What was it about your ex that made you love them..or indeed hate them?

[Zabs]

This was MORE what I was trying to get at in my last thread....

 

I LOVED him because

 

He did the sweetest little things like brush my hair in the morning with a hangover

 

Kissed me in the strangest places without warning

 

So knowledgeable about so much and someone I could really learn from

 

Remind me to wrap up because I will get a cold

 

He always made me feel safe and protected

 

His generosity with his time to me and friends

 

Our compatability as people

 

How he always appreciated my efforts to look good for him and take care of him

 

His flair for cooking

 

Adventurous side

 

 

Loathes?

 

How I have to understand everything the way he sees it in his mind without expression

 

That I should know how much I mean to him

 

The fact he acts like a petulant child when he is not in control of himself

 

His inability to say he is sorry and not eating his fair share of humble pie:mad:

 

How he gets the world and his Brother involved in our mess

 

How he will tell the World and his Brother how he feels about me...but not me

 

He says the opposite of what he really wants sometimes so not to appear needy, vulnerable etc.

 

 

 

Zabs

[mike588]

This was MORE what I was trying to get at in my last thread....

 

I LOVED him because

 

He did the sweetest little things like brush my hair in the morning with a hangover

 

Kissed me in the strangest places without warning

 

So knowledgeable about so much and someone I could really learn from

 

Remind me to wrap up because I will get a cold

 

He always made me feel safe and protected

 

His generosity with his time to me and friends

 

Our compatability as people

 

How he always appreciated my efforts to look good for him and take care of him

 

His flair for cooking

 

Adventurous side

 

 

Loathes?

 

How I have to understand everything the way he sees it in his mind without expression

 

That I should know how much I mean to him

 

The fact he acts like a petulant child when he is not in control of himself

 

His inability to say he is sorry and not eating his fair share of humble pie:mad:

 

How he gets the world and his Brother involved in our mess

 

How he will tell the World and his Brother how he feels about me...but not me

 

He says the opposite of what he really wants sometimes so not to appear needy, vulnerable etc.

 

 

 

Zabs

 

I did soooooo many sweet things for my ex....I'd surprise her with little gifts on ocassion...put little love notes in her purse.,jeans pocket....do the dishes...give her my coat when it got cold etc. etc. etc. but she never seemed to appreciate it all that much.

 

Now I did those things not trying to win her love or expect something in return I was just me..being me.

[chados]

I did soooooo many sweet things for my ex....I'd surprise her with little gifts on ocassion...put little love notes in her purse.,jeans pocket....do the dishes...give her my coat when it got cold etc. etc. etc. but she never seemed to appreciate it all that much.

 

Now I did those things not trying to win her love or expect something in return I was just me..being me.

 

 

 

its her loss mike. like i said earlier, i doubt that they will last.

[mike588]

its her loss mike. like i said earlier, i doubt that they will last.

 

It's definantly her loss!! I look foward to meeting a woman who really appreciates those little things and maybe having the same given in return..I don't have a purse though,lol (love notes)

 

My ex. wasn't cold about all those things....her response was...oh that was nice...your so sweet but without much emotion or real feelings behind it.

 

You know my story about her surgery deal....I was thinking that would make such an impression on her...she would of appreciated that SO MUCH....but instead I get dumped......unreal.

 

There is a difference between doing these things expecting or wanting something back and doing them because you love that person..I did it out of love.

 

Like you said her loss...maybe she will realize that one day?

[chados]

It's definantly her loss!! I look foward to meeting a woman who really appreciates those little things and maybe having the same given in return..I don't have a purse though,lol (love notes)

 

My ex. wasn't cold about all those things....her response was...oh that was nice...your so sweet but without much emotion or real feelings behind it.

 

You know my story about her surgery deal....I was thinking that would make such an impression on her...she would of appreciated that SO MUCH....but instead I get dumped......unreal.

 

There is a difference between doing these things expecting or wanting something back and doing them because you love that person..I did it out of love.

 

Like you said her loss...maybe she will realize that one day?

 

 

 

much likely yes, i really believe that girls dont forget the nice things youre doing for them.. but even if she realize it and maybe even comes back, theres no telling if shes gonna stay. theres something that made her loose attraction/didnt feelt attracted. its not about your looks. im guessing its because you actually treated her to well. its hard to value something thats always there. often you realize this when you dont have it anymore. i wouldnt be surprised if she comes back one day, or at least starts texting you to see if theres still feelings there.

 

 

personally when i've lost someone, even if i broke up with her.. there could be times when i realized that it wasnt bad at all, she was just to nice.. and youre starting to take them for granted. attractionkiller. well i started to initiate contact. we didnt get back, because she started to flirt instantly. and then i just stopped missing her. it really sucks, but i guess you just cant control it.

