Lonely Ronin Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Now that I'm in my early 30's, meeting single women I'm interested in is a lot harder than it was in college. I was out for drinks with a female friend last week, and she said I come off as unapproachable. After a bunch of follow up questions she couldn't really nail down what she thought the cause was. So ladies, whats makes a guy come off as unapproachable to you? Just to be clear, I'm not talking about walking up and hitting on him, I'm talking about the typical smile or look from across the room.
cerridwen Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Unapproachability? I get that impression when a man appears unfriendly, serious. He himself is not laughing or smiling. He might appear dour, or a downer, or a smarmy ass. By contrast, openness, friendliness, a welcoming demeanor, are all things one can spot from a distance. It comes across in how he treats others (the bartender, friends he's with, even the way he looks at passers-by). I gravitate toward gregarious people since I love to laugh. It's the handsome man who's smiley and seemingly happy, that I can't take my eyes off of.
Pizzaman81 Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Unapproachability? I get that impression when a man appears unfriendly, serious. I am screwed! people say I look very serious. But man.. am I a riot when you talk to me for 2 seconds
Wolf18 Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 The most beautiful vase can also house the deadliest scorpion. Being approachable and agreeable gets you far in life, but if it's not you, it just isn't. I can't stand people who are friends with everyone, friend-whores.
cerridwen Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 (edited) I am screwed! people say I look very serious. But man.. am I a riot when you talk to me for 2 seconds Pizzaman, not only do you LOOK like a good time in your avatar, from your posts you SOUND like a good time! I don't think you're screwed at all. Edited December 19, 2011 by cerridwen
jobaba Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Now that I'm in my early 30's, meeting single women I'm interested in is a lot harder than it was in college. I was out for drinks with a female friend last week, and she said I come off as unapproachable. After a bunch of follow up questions she couldn't really nail down what she thought the cause was. So ladies, whats makes a guy come off as unapproachable to you? Just to be clear, I'm not talking about walking up and hitting on him, I'm talking about the typical smile or look from across the room. I can turn it around for you. When I'm meeting women that are friends of friends, they're sometimes standoffish. I'll introduce myself and they won't smile. They'll shake my hand and answer my questions but won't initiate in the conversation. To me, that is unapproachable. Perhaps your friend thinks you are equally standoffish. People are so set in their ways and have a certain amount of pride they refuse to take constructive criticism. I remember meeting up with an ex-girlfriend a while ago while drinking heavy. We agreed to give each other constructive criticism. I told her she is generally not friendly towards strangers and very standoffish when she is uncomfortable and she couldn't take it. She refused to believe me. On the other hand, a female friend of mine told me that even though I'm really friendly and approachable, it takes me a while to warm up to people. In other words, other guys are more the life of the party than me. So, I'm committing to be the guy who introduces himself to everybody and is the most gregarious guy in the room (or at least one of them). I've realized a big part of being 'gregarious' is not caring what other people think of you.
Dust Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Women don't generally approach men. This would be something to worry about if you were a girl. Since you're a guy worry aobut approaching and not so much being approached.
ShannonMI Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Now that I'm in my early 30's, meeting single women I'm interested in is a lot harder than it was in college. I was out for drinks with a female friend last week, and she said I come off as unapproachable. After a bunch of follow up questions she couldn't really nail down what she thought the cause was. So ladies, whats makes a guy come off as unapproachable to you? Just to be clear, I'm not talking about walking up and hitting on him, I'm talking about the typical smile or look from across the room. If he's a cocky son of a bitch, no thanks. That's about it for me. I hate cockiness and arrogance in men. Some guys are dripping with it and you can tell without even talking to them.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 If he appears cocky or if he isn't smiling and looks too serious..like the other women said.
snug.bunny Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Not smiling Arms crossed Serious look on his face If you act/come across like this, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhXJcfczNIc In other words, appearing as though you are completely devoid of emotion. Eek!
Nexus One Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 The most beautiful vase can also house the deadliest scorpion. The most beautiful vase can also house the most beautiful flower.
ShannonMI Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Not smiling Arms crossed Serious look on his face If you act/come across like this, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhXJcfczNIc In other words, appearing as though you are completely devoid of emotion. Eek! That God awful hair would keep me from approaching him. Forget his serious/creepy demeanor .
jobaba Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Not smiling Arms crossed Serious look on his face If you act/come across like this, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhXJcfczNIc In other words, appearing as though you are completely devoid of emotion. Eek! Gotta admit. The guy has confidence though, and the ladies love guys with confidence!
snug.bunny Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 That God awful hair would keep me from approaching him. Forget his serious/creepy demeanor . Whaaaat? You don't dig the Dutch Boy haircut?! Gotta admit. The guy has confidence though, and the ladies love guys with confidence! Yes, they do. But from past experience, if out in group setting, the ONLY time I have waved and/or made googly eyes from across the room was when I was smiled at first or waved to.
Author Lonely Ronin Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 Unapproachability? I get that impression when a man appears unfriendly, serious. He himself is not laughing or smiling. He might appear dour, or a downer, or a smarmy ass. I can be a super serious person, bu that usually only comes out at work. I smile quite a bit, specially when I'm out with freinds at the bars, or out salsa dancing. I'm kind of a smart ass, but you really have to get to know me before I show that side of myself. Most of the time thought I'm being a smart ass to make somone laugh or loosen up. When I'm meeting women that are friends of friends, they're sometimes standoffish. I'll introduce myself and they won't smile. They'll shake my hand and answer my questions but won't initiate in the conversation. To me, that is unapproachable. Perhaps your friend thinks you are equally standoffish. This could be part of it, I moved a lot as a kid so I'm really carefull about who I let get close to me. Usually one of the first things that runs through my mind when I meet somone guy or girl, is if I can trust them. I have been working on this, but it's difficult undoing 30+ years of a self defense mechanisim. If he's a cocky son of a bitch, no thanks. That's about it for me. I hate cockiness and arrogance in men. Some guys are dripping with it and you can tell without even talking to them. Cocky in what sense? Most of my freinds would tell you I'm a very confident individual. They are usually refering to how I approach life though, I'm probably the least confident about relationship stuff.
