irc333 Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 I have this friend, he's been single for a while now, mid to late 40's , decent looking guy, finally got himself a girlfriend. During the course of his interaction with women, his philosophy has always been to go out and just to be "Fun and lighthearted", making women feel comfortable around him, etc. Eventually, one of them will come around. That them seeing YOU have fun, will make you attractive to them. Basically, being known has the "fun" guy to EVERYONE (both male and females of the social circle)....will make you an overall attractive person, and no be one of those guys that vulture around a woman, making her uncomfortable, and perhaps putting the pressure on. When he asks women out, he says you have to be careful of your phrasing. And he likes to get to know women in a group for a while, before taking that one woman out, if it takes a few BBQ's, Christmas parties, etc etc. Then so be it. Then one day, you feel it's time take out one on one. Say something like, "Hey, there's this concert coming up, and was wondering if you could join me" and mention how she's fun to be around, and figured this would be an enjoyable event to attend. If she starts to hesitate or bulk and say, "You mean......as a DATE?" Don't respond to that with a yes or not, just come back with, "Well, like I said , you seem like a fun person and enjoyable to be around, and I figured we would have a good time together at this event.....if you want, I'll pay my way, and you can pay for your expenses" Apparently, this has been working out for him (per Dr. Phil's catch phrase) Sometimes, women even TEST men, to see how you would react in a situation. Like say you invite a woman to meet you at a party, and she says to you, "Hey, that guy's cute....what's his name?" His response, "Oh, that's Phil, he's a cool guy, I'll introduce you!" Actually, ENCOURAGE the matchmaking process, this will make her think, "Hm, he didn't act jealous or needy, perhaps this guy has something going for him" Comments, feedback on this method of attracting women? Actually, he's prone to just attracting people in general.
phineas Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Well i'm 40 next month. My method was to ask them on a DATE then move on if they waffle. I mean c'mon. She's pushing 40. time to grow up and act like an adult. Personally, unless they have been hurt recently no woman turns down a date with a man their attracted to & ops to hang-out. I'm sorry but it just doesn't happen. If two people hanging out eventually date it's because the woman might of caught feelings or has no other options. when I used to do that stuff in college I always got cheated on when they found someone they were really attracted to. Less single people at 40 though. My opinion. Recently I didn't stick to my guns, agreed to hang out & the chick bailed on me last min. waste of my time. I'd rather work on my house then "hang-out" with a woman that has given no indication whether or not she is romantically interested in me. But, that is just me.
phineas Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 On a side note, over the summer I wasn't looking for a GF & I did ask women to hang out however they were much younger women that I didn't want to date or make into GF's. But now i'm looking for a GF so I ask them on dates.
dasein Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Agree with Phineas, always make your intentions very clear, beyond crystal clear, to avoid the female rationalization power. Time wasted with dates just for fun could be spent finding prospects who are open to a date from the get-go. Women who play "is it a date" games" are low quality. OTOH, there's nothing at all wrong with doing things with women just for fun, and it's a great way to meet people and make new friends. Just make sure that you aren't subtly hoping for more to result and that doing things for fun isn't a fallback when those you want to date aren't interested in dating you.
Oxy Moronovich Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 I'd say this is all wrong. It sounds way too roundabout and nice guy. I was particularly struck by you saying, "eventually he got a girlfriend." It seems like it happened after a long wait and a lot of hassle. I also thought his way of asking out women was lame. For one thing, don't ask a woman you don't know on a date to a big event like a concert. She'll feel too pressured from you and you may spend a crapload of money on a woman who isn't interested in. It's best to keep dates simple like coffee or a light lunch. Secondly, when she hesitated and said, "You mean like...a date?" that implies she's not interested in him. He should have directly said, "Yes, a date." That's all. He failed when he said, ""Well, like I said , you seem like a fun person and enjoyable to be around, and I figured we would have a good time together at this event.....if you want, I'll pay my way, and you can pay for your expenses" What's with all the gabbing? If he wants a date, he should say it is a date. He also failed in his approach: "Hey, there's this concert coming up, and was wondering if you could join me" and mention how she's fun to be around, and figured this would be an enjoyable event to attend. All that gabbing creates tension, more uneasiness, and shows less strength in his approach. It sounds like your friend got friendzoned and accidentally got a girlfriend. I'd say his way is terrible. A guy should be fun and make her laugh. Then, while she's smiling, he asks her directly on a date so there's no mistake. A maximum of 10 minutes is best when approaching women. I got this advice from guys who are great at meeting women.