[mike588]

much likely yes, i really believe that girls dont forget the nice things youre doing for them.. but even if she realize it and maybe even comes back, theres no telling if shes gonna stay. theres something that made her loose attraction/didnt feelt attracted. its not about your looks. im guessing its because you actually treated her to well. its hard to value something thats always there. often you realize this when you dont have it anymore. i wouldnt be surprised if she comes back one day, or at least starts texting you to see if theres still feelings there.

 

 

personally when i've lost someone, even if i broke up with her.. there could be times when i realized that it wasnt bad at all, she was just to nice.. and youre starting to take them for granted. attractionkiller. well i started to initiate contact. we didnt get back, because she started to flirt instantly. and then i just stopped missing her. it really sucks, but i guess you just cant control it.

 

Yes I realize now that I did to much but I really wasn't a door mat...I didn't follow her around the house kissing her feet or being as "yes dear" guy. As far as her losing attraction I'm not sure it was ever there because I was her rebound guy.

 

The only attraction she really loved was me being there during her time of need after the b/u with him. The last time we spoke I was being alittle sarcastic and said.... Oh you told me he was cold and distant..one of the reasons brokeup with him and you went back to that.... she responded with ..He is...with the attitude and tone of voice that she liked it.

 

Whatever!!

[chados]

Yes I realize now that I did to much but I really wasn't a door mat...I didn't follow her around the house kissing her feet or being as "yes dear" guy. As far as her losing attraction I'm not sure it was ever there because I was her rebound guy.

 

The only attraction she really loved was me being there during her time of need after the b/u with him. The last time we spoke I was being alittle sarcastic and said.... Oh you told me he was cold and distant..one of the reasons brokeup with him and you went back to that.... she responded with ..He is...with the attitude and tone of voice that she liked it.

 

Whatever!!

 

 

 

"As far as her losing attraction I'm not sure it was ever there because I was her rebound guy."

 

 

do you believe that you could attract her and really make her love you if you where doing something different?

[mike588]

"As far as her losing attraction I'm not sure it was ever there because I was her rebound guy."

 

 

do you believe that you could attract her and really make her love you if you where doing something different?

 

I or anyone can't make a person love you! and I'm not changing myself to try to win her or anyone back. Now I'll be more careful the next time about giving so much and not getting much back..that's the only thing I'll change.

 

I wanted her back soooo bad at 1st and prayed for some breadcrumbs but it's best that she just stay out of my life... I don't want to fall for her again and have to go thru this all over again.

 

IF......IF she were ever to come back I'd take it so slow....be alittle distant...not do half of the things I did before....no love note..no surprise gifts blah blah blah. I honestly feel she will NEVER reach out to me...she'd be to ashamed....to embarrased.....to guilty over the hurt she caused me.

 

What could she possibly say???

[chados]

I or anyone can't make a person love you! and I'm not changing myself to try to win her or anyone back. Now I'll be more careful the next time about giving so much and not getting much back..that's the only thing I'll change.

 

I wanted her back soooo bad at 1st and prayed for some breadcrumbs but it's best that she just stay out of my life... I don't want to fall for her again and have to go thru this all over again.

 

IF......IF she were ever to come back I'd take it so slow....be alittle distant...not do half of the things I did before....no love note..no surprise gifts blah blah blah. I honestly feel she will NEVER reach out to me...she'd be to ashamed....to embarrased.....to guilty over the hurt she caused me.

 

What could she possibly say???

 

 

 

 

changing yourself completely is just not healthy. that would only ruin your own happiness. but i dont believe that you cant make someone love you. you cant make them love you by giving them more presents or telling them you love them everyday. but in the end it all comes down to pressing the right buttons. you know when your start dating a woman... you will not be the same person as you will be 1 year after the relationship start right? the person they fall in love with is the person they get to know in the beginning. the person they stop loving is the person that you've become.

 

 

just saying that yes, i do believe that its possible to attract someone if you are the guy she wants you to be, not saying that this will be the best option for you though.

 

 

 

What could she possibly say???

 

well since i dont know her its hard to say, some people admit their own mistakes and some dont.

[mike588]

changing yourself completely is just not healthy. that would only ruin your own happiness. but i dont believe that you cant make someone love you. you cant make them love you by giving them more presents or telling them you love them everyday. but in the end it all comes down to pressing the right buttons. you know when your start dating a woman... you will not be the same person as you will be 1 year after the relationship start right? the person they fall in love with is the person they get to know in the beginning. the person they stop loving is the person that you've become.

 

 

just saying that yes, i do believe that its possible to attract someone if you are the guy she wants you to be, not saying that this will be the best option for you though.

