mike588 Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Yeah I know, I know that I should be very HAPPY and consider myself lucky that I haven't received any breadcrumbs from my ex.after 4 months now but I was getting alittle jealous reading all these threads/post here and it seems that 7 out of 10 us of dumpees do upon hitting the 4 month mark. The 1st few months after being dumped I was so looking foward to getting some and was sure I would but now that I"m thinking clearer I see it as a blessing and how it helps me let go easier and move on faster.Slowly getting there,lol. All of you who have received breadcrumbs...to me it shows that there was something in your ex.s heart for you...that you meant something to them even for the ones (ex.s) whos intention are just to string you along that they though enough about/of you to contact you...most.. not all for the wrong reasons. Not getting any just made me feel like I was nothing to her..that the relationship was a waste..a joke..I was used and tossed aside. Guess when your used as a rebound it's to be expected? Deep down I know it's for the best...I really do but it's tough and that I'd be back at square one had she but the feeling of knowing that she never even entertained the thought of a second chance or just an attempt to be friends (no friends for me at this time) made me feel worthless to her. Maybe it's just the justification that you recieve that they haven't completely forgotten you..that your on their mind. Feeling alittle blue today with Christmas coming next week and no family around...just rambeling... more of a rant than asking any questions.
lilyblue Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Yeah I know, I know that I should be very HAPPY and consider myself lucky that I haven't received any breadcrumbs from my ex.after 4 months now but I was getting alittle jealous reading all these threads/post here and it seems that 7 out of 10 us of dumpees do upon hitting the 4 month mark. The 1st few months after being dumped I was so looking foward to getting some and was sure I would but now that I"m thinking clearer I see it as a blessing and how it helps me let go easier and move on faster.Slowly getting there,lol. All of you who have received breadcrumbs...to me it shows that there was something in your ex.s heart for you...that you meant something to them even for the ones (ex.s) whos intention are just to string you along that they though enough about/of you to contact you...most.. not all for the wrong reasons. Not getting any just made me feel like I was nothing to her..that the relationship was a waste..a joke..I was used and tossed aside. Guess when your used as a rebound it's to be expected? Deep down I know it's for the best...I really do but it's tough and that I'd be back at square one had she but the feeling of knowing that she never even entertained the thought of a second chance or just an attempt to be friends (no friends for me at this time) made me feel worthless to her. Maybe it's just the justification that you recieve that they haven't completely forgotten you..that your on their mind. Feeling alittle blue today with Christmas coming next week and no family around...just rambeling... more of a rant than asking any questions. Same boat. Think I posted this exact same sentiment the other day. It seems almost 100% that peole hear back from the ex's. But, nothing here...
PoppyLove89 Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 You're not alone there!!! I too feel as though our one year relationship meant nothing...am I really that easy to get over?! My ex even took his first serious gf back (there's only been two of us) after she left him for another guy, was with this dude for two years and came crawling back. They only last 6 months before he dumped her in return. I did nothing but love and support him and what do I get? Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nice one.
Author mike588 Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 Oh I forgot to add we dated almost one year and she went back to her ex. FYI. It's ok though..I see her true colors and that's not someone I want..still tough though and it's sooo good to have more good days than bad!
chados Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Yeah I know, I know that I should be very HAPPY and consider myself lucky that I haven't received any breadcrumbs from my ex.after 4 months now but I was getting alittle jealous reading all these threads/post here and it seems that 7 out of 10 us of dumpees do upon hitting the 4 month mark. The 1st few months after being dumped I was so looking foward to getting some and was sure I would but now that I"m thinking clearer I see it as a blessing and how it helps me let go easier and move on faster.Slowly getting there,lol. All of you who have received breadcrumbs...to me it shows that there was something in your ex.s heart for you...that you meant something to them even for the ones (ex.s) whos intention are just to string you along that they though enough about/of you to contact you...most.. not all for the wrong reasons. Not getting any just made me feel like I was nothing to her..that the relationship was a waste..a joke..I was used and tossed aside. Guess when your used as a rebound it's to be expected? Deep down I know it's for the best...I really do but it's tough and that I'd be back at square one had she but the feeling of knowing that she never even entertained the thought of a second chance or just an attempt to be friends (no friends for me at this time) made me feel worthless to her. Maybe it's just the justification that you recieve that they haven't completely forgotten you..that your on their mind. Feeling alittle blue today with Christmas coming next week and no family around...just rambeling... more of a rant than asking any questions. mike, you cant say that you didnt mean anything to her. people will react different after a breakup. ive been through both, and actually after the good breakup i found it harder to keep in touch. that was a breakup we both agreed on. and i had no feelings towards her. she got together with a guy from my class in school. im not in school now, this was years ago. but they are still together. if i see her, she gives me a hug. and i still talk with my former classmate. point is, even though it didnt hurt me at all when she got together with that guy, its still weird that she couldnt talk to me at first. since we both agreed to break up.
