lana_sa Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 As some of you maybe know he has been contacting me lately,and we have been mailing eachother.I asked him out of joke "so how are things with girls going?" his reply "i am faithful to my new girlfriend now hahaha". I was hurt by the answer,first of all we had a bad breakup and he got together with her like directly after our breakup,secondly hism ails to me were not only friendly Any advice on what i should do or say?
wilsonx Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 "You dare stab me with a word, alas, silence is the sharper sword" Samuel Johnson
BoredAgain Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Wilson is spot on. Ignore him. That email seems designed to hurt your feelings, as it sort of implies that he wasn't faithful to you (and that there's something funny about that). You probably shouldn't have asked about his love life, but still... totally uncool of him.
Author lana_sa Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 No it implies that he was not faithful to her before,he knows that i know. but i would really love to ask him why he is such a jerk
geegirl Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 (edited) So this is the guy that you insist on leaving the door open for just in case he wants to resume a relationship with you? The one that has no sense of fidelity and one that, in your own words you believe to be a jerk? Or maybe you believe he may be a jerk to her but will never be one to you? So you keep dangling yourself on a string, opening yourself up to hurt with these types of interactions? Start thinking. Edited December 19, 2011 by geegirl
Author lana_sa Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 he was never like this to me to be honest lol,and yeah it was him,,but this is his first weird answer..and of course i am not gonna pretend like nothing happened
wilsonx Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 As homebrew once told me, I am going to pass this information to you... "He has a lot of growing up to do, let him without you in his life" Go NC and start doing things for you and quit talking to him. He does not realize that he is hurting you and wont realize this for a long time
Author lana_sa Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 Ohh please help guys now!!! As you know i ignored him after this ,today his message came again and he also pretends like he never said anything weird at all and also asked me if i have a boyfriend :S:S should i answer or ignore?
Philosoraptor Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 "You dare stab me with a word, alas, silence is the sharper sword" Samuel Johnson Does he look like a b!tch? Samuel L. Jackson Ohh please help guys now!!! As you know i ignored him after this ,today his message came again and he also pretends like he never said anything weird at all and also asked me if i have a boyfriend :S:S should i answer or ignore? You ignore. Always ignore unless there is an absolute need to reply (such as children, etc.).
Author lana_sa Posted December 23, 2011 Author Posted December 23, 2011 so i ignored him of course,and then he wrote again and i ignored,then he wrote "sorry if i said something wrong,but why are you ignoring? at least tell me so i know the reason" then i replied "i was busy,sorry"..so he continued asking questions,and i replied to them...so yesterday he asked me how was my day, i told him great and by the way i saw Ibrahimovic(a famous football player) and he goes "ohh my girlfriend would be jealous of you,she loves him" HAHAHAHAH.....wtf?!?! why does he need to mention his gf all the time,and when..what is this game all about? making me jealous?!?!
Philosoraptor Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 You shouldn't have replied. You were hurt again. Take this as a lesson and reply no more.
Author lana_sa Posted December 23, 2011 Author Posted December 23, 2011 this time i was not even hurt,it was just funny,,,and i just replied "ohh really she likes him? i personally prefer Ronaldo or Beckham :P" his plan making me hurt or jealous is not gonna work,i am not going to show him
CarrieT Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 Every time you reply -- even with "I'm busy" -- you are leaving the door open to him for hurtful replies. No contact, no contact, no contact....
wilsonx Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 this time i was not even hurt,it was just funny,,,and i just replied "ohh really she likes him? i personally prefer Ronaldo or Beckham :P" his plan making me hurt or jealous is not gonna work,i am not going to show him He doesnt have a plan, thats in your head. One of the things I see here is 2 kids fighting each other for no reason. He's not purposefully trying to hurt you. Your resentment towards him is causing you to say sarcastic things back to him which in turn strokes his ego to make him one up you. One day you are going to learn or maybe not that you have to surrender your ego to love. If you do not, you are never going to find the peace that you are looking for within yourself. NC is the best option until the day you understand what I said and how it reflects to you.
