neveragain2493 Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Mine and my boyfriend's 2 year anniversary is on January 5th. We've recently hit a rough patch when in November; I found out he cheated on me (one time, and he came to me and told me). We worked it out, but since, the emotional stress has taken its toll. On most days, he acts completely sweet. On some, one of us is irritable, and I get paranoid and think that maybe he is cheating on me again or may not love me. It may sound dumb, and he says it does, but I feel like my self esteem was destroyed, and I'm just trying to build it back up. On the 16th, I came over, and we argued, so I started crying. He didn't pay much attention to me, but all I wanted was some of his attention to show me that he does care. When I calmed down, I asked if he wanted to be with me or not, and he said that we needed to spend time apart. He said he didn't want to call it quits, but he didn't know if he loved me if I was always with him. He said, "If something happens, it's not you. It's me." So these past few days have been extremely hard, going without contact from him at all. Yesterday night, he texted and asked if we're doing Christmas gifts. I told him it depended on if he wanted to be together, and all I got was "ok." Today, he asked me to bring something over, and when I did, he told me he saw me out with my friends and asked whom I was with and what I was doing, which is odd. He swore he didn't care, but I know he does. I kept thinking he was going to break up with me, but he didn't. He asked again about Christmas, and I told him I wanted to buy him something, but he said not to get something expensive because he's pretty short on cash and would feel bad if I did. I left as if nothing was wrong, and when I was out shopping, he called and asked to hang out. When I finished, we went to dinner and a movie, and he talked to me a lot more. He told me he called me because his parents said I shouldn't be shopping alone, but we ended up spending hours together. I asked if he truly wanted to hang out even a small bit, and he said, "yeah, a little." When I left, he tried to give me a weird one-armed hug, but then he gave me a small kiss on the mouth. I haven't heard from him yet tonight and can't stand not knowing what's happening. I'm giving him space without contact because he literally talks to no one and does nothing much all day, so I know he'll miss me eventually. He's an extremely private person and is hard to communicate with because he doesn't say much. However, I feel like if he was going to break it off, he wouldn't have called to hang out OR asked about Christmas gifts OR asked who I was with/what I was doing/what guys were there. He would have broken up sooner, and he didn't. I feel like maybe he's getting back to his old self with time apart, but at the same time, he may tell me he just wants to be best friends. This is very hard for me. I haven't been able to eat or sleep much for these few days. Please help.
phineas Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 You should of ended it when he cheated. I was married to a cheater. Once they cheat & you take them back they know you are hooked & never respect you. Maybe if you freeze them out until you get over them & they know you don't need them you can start again but by then, you don't need them. Just move on.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 I call his bs because he's intentionally jerking you around. Honestly, he had the audacity to cheat and then calles the shots on a break? His only worth right now is to be dumped. Was he even apologetic? He's acting like you drove him to cheat. And we all know men who cheat do not respect their partner or the relationship. Otherwise why would they cheat in the first place? If you're going to cry, cry hard. But then afterwards don't shed another tear for him. Yo shouldn't waste another minute or second on a guy as inconsiderate as him. You're simply just going to block his number ( you are on a break so don't let him be a distraction) and you're going to have to do three thing: eat, love and laugh. You're going to spend your holiday drinking eggnog, spending time with family and friends. And even if you don't want to. You're going to have to force yourself to. And if you think about it, you would absolutely want to be. Happy and start everything anew for the new year.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 He knows he doesnt have to work for your heart again, he doesnt think he can lose you since he called for the break, so he wont fully appreciate you. YOu need to make him work for it. Thats why he was jealous when he saw you with your friends. Be more unavailable, dont smile as much at him, play hard to get.
daphne Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Never, I would be asking myself questions on why I would want to stay in such a miserable relationship. You are trying to make him happy, after he cheated on you and mistreated you. He does not respect you. And I don't think he loves you at all. I suspect that right now that makes two of you. If you want someone who treats you better, you have to cut it off because it won't be him. I think he needs space because he knows that you two can't give each other what you want. I think he is losing attraction to you, because you're letting him get away with murder. He can't give you security or love as a result. This is not to say that it's your responsibility. I do, however, think that you need to take care of yourself and step away from this and look at it objectively. When you first entered the relationship, did you sign up for a guy that would cheat on you and then become an ******* towards you after he did it? If you didn't sign up for that, why tolerate it now?
