wow123 Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 For those of you that don't know my story, I broke up with my ex whom I was with for about 10 months. After a few weeks I regretted my decision. She was already with someone else. She started dating him the week we broke up. A few weeks ago she told me we shouldn't talk anymore because she wants me to move on so that I can get over her and be happy. I went NC. So, this weekend I received several text messages from her. First just saying hi, then saying she wanted to see how I am, and then others saying I'm ignoring her and she understands and hopes I'm good. I ignored all messages because she didn't say anything about missing me, wanting to see me, or anything like that. Did I do the right thing by ignoring her? Why is she contacting me?
Author wow123 Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 I should that I was a mess. Over the past few weeks I have really started moving past the relationship and getting on with my life. I am much happier now. Never thought I would get out of the dark place I was in. It's like she sensed me getting over it. Very weird.
mike588 Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 For those of you that don't know my story, I broke up with my ex whom I was with for about 10 months. After a few weeks I regretted my decision. She was already with someone else. She started dating him the week we broke up. A few weeks ago she told me we shouldn't talk anymore because she wants me to move on so that I can get over her and be happy. I went NC. So, this weekend I received several text messages from her. First just saying hi, then saying she wanted to see how I am, and then others saying I'm ignoring her and she understands and hopes I'm good. I ignored all messages because she didn't say anything about missing me, wanting to see me, or anything like that. Did I do the right thing by ignoring her? Why is she contacting me? Sounds like her and the new guy aren't working out or either she wants to keep you as a fall back guy.
Author wow123 Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 Thanks, Mike. How are you feeling? I haven't been on in awhile. Do you think I should have responded or ignored?
smokey bear Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Ignore!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ignore!!!!!!!!!!!!! if you reply you will be right back to where you were, ignore her long enough and you will find out what she wants.... she'll openly tell you Ignore!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author wow123 Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 Thanks for all of the responses. I appreciate it.
EgoJoe Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 This will sound really esoteric and it is to a degree...though I swear it's rooted in physics and our vibrational energy. Your energy output shifted...she felt it. Ignore until it's a conversation proposal without pretext and barriers. Ignore until she "moans" to speak to Wow123.
Author wow123 Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 Thanks Joe. It sounds crazy, but I know it's so common. People getting in touch when you're starting to or have already moved on. I'm pretty sure she still has a boyfriend who she started dating right after our breakup so there's really nothing to talk about I guess.
RatsAreCool Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 She may have genuinely just wanted to ask how you are without any intentions of getting back together because she still cares. I've done it with my ex before this last thing. We were together for a long time and he's a wonderful guy but we're just not right together. But I've struck up a few conversations to ask how he's doing, with absolutely no intention of getting back with him. We can't always assume the other person has bad motives just because we're hurting... even though it's really easy to do that and makes you feel better at the time... it eventually just erodes your trust in the whole world. :-/ Whether or not you should ignore her is based on whether you'd be ok with talking to her just to catch up, if that's all she's after (and it may very well be).
Phillyg123 Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 hey wow123, any update on your situation?
Author wow123 Posted December 28, 2011 Author Posted December 28, 2011 She may have genuinely just wanted to ask how you are without any intentions of getting back together because she still cares. I've done it with my ex before this last thing. We were together for a long time and he's a wonderful guy but we're just not right together. But I've struck up a few conversations to ask how he's doing, with absolutely no intention of getting back with him. We can't always assume the other person has bad motives just because we're hurting... even though it's really easy to do that and makes you feel better at the time... it eventually just erodes your trust in the whole world. :-/ Whether or not you should ignore her is based on whether you'd be ok with talking to her just to catch up, if that's all she's after (and it may very well be). Less than 3 weeks prior to those texts she said that I should not stay in contact with her so that I can move on, meet someone else, and be happy. Then the texts. It doesn't make any sense to me at all. Not sure what she wants but I can't handle just catching up. The feelings are still there.
Phillyg123 Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 And you haven't heard from her again since you ignored her a couple weeks back?
