yzyzyz325 Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 Well, my ex gf broke up with me out of the blue in May. She knew I love her very much, but she just lost her feelings for some reasons (no another guy involved). She has never tried to contact me ever since the BU. I always thought I was a good bf in that relationship until recently something happened to me which made me think a lot. I suddenly realized that I wasn't that good bf. Yes, of course, I was much better than her, but still, I was not good enough. I was not so understanding sometimes, I was kinda selfish and immature, more importantly, I said some mean things at the beginning of the relationship. I improved a lot during the relationship, but I still feel sorry for what I did before. Now I really want to say sorry to my ex for not being a very good bf in the relationhip. Is it a good idea?
smokey bear Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 Well, my ex gf broke up with me out of the blue in May. She knew I love her very much, but she just lost her feelings for some reasons (no another guy involved). She has never tried to contact me ever since the BU. I always thought I was a good bf in that relationship until recently something happened to me which made me think a lot. I suddenly realized that I wasn't that good bf. Yes, of course, I was much better than her, but still, I was not good enough. I was not so understanding sometimes, I was kinda selfish and immature, more importantly, I said some mean things at the beginning of the relationship. I improved a lot during the relationship, but I still feel sorry for what I did before. Now I really want to say sorry to my ex for not being a very good bf in the relationhip. Is it a good idea? It honestly cant do any harm other than hurting you again, if you can handle that then go for it, maybe you could be friends again, maybe more? Maybe she'll ignore you, you wont know until you try, if you can handle the hurt that could come from it, then go for it
sugarmomma Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 Making amends is always a good idea. There's nothing like a man that can take personal responsibility for his part in a relationship. It shows character and integrity. Its never too late. I wish my ex could be enlightened in such a way.
Author yzyzyz325 Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 It honestly cant do any harm other than hurting you again, if you can handle that then go for it, maybe you could be friends again, maybe more? Maybe she'll ignore you, you wont know until you try, if you can handle the hurt that could come from it, then go for it thx for ur support, smokey bear I actually want nothing from her now as her mind is already quite clear. She told our best mutual friend that she didn't want to see me if i still had feelings to her bcoz she didn't want to give me false hope. She also said she didn't mind of being friend with me if I got over her which squashed my last hope, bcoz that shows how little I mean to her. I just want to ease my guilt I think... but, I dont want to show her that I still have feelings or I am weak
Author yzyzyz325 Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 Making amends is always a good idea. There's nothing like a man that can take personal responsibility for his part in a relationship. It shows character and integrity. Its never too late. I wish my ex could be enlightened in such a way. Oh, sugarmomma, ur very sweet. Thx so much for the nice words Yes, I always want to be responsible, but unfortunately, not everyone cares abt that
M2155 Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 (edited) I don't know...be sure you don't have feelings and absolutely ok with getting no response. Personally, I wouldn't. I can say the same for my relationship, I learned a lot of things I wish I could go back and do differently that I truly believe could have changed the outcome. But I can't think of any reason to tell my ex. "hey, I'm really sorry I didn't/acted like XYZ when we were together." Him: "it's ok." That's what I imagine and that would tick me off a little honestly. Growth is what relationships and experience do, they teach us things to do better going forward. I'm just accepting it as that. Yes I can see a time long in the future where i have long moved on and may reach out and tell him how that experience changed my life. But it's very hard to say "I'm sorry" without expecting something in return. If "guilt" is your true motivation then yes, you want a response. Honestly, play all the potential scenarios in your head and make sure you really don't care about the outcome. Not too long ago birthday text exchange set you back if I remember? She isnt reaching out to apologize for her faults. Sure there is nothing to lose but do you think there is much to gain? I'd wait a month or two and then see how you feel. Edited December 17, 2011 by M2155
fucpcg Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 Do it. Become a better man. Maybe it will hurt, who knows.... however didn't the improper actions hurt her some? Anytime you avoid something in life that you fear might impact you personally, is exactly what you SHOULD do, if you want to grow as a man, as a human being. Take it from a guy who just had to write a 19 page apology last April. Yes she got plenty wrong herself, but all I care about is amending for my shortcomings. Blame game is a great way to never mature in life.
smokey bear Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 it be concerned about her statement as well, she doesnt want to feel bad if you still have feelings? There are no feelings with indifference........ She cant be at that stage either, what was the reason for the break up and how long has it been?
smokey bear Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 ah the answers are in your post, sounds like gigs to me? are you sure there isnt another guy, i managed to hide my new guy from my ex.