Author lana_sa Posted December 23, 2011 Author Posted December 23, 2011 (edited) He doesnt have a plan, thats in your head. One of the things I see here is 2 kids fighting each other for no reason. He's not purposefully trying to hurt you. Your resentment towards him is causing you to say sarcastic things back to him which in turn strokes his ego to make him one up you. One day you are going to learn or maybe not that you have to surrender your ego to love. If you do not, you are never going to find the peace that you are looking for within yourself. NC is the best option until the day you understand what I said and how it reflects to you. are you trying to say i said something that made him want to "pay me back" ? because i did not say anything sarcastic.He is the one being a child and at this point i don't care anymore Edited December 23, 2011 by lana_sa
CarrieT Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 and at this point i don't care anymore Then stop responding to his texts. Forever.
wilsonx Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 (edited) One of the things you dont realize is you are hurt this time i was not even hurt,it was just funny,,,and i just replied "ohh really she likes him? i personally prefer Ronaldo or Beckham :P" his plan making me hurt or jealous is not gonna work,i am not going to show himYou are not going to see this from an outsiders perspective but you are convincing yourself, lying to yourself saying that you are not hurt. You put up a wall. You assume that he has a plan to hurt you. Your post is an excuse to validate responding to him. The very existence of this post tells me an others that see this is that you are hurt, confused, you feel hopelessness and despair. Which is ok. Don't mask this and wall yourself up or you are going to hold on to that feeling for a long time. Edited December 23, 2011 by wilsonx
Author lana_sa Posted December 23, 2011 Author Posted December 23, 2011 One of the things you dont realize is you are hurt You are not going to see this from an outsiders perspective but you are convincing yourself, lying to yourself saying that you are not hurt. You put up a wall. You assume that he has a plan to hurt you. Your post is an excuse to validate responding to him. The very existence of this post tells me an others that see this is that you are hurt, confused, you feel hopelessness and despair. Which is ok. Don't mask this and wall yourself up or you are going to hold on to that feeling for a long time. I at least do not feel hurt and i feel like he is doing it on purpose,any other possibility? judging by the fact he wanted to talk to me
wilsonx Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 I at least do not feel hurt and i feel like he is doing it on purpose,any other possibility? judging by the fact he wanted to talk to me You are projecting YOUR PAIN ONTO HIS ACTIONS. I feel like he is doing it on purpose. Word for word what you said. Those are your emotions Stop judging.... He just wants to talk to you... thats it but you aren't letting him because you are hurt. Its ok, you dont have to to talk to him and I suggest you not talk to him until you let go of your pain.
Author lana_sa Posted December 23, 2011 Author Posted December 23, 2011 so you are saying he wants to talk to me as friends,,an ex who he broke up with 3 months ago...and he is doing it so obvious mentioning his gf all the time and calling her mother as "mother in law"(and then adding a nickname he used to call me) . that's a bit too much for not being on purpose, i think, don't you agree?
wilsonx Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 Here's the thing, he doesnt understand your pain, because you havent expressed it to him. You havent said when you contact me, it hurts. How does he know hes hurting you if you dont tell him. If you do tell him, he might not understand how it hurts. He might later break NC to see how you are doing. He just wants to talk. At the same time if you are hurting, and cant handle it, dont allow it but dont be mean about it.
radiodarcy Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 you're making this all about him when it should be about you. what do YOU want from all this? Do you want to continue to go back and forth with him; all he while hoping he'll breakdown and give you something more? or - - as you said in a previous post - - do you not care anymore and just want to move on? if it's the latter then it doesn't matter what his motivations are for talking to you. if you really didn't care, you wouldn't be continuing to ponder why he's contacting you. you would just ignore him. something tells me he wouldn't tell you why he's contacting you even if you did come out as ask. not because he's stubborn but probably because he doesn't even know why himself.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 His reasons for saying whatever he says should not be a topic of discussion or concern for you at all at this point. I don't understand why you are even engaging in the exchanges.
Author lana_sa Posted December 23, 2011 Author Posted December 23, 2011 ok you all seem to agree that i should not talk to him at all,,still the thing i cant just leave it,,i would want to ask him what were his intentions? is that a good idea?
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 No, the "good idea" is to let this relationship go into the past. You are broken up. He has a new girlfriend. You will do whatever you feel like doing, but I'll be very surprised if anybody here tells you that any interaction with him at all is a good idea. If you stop responding to his texts, he will stop texting you.
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