El Brujo Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 When I hear a woman brag that she has gone to all these exotic places and seen all these landmarks, it's an instant turnoff to me, because I see a reflection of my late aunt in her. My aunt was the kind of person who traveled to a whole mess of different countries, mostly by herself, and she couldn't stand to stay home for very long. She was always telling me about all the wonderful things she saw and people she met (and some rude people too), like she was trying to make me jealous but it didn't work. I'm a homebody, and I enjoy staying home and making things more than I'd ever enjoy traveling. Honyockland isn't my home. But I'm probably the only one. BTW my aunt stayed single her whole life, and stopped dating after her 20s.
ditzchic Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 It's a turn on for me. It shows me that a guy has a sense of adventure and always down for something fun and different. Of course, I love traveling and am definitely not a homebody. Different strokes for different folks I guess.
mammamia1 Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 It's a turn on for me. But of course there're ppl do and don't like it. You don't have to like it. The down side of globetrotting is these people are often too busy (too many friends/interesting things to do with their life) or out of town. It's hard to score a date with them or have them around.
Taramere Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 If somebody's indifferent to the notion of travelling then that's fair enough...but when a person expresses an actual antipathy to the idea, and to people who enjoy travelling, then I think that speaks of some internal sense of missing out that they refuse to face head on. If you really don't want to travel, embrace that indifferent-to-travel aspect of yourself...but if you have this strong feeling against others who have travelled, then perhaps that means there's a part of you that would like to get out and see a few things yourself, but is afraid to take the plunge. Perhaps your aunt was closer to the truth, in assessing you as jealous, than you were willing to admit. If you truly had no desire to travel and had no envy of those who have seen far more of the world than you have, you wouldn't care enough about this subject to start threads about it.
DearAbby Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 As long as the woman didn't get to all those place on some man's dime, what do you care? She may remind you of your Aunt, but every person is different. If that type of girl doesn't appeal to you, that could be one of your deal breakers.
Author El Brujo Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 If you truly had no desire to travel and had no envy of those who have seen far more of the world than you have, you wouldn't care enough about this subject to start threads about it. Actually, it's a feeling of resentment at having it crammed down my throat. I have no desire to travel to other countries. You forget that I'm a radio ham and I talk to people in other countries all the time.
monkey00 Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 The down side of globetrotting is these people are often too busy (too many friends/interesting things to do with their life) or out of town. It's hard to score a date with them or have them around. Sharing common interests is definitely a plus. But for me a girl that doesn't travel much isn't a deal breaker, there are more things to a person than just being/not being a globetrotter. I don't know if globetrotting should be associated with busy people. I travel overseas once a year and I always make time for people or dates, even a relationship. I've met girls that have never left the country and have a very active social life/are busy. But I think it's definitely a plus though to travel/have traveled a lot because it makes you a more well-rounded (and stereotypically cultured) person.
Taramere Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 Actually, it's a feeling of resentment at having it crammed down my throat. I have no desire to travel to other countries. In what sense do people cram it down your throat? I mean, I agree that people who boast about places they've visited just for the sake of saying they've been there...and who feel that they are in some way superior simply as a result of having been there, are foolish bores. There was, for a while on this board, a woman who kept posting under a series of different names. She was an American teacher with a thing about France. One time I had an argument with her, can't remember what about, and she made snotty comments about how I could do with visiting France to broaden my horizons. I didn't bother to tell her that I've visited the place more times than I can count due to having friends there - and it being only a short plane journey away. I'd hardly see a trip to France as something to boast about...but sometimes it's when you're away from home that the most interesting things happen to you. It's part of being a stranger in a strange place. It can be uncomfortable and embarrassing at times, but that's part of the fun. I've got memories of places I've been whereby I can close my eyes and feel as though I'm back there. It doesn't necessarily have to be some exotic location....though because I live in a cold country, it often will be. It's just something that stands out particularly in your mind because it's such a different location from the usual routine. Travel isn't necessarily something to bore other people with, unless there's a particular story about something that happened during a trip, or information about a place that they might want to know about...but I do think that going to unfamiliar locations from time to time enhances the experience of life.