Author mike588 Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 Don't get me wrong..I'm not Boo Hooing over her...after some time you reflect on the person/relationship and look at it a different way...like all of us at 1st we wanted our ex. soooo bad to but after time you start to ask yourself.. do I really? Could it really work after the trust has been shattered...would it be the same?? NO! I wanted mine back so bad my phone NEVER left my side...hell I'd even of taken it in the shower with me if it was water proof,lol. Now I look back on that and think how lame! To me it's a different kind of hurt now...not really even hurt... just some sort of dissapoinment that things didn't work out...after putting so much into it and your the one left picking up the pieces. I know I was a rebound and I'll take the blame for not seeing or acting on the obvious red flags that were blowing in my face.It's still sad though. Sticking with N.C. ..healing and moving foward.
chados Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Don't get me wrong..I'm not Boo Hooing over her...after some time you reflect on the person/relationship and look at it a different way...like all of us at 1st we wanted our ex. soooo bad to but after time you start to ask yourself.. do I really? Could it really work after the trust has been shattered...would it be the same?? NO! I wanted mine back so bad my phone NEVER left my side...hell I'd even of taken it in the shower with me if it was water proof,lol. Now I look back on that and think how lame! To me it's a different kind of hurt now...not really even hurt... just some sort of dissapoinment that things didn't work out...after putting so much into it and your the one left picking up the pieces. I know I was a rebound and I'll take the blame for not seeing or acting on the obvious red flags that were blowing in my face.It's still sad though. Sticking with N.C. ..healing and moving foward. i guess at first it could be a depression. you know when it hurts inside your body, you cant eat or sleep. after a while youre just feeling sad. its much easier but youre not al right. you shouldnt blame yourself. love is blind right? whatever they do you cant be sure that you will react in a healthy way about it. its not natural to know how you should react in every situation. sounds like your doing much better now. go out on dates and have fun.
Author mike588 Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 i guess at first it could be a depression. you know when it hurts inside your body, you cant eat or sleep. after a while youre just feeling sad. its much easier but youre not al right. you shouldnt blame yourself. love is blind right? whatever they do you cant be sure that you will react in a healthy way about it. its not natural to know how you should react in every situation. sounds like your doing much better now. go out on dates and have fun. Oh those days of not being able to eat and the sleepless nights are LONG GONE and have been for awhile!!! Thank God!!! The ONLY blame I have for myself is again not seeing the red flags but it doesn't depress me..it has only made me wiser..Never again!! I know I'm the better person from this...I didn't screw her over...use her...lie to her etc. I'm proud of my heart..it's been played..stabbed..cheated..burned and broken but somehow it still works.lol
chados Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Oh those days of not being able to eat and the sleepless nights are LONG GONE and have been for awhile!!! Thank God!!! The ONLY blame I have for myself is again not seeing the red flags but it doesn't depress me..it has only made me wiser..Never again!! I know I'm the better person from this...I didn't screw her over...use her...lie to her etc. I'm proud of my heart..it's been played..stabbed..cheated..burned and broken but somehow it still works.lol yeah those days are nasty. i never cry, sure i can feel a bit sad some days, but i had no idea i could be so miserable. its not just that a relationship has ended. your pride is hurt. and youre feeling like a lonely helpless kid
Jono85 Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 word i don't want her back but i'd pay for those breadcrumbs. show a man some respect and text me so i know u haven't completely forgotten about me. better get some holiday breadcrumbs so i can ignore them and get that ego boost. i could use it lol.
chados Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 word i don't want her back but i'd pay for those breadcrumbs. show a man some respect and text me so i know u haven't completely forgotten about me. better get some holiday breadcrumbs so i can ignore them and get that ego boost. i could use it lol. whats bad about that is that you could start getting your hopes up. i see your point but its really not fair to contact you if they know your hurting.
