xpaperxcutx Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 Considering my track record with men as of late, I'm about to chalk this latest one up as a hit and miss. A few months back, I started an account on POF just to check out things out. I used the site to help pass time and wasn't particularly actve in seeking a date. However, snce being stood up, I'd taken to using the site more and more. I took a more initiative approach in seeking relationship minded men. Recently, a guy emailed me and we've started a penpaleque correspondance. Excuse the cliche if I say he's great on paper. He's a graduate student who recently moved to the nyc area. A pet owner, he njoys spending his time with his dog. He's incredibly fit and active ( based on pictures) and to top things off he isn't afraid to write and respond h hasestly. I find myself looking forward to his messages and replying enthusiastically i.n return. Chances are now he could be Mr right and I'm very imterested ( and attracted) to him, but he has not even ask for my number. We can talk about dog picnics and joke about being picky eaters, but there has been no mention of actually meeting up. Is there a particular chancethat emails can make a guy friendzone a girl? It's really nice to wrtie backand forth, but honestly I'm hoping things can lead somewhere as well.
colliejoanie Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 I think there is such a thing as being friendzoned because of e-mails. It happened with me. I don't know who friendzoned whom, but A YEAR AND A HALF after our first contact, JDMIKE and I are bff's and have never met. He's good looking, funny, outgoing, secure in his career.....and we have built a relationship where we talk about our dates, our days, our kids. I honestly have no inclination to date him now. We are friends.
Dust Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 well theres three distinct scenarios... one he doesn't like you like that... two he's a somedude81 type and wondering if you like him and afraid to be rejected and wants you to make every single move and act completely disinterested so you are the man and he is the women... and three he's being a somedude but will snap out of it soon because you've given enough signals and ask you out... You seem vulnerable do you think a good spanking would help with that?
snug.bunny Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 Well......You sound interested in him. Sooooo, why not mention getting together?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 I think there is such a thing as being friendzoned because of e-mails. It happened with me. I don't know who friendzoned whom, but A YEAR AND A HALF after our first contact, JDMIKE and I are bff's and have never met. He's good looking, funny, outgoing, secure in his career.....and we have built a relationship where we talk about our dates, our days, our kids. I honestly have no inclination to date him now. We are friends. Ugh.. y This is what I'm afraid of. Don't mention a year, we've only been corresponding for a little more than a week. But we've both been prompt with replies.... you would think the non. hesitancy imply interest ( at least on my part). I've had guys give me their number the very first email.... guy in question has not even offeted Facebook.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 well theres three distinct scenarios... one he doesn't like you like that... two he's a somedude81 type and wondering if you like him and afraid to be rejected and wants you to make every single move and act completely disinterested so you are the man and he is the women... and three he's being a somedude but will snap out of it soon because you've given enough signals and ask you out... You seem vulnerable do you think a good spanking would help with that? All three scenerios seem unlikely. He seems the confisent type and none of what he has written imply he's writing to impress or show off. He's incredibly easygoing in writing and has in no way displayed criticism of any sort. He hasn't preached or lectured and as as I'm concerned I find myself trusting him.
colliejoanie Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 Sorry.....I'm sure this is rare???? We just actually exchanged numbers A MONTH AGO!!! I really can't tell you why it took so long. I truly am happy when I see his name pop up, but I don't pine for his calls or texts. Part of me thinks it's my subconscience telling me that he's the one but neither one of us is ready right now.....wishful thinking?? I say be a bit more aggressive if you like this guy. Suggest coffee if you "happen" to be in his area. I don't think I was aggressive enough.
