GaelicSoul Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 (edited) Hi all, Its been very long since i was posting on these boards. I just wanted to give an update, and maybe this can help or comfort other people that have been affected or hurt by a sudden breakup. My Ex girlfriend broke up with me last January 2011, after going out for 2 1/2 years. It was her and my longest relationship. It was a roller coaster. I loved her very much, and she often said things to me even 2 months b4 the split "your the best thing that ever happened to me" "I don't deserve you" "Done ever leave me". However she decided to breakup with me giving the old "I love you, but i'm not in love with you anymore" and she wasnt happy line. She was cold to me all last December when i did nothing wrong.This hit me like a train. I didn't beg her back, or asked her to reconsider, and i accepted it. I told her there is the door, asked her to leave and that was it. I ignored too many red flags in the relationship. I will admit that the breakup destroyed me emotionally for a while, and even all these months later i'm still getting over it. I'm 28, she is 26. She was a very emotional immature girl, who saw things as black and white. I became needy and clingy at the end of the relationship as i was struggling with work, and my confidence was very low at the time. We had planned for a while in 2010 to go travelling together in July 2011 prior to the breakup, and wanted to go to Australia to start a new life. She was unhappy with her job too. After she broke up with me, i removed her from facebook the next day and went NC. However one night a few weeks later, i met her unexpectantly while she was out with her friends. It was late in the morning, and we both exchanged insults, her giving out about me removing her on FB and a few other things. She apologized by text the following day. I didnt respond. 1 week later i decided to call her asking her to meet up with me, as i wanted to clear the air a little and tell her i didn't want to hear from her again unless she wanted to get back with me. She initially agreed to meet up, however on the 11th hour she bailed. She text saying she didn't think it was a good idea, and i replied ok. That was the last time we have been in contact. So months and months went by,i felt distraught, regretful, angry, ashamed, betrayed, lonely and felt very very unloved. I turned to LS and enotalone, hoping to find answers or people that had been in similar circumstances, so i could relate too. I read about GIGS, regrets, how do i get my Ex back...everything. However I kept in NC. I couldn't figure out what went wrong, and why she had done this to us. I was a good boyfriend, and never cheated or betrayed her trust. I took her out a lot, was considerate and made time for her as best i could. I wasn't perfect either, and often i should have been more assertive and make her feel more secure. I failed. She had been through a lot in her life, but all i wanted was her to open up me, tell her what was wrong in the relationship so i could fix it with her. My birthday past and i heard nothing, this made me feel terrible but i kept going. "When going through hell, keep going!" I decided that it was time to start doing things for myself again, and make myself happy. I started to work out, hang out with my friends more, and also start going out meeting new people. I finally decided it was time to leave my crappy job, and in June i handed in my notice. Next i booked my flights and left home to see the world. I spent 4 amazing months travelling SE Asia, where i can honestly say i had the best time of my life. Before i left, i received a lot of blocked calls, and blank voice messages. It could have been her, but ill never know. I wrote a post on this before, so check it out. So off to Asia i went I felt my confidence coming back, met loads of new interesting fun people and started to feel a lot more happier and more reassured of myself. I had so much fun, and did things i never did before. I started reading amazing books that made me think different about women and relationships, and started to identify issues, and also that i needed to look at myself and the relationship from a neutral POV. I stopped coming to these boards, as i too busy with living. Around Halloween while browsing through FB, i saw her Profile pic of her with her new boyfriend. He is much older than me, has kids from a previous relationship, works with her and looks like hell. It took me by surprise, as the picture was the two of them on holiday abroad! My curiosity got the better of me so i checked her profile, for the first time in months.I saw they had been going out for a few months maybe july/august, and he also had a picture of them together on FB. I felt this set me back a bit, but at the same time i kept NC and accepted that she had moved on. I heard his name being mentioned a few times when we were going out, however took no notice. So the past few weeks i finally arrived in Melbourne Australia. I have kept myself busy, looking for work and getting a new life setup for myself. I feel very happy here, and its a beautiful city and really like the