Author mike588 Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 I have 2 balls and neither one of them are crystal so I can't tell you what would happen. I know we all have these deep seeded fascinations with reconciliations even I do from time to time. I got blindsided too by an emotionally immature ex. At the same time, I was emotionally immature. I watched it happen for a long time, even she thought I was going to break up with her (/facepalm) but you know who knows what would happen in the future. Who knows if she comes back to you. No one knows, you are dealing with past history and I wouldn't want that back. To accept that back, she would have to breakup with him again and then take space for herself. So you should be focusing on yourself in the mean time, develop who you are. Create presence in yourself. We all have our weak moments with our ex but its time to let go of the resentment and turn it inward to things that you as a person can learn from. Example: You said "My ex lie to me" Now say "I allowed my ex to lie to me" Every resentful thing that you have about your ex, add I allowed before it, write it down, write them all down. Afterwards tell yourself that you are human and are entitled to make mistakes and when you are ready to throw away the resentment, burn or bury that sheet of paper. Forgive yourself for making those mistakes. It might take you a couple times As much as she hurt me I have forgiven her....everyone has the right to follow their hearts regardless of the outcome and yes I have learned a painful lesson for me allowing some of this to happen. As I mentioned in this/other threads.. after some time...when your emotions have setteled down and you take off those rose covered glasses (did I say that right) you re-evaluate the person/relationship and have a different outlook on the situation. As much as I sometimes hate to admit it...or believe it after investing so much time..love..emotions.. money etc. I see now that she wasn't the right person for me....it was just another learning,,growing lesson in my life and I will be much more careful with the "next one"
JasonRules Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Mike, If you go back to last years posts you'll see that I went through a similar situation and while my ex (from what I know) did not go back to her ex, it doesn't matter. The end result is the same regardless of how we look at it. Thinking back at my situation I realized I too was nothing more than a rebound. I, like you, felt very angry and bitter because I felt I was being used and she played with my emotions in a very selfish way so she could get over her ex. And while it is primarily her fault, as Wilson says, I cannot take myself out of the equation. Why? Because, like you, I was so enamored by her that I refused to see the "red flags". The "I'm not ready for a relationship right now". So while all her actions pointed to a normal bf/gf relationship she would never officially acknowledged me as her boyfriend. This despite meeting her family etc. Ultimately, I blame myself because I allowed myself to accept something less than what I was looking for. And by doing so I gave her ALL the control and this made her lose respect for me because I did not stand my ground. Ever heard of the expression "Nice guys finish last"? Or have you ever wondered why a-holes and douchebags always have women chasing them? Because "nice guys" will do ANYTHING to please a woman and while a woman might logically think Guy X will be a better boyfriend/husband/partner than Guy Z because Guy X truly loves me and wants to please me, they don't select Guy X. You're probably younger than me, but I will tell you this. In life, never ever accept anything less than what you feel you deserve. The last time I spoke with my ex, she told me she was in a relationship and that she can't be speaking to me because her current bf is getting pissed/jealous. This was many months ago. Since then I have deleted ALL her contact information and have gone out of my way to ensure I never run into her ever again. I have never received any sort of breadcrumbs from her, but who cares? Do you think yourself so unworthy that you will grovel at her "table" and beg like a dog for breadcrumbs? Me personally, I treated her very nicely. One of the last things I said to her was the following: "You take me for granted now and do not appreciate me, but I can assure you the a-holes that will follow after me will make sure you appreciate me". So I said "Goodbye...I love you" and hung up the phone. She has not contacted me since, nor have I. I have seen her brother once, but not once did I ask or inquire about her. I have erased her from my life because she chose to leave. On Facebook I have blocked her even though we were not friends, because I do not want to see her in the "Do you know?" boxes, nor do I want her to see what's going on in my life via our common friends. She doesn't know anything about me anymore. And while I agree, getting breadcrumbs might be a good ego boost, it's only temporary. It will only last for a day or two and nothing more. I know that I will never hear from her again, but I have reconciled this with myself. It's OK to never hear from someone ever again. Each day that you pass without them makes you stronger. Did you realize that? One day you will wake up and not even care at all. You will be once again in a neutral state of being. I am not a buddhist, but in Buddhism they have a nice proverb. "Do not torment yourself with the past and do not worry about the future. Live in the present and you will be at peace". And a Greek proverb "I fear nothing, I hope for nothing, I AM FREE". Remove the focus or thoughts of your life from your ex and refocus your thoughts, spirit, and energy on yourself. You are worth it many more times than any ex who could never learn to appreciate you.
