sleepykitten Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 I have recently started "seeing" a guy, very early days. he admitted he is pretty busy, has 4 jobs. But when we do see each other he is late, he does ring but usually i am at the venue, he says "i'll call you in the morning" (or whenever) and doesnt its usually a few hrs later, he changes arrangements we have made i.e seeing him at 730, he'll call to make it ealier as he has to go at 8 for work etc. Now this sat we had arranged to see each other day and ev, he said yesterday that could we do fri (he had told me he was out fri) he said he wasnt going out as he would rather see me, but i had already made plans, only to stay in with my friend and watch dvds and cook, but still to me thats pland with a friend. Anyway, he says sat he will have to go at half 7. I asked him to let me know so i could make plans, he got a bit stroppy and said if you have something to do then just go. I said i didnt but would just appriciate some notice. He's a fireman working nights so he said he would call later before bed, obviously he didnt. I had a text from an old friend asking me to come out sat, she doesnt usually come out and i would love to see her. So i text him and said " Dont worry about re arranging your sat eve plans as i'm catching up with a friend i havent seen for a while. Look forward to making the most of the day with you though. Night x" Anyway, its 1010 am i called this a.m asking him to call, nothing, he has dissapeared for a wk before without responding to my text. So i guess what i am asking is Was i out of line for making plans for sat night? Do i just forget this? I am typically a bit insecure and its all making me feel crap really, am trying to be not bothered etc, but i dont know weather this is normal sort of behaviour, should i be bothering with him at all, otr am i making something out of nothing? Thanks
betterdeal Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 How annoying! A man full of words but not deeds is just like a garden full of weeds.
Author sleepykitten Posted December 16, 2011 Author Posted December 16, 2011 It is annoying. But not just that its making me feel upset that i am questioning myself in have i annoyed him now by not waiting to see if he could cancel his sat palns, even though we had made arrangements first to spend it together. If he didnt have form of doing this then i would happily of waited. I know i have some abandonment issues so am very consious of over reacting to things, but i am currently feeling, upset, annoyed, and not good enough, and worried that its my fault.
betterdeal Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 If it's making you feel this crap, it's really not worth it, is it? It's supposed to be fun, after all. One thing many of us forget is that sometimes what's obvious to us is not so to others. So telling them things you find obvious can help them understand where you are at. What does that mean? Well, you can tell him you're a bit annoyed because he says one thing then does another, and that you would like him to not make promises that he doesn't keep. If he doesn't get it from that, you're going to be banging your head against a brick wall for a long time. And you may well decide he's not worth the effort anyway. And that's important too: stop worrying are you not good enough and start asking, is he good enough for you? Is he worth the effort? Have a look into assertiveness training (there's a good book in the link in my signature). The idea is that if you can express your feelings, what causes those feelings, and what you want, things will start turning out in your favour.
smudge21 Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 As Betterdeal says, if it's making you feel bad now, how are things going to be in a few months time, or a year down the line? The first few weeks/months of dating should always be that giddy happy period where nothing else matters, where you give it your all and both sides just want to be with each other, or at the very least, make as much effort to do so. If you have doubts, then go with your instincts. You know you deserve better than this.
Author sleepykitten Posted December 16, 2011 Author Posted December 16, 2011 I think after his dissapearing without so much of a text/call to explain has left me thinking he will easily do that again if theres something he doesnt like, rather than just communicating. And i cant bear the silent treatment i think its pretty rude to be honest. So am having a groundhog day moment as since i sent the text last night havent heard a thing and supposed to be seeing each other tomorrow day, last time we were supposed to see each other on a sat day he went awol. so i am worrying he has done that again, its not so muchabout him, but this is just pushing all my buttons marked "abandonment triggers...press here" i have already missed lunch, felt like crying, and had a cigaratte! I know full well this isnt about him as a person and the fact he means something to me as he doesnt, its about his actions and how they are affecting me.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 How doea that saying go... fool me once shame on you... fool me twice... Only give a person a chance if they deserve it but if they abuse that privilege you tell them sayonara. I had this exact thing happen to me and its one thing to be nice and be forgiving, ts anther thing entirely if you let them play you aruound
Author sleepykitten Posted December 16, 2011 Author Posted December 16, 2011 xpaperacutx i totally agree, its time i nipped this bs in the bud. I have deleted his number so i cant do the calling/tx thing, if he doesnt call then i guess theres my answer too.
smudge21 Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 That's it Kitty - take control. You know you can do better! You know you deserve better!
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