people. A new life. I feel i can do anything, and don't think about her as much anymore. Her birthday passed, and i didn't message her. I thought about it, but decided y? what would it accomplish. Meanwhile she is at home, stuck in a relationship with old fat guy with kids who is making nothing, and she is making no money in her job, she looks unhappy in her main pic on FB and doesn't look like she is ever going to leave and chase her dreams. Maybe this rebound will burn out, and she will continue her pattern of chasing the perfect guy. When maybe she needs to look at herself, and realize maybe she is the problem, and needs to work on her issues. I almost feel sorry for her, as often when i was travelling i said to myself "if only she could see this with me" or "if she could see me now". So today while on FB, i noticed she had changed her Profile pic again. However its funny, its a pic she had taken a few years ago, and she knew it was always my favorite pic of her. I wonder as the year went by, is she not regretting things? Maybe/Maybe not. I cant do anything. She made her feelings clear that day she left. I have had a roller-coaster of a year, i have learned a lot about myself, something i didnt like, other things i did. I have had many up's and down's. I often thought of reaching out, maybe write an email anything. However i respect myself too much, and i stayed NC. No begging, no late night text's,no phone calling. I admit, i have taken a few peeps into her FB during the year, but its like sticking your hand in a fire. Its not easy at the start, but hang in there. I took charge of my life, and realized this year that your happiness cant be depended on another person. You make your own life. I'm stronger, happier, healthier, more loving, more caring and i'm enjoying life. I have made so many new friends, and i feel my life is back on track and i'm accomplishing my goals. Christmas is coming up, and maybe im being nostalgic now and thinking of her, as its my first Christmas in 3 years being single, and also thinking over the past year. But i wouldn't change any of it. Life is the best teacher, and i wouldn't be where i am right now , if it wasn't for the experiences and the pain. Im in a lot better place of mind, and i have learned to let go. I miss what we had, the friendship, the trust and companionship. Who knows, maybe some day she might reach out, maybe not. Who cares. But like the famous Beatles song "Life Goes On" I want you all to remember this. Today's Pain is tomorrows strength. Gaelicsoul Edited December 16, 2011 by GaelicSoul
LZ2000 Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 Hey Gaelic, great to hear your story! I'm sure you'll do great in the future, have a Merry Christmas and a Wonderful New Year !
Sugarkane Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 Hi GaelicSoul your story is inspiring, its good to hear when people are doing well. My BU story was Alot like yours too. Except I never broke NC. You feel like you meant nothing to them, when they up and leave and you never hear from them ever again. I can never understand why people are dumped When things were good, for someone who has lots if baggage, is fat and older or is barely working. Its like WTF?! I don't understand it! It always seems in these situations that the dumpee tries to learn and better themselves. Whole the dumper 9/10 justs goes straight into another relationship and doesn't learn anything.
Sugarkane Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 I really envy you for traveling, I wish I had done that. I dont feel as though I've done enough. All I feel like Ive done is worked!
Author GaelicSoul Posted December 16, 2011 Author Posted December 16, 2011 Thanks guys. I know they are 1000's of stories on LS that all sound the same. But this is my story, and this was my journey. Thank you all for your support, advice and love this past year. This site and others has helped me so much in avoiding doing something i might regret, and maybe delay my healing. I think her ego is the only thing stopping her from reaching out. She made a decision, and shes the type of girl who is very stubborn and doesn't like admitting if she is wrong. Then again, maybe she is right, if she was unhappy then what the point of being in a relationship?? You cant make anybody love you, and attraction isn't a choice. Maybe shes happy now, and if she is, then i wish her the best. However in my heart i don't think she is. I feel she is convincing herself it was the right decision, and is angry with herself at the moment with the decisions she made at that time, in them circumstances. She didnt give herself the time to discover herself, and find out what she really wants. Me on the other hand, I have done everything i said i would, e.g moving away. Worked on my flaws. I didnt leave home to find myself, i left to create myself.She on the other hand has taken a different road. I don't want her back,even if she wants me. I have moved on. If she ever does reach out, i will let you all know.I promise. I'm looking forward to my next relationship with excitement and wonder,and i have the tools to make it even better then the last.
