TheGrimSweeper Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Hey guys, Ill give some backdrop. We split up at the end of September. We've split up once previously because she got GIGS and needless to say I guess I carried some resentment from that with me throughout our new relationship and never really fully got over it. Made me distrust her a lot more then I should of at times. As well I also kind of lost my way, I started walking on egg shells for her cause I was so scared of the relationship ending again, which completely made her lose attraction for me as I lost my backbone. She really wanted to stay friends but I said no. (Total time together, 2.5 years). I've worked on myself a lot the past few months, have casually dated a few girls who all are pretty into me, but none of them are my ex. I should mention after the breakup I went complete NC and have been that way ever since except for one message from her just over a month ago. I also know that she has slept with someone else since we broke up, but I'm almost at the point where I can look past that. I'm going to send her a text on Christmas wishing her and her family a good one, to kind of feel things out, will see how positive her response is. Then sometime in the new year, I'll ask her to join me on something Im doing (I'm certain she'll be very positive to this judging by how badly she wanted to stay friends). I'm not going to come at her and profess my love, going to keep it all very light hearted and fun, just as a way too feel things out, basically I'm looking to see if there is anything still there. I'm trying to disassociate myself with any result, I'm honestly trying to view it as meeting a completely new person, feeling things out, having fun and seeing where it goes, I think this is the best approach. If anything happens I know I cant hold any resentment for what happened before, it needs to be new and fresh. If after a month or two of hanging out, and I don't see it leading anywhere I will slip off again. Sure it will sting a bit, but I know 5 years down the line I will regret it if I at least don't attempt to do. What do you guys think?
smokey bear Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 How long were you split the last time and what age are you both
Author TheGrimSweeper Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 How long were you split the last time and what age are you both 6 months, I'm 25 and shes 21. So yes I know shes at a really young age still for figuring out what she wants.
Author TheGrimSweeper Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 Any more thoughts guys? Really looking for some opinions here.
Soxfaninfl Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 youre not ready To be honest here, she sounds immature especially due to her age. she doesn't know wat she wants yet. I would date someone who is a little older.
Author TheGrimSweeper Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 youre not ready I know I'm not fully yet, I'm almost there, which is why I am waiting another month or two to do so. The reason of why Im waiting till then is shes finishing up her last year of University right now, this will be towards the end of her last semester where she will be entering the working world and possibly becomeing more grounded. Like I said, I'm distancing myself from any outcome, I want to feel things out too see if anything is there while improving on myself the same time.
smokey bear Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 I know I'm not fully yet, I'm almost there, which is why I am waiting another month or two to do so. The reason of why Im waiting till then is shes finishing up her last year of University right now, this will be towards the end of her last semester where she will be entering the working world and possibly becomeing more grounded. Like I said, I'm distancing myself from any outcome, I want to feel things out too see if anything is there while improving on myself the same time. Gigs has nothing to do with your circumstances, my advice, go for it if you want but prepared for this to keep happening until she's 25
intheEvent Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Man I am in a very similar situation and I can't stress enough how hysterical it makes you. I am a very calm and laid back guy, and I am so open minded that I try anything, even if it means I could get hurt. Least I tried it right? Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I admire your confidence and collected attitude. A lot of times you think that you're ready, but it's just a bravado. I can already imagine how much fun the two of you will have, and all this attraction and build up and all these expectations .... and then you make your move. Guess what ... she's made up her mind, and she's going to pull away and remind you again what she wants ... and it's not you. This is what happened to me ... 4 times already to the same girl. So much for being open minded and trying. Now it's like my job occupation. It's all I think about ... it's all I chase after, since every other part of my life is already a success. Tell yourself that you're ready for this mess. Because I can guarantee you that when a girl makes up her mind, she is final. You cannot force her to see what you see. This is what I've tried to do time and time again. And trust me, 2 months of hanging out is not enough time for a girl to change her mind about an ex. My ex continues to contact me without me contacting her, and she readily says that she's just not passionate about me still. Every time I talk to her, I am as charming as the next guy, and I never burden her. It's been 4 months of this bull****. She knows how I feel about her. Don't step into this world, unless you're truly ready to be a tool for awhile. Before all this, I never let a girl screw with me like this. Now I'm so deep into the mess, I just let it happen and try to meet other girls, while I'm in love with someone else. Someone get me a bourbon?