Author mike588 Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 whats bad about that is that you could start getting your hopes up. i see your point but its really not fair to contact you if they know your hurting. So very true..I was thinking..not hoping that I'd get a text. etc for XMAS but I know it would either upset me or give me false hope...just leave me alone..don't play with my heart anymore. It's best that you don't hear from them...I don't want to go backwards and have all those emotions stirred up again.
chados Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 So very true..I was thinking..not hoping that I'd get a text. etc for XMAS but I know it would either upset me or give me false hope...just leave me alone..don't play with my heart anymore. It's best that you don't hear from them...I don't want to go backwards and have all those emotions stirred up again. yeah, you dont need that. you know that she wants you to have a happy christmas. its both a good and a bad thing to text you something like that. im thinking about how the reaction would be if i send a christmascard to my ex family. positive or negative? would i push her further away? .. the bad thing is that she would text me after that.
wilsonx Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 breadcrumbs hurt ... still 7 months later. I havent gotten one since I met with my ex ... but still they hurt ... There's no ego boost to be gained from someone's suffering. Mike you dodged my question btw
Author mike588 Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 breadcrumbs hurt ... still 7 months later. I havent gotten one since I met with my ex ... but still they hurt ... There's no ego boost to be gained from someone's suffering. Mike you dodged my question btw She told me and I somewhat belived her when she told me after the b/u that she didn't intentionally use me..I know now I was her emotional bandaid during her time of need after the b/u from her ex. I was concerned at the beginning of the relationship that she may go back to him because she said she still had feelings for him....I know.I know Huge red flag I IGNORED. I tried to always have an open line of communications with her....that she could talk to me about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING and we would discuss it without either of us flying off the handle and (her ex) was brought up just a time or two. Early on I said to her let me know now if you feel there is any chance you will or want to go back to him...I didn't want to go any further in the R. or give more of my heart if she wasn't 100% sure all along knowing in the back of her mind she would take him back in a heart beat. I gave her several opportunities to be honest with me before I went deeper. She ASSURED ME that she would NEVER EVER go back to him because I was so loving sweet blah blah. Yeah I know now they ALL say that!!! She brought up his name (another red flag) shortly before the surgery she had and again I asked.... your still in love with him aren't you? and of course it was HELL NO..NO WAY... I love you very much. As you know she dumped me 2 weeks after the surgery...her true colors are that she used me maybe not at the beginning but atleast half way thru the R. and definantly towards the end. As you would ask? Would it have changed anything?,,, the outcome? No..but she didn't have to string me along and lie to me for god knows how long.... She could of had her real love..her ex. take care of her and her daughter and house for over a week. That's what really hurt me.And there's more but this is getting to long! She used me to get what SHE wanted.
Author mike588 Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 You don't see it now...but: YOU ARE LUCKY! Oh believe me..I'm seeing it now!
wilsonx Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 One of the things you need to learn about with women are they process their emotions in the present, now. So her telling you 2 weeks before she left that she wasn't going to leave, she told you the truth. At that time, she had no intentions on leaving you. I can tell you what happened is when she brought up her name towards the end before her surgery, it caused resentment in you and you distanced yourself emotionally from that situation. Women can spot this a mile away. Instead of addressing, you distanced. You bringing it up now and saying "yea yea another red flag I know" shows the resentment that was built up. You have to understand women and men are on 2 separate fields of communication. I can suggest a good book for you to read on this "For Men Only" Its an amazing book and probably will open 95% of the egocentric guys eyes on this forum and they will say "I am an idiot" Her true colors is that she loved her ex and you knew it. This is not her fault. You allowed yourself to be reckless with your heart.
