SkyEmtRN Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Ok, so I was going NC. Deleted the number, had no intention of texting or calling or anything at all. Then, she breaks nc in middle of day. She said "Bad timing n we both messed up at different times. but its good cuz at least we can learn from our mistakes" I didn't respond for a while...I was buisy at work (retail...ugh) Then she sends another message and tells me how she is annoyed becuase the guy that was talking to her...she found out that he cheated on his ex gf. And she even said she had no intention of getting involved with that guy. And that right there was an instant turn off for her. She volunteered that information, I didn't have to ask for it. So now she comes to me and tries to keep a conversation going. Yes I talked to her a little...small talk. BUT I ended the conversation and there was no argueing or any sign of anger. Now this is what I wanted becuase this puts me in a better position to try to fully initiate NC or atleast very very LC. She's looking for me to talk to and she's not mad. And I'm not going to be her doormat. But now I really think there is a better chance of reconciliation if I try to go into nc....but she doesn't let me and I guess I'm still not ready or strong enough to do so. I think this is where I want to be to try to start the nc becuase now that she is trying to talk to me she will be looking for me and she WILL miss me. Her mood changed completely during all that I see this as progress, but I am not going to get over excited or carried away and I know not to be her doormat since she is home and is not with anyone nor has anyone else to talk to. I'm in control! And I feel DAMN GOOD! I aint miserable anymore, my head is calm, I feel confident about my looks now that I been hitting the weights every day for 2 months and see good progress and I'm getting a full night sleep. Even though they say NC is for healing, this on and off contact or very low contact is still healing me and making me learn so much. I'm not chasing her anymore, her phone is still deleted, facebook is still there (not going to delete it).
Author SkyEmtRN Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 I wanna throw ur phone away. Trust me I do to...but my phone is used to help save lives....
stab17 Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 but not ur relationship... I don't want to be mean but I been seeing so many threads from u and people giving u sound advice for highest chance of reconciliation, but u seem to always do the opposite. what's the point of their advice?
Author SkyEmtRN Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 but not ur relationship... I don't want to be mean but I been seeing so many threads from u and people giving u sound advice for highest chance of reconciliation, but u seem to always do the opposite. what's the point of their advice? I know what you mean. But that's not the point of this. The main point of this thread was that I do feel better about myself. Yes this was some good news, but even before I heard about that I was still happier then the days before. Isn't that what healing is? So what if I get her back or not. I have been feeling better as a person.
sunflower11 Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 I'm in control! And I feel DAMN GOOD! I aint miserable anymore, my head is calm, I feel confident about my looks now that I been hitting the weights every day for 2 months and see good progress and I'm getting a full night sleep. Even though they say NC is for healing, this on and off contact or very low contact is still healing me and making me learn so much. I'm not chasing her anymore, her phone is still deleted, facebook is still there (not going to delete it). I'm not trying to be Ms Negative over here, and I'm glad you are feeling better, but I know the up and downs too well to tell you it's too soon for you to be jumping up and down thinking you are better, in control and not miserable anymore when just a few days ago you were still in the fog?. You think you have control because you have her eating off your hand now but, she's still the one who left you...and no offense, I don't believe in second chances. Why would you take someone back who didn't even think twice about leaving you for someone else and breaking your heart? I think you should go NC because it gives you so much more clarity and a chance to step away from the relationship bubble and see things as they really are. If you want to be truly in control, stick to NC ALREADY!!!
Zabs Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 I'm gonna go against the grain a little.. I see where Sun is coming from and I gotta say that if my ex left me for someone else...there WOULD be NO going back..but that's just me..and we all have our thresholds of ideas of what is acceptable and what crosses the point of no return. She definitely is thinking twice...and definitely wants you back...but take your TIME...If at the end of your growth period..she is still there..then consider...but for now cool out and get on with what makes you feel good. Hitting the gym, spending time with friends. As I said to another poster re-iterating what Wilson said, it aint about game playing it's about setting out your stall. Start as you mean to go on. Coincidentally, I saw my ex earlier this week (he doesn't know I did) and according to all accounts...I looked good. I think he is sexy however big he is...but since he seen me..apparently he is keen to hit the gym. When we present our real self and best self to the World, people can't help but wanting a piece of that too..even dumpers! Much love, Zabs xx:D
Author SkyEmtRN Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 Yea. I said I feel better. I didn't say I was completely better. But a lot better then a few days ago. If she is thinking a second chance then great if not then oh well. Since she hasn't done anything with him I'm still willing for reconciliation. Nc is hard as hell to start lol.
smokey bear Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Even if this does happen, the second chance, she needs time alone or you will become the rebound to her rebound.
Author SkyEmtRN Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 Even if this does happen, the second chance, she needs time alone or you will become the rebound to her rebound. Yea I understand, She always iniates the first message and tries to keep a conversation going. I don't, I usually stop it dead it in its tracks. If anything I'm making her chase me, I'm done with chasing her. And if she does want me back, she has to prove it and its going to have to take a lot to rebuild it, but I'm still willing to. Side story So I get on facebook today and I get a message from this girl (never happens lol) and she ends up saying I'm gorgeous. So I looked at her pictures...she smokes weed, drinks a lot...Not my type! So I screamed out "Oh C'mon!!" But it sure was a good confidence booster!