Author GaelicSoul Posted December 16, 2011 Author Posted December 16, 2011 I really envy you for traveling, I wish I had done that. I dont feel as though I've done enough. All I feel like Ive done is worked! Why not. Just do it! Whats stopping you?
Author GaelicSoul Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 Just a little update.......... Well I have met someone new in the last few months, of course this happens when you least expected to. She is very beautiful, smart, caring, funny, positive, adventurous, sexy, and knows what she wants in life. It's early days, but we are falling in love with each other. That heavy feeling of pain and sadness of missing my ex is all but a memory now. I'm older, stronger and wiser. We are taking things slow. I'm looking forward to writing a new story in my life now. Life goes on. 1
HollyBolly Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Just a little update.......... Well I have met someone new in the last few months, of course this happens when you least expected to. She is very beautiful, smart, caring, funny, positive, adventurous, sexy, and knows what she wants in life. It's early days, but we are falling in love with each other. That heavy feeling of pain and sadness of missing my ex is all but a memory now. I'm older, stronger and wiser. We are taking things slow. I'm looking forward to writing a new story in my life now. Life goes on. Good luck, mate. She sounds wonderful!
Laveli Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Hi all, My Ex girlfriend broke up with me last January 2011, after going out for 2 1/2 years. It was her and my longest relationship. It was a roller coaster. I loved her very much, and she often said things to me even 2 months b4 the split "your the best thing that ever happened to me" "I don't deserve you" "Done ever leave me". However she decided to breakup with me giving the old "I love you, but i'm not in love with you anymore" and she wasnt happy line. She was cold to me all last December when i did nothing wrong.This hit me like a train. WOW this sounds like my ex, she said the same words to me. she said it so many times, then out of no where she decided to end it. I got chills in me knowing there are others like me.... wonder what that means.
Author GaelicSoul Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 (edited) Thanks guys. I think it's important to note now, looking back on old posts and the way i was feeling then, is that I don't hold any anger any more. I wish her the best, and don't wish any ill's or anger her way. When the breakup happened like most people i was in complete shock. I couldn't figure out how somebody that i loved so much, and cared deeply about had decided to walk out. I saw so much potential in our future, travelling, career etc. For the first few months after the breakup i kept a very low profile. I found myself going on the internet looking for answers, and didn't want to talk only to a few close friends and my family. I deleted her from Facebook the day after she broke up with me and her friends a few months later. Well none of them ever contacted me anyway after the breakup, or even asked how i was. I had to do this, as i didn't want to see her with other guys, and it would have tormented me night and day. I kept thinking to myself for the first part of the year she is only confused, she'll come around. My family and friends were shocked she left, but said it’s for the best. It took me a long time to realize this myself, and it was final. She broke up with me before in the past for 3 weeks, and came back. But as the months went by, the reality kicked in. When she declined to meet me for the coffee about 1 months post breakup, i really began to realize she really was gone. Best advice was to move on, go NC and work on yourself. After a few months i started to get out more and socialize with friends. I dreaded heading out on Fri/Sat nights, so I wouldn't bump into her, or see her with a new guy etc. I found talking to my best friends really helped, and listen to their advice. There was times i completed broke down crying, even in front of my best mate, which im not embarrassed to admit. Times during the year, i would be thinking over things in my head and tears would roll down my cheek. But once i made my mind up to leave my job/country/old life things started to change for the better, and i began to relax and start having fun. During my adventures in SE Asia, i kept a little journal with me. I remember from my first lonely night in Bangkok to arriving in Oz a 4 months later. I poured my emotions, how i felt, funny stories, desires, everything. It was very therapeutic, and would recommend people keep a little diary at times when your emotional. I started to read some amazing books like The Way Of The Superior man, and what women really want. Although the titles are corny, it showed me a completely new perspective on relationships, and made me question, and assess myself honestly. I would highly recommend these for any guys. All i can say is protect your