Unacknowledged Financial Motives of OW?

[Breezy Trousers]

A couple people PM'd me about this quote, so I thought I'd open a new thread:

 

Sidebar: Ever notice how many OW routinely live far beyond their means -- e.g., have filed for bankruptcy, are legitimately struggling to support multiple kids on a stretched single income, have lost a home, have no meaningful savings, and/or routinely drive & wear high-status items on low-status salaries? Are MM too blinded by "love" to notice there might be an iron-fisted intention behind the OW's sweet, rapt devotion?

 

I've known a handful of OW and witnessed a few from afar. I experienced two OW in my own marriage. I also learned the history of many OW on the OW/OM board during my 6-month education there..... It seems a large number of OW -- not all -- had a clear, yet often unacknowledged, financial incentive for engaging with the MM. The majority were either single moms and/or subordinates. Many live beyond their means, though sometimes through no fault of their own (single moms).

 

So why is this so reluctantly acknowledged, even unacknowledged, by MM? Is love fog truly that blind?

 

It's why I've never understood the sugar daddy concept. How much fun could it be to have to PAY someone to give you sex and attention? Wouldn't that be demeaning? Or does it just make things easier?

 

And would most OW be so eager to intrude upon a marriage & accept crumbs of attention from a MM if that same MM earned significantly less money than she did?

 

[i'm not attacking here. I struggled with an inappropriate attraction myself, despite a happy marriage. Although I'd like to think it was nobility of character that protected me from crossing boundaries, I often wonder if I had an unhappy set of circumstances --- i.e., a precarious financial existence, an unhappy marriage or a lonely life -- would I have made a different choice?]

 

And how many affairs are born out of financial insecurity (and loneliness), then slapped with the label "love"? Is it truly love, or is it a mutual feeding?

 

And, although most OW are willing participants in affairs, I often wonder: Do MM exploit that insecurity & hunger for their own purposes -- i.e., knowing it's easier to get someone to cross boundaries if she believes she may get the fairy tale at the end? ..... Or do they like to play the knight in shining armor with the darling damsel in distress? Or a little of both?

 

Any thoughts?

[SoMovinOn]

I don't know what the stats are on OW.

 

I would imagine most single moms would not be doing so well financially, especially these days.

 

My perception of an OW is that she's single, or a MOW who is living rather comfortably. Almost all of the OW I've known personally have been well off, or at least comfortable.

[findingnemo]

Thank you for starting this thread!!! This is a real issue that most people won't acknowledge. IME, many OWs are looking for support when they start Rs with MMs. It could be financial or simply day to day things. I have a friend who says her MM is handy. In other words, he gets her car serviced/repaired, deals with plumbers and electricians, helps her make decisions regarding her two boys school and other activities, etc. She says she doesn't know what she'd do without him. A SG with no experience running a home and family may not be as handy. In this case, she's the big bucks.

 

Others I've seen are in it for the monetary gains such as rent payments, extra cash for groceries, etc. They won't admit it but without the money, I doubt that they'd be in a R. Where I'm from, a man spends on a woman. That's just how it is. So if like me someone is a single mum, her expenses are higher than one without kids and life can be so difficult that one may "fall in love" with man who is willing to help. What I don't like is the way people gloss over this and refuse to admit that they sleep with so and so for the money.

 

The OWs I've seen who are in love for real support themselves. If a gift is given it'll be holidays or jewelry. Anything but hard cash for necessities.

 

MMs here are also very clever in that they use cash incentives to keep the OW there. They'll buy a house, a car and basically raise her standards of living if they have more money. It's a trap that we refer to here as "the lure of cross generational sex". The girl is young and has a decent job but because she is seeing an older and wealthier man, she gets accustomed to the "high" life. When the A is over, it is very likely that she'll end up with yet another sugar daddy rather than someone more her age with whom she has to build a life from scratch. Sugar daddies are addictive in that they make life much easier for a woman. He will pay for stuff, give her advice and direction regarding her life. He's basically like a father, financier and lover wrapped in one. I find it disgusting frankly.