Author Lonely Ronin Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 Not smiling Arms crossed Serious look on his face If you act/come across like this, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhXJcfczNIc In other words, appearing as though you are completely devoid of emotion. Eek! Lol, I'm nothing like that.
ShannonMI Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 I can be a super serious person, bu that usually only comes out at work. I smile quite a bit, specially when I'm out with freinds at the bars, or out salsa dancing. I'm kind of a smart ass, but you really have to get to know me before I show that side of myself. Most of the time thought I'm being a smart ass to make somone laugh or loosen up. This could be part of it, I moved a lot as a kid so I'm really carefull about who I let get close to me. Usually one of the first things that runs through my mind when I meet somone guy or girl, is if I can trust them. I have been working on this, but it's difficult undoing 30+ years of a self defense mechanisim. Cocky in what sense? Most of my freinds would tell you I'm a very confident individual. They are usually refering to how I approach life though, I'm probably the least confident about relationship stuff. Confidence is fine, but cockiness is not. Cockiness/arrogance to me is someone who is very full of themselves or showy. Like has to prove they have money or have game with the ladies etc. etc. That is the biggest turn off ever. Or if they brag a lot. I dated a guy once that had this nice watch and someone complimented him on it. Instead of just thanking the person for the compliment, he told them that his ex girlfriend got it for him and it was a $5000 watch. I was so turned off by that. Mentioning his ex was a annoying, but bragging that the watch was big money was really what irked me. Needless to say, I ended up dumping him for this and other reasons. The guy was a cocky douche lord.
ShannonMI Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Whaaaat? You don't dig the Dutch Boy haircut?! Yes, they do. But from past experience, if out in group setting, the ONLY time I have waved and/or made googly eyes from across the room was when I was smiled at first or waved to. Ahhhh no, not my thing. The page boy is what I call that hair cut. Hahahahahahahaha it was popular back in the 70's. I'd laugh if I saw a guy sporting that today and would NEVER approach him.
snug.bunny Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Lol, I'm nothing like that. I know, that was an extreme example. After hearing your last example to Shannon, it sounds like you're the "M&M" variety, hard shell but soft and gooey on the inside. You just have to make sure that some of the "gooey" comes out once and a while, sometimes it takes shape on its own, other times when you've become more in-tune with your inner "Lonely Ronin". I know for me, sometimes my mind tends to wander a bit or I am in serious thought mode but in doing so, I tend to shut out my surrounding environment and I may come across as too serious or standoffish. I'll be told "get out of your head" when that happens, and it usually snaps me out of it.
Author Lonely Ronin Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 I dated a guy once that had this nice watch and someone complimented him on it. Instead of just thanking the person for the compliment, he told them that his ex girlfriend got it for him and it was a $5000 watch. I was so turned off by that. Mentioning his ex was a annoying, but bragging that the watch was big money was really what irked me. Needless to say, I ended up dumping him for this and other reasons. The guy was a cocky douche lord. I think I'm good then, as I would never do something like that. I can't belive he mentioned his ex, that's a big no no.
ShannonMI Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 I think I'm good then, as I would never do something like that. I can't belive he mentioned his ex, that's a big no no. Yeah he was a jackass. The ex thing annoyed me, but to be such a show boat was a bigger turn off. He got dumped and via text I might add.
snug.bunny Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Ahhhh no, not my thing. The page boy is what I call that hair cut. Hahahahahahahaha it was popular back in the 70's. I'd laugh if I saw a guy sporting that today and would NEVER approach him. Heehee. I know all about the page boy haircut, my Dad was notorious for cutting my hair as a child and that's the style he always gave me! :mad:
xpaperxcutx Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 I don't think men worry abour being approached so mych as whether women pwill be receptive to them. Most women love to flirt, but you must have tact. Avoid the need to ask too many personal questions, you're not playing 20 questions. And definitely stray from tatalking about yourself too much.the important thng to remeber is to be playful in personality.
Lil1 Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 So ladies, whats makes a guy come off as unapproachable to you? Just to be clear, I'm not talking about walking up and hitting on him, I'm talking about the typical smile or look from across the room. - If he has a lady at his side the whole time - If he is wearing a wedding ring - If he is trying to hit on all the ladies that walk by him - If he is dressed like a 'gangsta/thug' - If he's drinking like a fish (too much booze) - If when we make eye contact he just looks at me like he's staring at a wall - If he smokes cigarettes Im sure there are more but it depends on each circumstance. Also I'm assuming you mean 'approachable' in a dating context cause otherwise I don't really put too much thought to starting a friendly convo with someone if I'm at a party or in a social setting.
Author Lonely Ronin Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 I know for me, sometimes my mind tends to wander a bit or I am in serious thought mode but in doing so, I tend to shut out my surrounding environment and I may come across as too serious or standoffish. I'll be told "get out of your head" when that happens, and it usually snaps me out of it. I can relate to this, I have a tendency to tunnel vision on a person, task , or conversation etc. It's a great benefit to me at work, but it's probably hindering me socially.
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