 

 

 

What could she possibly say???

 

well since i dont know her its hard to say, some people admit their own mistakes and some dont.

 

Yeah I guess it's how bad they want you back to admit their mistakes. Mine even told me...This is probably not the smartest decision I've ever made.(going back to him)

 

Oh well time will tell if she ever contacts me. Funny how 9 out of 10 people say....She'll be back..no woman will want to lose a man that treated her with so much love..respect...kindness..and that later on she will realize this.

[chados]

Yeah I guess it's how bad they want you back to admit their mistakes. Mine even told me...This is probably not the smartest decision I've ever made.(going back to him)

 

Oh well time will tell if she ever contacts me. Funny how 9 out of 10 people say....She'll be back..no woman will want to lose a man that treated her with so much love..respect...kindness..and that later on she will realize this.

 

 

 

 

well its easier to be honest about your situation for other people. because it wont affect them as it will affect you. this doesnt mean they are right about it.

 

This is probably not the smartest decision I've ever made.(going back to him)

 

if you believe in gigs. this is one thing people are saying a person with gigs will tell you

[mike588]

well its easier to be honest about your situation for other people. because it wont affect them as it will affect you. this doesnt mean they are right about it.

 

This is probably not the smartest decision I've ever made.(going back to him)

 

if you believe in gigs. this is one thing people are saying a person with gigs will tell you

 

I found out through our relationship that she was one of those who didn't like to be alone...seems like she had to have a man in her life.

 

I remember after our 2nd...3rd date she told me she was looking for a life mate and I could possibly be it.

 

She also emailed me this long note about her needs and wants..about what she was looking for in a relationship:

 

He needs to be caring and loving...romantic...a good listener..good to my family and friends blah blah blah.......well if there were 15 things she wanted/expected in a relationship I can HONESTLY say I fit 12 of those....we discussed that one day over small talk and she said I know...your amazing..I'm so happy.

 

What a load of crap,lol

[chados]

I found out through our relationship that she was one of those who didn't like to be alone...seems like she had to have a man in her life.

 

I remember after our 2nd...3rd date she told me she was looking for a life mate and I could possibly be it.

 

She also emailed me this long note about her needs and wants..about what she was looking for in a relationship:

 

He needs to be caring and loving...romantic...a good listener..good to my family and friends blah blah blah.......well if there were 15 things she wanted/expected in a relationship I can HONESTLY say I fit 12 of those....we discussed that one day over small talk and she said I know...your amazing..I'm so happy.

 

What a load of crap,lol

 

 

 

well what you believe you want and what you really want is two different things. im guessing that she felt like garbage after how he acted against her. then she felt, i need a guy thats better then him. and you gave her all that. people just want what they cant have. when he got back she reacted different towards you. what would happen if you left her? no one knows.

 

its easy to underestimate the power of leaving. in some way you tend to remember the good times and not the bad. if you meet a person you initiate contact and then you leave just after shes getting interested? the minute you leave they want more. its just sad to think that this is true in relationships sometimes.

[mike588]

well what you believe you want and what you really want is two different things. im guessing that she felt like garbage after how he acted against her. then she felt, i need a guy thats better then him. and you gave her all that. people just want what they cant have. when he got back she reacted different towards you. what would happen if you left her? no one knows.

 

its easy to underestimate the power of leaving. in some way you tend to remember the good times and not the bad. if you meet a person you initiate contact and then you leave just after shes getting interested? the minute you leave they want more. its just sad to think that this is true in relationships sometimes.

 

When he got back she reacted different you (me) What?

[chados]

When he got back she reacted different you (me) What?

 

 

 

english is my second language, sorry if its hard to understand me. you told me earlier he left for 1 year. when he left she was feeling sad, then she accepted the situation that he was gone. when he came back she didnt see the person that left her, she saw the person who came back.

 

and with you, she saw the person that was there all the time. now youre not. so who knows, she might miss that.

[mike588]

english is my second language, sorry if its hard to understand me. you told me earlier he left for 1 year. when he left she was feeling sad, then she accepted the situation that he was gone. when he came back she didnt see the person that left her, she saw the person who came back.

 

and with you, she saw the person that was there all the time. now youre not. so who knows, she might miss that.

 

It doesn't really matter anymore...Like all of us dumpees all I want is for her to remember our good times...think about me and how bad you hurt me and all the promises she broke.

 

I put soooo much into the relationship and I dont want it to be in vain. I wish her no ill will..no harm but I do want her to feel guilty.There is NO WAY she can forget me.....I landscaped her entire yard big time....everytime she gos outside there is a reminder of me and what I did for her.