[seren]

I think H's OW was looking for an exit affair, not saying she was purposely using H, but there was an element of a safe landing even though leaving and setting up was never discussed by H (from what both said). H had a large payout due when he left the military, we had planned a new life. I remember he came home from 'the shops' one day and announced I think I'll buy a boat with my pay out, I thought OK if that's what you want, tis your money. Then after D Day he told me that OW had said that he needed to be careful with his pension as I would take him for all he had, H told her that I could have whatever I wanted and that I wouldn't take him for a penny as I earned and had far more than he. OW couldn't get her head around this and kept on that I would skin him. H told her to mind her own. The boat thing popped up in my head and I had an AHA moment and knew then that this was when his pension had been discussed. H said she had looked into how much he was due and had talked about this in length.

 

When she and I spoke after D Day, I asked, so you thought that H would sell our house, take our savings and his payout and you and he would sail off into the sunset, she said yes, I asked if this had been discussed, she said no. I think it was more a case of what she wanted to happen as an escape from her godawful H, cannot say I blame her. Her constant telling H that she was going to tell me about their A so they could be together scared the hell out of him (as it should have) and was one of the reasons it lasted so long (from them both with hindsight).

 

I don't necessarily think that OW are money grabbing, or in the A for money only. However, I do think the dreams of WS leaving and them both setting up together is made a more viable dream if there is a marital property or money saved up by the husband and wife. I remember saying to H, so all this talk about dosh by OW didn't take into account that I was busting my a*** off working all hours, living apart so he could get ahead with his career and all the bad, lean years only to have her step in after all the hard work had been done. H thinks that she saw him as a cash cow, I don't think she was that calculating, but I wasn't there so am giving her the benefit of the doubt.

[findingnemo]

I think H's OW was looking for an exit affair, not saying she was purposely using H, but there was an element of a safe landing even though leaving and setting up was never discussed by H (from what both said). H had a large payout due when he left the military, we had planned a new life. I remember he came home from 'the shops' one day and announced I think I'll buy a boat with my pay out, I thought OK if that's what you want, tis your money. Then after D Day he told me that OW had said that he needed to be careful with his pension as I would take him for all he had, H told her that I could have whatever I wanted and that I wouldn't take him for a penny as I earned and had far more than he. OW couldn't get her head around this and kept on that I would skin him. H told her to mind her own. The boat thing popped up in my head and I had an AHA moment and knew then that this was when his pension had been discussed. H said she had looked into how much he was due and had talked about this in length.

 

When she and I spoke after D Day, I asked, so you thought that H would sell our house, take our savings and his payout and you and he would sail off into the sunset, she said yes, I asked if this had been discussed, she said no. I think it was more a case of what she wanted to happen as an escape from her godawful H, cannot say I blame her. Her constant telling H that she was going to tell me about their A so they could be together scared the hell out of him (as it should have) and was one of the reasons it lasted so long (from them both with hindsight).

 

I don't necessarily think that OW are money grabbing, or in the A for money only. However, I do think the dreams of WS leaving and them both setting up together is made a more viable dream if there is a marital property or money saved up by the husband and wife. I remember saying to H, so all this talk about dosh by OW didn't take into account that I was busting my a*** off working all hours, living apart so he could get ahead with his career and all the bad, lean years only to have her step in after all the hard work had been done. H thinks that she saw him as a cash cow, I don't think she was that calculating, but I wasn't there so am giving her the benefit of the doubt.

 

The OW in your case seems really weird to me. She admitted to having thought about your H selling everything and being with her???? She must live in a bubble of sorts where reality is non-existent.

[bentnotbroken]

I can only speak for my situation, fOW was very interested in Mr. Messy's finances. They even discussed it in emails. I can only go on what I saw and what I was told, appearances and money mean a lot to her. Does this generalize to all OW...I don't know. I think that the SES of AP might be a factor, especially for those who have struggled financially and looking for a way out. It has been posted on here by a number of OW. Interesting topic.