Author yzyzyz325 Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 (edited) it be concerned about her statement as well, she doesnt want to feel bad if you still have feelings? There are no feelings with indifference........ She cant be at that stage either, what was the reason for the break up and how long has it been? I thk she just doesnt want to be annoyed. That's it. About the reasons, I am still a bit confused. She said a whole lots of reasons like she didn't like my part-time job since I always needed to work in the wkends, she had been to most of the places that we had dates at, etc. Basically, she felt bored. She also said she wanted to date different guys and have different relationships (I'm her first of everything). Also, being extremely busy and stressed with uni study can also be a reason since she said she just wanted to be alone atm. However, consider she already started dating other guys, I dont thk that's the real reason. Edited December 18, 2011 by yzyzyz325
Sugarkane Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 (edited) What makes you want to apologize? My ex was a crap bf but he has never apologized to me to this day. Edited December 18, 2011 by Sugarkane Word spelt wrong
Author yzyzyz325 Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 ah the answers are in your post, sounds like gigs to me? are you sure there isnt another guy, i managed to hide my new guy from my ex. GIGS happens when you choose to look for a better one when you still have feelings abt the old one, right? In my ex's case, two months b4 she suddenly called it off, I went back to my hometown for 4 wks holiday, she had been busy with new semester's study since then. After I came back, we only met 3 times bcoz she was very busy. And then, out of the blue, she broke up with me on the phone after I complained a bit (she was extremely aloof to me during that time, e.g. I told her that had job interview, but she didnt even ask me how that was). She said when I was away, she was already used to the life without me. She didn't knw if she still loved me, maybe a bit, but she was not sure. She also said she knew that she would get the passion back if we spend more time tgt, but she didn't have time atm. And she didn't know if i was worth her contributing time to get the feelings back when she didn't even know if she still loved me. Those are surface excuses, deep one is she felt bored, I think.
wilsonx Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 smokey most bitches do that but smart guys see right through the I need space, its not you its me, cowardess breakups. I saw through my ex's
Author yzyzyz325 Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 What makes you want to apologize? My ex was a crap bf but he has never apologized to me to this day. well, no one is perfect. Ppl make mistakes in relationshio all the time. I want to apologize for not being caring and understanding sometimes, also for some mean things I said before. I know compared with her, I have done very well in the relationship, but I still feel sorrry for what i did that hurt her feelings
smokey bear Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 Well, it sounds like GIGS to me. Wilson, im not a Bitch, im an a**hole, there for a purpose and i do my job but im not too pleasant at times. HA HA
smokey bear Posted December 18, 2011 Posted December 18, 2011 And to also make a point, i never done the "i need space, its not you it me etc" I also gave my ex warning that my gigs was coming and gave himna chance to rectify it. He chose instead to stick his head up his butt and ignore it. It was just coincidence that one day while all this was going on he done the one thing i would never forgive him for and he knew i would never forgive him. He asked me if it was ok to do it, to which i responded its your life, its your choice what you do. Knowing i disgree'd with it 100% he continued anyway, so i had to leave. My personal boundaries but like i said it was a coincidence my gigs and that event happened at the same time, i had justifiction to leave and did but still at the end of it all knew about my gigs experience and what had happened. Surprisingly through my gigs experience i also learned to accept and forgive the unforgivable thing and no it wasnt cheating, i could never forgive cheating.
Author yzyzyz325 Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 And to also make a point, i never done the "i need space, its not you it me etc" I also gave my ex warning that my gigs was coming and gave himna chance to rectify it. He chose instead to stick his head up his butt and ignore it. It was just coincidence that one day while all this was going on he done the one thing i would never forgive him for and he knew i would never forgive him. He asked me if it was ok to do it, to which i responded its your life, its your choice what you do. Knowing i disgree'd with it 100% he continued anyway, so i had to leave. My personal boundaries but like i said it was a coincidence my gigs and that event happened at the same time, i had justifiction to leave and did but still at the end of it all knew about my gigs experience and what had happened. Surprisingly through my gigs experience i also learned to accept and forgive the unforgivable thing and no it wasnt cheating, i could never forgive cheating. Hi Smokey Bear, if he did sth that u cannot stand, then it's not gigs, right? bcoz u have the right reason to break up.
