LSgirl Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Last night I went to my bf's work Christmas party (been dating for 1 year). My bf ended up winning the grand prize when drawing gifts where he received miles points, enough miles to travel around the world or 2 round trip tickets. He started talking about with his boss that he was going to use it to go to his 10 year high school reunion this May and travel to Costa Rica or Honduras. But then later decided he'd use it to go to the reunion, and visit his dad in Montana. Everytime he has mentioned traveling, it never involved me. We haven't ever talked about way in the future, once in awhile he'll say "if I ever take you back to such-and-such state, you'd really like this and that" etc... I have suggested before we should travel, but the talk didn't really go anywhere. SO, basically, I felt jealous and insecure when he got the miles point. I felt like a bad girlfriend that I wasn't happy for him when I should have. I didn't like the way I felt, and I tried not to show it, but I couldn't help thinking that he doesn't see me in his future. Of course, I smiled and was glad he had a great time at the party, but I wasn't overly excited with him as he was. I'm the type of person that if I had 2 roundtrip tickets, id go with a friend or my bf. Maybe it's because he was engaged with his 8 year ex and she cheated that now he's more focused on his own goals in this relationship. In the past month, he's been a lot more affectionate and coming around and being romantic, more so than I which is awesome, but I think the part where I'm not sure how serious he is about me makes me feel anxious. He's the type of guy that says very little and told me once his action should show how he feels about me. He has never told me he loves me, but has said it closely in a few letters he written me and his actions show it. He's a very loyal and good person overall, just hard to read. He's an Aquarius, supposedly they're the hardest zodiac to date! lol I don't want to feel this way and want to be happy with him, but I want it to be genuine. I want to enjoy that I even have him in my life, but I'm an anxious person that I can't help but wonder what he thinks of us. Another thing was, he said to his co-worker they want to start up their own company within the next year or two because they hate the company they work for and he said that if he ends up doing that, then he'll stay here instead of moving to the Honduras like he's always wanted to. So, THAT's why he would stay, not beacuse of me, but because of some company he might like to start up? It makes me feel not so important. I want to be supportive and keeping being the positive person I've been being except for last night, that feeling was nasty.
FitChick Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 A man's career is generally more important than his dating life. What would you do in Honduras anyway? Wait to see what he does with the tickets. Have you met his family? Maybe hint that you want to meet them, which would be a big step. You might have to eat the cost of the plane ticket but he might pay half since his is free. Him taking you to his high school reunion and to meet his family would be more important than the cost of the ticket, I would think, because it is making a public statement about his relationship. Hold your tongue until he starts to make plans. Worst case scenario is he makes these trips without you. Then you should plan a couple of trips on your own while he's gone to places you've discussed going with him. That might shock him or you back into reality as to the future. You might meet someone better.
Author LSgirl Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 I don't think he's taking me to his high school reunion, if he wanted to, he would have already asked me so it's something I could save for. It's on the other side of the country. He has said once "If I ever take out to my family reunions, you'd see how redneck/weird they are" jokingly, but that wasn't inviting me lol If he did ask me, I would definitely go because then I could meet his mother. I wouldn't even mind paying, like you said, the actual invite would mean the most to me. I know when he goes back, he wants to "party it up" but he did say a lot of his friends have married and have kids now. And about Honduras, he knows I don't like hot tropical places so he probably knows I wouldn't want to go. But I would think if I was important to him and he saw a life would me, he would still ask me to come and try to make it work. He's a very independent guy, but I just wish he was more vocal about where he saw us in the future so I can see if I'm wasting my time. I've pressured him a few times before about his love for me, and those conversations ended badly and since then have not brought up anything and we've been doing very great. But should I be hurt if he DOESN'T invite me? or is that something he should probably do alone anyway...he did say that his mom wants to come out here to visit in a couple months but not sure yet.
FitChick Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 I'm wondering if his ex cheated because after eight years they still weren't married. He may have a bit of a problem. Why not say "Have you heard when your mother is coming for a visit. I'd love to meet her." He may not encourage her because he will be going there instead. As for the reunion with the rednecks, you could say, "You could show them how successful you are and bring your hot, sophisticated girlfriend and not a pig farmer's daughter."
Author LSgirl Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 About his ex-fiancee, he said he wanted to be more financially ready but she cheated on him with a girl and now has been with that girl for over a year. He's always known she's bi-sexual, but I don't ask about her because I don't like hearing about her, I'm sure there's always a part of him that'll always love her but he's moved on, but was hurt for a very long time since we only met a few months after they broke up. Now things are smoother and going well, except my insecurty. I just don't want my anxiety to ruin or pressure this relationship. i like the pig farmer's daughter joke tho haha i think it'd be even fun to head out south and meet his southern family, im such a city girl!
xpaperxcutx Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 You guys don't have to be attached at the hips bt his reluctance to form ilys can be an indicator he still has his walls up. Sure, actions can prove a lot of things but a relationship requires emotional connections for it to remain stable and strong. I'm sure he say the ex no longer bothers him but he is affected nevertheless.
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