of "I'm flattered by your attention but I don't think this is going to work." Or, "thank you for the conversation, I'm going to go talk to some people over there. Have a nice night." You can't avoid talking to people you might not be interested in, so it's best to give them a little of your time and be kind and look at it from the perspective of what you can learn from the (hopefully) short interaction with them. Then kindly excuse yourself and change your location. I especially like the the approach of complimenting them in some way, if they are already a nice man or woman that you just aren't interested in, and closing the door on that. If you commit to meeting someone online, then even if you know in the first couple minutes it's not going to work, there is no harm in spending a little time with them talking. Meeting for coffee or drinks is ideal. You sit, you chat, and at the end of the day you just be kind and upfront.."It was nice to meet you but I don't see this working out." Being rejected isn't fun but I think most healthy people, while might be intialy let down, will appreciate someone treating them with respect and honesty. People need to remember that they aren't so *great* that their rejection of someone is going to crush someone else. At least again, when it comes to a healthy person. I You know what? You are so right about the "People need to remember that they aren't so *great* that their rejection of someone is going to crush someone else" part LOL It was funny when I read it but it's true: Who is saying I will "crush" someone....they might just appreciate me saving them the time! But no matter how ya slice it even the "I'm flattered by your attention" or "Thanks for the conversation but I don't think this is going to work" just seems so harsh lol There really is no easy way though.
Casablanca Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Others may disagree, but I don't think a little white lie is out of line in situations like this. "I'm flattered but I have a boyfriend," Im okay with this, perhaps say "im talking to someone" or "im seeing someone"; it doesnt sound as official as boyfriend, so it doesnt feel like as big as a white lie
Author CocoaBrown Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 *it does take some balls to approach a total stranger and put yourself out there, and rejection hurts. *I know you said this can backfire if they see you accepting another guy's number, but really, at that point it's none of their business and they need to stay away. They don't need to know the details and you don't have to explain yourself. *As far as online dates that are clearly going nowhere, I believe in sticking it out however painful that might be. It would be seriously rude to just ditch a date 20 minutes in. You gotta sit there and at least attempt a decent conversation. True, true and true lol
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