heart, that's what i did. If my Ex had reached out this past year and a half, and depending on what she would say then i would reply. However she hasn't. and she’s in a new relationship. I never got closure from the breakup; the only closure i got was within myself. I just shrugged it and said "What’s the point?" She told me to my face she didn't love me anymore. So i had no other option but to go NC. Maybe she does think of me sometimes, i will never know. But like i said earlier, i don't hold any anger, or grudges against her anymore. All i ever wanted was her to be happy, and that goes for me too. That's the type of guy i am, and i'm not going to change. I remember one night a few months ago in Asia, I was talking to a friend about my Ex. She asked "GaelicSoul what do you really want seriously?"...After a while i said "honestly i just want to feel happy again". Once i said that, (again lol tears came down my face), i smiled and looked around me, and said to myself...look where you are, you done this all on your own. Your still alive, these people you have met travelling care about you, they like you, even though they know nothing about you. I made so many friends travelling, people from all over the world, different ideas, personalities, humour, outlooks...It really opened my eyes to endless possibilities.. I realized for so long i was living in a little box. I think when somebody said to me, "dude, if love is your only problem in life, then you live a good one!" That changed it for me. This year you have 2 options. You can dwell on the past, and be angry and sad, and hold yourself back from healing. Or two, gain perspective, find yourself again, start taking care of yourself and be a little selfish. I had the opportunity to travel, but i know some people cannot do that due to their circumstances at the moment. But if you can i would recommend taking up meditation classes, or gym, or something that gets you out of your room and comfort zone. You will think of your Ex, not a day past this year that i didn't think of her at least once. Some day's i would think of happy memories, other days sad/bitter ones.. But they fade after time. Now I'm looking forward to creating new memories with my new Girlfriend, and bring with me my relationship experience to make this one even better. Learning to trust somebody new is hard, but life is risks. In betting you win and lose, but always bet on yourself, then you never lose. Edited April 23, 2012 by GaelicSoul 3
Jester5510 Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 I'm a little shy of 2 months post breakup, and I just have to tell you.. this thread has been the most inspiring to me of any that I've read thus far. Thank you, sir, for helping to place the light at the end of the tunnel for those of us who are in similar breakup circumstances.
Chi townD Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 HEY!!!! A fellow world Traveler!!! I'm glad to hear you're doing great. I traveled a lot myself and I can't tell you how amazing it is and how theraputic it was. Keep it up! AND it sounds like you have an amazing new girlfriend!
jphcbpa Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 looking back she did you a favor by ending it. you would not have grown this much.
Ginger Beer Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 This is a lovely thread, and it made me smile.
Author GaelicSoul Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 Thanks Guys! I'm glad you liked my story, and it has helped you in some way. I read 100's of stories of all types of breakups, and man...my story seems normal compared to some really horrible experiences of others. I wish you all the best in your healing, keeping moving forward, one day at a time and most of all be positive. That's the key.
polkadotsy Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Gaelicsoul, thank you so much for sharing your experience. I just burst out crying when you said that the heavy feeling of pain and sadness of missing your ex is gone now, because that's exactly how I feel right now; constant tension in my chest. I know that it will pass and my brain is 100% sure it was for the best but it's a pity the rest of me won't listen to it.. but your story confirms that time is certainly the best healer! Having no contact is still very tough for me. We tried the whole "we'll stay friends" thing but then didn't contact each other after the first week (it's been 2 months now) as we were both attempting to move on. We did, however, remain friends on facebook but didn't communicate on it. About two weeks ago he 'liked' a picture that I put up but I didn't respond in any way. Now I clicked onto his page and he's removed me as a friend.. The annoying part is that his page is semi-public whereas mine is private so I'm considering blocking him now so that I can't look at his page and torture myself. It's still constantly playing on my mind but it's good to be reassured that there's light at the end of the tunnel!
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