Author wow123 Posted December 28, 2011 Author Posted December 28, 2011 UPDATE: The other day I woke up feeling really down. Almost broke down and responded, but didn't. Turned out she called me. I didn't answer and she called back a few more times. I answered, we talked, and she invited me to dinner to talk. Normally I wouldn't have gone unless she told me she wanted me back, but I was the DUMPER in this situation and did many things wrong. So we had dinner and chatted. She still has a boyfriend who it sounds like she's breaking up with. She's confused and not sure what she wants with me. She did say she misses me and leapfrogged into a new R because I hurt her. Not sure where it will go from here, but NC did work in my favor. As soon as I stopped contact, she finally started.
EgoJoe Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 So she asked, "Will you be my safety net?" and you said, "Yes!" Also, didn't you dump her because things were not going right? That changes the dynamic. To the poster who said, "They might be contacting due to wanting to see how you are?" Tough ****, they lost the right to know. That kind of thinking is cake eating.
Author wow123 Posted December 28, 2011 Author Posted December 28, 2011 Joe-I was the dumper. I used no contact, but I think you can only take that so far when you're the one who hurt the other person. If she dumped me, I would not have gone. I would've waited till she beat my door down. I believe this situation is different. I waited for numerous attempts over several weeks before responding.
Author wow123 Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 A lot of communication since the dinner. None initiated by me. Not sure what to do from here...
Phillyg123 Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Wow123 we are in the same situation if you remember. How can you forgive her for sleeping with another man? I just cant do it. Maybe its my issue, not hers
Author wow123 Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 Philly-Only because I dumped her. It not, I couldn't. Also, I have had my fun during the breakup period.
Author wow123 Posted January 5, 2012 Author Posted January 5, 2012 Update: So she broke NC. We went out a few times. Talked regularly. She even broke up with her bf (who she started dating 2 days after our 10 month relationship). She then told me she needed some time to think because she was so confused about what she wanted. Well, she got back with the boyfriend without even telling me. I had to ask her to find out. So did no contact bring her back? Most likely, but not for the right reasons. Now, I'm back to being hurt...I was almost healed.
69ways Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Update: So she broke NC. We went out a few times. Talked regularly. She even broke up with her bf (who she started dating 2 days after our 10 month relationship). She then told me she needed some time to think because she was so confused about what she wanted. Well, she got back with the boyfriend without even telling me. I had to ask her to find out. So did no contact bring her back? Most likely, but not for the right reasons. Now, I'm back to being hurt...I was almost healed. Happy to see you have not been over-criticised. NC is to heal they say and you were healed you said. People tend to say when you are healed you can deal with it. I say you did nothing wrong but the circumstances have been against you. Every case is different , even if some idiot in another thread said 99% is the same. At least next time you get the chance you will not deal with it the same way. Go NC , not to get her back but to give you and her time to analyse and evaluate. Her not telling you she got back together with her bf showed she was scared as she knew it was unfair and wrong...... Hope it works out for you but make sure you dont give in so easy next time....you got her twice, second for a short wile , so you can do it again
2sunny Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 She seems like she would learn better IF she allowed time/space to be on her own. No need to expend any energy with a gal that's so confused and unpredictable.
geegirl Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Update: So she broke NC. We went out a few times. Talked regularly. She even broke up with her bf (who she started dating 2 days after our 10 month relationship). She then told me she needed some time to think because she was so confused about what she wanted. Well, she got back with the boyfriend without even telling me. I had to ask her to find out. So did no contact bring her back? Most likely, but not for the right reasons. Now, I'm back to being hurt...I was almost healed. Sometimes, it's only after several disappointments, does on realize the gift of NC. You fell and it is unfortunate that you have to feel the pain all over again. It was a risk you took and the only thing to do now is to start all over again. The good news is that you know you will, at some point in time, reach a point of healing. You did it before and you will do it again. Stay strong. Get back on NC and keep going.
Author wow123 Posted January 5, 2012 Author Posted January 5, 2012 Thank you for all of the responses. She told me that she doesn't feel the same way about me that she used to so it wouldn't be fair to me. I can't seem myself meeting up with her again in the future after what she just did and how it made me feel. Also her saying she has lost feelings. What do you guys think?
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