[seren]

The OW in your case seems really weird to me. She admitted to having thought about your H selling everything and being with her???? She must live in a bubble of sorts where reality is non-existent.

 

I don't think she was weird, I know she had a real crappy home life, an abusive husband and a low paid job. I know that she had numerous A's before the one with my H, I also know that she loved H and saw her and he having a future. To be fair to her, in my dealings with her after D Day she told me that it hadn't been discussed and that she wanted a future with H. His pension as a member of the military was discussed when she asked him what he would do if I left him, hence the he would buy a boat thing. She had looked at transfering jobs to be nearer to him, which scared the crap out of him (as well it should have).

There was, according to H a lot of talk about his pension and that I would take him to the cleaners. What she didn't know was that I earned double what H earned, the house was mine and frankly, I had already told H that if he was unhappy and wanted to leave he could keep all his pension and I would help him to sort out our finances. H told her that I wouldn't rip him off, she didn't believe him.

 

After D Day she admitted to me that in her mind, H was leaving me, was going to come out of the military with a pension, our house would be sold and with the proceeds they would move to South Africa. All this without any discussion with H, believe me I am not making excuses, in denial or any of these things. This all came from her. I don't think she had really thought it through, it was more an ideal scenario, dreaming thing. But it was what it was. I think it is far more common than you think.

[Breezy Trousers]

I've been reading affair/OW/infidelity boards for years, and the clear impression I've always come away with from the majority of these women is that the their MM pays for precious little. There are exceptions and I've read about them as well, but the vast majority of posts and stories I've read for the last 15 years just doesn't support the theory that an OW is looking to her MM for present or future support.

 

Most times, it's the OW whose buying the Christmas or birthday gifts for the MM (and lots of times they're extravegant items) and he doesn't even return the favor, or he gives her something of much lesser value because he's afraid the wife will notice the money missing from their account. Lots of OW buy their MM cell phones on their cell plans so their communication doesn't show on MM's home phone bill, alot of OW pay for hotel rooms when they get together, or the OW will pay to travel where MM lives if it's a long distance affair.

 

I'm just not SEEING alot of OW being lavished with cash and gifts. At least, not on all the boards I've been reading for 15+ years. In view of this, I just can't see an OW looking to her MM as someone who'll be there to support her when most can't even get a valuable Christmas or Birthday gift from these guys.

 

I agree with you, Poster. Unfortunately, my sugar daddy reference probably muddled this thread. I'm not really referring to sugar daddy gifts as much as I'm referring to the promise of an elevated financial status & identity through OW's association with MM.

 

.... Interesting responses so far!

 

Both OW in my situation (years ago) were single mothers struggling financially. The one who did the most damage -- second OW, work subordinate to DH -- had filed for bankruptcy two or three months before the PA started. DH was in total love fog for her for the entire 6-8 weeks the affair took place, but he threw the girl under the bus on D-Day, as MM often do. Apparently, DH taught her how easy it is to work over a MM with love bombing, etc. She quickly moved on to MM #2, wooed him away from his family by marrying him 8-9 months after her D-Day with DH. She later divorced him ... The first OW and I spoke, and she admitted to having serious financial struggles -- "barely making it" -- but those "dire straits" didn't prevent her from getting gigantic breast implants just before the affair.

 

I realize I'm walking a fine line between being catty and making detached observations about these women. I was reluctant to start this thread for that reason but do feel it needs to be addressed here.

Edited December 16, 2011 by Breezy Trousers

[Steen719]

Both OW in my marriage were married, neither in bad financial straits and although I did not talk to either, I don't believe they were looking for money. They would have been disappointed, in any case. I think they were bored and/or unhappy in their marriages and wanted something different. XH can be charming when he wants to be; complimentary to them, disparaging about me. Last one's H doesn't know and I did not tell him. I don't care about her, but I knew what it did to my son, so I made a decision not to let her children have to deal with the fallout. I do not want XH anymore and I think she deserves him , so if they end up together, more power to her. She came to her senses, I think, when I found out. He is no sugar daddy..ha ha Anyway, just in my experience, the OW was not looking for money. I do think that is more prevalent in younger women/older men, but that is just a theory.