lululucy Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 I'd hardly see a trip to France as something to boast about...but sometimes it's when you're away from home that the most interesting things happen to you. It's part of being a stranger in a strange place. It can be uncomfortable and embarrassing at times, but that's part of the fun. I've got memories of places I've been whereby I can close my eyes and feel as though I'm back there. Absolutely! Travelling (especially alone) has been such a huge factor in helping me discover what I want out of life that I will absolutely talk about it -- but it isn't to brag or to make someone else feel inferior for not having traveled. When I talk about it it's the same as talking about something major that has impacted my life. Travelling alone in England at 21 had a huge affect on how I hold myself. I understand having bad memories about your aunt and I think we all know people like that -- who always want bigger and better things and can't settle for what they have. But who cares? If it makes them happy, let them bounce from place to place while you stay happily where you are. I think you're reading hostility into these situations that isn't intended.
Taramere Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 Absolutely! Travelling (especially alone) has been such a huge factor in helping me discover what I want out of life that I will absolutely talk about it -- but it isn't to brag or to make someone else feel inferior for not having traveled. When I talk about it it's the same as talking about something major that has impacted my life. Travelling alone in England at 21 had a huge affect on how I hold myself. And it is a buzz if somebody's talking about a place you've visited and they're talking about it in a way that takes you right back there. I hate it, though, when people who will talk about a place you've also been to, and they'll insist on lecturing you about it as though they're the only person who could possibly have visited it/appreciated it properly. Maybe that's what the OP's aunt is like. I've a friend like that. Or I did (we fell out). She was determined I couldn't speak French...and even a French professor she knew couldn't persuade her otherwise. She'd start translating some piece of text on a statue or some other landmark for me, and I'd have to stand there patiently letting her be a patronising cow. Then she'd come to a word she didn't understand and stop. In some cases I'd know the word and I'd translate it...then she'd carry on translating the easy stuff for me without a shred of embarrassment or any kind of admission that perhaps I didn't need her interpreting services.
norajane Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 When I hear a woman brag that she has gone to all these exotic places and seen all these landmarks, it's an instant turnoff to me, because I see a reflection of my late aunt in her. My aunt was the kind of person who traveled to a whole mess of different countries, mostly by herself, and she couldn't stand to stay home for very long. She was always telling me about all the wonderful things she saw and people she met (and some rude people too), like she was trying to make me jealous but it didn't work. I'm a homebody, and I enjoy staying home and making things more than I'd ever enjoy traveling. Honyockland isn't my home. But I'm probably the only one. BTW my aunt stayed single her whole life, and stopped dating after her 20s. Why do you believe she was trying to make you jealous? Maybe she was just telling stories about her travels because she thought you might be interested in hearing about those places since you've never been to them. Also, since travel is something she enjoyed and did a lot of, perhaps that was the most interesting thing for her to talk about, instead of the weather. It seems like you're projecting all kinds of motivations onto her, and now onto other women who travel. And what difference does it make whether your aunt dated or married or whatever? Are you trying to make some point?
lululucy Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 And it is a buzz if somebody's talking about a place you've visited and they're talking about it in a way that takes you right back there. I hate it, though, when people who will talk about a place you've also been to, and they'll insist on lecturing you about it as though they're the only person who could possibly have visited it/appreciated it properly. Maybe that's what the OP's aunt is like. I've a friend like that. Or I did (we fell out). She was determined I couldn't speak French...and even a French professor she knew couldn't persuade her otherwise. She'd start translating some piece of text on a statue or some other landmark for me, and I'd have to stand there patiently letting her be a patronising cow. Then she'd come to a word she didn't understand and stop. In some cases I'd know the word and I'd translate it...then she'd carry on translating the easy stuff for me without a shred of embarrassment or any kind of admission that perhaps I didn't need her interpreting services. I find those people to be excruciating in general, I have such little patience for them.. my uncle is like that with just about everything. I ran into him at the theatre the other night where I was going to see Romeo and Juliet and while I was talking to his wife, he just butts in with "You know, 'Wherefore art thou Romeo' doesn't mean where are you Romeo, but why are you called Romeo" as if I'm not an English minor and haven't read R&J at least ten times. I think people that fall into that category have a general disinterest in anyone else's life/aptitudes -- I could definitely understand that being incredibly frustrating to deal with, though nothing could put me off travelling.