smokey bear Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Yea I understand, She always iniates the first message and tries to keep a conversation going. I don't, I usually stop it dead it in its tracks. If anything I'm making her chase me, I'm done with chasing her. And if she does want me back, she has to prove it and its going to have to take a lot to rebuild it, but I'm still willing to. Side story So I get on facebook today and I get a message from this girl (never happens lol) and she ends up saying I'm gorgeous. So I looked at her pictures...she smokes weed, drinks a lot...Not my type! So I screamed out "Oh C'mon!!" But it sure was a good confidence booster! Well just notice the red flags and dont proceed lol
chados Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Yea I understand, She always iniates the first message and tries to keep a conversation going. I don't, I usually stop it dead it in its tracks. If anything I'm making her chase me, I'm done with chasing her. And if she does want me back, she has to prove it and its going to have to take a lot to rebuild it, but I'm still willing to. dear god. please update your original tread instead, so people understand the whole story behind it. because i do believe youre writing on loveshack because you want advice. it doesnt matter who initiates the contact. because most dumpers will do that if you dont contact them. its because they dont want you to hate them, string you along or because they are using you as a friend to get over the fact that they dumped you. you told her that youre okey with the breakup, and you think that its vice to not talk right now "here you had her" .. BUT then you contacted her again. this is so desperate. this just shows your not okey with the breakup. that you lied to her. it took you what? 1-2 days? youre saying that your feeling better. but your not. your just starting to hope that this is signs for her wanting you back. the point is to let her miss you. she will contact you again, because you contacted her first. doesnt matter if she contacts you every day. you started it. right now youre looking for good signs in everything you do. yes she might miss you, she might want you back. but what if she doesnt? then your not only back to square one. but every little step towards healing will be for nothing.
Cmac Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 I've gotta agree with Chados, I kinda get the feeling that the only reason you say you're feeling better is because you are getting your hopes up that there will be reconcilation, and not because you're coming to terms with the break-up. You need to cut contact with her man, I know it's hard, I'm going through exactly the same thing right now...coming up on 2 weeks NC now. You'll still have your bad days, even with NC, but it really does help to get them out of your mind if you aren't hearing from them every other day.
Zabs Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Yea I understand, Side story So I get on facebook today and I get a message from this girl (never happens lol) and she ends up saying I'm gorgeous. So I looked at her pictures...she smokes weed, drinks a lot...Not my type! So I screamed out "Oh C'mon!!" But it sure was a good confidence booster! Could be off key..could be experience talking...is it beyond the realms of possibility that this could be an alias? Much love Zabs xx:confused:
Zabs Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 the point is to let her miss you. she will contact you again, How can I miss you if you won't go away? Good point Chad! Much love Zabs xx
chados Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Could be off key..could be experience talking...is it beyond the realms of possibility that this could be an alias? Much love Zabs xx:confused: good point:confused: well if she got like 2 friends on her profile. this could very well be a possibility. but if she has 200, i would doubt it. ive heard so many stories about these fake FB accounts. often you forget to either add some random people or make the profile 100% private. edit: so we both make good points, thank god for that
Zabs Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 good point:confused: well if she got like 2 friends on her profile. this could very well be a possibility. but if she has 200, i would doubt it. ive heard so many stories about these fake FB accounts. often you forget to either add some random people or make the profile 100% private. edit: so we both make good points, thank god for that Chad... Trust me.. I know! My ex has set up profiles with 100+ and I am a very suspicious person.so to that end set my profile accordingly... he set up no less that 8 in the past year! RESOURCES Chad! RESOURCES... You are friends with someone on one of those game apps...add them all...they can only decline...vary the demographics between 'friends'...it's easy...I am a Vet when it comes to Cyber Stalking...Nothing would surprise me now! Much love Zabs xx:bunny:
chados Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Chad... Trust me.. I know! My ex has set up profiles with 100+ and I am a very suspicious person.so to that end set my profile accordingly... he set up no less that 8 in the past year! RESOURCES Chad! RESOURCES... You are friends with someone on one of those game apps...add them all...they can only decline...vary the demographics between 'friends'...it's easy...I am a Vet when it comes to Cyber Stalking...Nothing would surprise me now! Much love Zabs xx:bunny: really? that takes stalking to a whole new level .. i didnt mean it as you were wrong. im just telling sky that he should check her profile. if she forget to add some friend, it might be hard to believe that its real.. especially if she has 0 friends haha
Art_Critic Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Why in the world would she set up a fake FB profile to contact him ? She would just text him... He is the one that was setting up fake FB profiles and contacting her telling her he was a friend and blah blah blah...
chados Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Why in the world would she set up a fake FB profile to contact him ? She would just text him... He is the one that was setting up fake FB profiles and contacting her telling her he was a friend and blah blah blah... well it wouldnt be the strangest thing thats ever happened. She would just text him... probably because he will answer.
Zabs Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Why in the world would she set up a fake FB profile to contact him ? She would just text him... He is the one that was setting up fake FB profiles and contacting her telling her he was a friend and blah blah blah... :like i Said... I have much exp of this...anyway.. Fake profiles are a way of finding out stuff from a Mark that thry may not divulge is they knew who it REALLY was. The Perp sets up the AKA over a period of time to gain trust, divulging info that is usually not true aboiut themselves..and depending upon the intellect, circumstances etx.. the Mark will determine what to do. Sometimes the AKA seems genuine..but like I said..I have had 8-9 in the last year..all I have carefully, traced back to him. I have had a gay girl looking for a open realtionship in Mexico, when I was friends of friends, and nothing in common except what was in common with my ex (meaning only HE had stuff in common with this persona)..then I found out it was not even a real person..just a generic photo found on the web...and he had gone to the trouble of acqurirng over 257 friends on one profile...with the belief that it is more 'believable' the more 'friends' you have! My ex..his days are focused on me.. unless football or music interjects! You may wonder how I am so confident...you would have to see to believe! LINDY HOP..that's me! Much love ZABBBBERS xxxx
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