Author yzyzyz325 Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 Do it. Become a better man. Maybe it will hurt, who knows.... however didn't the improper actions hurt her some? Anytime you avoid something in life that you fear might impact you personally, is exactly what you SHOULD do, if you want to grow as a man, as a human being. Take it from a guy who just had to write a 19 page apology last April. Yes she got plenty wrong herself, but all I care about is amending for my shortcomings. Blame game is a great way to never mature in life. thank you so much for ur support. May I know if she replied to you or not after receiving the letter?
Author yzyzyz325 Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 I don't know...be sure you don't have feelings and absolutely ok with getting no response. Personally, I wouldn't. I can say the same for my relationship, I learned a lot of things I wish I could go back and do differently that I truly believe could have changed the outcome. But I can't think of any reason to tell my ex. "hey, I'm really sorry I didn't/acted like XYZ when we were together." Him: "it's ok." That's what I imagine and that would tick me off a little honestly. Growth is what relationships and experience do, they teach us things to do better going forward. I'm just accepting it as that. Yes I can see a time long in the future where i have long moved on and may reach out and tell him how that experience changed my life. But it's very hard to say "I'm sorry" without expecting something in return. If "guilt" is your true motivation then yes, you want a response. Honestly, play all the potential scenarios in your head and make sure you really don't care about the outcome. Not too long ago birthday text exchange set you back if I remember? She isnt reaching out to apologize for her faults. Sure there is nothing to lose but do you think there is much to gain? I'd wait a month or two and then see how you feel. OMG, you have a good memory! Thank you soooooo much for the suggestion. I knw I would still expect her nice reply even so I understand i already mean nothing to her. Yes, maybe wait for a while is a good idea...
smokey bear Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Hi Smokey Bear, if he did sth that u cannot stand, then it's not gigs, right? bcoz u have the right reason to break up. No it was still 100% gigs like i said it was just a coincidence i had a genuine reason to break up.
Author yzyzyz325 Posted January 9, 2012 Author Posted January 9, 2012 No it was still 100% gigs like i said it was just a coincidence i had a genuine reason to break up. so you justified your BU? I think any relationship has its own problems, there is no perfect relationship or perfect one, anyone has flaws and mistakes. If you only focus on the problems of the relationship, and use that as an excuse to break up and to find a new one, then yes, that is gigs. Personal opinion
perfectlyflawed459 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 That is great you want to apologize and I am sure she will appreciate it, but I really hope you do not go in hoping that this will make her rush back into your arms. It could lead you to some disappointment and I know people who have tried to say sorry just as a way to get back together with their ex. It is definitely a step in the right direction though towards something more positive
fucpcg Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 My ex still hasn't communicated with me since breakup, which is 10 months. She did make a comment to a friend of mine about getting it and reading it. In the past 10 I've done all I can to learn about what happened, and learn about myself, and let me tell you I have learned a lot. It's too bad she wont talk to me, but had she early after the breakup, I would have cut my learning about myself short. I believe now would be a very good time for us to talk, but sooner no, even though its what I so desperately wanted.
Author yzyzyz325 Posted January 10, 2012 Author Posted January 10, 2012 That is great you want to apologize and I am sure she will appreciate it, but I really hope you do not go in hoping that this will make her rush back into your arms. It could lead you to some disappointment and I know people who have tried to say sorry just as a way to get back together with their ex. It is definitely a step in the right direction though towards something more positive Thx for your support I'm not expecting that she would rush back, and I actually dont want to be back with her, at least not now, because I know she is too young and immature. I don't want to be with a girl who didn't know what was good for her and told me that she wanted to try different relationships. She would not appreciate what she has until she has experienced other relationships. Also, there are a lot of things that I need to improve myself, and I need to learn how to deal with a relationship as well. I would not try to get her back until I become a much better person
Author yzyzyz325 Posted January 10, 2012 Author Posted January 10, 2012 My ex still hasn't communicated with me since breakup, which is 10 months. She did make a comment to a friend of mine about getting it and reading it. In the past 10 I've done all I can to learn about what happened, and learn about myself, and let me tell you I have learned a lot. It's too bad she wont talk to me, but had she early after the breakup, I would have cut my learning about myself short. I believe now would be a very good time for us to talk, but sooner no, even though its what I so desperately wanted. I am so sorry to see that. I've also learnt a lot abt myself, and realised the wrong things I did before. I believe I have become a much more mature person now after constantly introspecting myself in the past 8 months. So she never responded you after u tried to contact her? How did you break up? Was it bad?
Recommended Posts