Author mike588 Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 One of the things you need to learn about with women are they process their emotions in the present, now. So her telling you 2 weeks before she left that she wasn't going to leave, she told you the truth. At that time, she had no intentions on leaving you. I can tell you what happened is when she brought up her name towards the end before her surgery, it caused resentment in you and you distanced yourself emotionally from that situation. Women can spot this a mile away. Instead of addressing, you distanced. You bringing it up now and saying "yea yea another red flag I know" shows the resentment that was built up. You have to understand women and men are on 2 separate fields of communication. I can suggest a good book for you to read on this "For Men Only" Its an amazing book and probably will open 95% of the egocentric guys eyes on this forum and they will say "I am an idiot" Her true colors is that she loved her ex and you knew it. This is not her fault. You allowed yourself to be reckless with your heart. Oh yes I agree that I was reckless with my heart...but I don't believe for a moment that they had NOT been talking about getting back together.. remember the monkey that swings thru the forest quote. She told me after the b/u with me that he texted her on a Friday night saying...Love you..miss you then 2 nights later..yes 2 nights later,, Sunday she dumps me but at that time she didn't tell me she was getting back with her ex. Three days later I texted her saying I'd like to talk about what was going on and I'd like "us to work" she replyed with: Yes I'm willing to make this (us) work because you have been nothing but good to me and we setup a date to see a movie. Well the next day she tells me about the ex...then I get that LONG so sorry email about how great I was (feeling guilty??) she never meant to hurt me..she still cared blah blah blah. then that very odd statement about how she chose to continue the relationship (with him) KNOWING IT WILL FAIL AGAIN...and how she failed with him in the relationship..WTF?? And btw..when she brought up his name before her surgery it didn't cause ANY resentment in me towards her...NONE....ZERO.At that time I believed she was over him...crap it had almost been a year!! We were both alittle buzzed and were just having small talk and somehow our ex.s were brought up...just for a second..if that long...matter of fact we went to bed and had great sex afterwards. As far as me distancing myself from her because of him.....NO.
wilsonx Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Interesting, when I reflect back on the month before my breakup, when my ex talked about this other guy, it made me distance myself emotionally, even subconsciously I did. Maybe I was more in tune with what was going on and you got blindsided but fact of the matter was, it was apparent for both of us. You see it now, so watch for it in the future
Author mike588 Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 Interesting, when I reflect back on the month before my breakup, when my ex talked about this other guy, it made me distance myself emotionally, even subconsciously I did. Maybe I was more in tune with what was going on and you got blindsided but fact of the matter was, it was apparent for both of us. You see it now, so watch for it in the future As I said I was concerned about them getting back together EARLIER in our relationship and I did "distance myself" at that time alittle to see if she was serious about us... didn't return her calls instantly...took a night off away from her etc. and by her actions/words I believed I was the one. You know..all the I love you..I miss you...we are getting together this weekend aren't we? stuff. Anyway without this being a long dragged out 5+ page discussion.... I know you have been asked this a thousand times I'm sure about ex.s going back to exs. so lets make it a thousand and one but.. each and every relationship...b/u is unique. What is your opinion...your thoughts about "them".. her going back to him two....maybe three times now especially with that comment about her going back.. KNOWING IT WILL FAIL AGAIN? To try to "fix" what she did wrong? remember she said...she failed. That comment has been a thorn in my side since the b/u. I like your insight..your cold hard truth even though I may disagree.lol. Good talking with you.
EgoJoe Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Wilson, the whole "feelings present in the now" approach while true to a degree does not give them a free pass to be crazy. Sometimes the only thing we can do to hold people accountable is to remove them from our lives, mind and hearts...forever or a realllllly good reason.
wilsonx Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 I have 2 balls and neither one of them are crystal so I can't tell you what would happen. I know we all have these deep seeded fascinations with reconciliations even I do from time to time. I got blindsided too by an emotionally immature ex. At the same time, I was emotionally immature. I watched it happen for a long time, even she thought I was going to break up with her (/facepalm) but you know who knows what would happen in the future. Who knows if she comes back to you. No one knows, you are dealing with past history and I wouldn't want that back. To accept that back, she would have to breakup with him again and then take space for herself. So you should be focusing on yourself in the mean time, develop who you are. Create presence in yourself. We all have our weak moments with our ex but its time to let go of the resentment and turn it inward to things that you as a person can learn from. Example: You said "My ex lie to me" Now say "I allowed my ex to lie to me" Every resentful thing that you have about your ex, add I allowed before it, write it down, write them all down. Afterwards tell yourself that you are human and are entitled to make mistakes and when you are ready to throw away the resentment, burn or bury that sheet of paper. Forgive yourself for making those mistakes. It might take you a couple times
wilsonx Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Wilson, the whole "feelings present in the now" approach while true to a degree does not give them a free pass to be crazy. Sometimes the only thing we can do to hold people accountable is to remove them from our lives, mind and hearts...forever or a realllllly good reason. I never said give her a free pass, he should have seen this coming. He wasn't aware. He has the instincts to pay attention if he uses them, every person on this planet does. We cant go into this naively and cross our fingers and hope for the best.
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