Writing letters to your ex you never send

[Standard-Fare]

In a weird way I've found this to be a good way of sorting out your own emotions on a breakup. Because, let's face it these types of letters are always more about YOU than your ex anyway.

 

In my case, I started working on a letter that I sincerely intended to send at some point. But in the course of revising the letter over the past several days and trying different tacts with it, one thing has become clear to me: there is simply no way to reconcile or resolve our issues. The different ideas I've had for "compromise" and future solutions for us, it turns out, are all bullsh*t. They seem unrealistic and laughable when they're put down in words.

 

I didn't fully process this until I worked on my letter for a few days. And now I don't plan to send anything at all because what's the point? To make both of us feel worse about the breakup?

 

I'd advise any of you who are planning some cathartic release through a letter to your ex to think carefully about that. And if that IS your urge, avoid impulsivity and just work on drafts. You may find yourself discovering some new things through that process. Unless there's something firm to say that could potentially change an outcome with your ex, there's no point in sending out a jumble of raw emotions.

[SkyEmtRN]

In a weird way I've found this to be a good way of sorting out your own emotions on a breakup. Because, let's face it these types of letters are always more about YOU than your ex anyway.

 

In my case, I started working on a letter that I sincerely intended to send at some point. But in the course of revising the letter over the past several days and trying different tacts with it, one thing has become clear to me: there is simply no way to reconcile or resolve our issues. The different ideas I've had for "compromise" and future solutions for us, it turns out, are all bullsh*t. They seem unrealistic and laughable when they're put down in words.

 

I didn't fully process this until I worked on my letter for a few days. And now I don't plan to send anything at all because what's the point? To make both of us feel worse about the breakup?

 

I'd advise any of you who are planning some cathartic release through a letter to your ex to think carefully about that. And if that IS your urge, avoid impulsivity and just work on drafts. You may find yourself discovering some new things through that process. Unless there's something firm to say that could potentially change an outcome with your ex, there's no point in sending out a jumble of raw emotions.

 

Lol funny you say that. I remember in the begining of my break up I hand wrote a 12 page letter, pouring my heart and reminding her of the good and the bad times. Basically it was a whole timeline of our relationship.

 

Do I regret writing that letter and giving it to her....not at all. Did we reconcile...no, not yet at least.

 

But boy did my hand hurt writing that, and I wrote it in the neatess hand writing possible. 12 damn pages...I wrote that faster then I can write my 3 page college essay...

 

But I think she got my point of how I feel about her...and she did say everything in that letter was perfect

[thepedestrian]

I like to write letters to my ex and read them again in a week. It really helps you realize how much you are improving. Man, I gotta say this, if there's something you need to say to your ex I think its a good idea too. You can't live your life afraid to express your emotions - even if it is just going to hurt you. Write the letter though and wait on it for a week though, so much will change.

[Thieves]

In a weird way I've found this to be a good way of sorting out your own emotions on a breakup. Because, let's face it these types of letters are always more about YOU than your ex anyway.

 

I agree with you, Standard-Fare. At first, when things ended, I seriously underestimated how much letter writing to the ex could help me -- even if said letters ended up never getting sent at all. It seemed stupid, honestly. But what I found was that it was often hard to begin writing, but once I had started, I had so much more to say than I thought I would, so much to pour out of myself. In the creation of even one single letter, I would go through a spectrum of emotions, and not one was left out: anger, sadness, grief, hope, acceptance.

 

Certainly, it was all most likely a jumbled mess of incoherent words that in reality would've done me no good, but in the end it helped me to at least vent and pretend that 'he' was reading those words. I agree as well with not sending the letters and coming back to them at a later point. It's amazing sometimes to see the difference between what you said back then and how you feel now. You kind of realize how 'momentary' and unpredictable some of your moods can be.

[Standard-Fare]

I like to write letters to my ex and read them again in a week. It really helps you realize how much you are improving. Man, I gotta say this, if there's something you need to say to your ex I think its a good idea too. You can't live your life afraid to express your emotions - even if it is just going to hurt you. Write the letter though and wait on it for a week though, so much will change.

 

I think a letter is only helpful if you're sure something was left very unclear when the relationship ended -- like if you feel your ex is walking around with a major misunderstanding.

 

For example I once had a situation where a guy abruptly cut off communication with me after a fairly casual dating situation of six months. I was hurt, confused, and in our time apart realized that I definitely had feelings for this guy, wanted more than casual, but had never let him know that. I worked on the letter for a long time, shaved it down to the pure essentials of what I wanted to say, and sent it. I ended up hearing back from him a couple weeks later and we reunited. In the end, a while later, things didn't work out for us but I'm really glad we were able to establish that we did have feelings for each other and despite the outcome I'm glad we gave things another shot.