Edited December 16, 2011 by Steen719
missing word

[frozensprouts]

the other woman my husband was seeing did try to get him to give her money...she wanted him to set up a joint account with her and chnage it so his pay would deposited into her account...she said that he could give me and our kids a bit money from that account each month and they could have the rest ( got an email from her about doing so). he never did that though...

 

but it can go both ways... the wife of a guy i know left him and their kids to go live with some other guy because he had more money and could buy her more things ( of course, i'm sure there are other reasons she left too, but that's one of them)

 

i don't understand how someone could do that

[SoMovinOn]

The wife of a guy i know left him and their kids to go live with some other guy because he had more money and could buy her more things ( of course, i'm sure there are other reasons she left too, but that's one of them)

 

i don't understand how someone could do that

 

I do. She struggles to feed the kids and survive, to have a decent life, while her uncaring, unloving H squanders their money on toys or habits, and/or he screws up his job, spends too much time unemployed, he's lazy, unmotivated... for years she supports him in every way she can, encourages him, puts up with him... and one day, she tires of it all and she leaves.

 

When she goes to someone who isn't all those things - people say she did it for the money.

[Breezy Trousers]

SadinTexas who wrote, "There are a lot of messed up things that lead us down that path though and none are just about falling in love. There is *something* that lands us in these relationships in the first place...love may follow, but it's not what took us there."

 

Yes.

 

In my case, a big part of my inappropriate attraction was about power, not money. I accumulated lots of money through aggressive saving/investing over the years, so I was very financially comfortable in my own right when I met MM. I also grew up surrounded by unhappy corporate executives and their wives popping Valium and drinking too much, so money has never impressed me -- I saw at a young age that money doesn't make people happy ... However, power was a big deal at the precise time I encountered MM. I had been completely cut off from my own tribe (a workplace I long regarded as family fell apart overnight and scattered us everywhere). I was absolutely terrified I would be found inadequate at the new tribe and kicked out (childhood stuff there). And this guy was a leader of the new tribe. His attention initially bewildered me -- I was suspicious from the beginning -- but then flattered me. I saw the promise of security, thinking I could go from feeling like a total outsider to maybe being an insider .... I also had been a BS more than once, so it was weird & exciting to be on the receiving end of such attention -- really, for the first time in years and at an age I doubted it would ever happen again .... Of course, the entire dynamic between me & MM ended up replicating something else entirely from childhood!!! I didn't see that until I was out of love fog.

 

However, my friend is finally out of a three-year affair and has made no secret of the fact that part of her attraction to this guy was his income level. She comes from a wealthy family that lost its fortune due to civil unrest in another country, forcing them to move to the U.S. with the clothes on their backs. She has never gotten over that "loss of face" and has had more than one affair with wealthy men in an attempt to regain that. (Both of her parents were unfaithful to each other, and her own husband left her for an OW when her kids were toddlers, so I'm sure all of this has to do with the affairs, too.)

 

I also know of a woman who, as a single mother, had an affair with a MM with four kids and an 18-year-marriage and ended up marrying him. She had an affair with a MM before that, too.

 

Affairs do involve many issues, and the money issue is not uncommon from what I've seen. However, I appreciate the replies because it's showing me it's possibly only one of many reasons for affairs.

[Breezy Trousers]

I do. She struggles to feed the kids and survive, to have a decent life, while her uncaring, unloving H squanders their money on toys or habits, and/or he screws up his job, spends too much time unemployed, he's lazy, unmotivated... for years she supports him in every way she can, encourages him, puts up with him... and one day, she tires of it all and she leaves.

