ptp Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 Personally I don't like playing games with women, but it works and it gets results. Sometimes being nice is being too nice. In my current relationship I think I have hit that point. It annoys me that my compliments fall on deaf years. Anything nice I say to her are discounted as things "I have to say because I am the BF". I almost feel like I should start telling her that she "looks just okay" etc... maybe then she would appreciate it when I do compliment her. Recently while in bed we were having an argument about a pet peeve of mine. She was completely in the wrong, but just couldn't bring herself to apologize and it was really ticking me off. We were in her bed arguing and then needed to use the rest room. After finishing my sentence, I got out of bed to go...then out of no where she jumps out of bed, grabs my hand, starts profusely apologizing and begs me not to leave her apt in the middle of the night. She mistakenly thought I was leaving when I was only going to the bathroom. However, it just showed that if I acted like an ******* more often it would get better results. So while I don't want to act that way (it just isn't me) it does work so why shouldn't I do it?
D-Lish Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 Because at some point, it stops working. It may be a back and forth thing that you find works for you now- but it's not always going to work out that way. At some point you have to choose to rule a relationship with games, or actually immerse yourself in an equal relationship with an equal partner on the same page as you are. FYI: If I had an arguement with my bf and he got up to leave in the middle of the night, I'd roll over, take up the extra space in the bed, and enjoy a good night of sleep.
Dust Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 The difference between you and me... when a girl anoys me I want to act like an A-hole towards her.
norajane Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 So while I don't want to act that way (it just isn't me) it does work so why shouldn't I do it? Because it only works with insecure women with low self-esteem. So unless that's the kind of woman you want in your life, it doesn't "work".
colliejoanie Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 I have to agree with the insecure statement. Also, it sounds like she knew she was in the wrong, and realized she'd pushed too far. Whatever the case, it doesn't sound fun.
Dust Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 Because it only works with insecure women with low self-esteem. So unless that's the kind of woman you want in your life, it doesn't "work". I'm not going to lie he needs to pick his battles. You have an arguement in bed about a pet peeve don't expect it to end well unless you pull out the big guns. I mean what was his pet peeve about how she picks her nose or something and she just wouldn't admit it... You have to pick your battles and some times you have to be a dick to get things done. I say the OP is in the wrong... for not being a dick about is pet peeve
betterdeal Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 I don't think it's that egregious an insult to leave someone's apartment when an argument has got you overheated. I get the sense that you are repressing your ire and that leads to impotent rage, which is what is really bugging you. Sometimes aggression is necessary. How you express it is what matters. Saying "no" is an act of aggression. It is resistance to someone else's will. Without going too far the other way and becoming a vein-popping maniac, you can stand up for yourself and make life easier for you and others. Going for some fresh air, to cool down, these are what people have done for aeons. Washing hands is also another custom for putting bad air behind you; one that we've been doing since at least Roman times.
Lonely Ronin Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 (edited) FYI: If I had an arguement with my bf and he got up to leave in the middle of the night, I'd roll over, take up the extra space in the bed, and enjoy a good night of sleep. WOW D, That's kind of cold... Would you really do that even if you know you're in the wrong? Edited December 17, 2011 by Lonely Ronin
Dust Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 WOW D, That's kind of cold... Would you really do that even if you know you're in the wrong? What have we learned about women... then never think they are wrong. You just have to laugh and find their stupidness cute some times. D-Lish is actually one of our warmer posters. Read some other girls posts if you really want to hear cold.
LZ2000 Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 These games are truly mentally exhausting. And while some aspects of personal insecurity are still acceptable, it is not an excuse or reason to cause drama or fights.
youngskywalker Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 I think it's a matter of keeping things real and just being yourself. Many women don't respond well to being put on a pedestal either. Maybe you're discovering that? I often find that when I stand up to my woman and put her in her place she is more attracted to me. If she's playing her little girl manipulation games but I hold my ground and do what's best for me, she loves it. I've been with my girl for one year. I had to address a couple of things in our relationship that I thought could be a deal breaker in her eyes. It sounds weird but the periods of greatest affection have been right after I stood up for myself and my interests. She finds it attractive.
betterdeal Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 One woman I was involved with liked heated arguments that led to a slap then sex.
Author ptp Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 Because it only works with insecure women with low self-esteem. So unless that's the kind of woman you want in your life, it doesn't "work". The next woman I meet who isn't insecure will be the 1st. Ergo it "works" for the vast majority of women. It works when the hooks love love have taken hold. It doesn't work when the the girl doesn't have feelings for the guy or if you act like a jerk all the time and the girl is sick of it. Neither is the case for me.