Dust Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 All three scenerios seem unlikely. He seems the confisent type and none of what he has written imply he's writing to impress or show off. He's incredibly easygoing in writing and has in no way displayed criticism of any sort. He hasn't preached or lectured and as as I'm concerned I find myself trusting him. USMC seems confident but he also seems to be a Somedude81 at times. Look maybe this is just his style, you seem really into him so what ever he's doing is working. As long as he doesn't bring you over to that point of being so anoyed you don't want him anymore he's doing great if this is his plan... Think about that
Dust Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 Sorry.....I'm sure this is rare???? We just actually exchanged numbers A MONTH AGO!!! I really can't tell you why it took so long. I truly am happy when I see his name pop up, but I don't pine for his calls or texts. Part of me thinks it's my subconscience telling me that he's the one but neither one of us is ready right now.....wishful thinking?? I say be a bit more aggressive if you like this guy. Suggest coffee if you "happen" to be in his area. I don't think I was aggressive enough. I'm just curious are you hott? would you mind putting your pic as your avatar like our blondie OP
colliejoanie Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 I don't know what being "hott" has to do with anything . But yeah, I put my pic up....why not??
dispatch3d Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 I can't even begin to count the number of times I've known a girl for weeks, months, whatever, talked to them for days, weeks, months etc. sent them text messages all the time, etc. etc. then asked them out and had some sort of derivative of (1) them going then flaking (2) them saying they are busy (3) them going mia (4) I could go on and on. Give him some friggin hints. Like at some point in your lives, don't you sit there and think, this is what I want how do I get it? Or are you seriously this helpless in your own love life. That's the one over-riding thing I notice with women, this whole too-big-a-deal to take an active role in who they date and why.
youngskywalker Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 You get friend zoned online the same way you do in real life. Has there been any flirting of a sexual nature? If not then what makes you think this guy would take any initiative in asking you on a real date? I'm sure he has a life of his own and plenty of friends to hang out with. Lure him with sex or accept the reality of "just friends". Don't hold your breath that he'll eventually come around. We all know how those scenarios end up. You know, the people that secretly hope that staying "friends" will eventually lead to the other person magically developing feelings of romance. Rarely happens. Try sexing it up a little (if you haven't already). If he responds with flirting then it's game on. If not, then he's not interested.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 USMC seems confident but he also seems to be a Somedude81 at times. Look maybe this is just his style, you seem really into him so what ever he's doing is working. As long as he doesn't bring you over to that point of being so anoyed you don't want him anymore he's doing great if this is his plan... Think about that USMC may be someone who constantly need reassurance but I think this vulnerability of his make him adorable. The only thig that makes penpal guy even remotely resembling somedude is his height. According to his pof profile he stated he was5'5. I m not fazed by this though perhaps because I myself am only5'3 in stature. But in all honesty I'm jus incredibly drawn to his laidback personality.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 I don't know what being "hott" has to do with anything . But yeah, I put my pic up....why not?? Collie you're gorgeous!
colliejoanie Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 It's very intimidating for a woman to be aggressive unless and until she feels the guy is interested in the same thing......and, luring a guy with sex is no way to start a relationship. Thanks OP! So are you!
jobaba Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 Excuse the cliche if I say he's great on paper. He's a graduate student who recently moved to the nyc area. A pet owner, he njoys spending his time with his dog. He's incredibly fit and active ( based on pictures) and to top things off he isn't afraid to write and respond h hasestly. I find myself looking forward to his messages and replying enthusiastically i.n return. Chances are now he could be Mr right and I'm very imterested ( and attracted) to him, but he has not even ask for my number. We can talk about dog picnics and joke about being picky eaters, but there has been no mention of actually meeting up. Is there a particular chancethat emails can make a guy friendzone a girl? It's really nice to wrtie backand forth, but honestly I'm hoping things can lead somewhere as well. Haha. You can't be 'friendzoned' by someone after knowing them for a week and corresponding only through email. C'mon, I've spent over 100+ hours alone with women who have 'friendzoned' me. To be honest, he doesn't really sound that impressive. I know lots of people who have what he has. So, he must be pretty hot. And I'm very surprised that you are adopting such an 'overeager' attitude based on your previous posts. But I agree with the others. Take initiative and ask for a meetup. And remember, you have the edge. He's the bright eyed hick who's new in town and you're the big time NYC gal. And who doesn't have a fetish for little Asian girls with blonde hair?