Author TheGrimSweeper Posted December 22, 2011 Author Posted December 22, 2011 Man I am in a very similar situation and I can't stress enough how hysterical it makes you. I am a very calm and laid back guy, and I am so open minded that I try anything, even if it means I could get hurt. Least I tried it right? Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I admire your confidence and collected attitude. A lot of times you think that you're ready, but it's just a bravado. I can already imagine how much fun the two of you will have, and all this attraction and build up and all these expectations .... and then you make your move. Guess what ... she's made up her mind, and she's going to pull away and remind you again what she wants ... and it's not you. This is what happened to me ... 4 times already to the same girl. So much for being open minded and trying. Now it's like my job occupation. It's all I think about ... it's all I chase after, since every other part of my life is already a success. Tell yourself that you're ready for this mess. Because I can guarantee you that when a girl makes up her mind, she is final. You cannot force her to see what you see. This is what I've tried to do time and time again. And trust me, 2 months of hanging out is not enough time for a girl to change her mind about an ex. My ex continues to contact me without me contacting her, and she readily says that she's just not passionate about me still. Every time I talk to her, I am as charming as the next guy, and I never burden her. It's been 4 months of this bull****. She knows how I feel about her. Don't step into this world, unless you're truly ready to be a tool for awhile. Before all this, I never let a girl screw with me like this. Now I'm so deep into the mess, I just let it happen and try to meet other girls, while I'm in love with someone else. Someone get me a bourbon? After 4 months if she's still dragging you along like that I think its time to back out for awhile. My question to you is when you hang out with her do you just act like a friend, or someone who wants more? I hope you don't just do anything she says and wants cause that will kill any and all attraction. On the subject of making a move, I've been reading numerous ebooks and courses on attraction and body language and have become quite good at reading it off women. In the 3 girls Ive casually been dating I was never turned down once when I went for it simply cause their body language said I wouldn't be. If their body language said otherwise I wouldn't have tried in the first place. And honestly I'm not trying to force anything upon her. All I want to do is hang out with her have fun, (and as bad as this sounds, I realize I'm going to have to game her a bit) and feel things out and see where they go. If she is positive and her body language is positive then I know there is still something there, if not I will move on after a short while and dissappear again. It just sucks, Ive dated 3 other girls but none of them are her. In the meantime Im going to continue reading and studying all these things to improve myself. I wish I knew what I know now before we ever split up.
intheEvent Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 Hey Grim, How is everything going on your front? Btw, my interaction with my ex is a mess. She asks me for friendship and I give it to her because I actually don't care anymore. I know how I feel about her, but I can't change how she feels. I've already told her what I wanted and she told me what she wants. I just continue to court her regardless. I had to have a talk with her about this. Basically saying ... if you want my friendship, you have to be comfortable with the fact that I am going to flirt with you and I am going to try to get you back. She had no answer and then continued calling me after this conversation. I didn't mean to sound so dark in my last post, I just wanted to hand it over, that this is a pretty tough situation to be in. A lot of it is trusting your gut and being confident about the way you read women. I for one knew that she was still attracted and passionate about me ... regardless of what she says. Her actions speak differently than her words. Anyway, in these past 4 months I went out and dated others to keep my sanity, but I always wanted her. Just recently she confirmed my 4 months of gut feeling. She finally broke down and told me that she's just such a mess right now, and she's scared of her attraction towards me. She actually said it was "too magnetic" both sexually and emotionally. This girl is going through quite a few things in her life, and I am not going to be a burden. I don't plan to cage her, I just plan to be a part of her life, regardless of romance or friendship. Hope yours is lining up pretty well.
Author TheGrimSweeper Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 Hey Grim, How is everything going on your front? Btw, my interaction with my ex is a mess. She asks me for friendship and I give it to her because I actually don't care anymore. I know how I feel about her, but I can't change how she feels. I've already told her what I wanted and she told me what she wants. I just continue to court her regardless. I had to have a talk with her about this. Basically saying ... if you want my friendship, you have to be comfortable with the fact that I am going to flirt with you and I am going to try to get you back. She had no answer and then continued calling me after this conversation. I didn't mean to sound so dark in my last post, I just wanted to hand it over, that this is a pretty tough situation to be in. A lot of it is trusting your gut and being confident about the way you read women. I for one knew that she was still attracted and passionate about me ... regardless of what she says. Her actions speak differently than her words. Anyway, in these past 4 months I went out and dated others to keep my sanity, but I always wanted her. Just recently she confirmed my 4 months of gut feeling. She finally broke down and told me that she's just such a mess right now, and she's scared of her attraction towards me. She actually said it was "too magnetic" both sexually and emotionally. This girl is going through quite a few things in her life, and I am not going to be a burden. I don't plan to cage her, I just plan to be a part of her life, regardless of romance or friendship. Hope yours is lining up pretty well. To each their own but if I were you I wouldn't have made my intentions so obvious with your ex. I guess we can discuss after I've tried my luck as well which strategy works better haha. I'm honestly approaching it as meeting a whole new person, which really it could be, I have no idea how shes like anymore or if shes even the person I still feel in love with. Why I keep saying I'm just going to feel things out. I messaged her over Christmas wishing her a a good one. She replied back saying it had been a scary end to the year so when I inquired I found out her mom had a heart attack but was recovering well, which took me by a huge suprise, I know how much this would effect her and her moms a good person. I just said my thing and that I'm here if she needs anything. Before we split up I bought a cooking class for us to do, i said if she wants to join me for it in the new year lets do it and she was on board. So thats where I stand now, going to leave it at that for a bit then come back sometime in January.
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