Author ptp Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 I think it's a matter of keeping things real and just being yourself. Many women don't respond well to being put on a pedestal either. Maybe you're discovering that? I often find that when I stand up to my woman and put her in her place she is more attracted to me. If she's playing her little girl manipulation games but I hold my ground and do what's best for me, she loves it. I've been with my girl for one year. I had to address a couple of things in our relationship that I thought could be a deal breaker in her eyes. It sounds weird but the periods of greatest affection have been right after I stood up for myself and my interests. She finds it attractive. I don't put her on the pedestal...I really don't. It is just that I am really into her and thus I love complementing her. Now my complements have no affect and when she dismiss my opinion it just shows how little she values my opinion. So the only solution is to stop complementing her. I also stand up for myself, definitely not a push over. I make things very clear when she is wrong...however I don't like to dwell on small things so I let things like my pet peeve go after I have made it clear to her how much it annoys me. It is only after a repeated pattern of behavior that I don't like is when I get frustrated...and that was the situation I described in the original post.
Author ptp Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 One woman I was involved with liked heated arguments that led to a slap then sex. lamo:lmao::lmao: "slap then sex"? Hmm.... maybe I should redirect my anger and frustration.
ThaWholigan Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 It's just one of those things. In my personal observations, women tend to challenge you by default whether they are right or wrong. No matter how secure or insecure they are, they will challenge you on something (whether trivial or not, could be mild, could be a big deal) to see how you respond, and if you respond accordingly (as you apparently did) she will most likely relent, and quite happily too (make-up sex ) Now if she's in the wrong, then you hold your ground. If she's in the right however, there's a way to back down while still maintaining your own personal authority. I haven't quite cracked it yet, but I'll let you know when I do
chryssy83 Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 She sounds immature, insecure, and ungrateful. So yeah, if you want more of you have, keep doing what you are doing. And google "shi* testing" while you're at it.
Shaun-Dro Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Because it only works with insecure women with low self-esteem. So unless that's the kind of woman you want in your life, it doesn't "work". The problem with this statement is that over 75% of these women have a low self-esteem issue so this game will work the majority of the time.
Woggle Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 It does work well with women but I would rather be single then deal with that crap day in and day out. I am lucky to have one of the ones that is not like this but if I didn't I would just stay single.
oldguy Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Personally I don't like playing games with women, but it works and it gets results. Sometimes being nice is being too nice. In my current relationship I think I have hit that point. It annoys me that my compliments fall on deaf years. Anything nice I say to her are discounted as things "I have to say because I am the BF". I almost feel like I should start telling her that she "looks just okay" etc... maybe then she would appreciate it when I do compliment her. Recently while in bed we were having an argument about a pet peeve of mine. She was completely in the wrong, but just couldn't bring herself to apologize and it was really ticking me off. We were in her bed arguing and then needed to use the rest room. After finishing my sentence, I got out of bed to go...then out of no where she jumps out of bed, grabs my hand, starts profusely apologizing and begs me not to leave her apt in the middle of the night. She mistakenly thought I was leaving when I was only going to the bathroom. However, it just showed that if I acted like an ******* more often it would get better results. So while I don't want to act that way (it just isn't me) it does work so why shouldn't I do it? You do realize there are more positive & constructive ways to keep from taking each other for granted than treating each other like crap , right?
smokey bear Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 You need to communicate to her with this problem, I suggest writing down the way you want to say it without causing offence etc may help then approach the subject, but you have to actually make sure she hears you and absorbes it or this problem will become a huge problem.
Author ptp Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 You do realize there are more positive & constructive ways to keep from taking each other for granted Like what? What should I do differently besides stop paying her complements in the hopes that when they stop she will realize it.
Woggle Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Get a better GF. Is this really better than being single?
serial muse Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Out of curiosity, was the pet peeve in question this very thing (meaning, this annoyance that she can't take a compliment)? Because I think it's reasonable to say so to her, since it weighs heavily on your relationship.
Author ptp Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 Out of curiosity, was the pet peeve in question this very thing (meaning, this annoyance that she can't take a compliment)? Because I think it's reasonable to say so to her, since it weighs heavily on your relationship. No, it the pet peeve is: being on time. Even if it weights heavily on the relationship...how do you make someone appreciate something they don't already appreciate? i don't think that is possible. If mention it, she would change for a week or 2, but would eventually forget and return back to her original behavior. So what do I do? The only thing I can think of is to act more like a jerk and when she asks me if she "looks good" I just give her a "meh" type answer.
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