yellow Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 Been with my boyfriend about a year and a half now. He moved about 500 miles away 3 months ago to finish his Masters. We have a great relationship..get along great and before he moved we were together all the time. Its been so hard adjusting to the fact that im not in his life everyday and he is so busy and stressed all the time. I have given him all the space in the world.. I dont call 100 times a day, sometimes I just wait to hear from him, I dont ask where he is or what he is doing or who he is with, I trust him completely and I try to support him in all he is doing. Here is my problem.. Facebook!! I dislike facebook for the fact that I merely only use it on occasion and dont post anything out of the ordinary. its plain and simple. On the other hand.. more than enough times now there have been some instances where girls are tagging him, posting pics of him and interacting with him. He says they are friends of friends, but i don't know them and I have made him aware that im unsure how to take this. I do question whats up when i see this. He gets angry with me and tells me im insecure and jealous and It upsets me because I feel that I have been so chill with him. Am I not allowed to have a jealous bone in my body? It annoys me that these random girls know he has a gf but do it anyway. Im 500 miles away! Am i Crazy or do I have the right!?
cerridwen Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 Please elaborate on " I do question whats up when i see this." Do you sheepishly ask? Which likely signals you're not accusing him of anything, but more feeling in need of reassurance. Or are you full out questioning him and demanding answers? In which case he has a right to be annoyed.
Dust Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 Yellow if you were my girl I'd tell these chicks to stop tagging me! Somethings up...
Author yellow Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 Thank you Dust! I agree! Cerridwen- The first few times I was very calm, and addressed it politely and tried to really think before i spoke.. I made my point without accusing. I try to think these things over before reacting.. but then it just kept happening.. I never freak out and just accuse him of things but I guess I do have a way of asking him where it sounds like im accusing him (thats what he says anyway) BUT its only because Ive come to the point now where im sick of hiding the fact that these posts make me feel uncomfortable and that I should feel sorry for asking him whats going on. Today I got upset and told him it was my right to know whats up. Im tired of feeling like I dont have the right. Yes, sometimes I think I am just looking for re-assurance. I just got back from having an amazing weekend with him and he suddenly went back to full speed with work and school.. we loose touch and it hurts. then i see stuff on his fb and it makes me feel like these girls spend more time with him than i do. I dont know.... Im sure im just over-reacting. Hes a great guy, and Its not even him thats posts these things... its just these other girls that piss me off more than anything.
Dust Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 Thank you Dust! I agree! I dont know.... Im sure im just over-reacting. Hes a great guy, and Its not even him thats posts these things... its just these other girls that piss me off more than anything. Don't expect the girls to know better... He's the one who needs to know better and be looking out for himself. He should care.
Author yellow Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 Dust- .....and that is why I feel like Im NOT over-reacting...I could sit back and not say anything if i didnt care, but I do and I think its dis-respectful.. even though it may be innocent, until I actually meet these girls and know who they are then Im not totally comfortable with it. Thank you for your reply's. I appreciate it.
LZ2000 Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 (edited) Your jealousy is justified but perhaps because you do not know the full story of your boyfriend's situation back there, you may adjust the level of jealousy out of equal proportion. And when you tell your boyfriend about it, he may find your worry to be more like an accusation, or stupid remark. I was personally accused by my ex-girlfriend in for hacking into her email a long time ago, which I am totally innocent from and would never do to anyone. The funny thing is that she didn't show me any form of proof of me hacking into her email. When I did my best to convince her and calm her down, she truly behaved like a prissy self righteous nun. That pretty much was the deal-breaker for me, and I never talked to her ever since. I understand your anxiety and your worries, and it can eat into your confidence and could cause you to screw up real bad. Take one step at a time and stay level headed. Cheers. Edited December 17, 2011 by LZ2000
Viking Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I too hate facebook, but it is really one of the only ways to maintain some form of contact with an LDR partner. As for being jealous about photos girls are posting with your BF in them...is he the only person in the photo? What is the context of the photo? Are these photos at parties with other people? Are they just candids of him sitting around with throngs of pretty women laying on him? Without more information, we cannot really decide whether you are overreacting or simply reacting to the content of the photos. Here is what I do when I see photos of my GF where I get jealous. I take a deep breath, look at the photo, realize that there is an LDR and that she is free to leave it if she wants. The fact that you talk to him on a regular basis reaffirms the relationship that you have together. For me, it is the fact that the people won't be there at a later date, so feasibly there isn't a point to start something that won't go anywhere. Just looking at it objectively. Looking at it from a love/relationship situation, it won't go anywhere because of her involvement with me.
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