O'Malley Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 You forget that I'm a radio ham and I talk to people in other countries all the time. Did you ever discuss the people you've met over ham with her? Possibly she wanted your take, since you may have known people from the places that she traveled to? It's normal to share those things that you're passionate about. I'm the traveler in my family, whether it's to another country or a road trip where I camp out or sleep in the back of my boyfriend's van. It grew out of my childhood love for maps -- I'd pick out a country or region, then look up everything I could about it's history. There is a pleasure in seeing the sunrise, and remembering the sunrises I've watched in other places that I never thought I would go to. My mom's a homebody, so I wasn't able to indulge in recreational travel until I was an adult, but several years back I finally managed to persuade her to come on one of our trips and she had a great time. I can understand the irritation if you feel that someone is being condescending about their experiences in comparison to yours, or the implication that your preference to be a homebody means that you're insular and not culturally interested or aware. Most people who travel simply enjoy coming across those experiences that they wouldn't have encountered had they never strayed from one area.
RecordProducer Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 And what difference does it make whether your aunt dated or married or whatever? Are you trying to make some point?Yes, I was kinda surprised that this was a post about his aunt. Is he interested in dating her? On a more serious note, I think El Brujo is concerned that it seems like everybody wants to travel except for him. Thankfully forhim, most people don't have the money to travel. El Brujo,doyoufeel the same about traveling within the US? You live in LA, do you go to other places?
jobaba Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 The more you have going on, the more interesting you will be to people. That includes traveling. Not only does it show a sense of adventure, but it's another thing to talk about. Especially if you travel out of your comfort zone. It's one thing to travel to the Bahamas, Las Vegas, and Key West. It's totally another thing to travel to South Africa, Thailand, and India. I love people who are open minded about culture and not afraid to step out of their comfort zone. Personally, I would love to travel the world if I could, but I'm in the midst of getting stuff sorted out and time and $ are not luxuries at the moment.
Andy_K Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 It's generally a turn-on for women, so women write it assuming it's a turn on for men and/or hoping to attract one who has also travelled.
Dust Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 I love travling. Also women are often afraid to travel with out a man so the idea of showing a girl the world is a romantic one to me. El Brujo I do look down upon you for your boring/fearful views make no mistake. I would recomend you have an adventure!
Disenchantedly Yours Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 While traveling is nice, I can't say it's a huge "turn-on" for me. I have seen alot of dating profiles where people talk about how much they just love to travel. For me, it's become kind of cliche. I enjoy traveling here and there but I don't want to be a globetrotter. I am more of a homebody too. Although I do appreicate different places and it's nice to go to different places sometimes. How a man would talk about his traveling experiences would matter more then anything. As other people pointed out here.
dasein Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 When I hear a woman brag that she has gone to all these exotic places and seen all these landmarks, it's an instant turnoff to me, because I see a reflection of my late aunt in her. OP is quite clear that it's a dating preference with a basis in experience. He is entitled to such, as are we all. I will never again date a woman with fake boobs based on experience unless there are many other balancing traits in her. Some may find that silly and irrational, so be it. Everyone is entitled to their preferences. When preferences based on externals outweigh all others to the exclusion of preferences based on internal, substantive things, then we tend to call such people shallow, but OP does not seem to take the preference to that level. To the topic, I find several types of "travelers" among people met. Some enjoy truly learning about other cultures, picking up new languages, meeting new people, experiencing new environments. These are a turnon for me. These stick out when asked, you will learn new interesting things talking to them, hearing of their travels and sharing your own. I don't travel as much as in the past these days, but when I do, try to be this type (it's hard work). Travel isn't the goal, stimulus isn't the goal, identifying with certain social classes isn't the goal, learning and understanding is the goal. I find these to be in the minority. Others travel compulsively because travel fills some void in their lives. These also tend to be the types who have to go out 3+ times a week. To me, these are a turnoff because they can't tell you about anything they have done in a meaningful way because it all runs together and is indistinguishable. They will pull out rolls and rolls of pictures of places, people, things, but can't tell you anything of substance about anything in the pictures, the people or the travels. "This is Juan, a nice man we met." "Where does Juan live, what does he do for a living, what is he like?" "Oh, he's very... friendly." "What is that building" "It's a 15th century monastery." "What order, what is the monastery known for?" "Ummm... errrr." People who cram their lives full of superficial gloss whether it be travel or eating at four different restaurants a week are a gigantic turnoff to me. Others travel because they judge the world on the trappings of travel, money, privilege, and use travel as a form of snobbery. Also huge turnoff. There are more of these two types than you may think, and the OLD sites are full of them. OP's aunt may be one of these. If someone claims that "snobby travelers" don't compose a large subset of travelers generally, they are being naive IMO. Travel, like every human activity, doesn't have some objective value. My friend who has to travel to 50 foreign countries a year for work will assure us of that (and does when we quiz him on his travels, "I'm just thankful to be home a few days and don't want to talk about it," LOL) It's what one does with it. After all, it doesn't require much skill to do, it isn't some kind of achievement. I don't find OP's preference as unreasonable and ridiculous as others here, and perhaps he is talking about one of the latter two types of "travelers" I list as opposed to more substantive travelers. There are certainly a TON of the former out there.