jobaba Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Mine and my boyfriend's 2 year anniversary is on January 5th. We've recently hit a rough patch when in November; I found out he cheated on me (one time, and he came to me and told me). We worked it out, but since, the emotional stress has taken its toll. On most days, he acts completely sweet. On some, one of us is irritable, and I get paranoid and think that maybe he is cheating on me again or may not love me. It may sound dumb, and he says it does, but I feel like my self esteem was destroyed, and I'm just trying to build it back up. On the 16th, I came over, and we argued, so I started crying. He didn't pay much attention to me, but all I wanted was some of his attention to show me that he does care. When I calmed down, I asked if he wanted to be with me or not, and he said that we needed to spend time apart. He said he didn't want to call it quits, but he didn't know if he loved me if I was always with him. He said, "If something happens, it's not you. It's me." So these past few days have been extremely hard, going without contact from him at all. Yesterday night, he texted and asked if we're doing Christmas gifts. I told him it depended on if he wanted to be together, and all I got was "ok." Today, he asked me to bring something over, and when I did, he told me he saw me out with my friends and asked whom I was with and what I was doing, which is odd. He swore he didn't care, but I know he does. I kept thinking he was going to break up with me, but he didn't. He asked again about Christmas, and I told him I wanted to buy him something, but he said not to get something expensive because he's pretty short on cash and would feel bad if I did. I left as if nothing was wrong, and when I was out shopping, he called and asked to hang out. When I finished, we went to dinner and a movie, and he talked to me a lot more. He told me he called me because his parents said I shouldn't be shopping alone, but we ended up spending hours together. I asked if he truly wanted to hang out even a small bit, and he said, "yeah, a little." When I left, he tried to give me a weird one-armed hug, but then he gave me a small kiss on the mouth. I haven't heard from him yet tonight and can't stand not knowing what's happening. I'm giving him space without contact because he literally talks to no one and does nothing much all day, so I know he'll miss me eventually. He's an extremely private person and is hard to communicate with because he doesn't say much. However, I feel like if he was going to break it off, he wouldn't have called to hang out OR asked about Christmas gifts OR asked who I was with/what I was doing/what guys were there. He would have broken up sooner, and he didn't. I feel like maybe he's getting back to his old self with time apart, but at the same time, he may tell me he just wants to be best friends. This is very hard for me. I haven't been able to eat or sleep much for these few days. Please help. I agree with the others. I took back a cheater too, although her 'cheating' wasn't what everyone would call cheating. But still, you're sending out the message that you can't get anybody else. No woman in this world is so special that I should ever have to put up with mental abuse again. Kick her to the curb and start playing the numbers again... On the other hand, if a woman shows me respect and treats me great, I might stay with them even if I didn't 'like' them THAT much. If you have kids, it's different, but I'm assuming you don't.
FitChick Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 If you act like a doormat, he will wipe his feet on you.
Author neveragain2493 Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 No, we don't have kids. So a few days ago, he randomly shot me a text, and we started talking. He asked me to come have dinner with him. I said, "Who is inviting me: you or your parents?" and he said, "Me!" He seemed really happy that I was coming. That night, we hung out. Since then, our relationship has gotten back almost to the way it used to be. We laugh and joke around like we used to, but the only difference is that he doesn't call me to say good night yet, and we haven't said "I love you" yet. He bought me a Christmas present and was really excited to tell me. I feel like things are gradually getting back to the way they were. I'm not acting like a doormat. I don't sit around all day, waiting for him; I've been hanging out with my friends and staying busy. I don't act quite as interested as I was before so he has to work harder. He has been incredibly sweet our entire relationship, which is why I love him in the first place.
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Someone cheats on you, you dump him. Someone asks for a break, you give him the permanent one. That's how it should have been. He can now treat you like s...
colliejoanie Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 I have to agree, and I know it's not what you want to hear.....but he now realizes that you'll put up with him treating you like a doormat..... it doesn't matter that you're going out with your friends and keeping busy. You are obviously going back to him.....IF HE WANTS YOU. This call should not be his to make......regardless of how much you love/loved him......NO ONE deserves to be treated the way you're allowing yourself to be treated.
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