ditzchic Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 I'd say this is all wrong. It sounds way too roundabout and nice guy. I was particularly struck by you saying, "eventually he got a girlfriend." It seems like it happened after a long wait and a lot of hassle. I also thought his way of asking out women was lame. For one thing, don't ask a woman you don't know on a date to a big event like a concert. She'll feel too pressured from you and you may spend a crapload of money on a woman who isn't interested in. It's best to keep dates simple like coffee or a light lunch. Agreed. Anything bigger than dinner and seeing where the night leads is too much pressure for a first date. It makes the guy seem over eager and sends my mind reeling with a thousand questions. Who's driving? Will I end up getting stuck there? What if we don't like each other one on one? It's way too big of an opportunity for female over-analyzation. Secondly, when she hesitated and said, "You mean like...a date?" that implies she's not interested in him. He should have directly said, "Yes, a date." That's all. He failed when he said, ""Well, like I said , you seem like a fun person and enjoyable to be around, and I figured we would have a good time together at this event.....if you want, I'll pay my way, and you can pay for your expenses" What's with all the gabbing? If he wants a date, he should say it is a date. He also failed in his approach: "Hey, there's this concert coming up, and was wondering if you could join me" and mention how she's fun to be around, and figured this would be an enjoyable event to attend. All that gabbing creates tension, more uneasiness, and shows less strength in his approach. It sounds like your friend got friendzoned and accidentally got a girlfriend. I'd say his way is terrible. A guy should be fun and make her laugh. Then, while she's smiling, he asks her directly on a date so there's no mistake. A maximum of 10 minutes is best when approaching women. I got this advice from guys who are great at meeting women. Agreed. If she likes you she wants it to be a date. If she wants you to like her she'll want you to want it to be a date. She will have no qualms saying "It's a date!" if she's into you. And if you waffle about it being a date to her you are sending her strong signals that you're not really all that interested. Strong interest begats strong interest. Waffling begats waffling. Sure, sometimes you can get lucky and land someone from this approach but it's really nothing more than luck.
grkBoy Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 I think you should make intentions clear early on, but I agree in being lighthearted and live life to the fullest. When you're pretty much going from girl to girl, trying to get a date, it shows. Women get turned off by it because they see it like you look at them as warm bodies. When you're loose and living life to the fullest, women think you're interesting...especially when you're not drooling and trying to follow them around hoping for a date. I also think for ANY first date, the goal should be to make her feel COMFORTABLE with you...not the usual move of trying to impress her enough to get a second date. I've yet to know any woman who wanted to be impressed more than just find someone "cute" they can talk to and be loose with. The emotions and hormones come later.
jobaba Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 When he asks women out, he says you have to be careful of your phrasing. And he likes to get to know women in a group for a while, before taking that one woman out, if it takes a few BBQ's, Christmas parties, etc etc. Then so be it. Then one day, you feel it's time take out one on one. Say something like, "Hey, there's this concert coming up, and was wondering if you could join me" and mention how she's fun to be around, and figured this would be an enjoyable event to attend. If she starts to hesitate or bulk and say, "You mean......as a DATE?" Don't respond to that with a yes or not, just come back with, "Well, like I said , you seem like a fun person and enjoyable to be around, and I figured we would have a good time together at this event.....if you want, I'll pay my way, and you can pay for your expenses" Yea. That's the way I used to do things. Play it nice and safe and make the outing ambiguous as to not 'seem like a date'. Otherwise, she might freak out and think, "Oh my. Mr. X asked me on a date. Whatever should I do?!?" I even went as far as to invite women on 'dates' and then bring along a friend or two so she wouldn't get the idea it was a 'date.' Wussy sh@t...
monkey00 Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 I think that kind of approach works when people are younger where the dating aspect tends to be more laid-back. It also has the potential to work if the girl is initially not interested in you romantically, or needs time to figure out of she likes you. These days it's usually easier for me to set a plan and time and place by asking them out. No beating around the bush and make your intentions obvious. Some girls will appreciate that, and some don't like to feel pressured. The ones that feel pressured probably aren't relationship material or don't have the time for a relationship anyway. But I guess if you're just looking to hangout with a girl without having high expectations there's nothing wrong with this. I think some PUA's employ this method to get the girl, where the guy is at an activity and invites the girl to come along.
FitChick Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 I think a good compromise is to ask a woman to a daytime activity, like museum or hike. Then if things go well, it can segue into dinner and before you know it, you've had a "full day date." That's how to really get to know someone in a short period of time. I hate going to dinner dates with a relative stranger.
Author irc333 Posted December 22, 2011 Author Posted December 22, 2011 Was trying to look for this thread. I got recent input from him. Apparently, he says most men approach women with male way of thinking, when really , success is achieved with a lady if you think like they do, using the female way of thinking. That since women are attracted they way they're are attracted to a man in a different manner than the way men are attracted to women. He used the analogy of a salesperson, you know how off putting the typical sales pitch, while a real marketing guru tries to get into the HEAD of their customers? Well, same thing with attracting a woman, you must THINK like a woman. Yes...no?
dasein Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 No idea whether it's thinking like a woman, but many men and women go into dating as a linear process. Objective A >> Objective B>> Objective C. Men do it in seeking sex or acceptance, women do it in seeking their agenda. When seducing women, the best results come from getting outside the box of that linear thinking, and I'm not sure it has to do with getting inside their head as much as letting them know that you aren't "locked in" to a process. It has something to do with "stopping and smelling the roses" and not approaching as a pragmatic process. Hard to put into words, and women have accused me of some kind of hypnotism despite that's not at all what I'm doing. Getting people to be "in the moment" is a magical aphrodisiac whether you are seducing a woman or selling lawn chairs. If you bring someone to an epiphany they will be yours for life as long as you are honestly in the epiphany with them.
Jynxx Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 OP is correct, but that stuff isn't as groundbreaking as he thinks it is. Most of this forum, and in fact most of the world, just doesn't understand you shouldn't ask women on a "date", try to court her until she accepts a relationship with you. You should seduce her and take it from there.
Author irc333 Posted December 22, 2011 Author Posted December 22, 2011 Sure, sometimes you can get lucky and land someone from this approach but it's really nothing more than luck. So, it's just plain LUCK when a guy IS successful? Funny.
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