Author mike588 Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 Mike, If you go back to last years posts you'll see that I went through a similar situation and while my ex (from what I know) did not go back to her ex, it doesn't matter. The end result is the same regardless of how we look at it. Thinking back at my situation I realized I too was nothing more than a rebound. I, like you, felt very angry and bitter because I felt I was being used and she played with my emotions in a very selfish way so she could get over her ex. And while it is primarily her fault, as Wilson says, I cannot take myself out of the equation. Why? Because, like you, I was so enamored by her that I refused to see the "red flags". The "I'm not ready for a relationship right now". So while all her actions pointed to a normal bf/gf relationship she would never officially acknowledged me as her boyfriend. This despite meeting her family etc. Ultimately, I blame myself because I allowed myself to accept something less than what I was looking for. And by doing so I gave her ALL the control and this made her lose respect for me because I did not stand my ground. Ever heard of the expression "Nice guys finish last"? Or have you ever wondered why a-holes and douchebags always have women chasing them? Because "nice guys" will do ANYTHING to please a woman and while a woman might logically think Guy X will be a better boyfriend/husband/partner than Guy Z because Guy X truly loves me and wants to please me, they don't select Guy X. You're probably younger than me, but I will tell you this. In life, never ever accept anything less than what you feel you deserve. The last time I spoke with my ex, she told me she was in a relationship and that she can't be speaking to me because her current bf is getting pissed/jealous. This was many months ago. Since then I have deleted ALL her contact information and have gone out of my way to ensure I never run into her ever again. I have never received any sort of breadcrumbs from her, but who cares? Do you think yourself so unworthy that you will grovel at her "table" and beg like a dog for breadcrumbs? Me personally, I treated her very nicely. One of the last things I said to her was the following: "You take me for granted now and do not appreciate me, but I can assure you the a-holes that will follow after me will make sure you appreciate me". So I said "Goodbye...I love you" and hung up the phone. She has not contacted me since, nor have I. I have seen her brother once, but not once did I ask or inquire about her. I have erased her from my life because she chose to leave. On Facebook I have blocked her even though we were not friends, because I do not want to see her in the "Do you know?" boxes, nor do I want her to see what's going on in my life via our common friends. She doesn't know anything about me anymore. And while I agree, getting breadcrumbs might be a good ego boost, it's only temporary. It will only last for a day or two and nothing more. I know that I will never hear from her again, but I have reconciled this with myself. It's OK to never hear from someone ever again. Each day that you pass without them makes you stronger. Did you realize that? One day you will wake up and not even care at all. You will be once again in a neutral state of being. I am not a buddhist, but in Buddhism they have a nice proverb. "Do not torment yourself with the past and do not worry about the future. Live in the present and you will be at peace". And a Greek proverb "I fear nothing, I hope for nothing, I AM FREE". Remove the focus or thoughts of your life from your ex and refocus your thoughts, spirit, and energy on yourself. You are worth it many more times than any ex who could never learn to appreciate you. Actually I may be older than you? I'm 42 and should have know better...I was raised..believed that when you love someone you do all you can...not to "prove" you love her...you just do it...that's what your supposed to do but be careful not to over do it or become a door mat. There are soooo many women on this site who complain that their b/f don't express their love...they don't feel wanted...loved...cared for so they dump them....then the ones that do....they get dumped too. Mine had no problem introducing/calling me her b/f.. but in the end it doesn't really matter.
JasonRules Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Actually I may be older than you? I'm 42 and should have know better...I was raised..believed that when you love someone you do all you can...not to "prove" you love her...you just do it...that's what your supposed to do but be careful not to over do it or become a door mat. There are soooo many women on this site who complain that their b/f don't express their love...they don't feel wanted...loved...cared for so they dump them....then the ones that do....they get dumped too. Mine had no problem introducing/calling me her b/f.. but in the end it doesn't really matter. My ex (3 removed) from 5 years ago broke up with me and I was in the same situation as I was towards the end of last year. I was hurt and traumatized for a very long time. After 1 year had passed the breadcrumbs started on her part. Then these became flirts, then the flirts became dinner dates. During this time, I never once asked her to get back with me. I just acted normally around her. I was no longer enamored by her presence. This "aura" that we see when we're infatuated with someone had disappeared after all the hurt she put me through. She was pursuing me for the next 2 years. During this time, I focused on myself. Lost weight, hit the gym, bought a car, a motorcycle, looked and felt great, while her life went (and still is) in the completely opposite direction. One day out of nowhere she kept asking me out, so I told her I was in a relationship and was not available. She was pretty disappointed. You could see it by her replies, but to me it didn't matter. Once I was no longer infatuated with her anymore I just saw her for EXACTLY who she was and in the end, she wasn't "all that" much. So looking back I kick myself in the ass and think "Well, what exactly was I missing?". And the answer should had been "You shouldn't be missing anything". I'm in a much better position in my life right now as a result of her breaking up with me. The same applies with my current ex. My current gf is much more attractive, college educated, has her crap together, isn't a basket case, mature, treats me nicely, and respects me. Last Christmas I was alone for the holidays crying on my sofa and this Christmas I will be meeting her family. How things change in 1 year, no? So my advice to you Mike is this; do not fret over your loss, for the sea is "full of fish". And in my view, if a woman dumps you, the only thing you should be doing is looking to "upgrade". Find someone hotter, smarter, and more mature. That's what I did...and that's what you should do.
Sugarkane Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Mike you're not the only one that's for sure. My ex dumped me by text. Never been contacted since that day over a year ago.
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