Dust Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 Some times I wonder if LS is the work of a few trolls (men) who get their kix playing tricks on me. How is it that all the girls who post on LS are sexy yet always having guy problems...
youngskywalker Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 It's very intimidating for a woman to be aggressive unless and until she feels the guy is interested in the same thing......and, luring a guy with sex is no way to start a relationship. It's not about being aggressive but instead helping the guy out a little. Women take initiative in this all the time. Take for instance what happens at the local hang out joint. Does the guy randomly step out of his comfort zone and approach the girl to talk to her? Not really. For instance, the girl may walk by the guy and stare him down while batting her eyelashes. This communicates "I want to be approached by you". My dating life sucked for over a decade because I bought into the lie that "sex is no way to start a relationship". Truth is, it's the only way. Without it, you only make friends. OP is hoping for something romantic to happen with this guy. What is the one thing missing? I would bet money that there has been very little or zero flirting between them. Please understand; I'm not talking about the act of having sex or (just get a first date and slut yourself out) I'm talking about creating an atmosphere of sexual tension and romantic interest.
lululucy Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 You've only been corresponding a week! Don't overthink it, just casually drop in how you'd like to meet up. What's your favourite restaurant in a popular area he's probably been to already? Or in an area he may not have heard of yet as a newbie to NYC? "Have you been to ____ yet? We should go sometime, it's amazing." can be slipped into a paragraph casually and he'll know where you stand without you putting yourself totally out there if you're afraid of being rejected.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 I don't know what being "hott" has to do with anything . But yeah, I put my pic up....why not?? It's not about being aggressive but instead helping the guy out a little. Women take initiative in this all the time. Take for instance what happens at the local hang out joint. Does the guy randomly step out of his comfort zone and approach the girl to talk to her? Not really. For instance, the girl may walk by the guy and stare him down while batting her eyelashes. This communicates "I want to be approached by you". My dating life sucked for over a decade because I bought into the lie that "sex is no way to start a relationship". Truth is, it's the only way. Without it, you only make friends. OP is hoping for something romantic to happen with this guy. What is the one thing missing? I would bet money that there has been very little or zero flirting between them. Please understand; I'm not talking about the act of having sex or (just get a first date and slut yourself out) I'm talking about creating an atmosphere of sexual tension and romantic interest. You're right. I looked back on some of the things we wroote each other and there were no flirtation between us ( unless you count talking about our dogs a turnon). He's courteous. He dots his digital i's and t's. He even wishes me a good day in closing for every email.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 You've only been corresponding a week! Don't overthink it, just casually drop in how you'd like to meet up. What's your favourite restaurant in a popular area he's probably been to already? Or in an area he may not have heard of yet as a newbie to NYC? "Have you been to ____ yet? We should go sometime, it's amazing." can be slipped into a paragraph casually and he'll know where you stand without you putting yourself totally out there if you're afraid of being rejected. There's a little misunderstanding. He's not a newbie to nyc I meant write he just recently moved back to new york.
lululucy Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 There's a little misunderstanding. He's not a newbie to nyc I meant write he just recently moved back to new york. That doesn't change the fact that you can easily drop BLATANT hints that you want to go out with him. Even better if he's recently back, you can bring up a little known restaurant and see if he's been. Or a new place that he wouldn't have seen since he was gone.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 That doesn't change the fact that you can easily drop BLATANT hints that you want to go out with him. Even better if he's recently back, you can bring up a little known restaurant and see if he's been. Or a new place that he wouldn't have seen since he was gone. Things never work out for me if I end up being the one doing the chasing.. but because he's not taking initiative i decided to playully encourage him to give me a call at my number. I even coyly flirted.... " so______, as much I enjoy writing to you, any chance we can take this further such as talking on the phone? If you are not afraid to pick up the phone and call a girl.... here is my number. insert number".
Nexus One Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Could be multiple things. How old is he? Note that some guys are not girl-savvy, so they might not know what to do OR he's just not in a phase of his life where he's interested in a relationship OR he's not attracted to you and friendzoned you OR he's too shy to hit on you OR he's not sure if you like him. You don't have to chase him or hit on him, but a glance and a smile in his direction when there's actually no reason to might just give off the right signal to him.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 So I took everyone's advice and took the initiative of giving him my number. We've been texting nonstop all night. I can assure everyone that while we did text there were no one liners from either of us. And yes, he finally asked me out. He told me he was new at this and hadn't known when was the atppropriate time to ask me out. He was also understanding to take a rain check until I get my work schedule figured out. So all in all, he was intetested.
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