avb Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Hey guys, so this is whats up..my ex broke up with me 6 months ago (we were together for 5 years)...I still have feelings for her and we do stay in contact..she just went on holidays for a month and on her last day she unexpectedly dropped by my work to say bye. Couple days later, she sends me a text saying I wish we could go back to how we used to be..i replied by saying nothing is preventing us from doing that...she replied by saying it will never be the same. She called me a few days later and we talked... these are the things preventing her from giving us another chance. 1) she feels my family hates her...and there will be too much baggage if we ever did get back together. 2) her parents dont want us together - different religious views/ and she feels if we get back together - she will be choosing me over her parents but she was like we broke up after 5 years..what if 5 years down the road we break up again? I will be left one nothing that day we talked about taking things slow... but than i recieved a test message from her...this was it word for word Honestly..like I said.. I don't want u to b waiting around.. So u do what u need to do.. Its not really about me needing timee to think ovr the holidays.. Its just that I know I can't commit to any1 right now and make em happy cuz I feel messed up inside. And I dunno when or how long it'll take for me to figure my **** out I don't want u waiting around and sitting on the sidelines. If u happy being in my life as a friend than that's awesome.. And if its something u can't do, than I understand as well.. U shud still see other ppl .. And explore options. We're still so young. And no1 can predict the future whats the best thing to do? I would love to get her back but whats the smartest way to do this. im soo confused.
smudge21 Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Push/Pull routine much? By that I mean she wants your attention, wants you to show interests, needs to know you're still there... but then doesn't actually want you completely. The girl sounds like she has some serious insecurity issues going on that she needs to deal with. Not your job though - the relationship ended and you are moving on. The fact her message is all "woe is me, I'm terrible, you don't deserve me, go live your life without me, I'll be fine..." - it's a cry for attention. Can I take a stab that maybe there were some parental issues for her growing up? I don't know what the best thing to do is here, but I know what I would do - agree with what she says and say goodbye. Nice and simple. The fact you've remained in contact means neither of you have really been apart fully. Maybe once that happens she will realise what it is she really wants, but before you can get back together you would need some serious talks. If she really is this insecure and confused then any relationship is doomed from the start. I know it's hard to walk away, especially when you think there's still hope there (the fact she's stayed in touch suggests that) but what is the alternative? Staying as you are, in limbo, never really moving on? Maybe reply with a simply "I agree with everything you say. Wish things could've been different between us. Maybe in the future... who knows. Take care and goodbye." Obviously that's only a suggestion. See what others say before you act. There's no rush here.
Million.to.1 Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 I agree with Smudge. Whatever happens in the future is irrelevant, you need space apart now, without any contact to properly heal. 5 years is a long time, and it will take some time to get over. She is asking you not to wait for her... So don't. This is a nice way of saying, I won't be coming back. I would suggest taking some time and writing her a short email. Tell her that you are glad she was a big part of your life, you love her but you understand, and accept the break-up. Explain that you cannot be friends at this stage because you need time to heal and move on. Ask her not to contact you anymore so you are able to do this. I wrote my Ex an email 2 days after our break-up explaining this exact thing. I am glad that I did because he knows "No contact" is a tool that I need for my healing, not a way to shun him. I hope that this also means I will not get "breadcrumbs" which will set me back, which is what your ex is feeding you right now with all this "i wish we could go back" bollocks. If she really did want you back, she wouldn't be telling you to "do what you need to do" So do what you need to do. Go no contact and free yourself from this.
leoc1973 Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Yeah definitely push pull! Google it. My ex pulls this with me on purpose. She plays innocent but its definitely on purpose. Don't let her play headgames with you. It could be that this girl just really loves you deeply. Enough to let you be happy with someone else. I mean come on what do you guys live in afghanastan? Who in this day and age breaks up cause of religion? I think space is what she needs. She might tell you to move on but if what you say is correct then she can't handle it if you were to.
smokey bear Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Yeah definitely push pull! Google it. My ex pulls this with me on purpose. She plays innocent but its definitely on purpose. Don't let her play headgames with you. It could be that this girl just really loves you deeply. Enough to let you be happy with someone else. I mean come on what do you guys live in afghanastan? Who in this day and age breaks up cause of religion? I think space is what she needs. She might tell you to move on but if what you say is correct then she can't handle it if you were to. Sounds like gigs. Leoc1973, the classic move on speach i was talking about. Take note, i think your due it soon, it seems to be a at the stage where they go from selfish, never considering you, to reflecting back on the relationship and it being a good one, they still dont want you, but they see what you had and want you to be happy. This is where they start to onsider how much they hurt you, seems to commonly be felt around the 5 month mark. Next usually comes," i need to be single for a while"
smokey bear Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 oh and a perfect response to this would be, thanks, i have a lot of love to give a woman, ive looked deep within myself and fixed a lot of problems, i know my nxt relationship will be perfect and i look forward to the day i fall in love again and can make my woman happy. You'll make someone proud too, take care.
Kamila Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Yes, it's sure that your ex wants to stay in contact with you, but she doesn't want to be with you. It's a classic case of having your cake and eat it too. Well show her she can't have it all. Go no contact for awhile. You'll be suprised at the reaction it will unleash. By going no contact, you'll show her that you don't want to put up with her crap anymore. She'll have to deal with her insecurities or find someone that will (well, it seems she already found one...). It's hard never having had to deal with a broken heart. It takes a lot of time to accept and deal with it. But I'm confident you'll get there.
Author avb Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 thanks for the advice guys, guess its time to go NC and move on:( to top it all off whatever she was telling me was bull****...just found out she started a online dating profile on plenty of fish..guess she is really trying to move on.. once again guys thanks guys
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