cerridwen Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 It turns me on like a light bulb. Independant, curious, adventurous men? Nah. What's to like there?
Author El Brujo Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 It becomes irritating when one or a few people insist on telling you of their adventures (and misadventures) every time they see you... to me those people are trying to use their experience as a stick to hit you with, to make you feel like you're missing out. These are the kind of people who'd fly to Mars and come back and drive you up the wall about all the fun they had (even the part where the rocket broke down). Guess what? It never made me feel gypped, and it never will. BTW I DID enjoy a tour of the Southwest a few years ago, thank you... the Grand Canyon, White Sands and the Petrified Forest, and Carlsbad Caverns. All of those places were more than enough to make my imagination run wild (and it didn't want to shut up afterward)... but I couldn't take my woodworking shed with me. But then there's sightseeing, and then there's talking to another country's "hillbillies" to get an idea how the locals really feel, far away from the glitz and glamor. Believe me, I've talked to some real interesting foreign hillbillies on the radio... you're missing out on a whole experience yourself if you've never talked to any of these people without having to get on a plane.
EasyHeart Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 (edited) In what sense do people cram it down your throat? I mean, I agree that people who boast about places they've visited just for the sake of saying they've been there...and who feel that they are in some way superior simply as a result of having been there, are foolish bores. I've run into a significant number of women who have "must love to travel" as one of their dealbreakers, claiming that any man who doesn't "love to travel" is boring, timid and stupid. My guess is it's promulgated in women's magazines or relationship books, because it seems to be a quite common meme. The reality, of course, is that you will find very, very few heterosexual men who list travel as a hobby. According to the evolutionary biologists, it apparently has something to do with women craving foreign sperm, so now whenever I hear that a woman "loves to travel", I laugh on the inside because I translate that as "I search for foreign men to impregnate me" and wonder why I am supposed to find that attractive. Travel itself is neither good nor bad, but it gets annoying when women imbue this (and many, many othertrivial matters) with huge significance when it really doesn't matter at all. Edited December 18, 2011 by EasyHeart
Author El Brujo Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 My guess is it's promulgated in women's magazines or relationship books, because it seems to be a quite common meme. That, plus up until 9/11 there was this line of reasoning in the travel promotion industry that "secrecy sells"... though it's open to question how many people really believed it. I doubt that a country which is obsessed with secrecy would allow tourists in without a lot of paperwork.
Nexus One Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 (edited) Travel is not about the destination per se, it's also about adventure. Personally I'm sick of sitting at home. I do occasionally go to other countries, but not as much as I would like to. I have a trip planned to China next year with a friend. We're going to a Chinese industrial city where he has a contact that knows her way in the factories there, we're going to look what kind of business ideas we can come up with. His family exports steel from China and they have a house there, so we're going to stay at that house. Not sure if anything will come out of it, but nothing ventured nothing gained. Edited December 18, 2011 by Nexus One
RecordProducer Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 (edited) I will never again date a woman with fake boobs based on experience unless there are many other balancing traits in her. You didn't like the boobs or the person? Because I can hardly imagine how breast implants could turn someone into a bad person, your theory must be that women who decide to have fake boobs are of certain character. Why do you think it was the fake boobs anyway? What kind of car did she drive? Maybe it was the car make. Or the color of her bathroom tiles. And how are you going to know if a woman has fake boobs? Edited December 18, 2011 by RecordProducer
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