 

When she goes to someone who isn't all those things - people say she did it for the money.

 

Do you know the person Frozen is referring to? ... Really, both of your perspectives are equally plausible.

[TinaniT]

I think in certain cases it might be one of many factors that influences things.

 

It doesn't mean someone is looking for an easy pay day - but that a certain amount of comfort attained can help counteract other things.

 

Certain people value security very highly, and some too highly. I know I am one of them. I stayed in an abusive marriage partly for this... (sought counseling since.)

 

A woman I know with four children recently got a divorce and has no contact or support with the father of her children after ten years as a stay at home mom. I do not believe she is or would ever be involved with a married man, but income is a factor she considers on dates. She has put it above age/looks/religious beliefs/etc... And she is not somebody you would consider materialistic. Having to sell all her belongings and coming precious close to having to sell her kids belongings, and losing her children's home as she tries to get her own career started back up in this economy has changed how she looks at things. In some situations, perhaps some people could overstep their beliefs for a little help/security.

 

I did receive a lot of help from my husband in the beginning and before leaving my ex. I can't say it was meaningless to me, as much as I did and do love my husband. He never would have helped if it was a ploy to use him, but he has the means and desire to help those he loves. Even now, we give a significant amount to family members his and of mine that need it. It's what you do when you love somebody.

Edited December 17, 2011 by TinaniT

[SoMovinOn]

Do you know the person Frozen is referring to? ... Really, both of your perspectives are equally plausible.

 

I don't ... I was just addressing the topic in general. Like everything else, sometimes it's this way, some times it's that way. For whatever there is, there are many reasons.

[frozensprouts]

this guy is anything but abusive, in fact, he put up with a lot of verbal and even some physical abuse from her, believing that she'd had a troubled life and couldn't really help it.

Maybe her kids are better off without her, or maybe not, I don't know. But she looks to me for sympathy about how hard her life with him was( three kids, one with issues, little money because she wasn't working, etc.) and I try and understand, but I just can't. She moved across the country, has no interest in seeing her kids, has no contact with them and doesn't want to, etc.- this is what I" can't understand

[SoMovinOn]

this guy is anything but abusive, in fact, he put up with a lot of verbal and even some physical abuse from her, believing that she'd had a troubled life and couldn't really help it.

Maybe her kids are better off without her, or maybe not, I don't know. But she looks to me for sympathy about how hard her life with him was( three kids, one with issues, little money because she wasn't working, etc.) and I try and understand, but I just can't. She moved across the country, has no interest in seeing her kids, has no contact with them and doesn't want to, etc.- this is what I" can't understand

 

I am always surprised when I hear about a woman who doesn't want anything to do with her kids. I thought that maternal bond was stronger than just about anything else on earth. I have some personal experience with a couple of women like that. It still boggles my mind.

[Mr_Confused]

I don't know why a person would go after a married person for $ or anything else when it so rarely works out.

 

Gold diggers are surely smart enough to know this....

[SoMovinOn]

you are making quite a bit of assumptions now aren't you? projection maybe?

 

Projection would assume I am or have ever been in a similar situation. I haven't.

 

I was addressing the quoted text. Specifically;

 

"i don't understand how someone could do that"

 

I wrote out an imagined scenario in which I could understand how someone could do that.

 

 

i have seen many many threads in the ow/om section about an ow getting a cell phone bill paid, rent paid, groceries, etc. i can think of 3 people right off the top of my head that admitted to needing the mm's financial assistance in order to meet their obligations; which goes to living outside of a person's means.

 

As have I. I have also seen single women and single moms dating single men in the same circumstances. And I have also seen many scenarios where the OW/OM are well off.

[Kitsune77]

I had to shake myself out of the boredom and inertia i usually feel when reading the OW/Om section of LS for this thread, and say i'm not sure how valid that observation is. I am the director of 2 companies, and actually pay for my very well off CEO MM on many, many things, as his wife and company goes through all his finacial records. So being the owner of both companies, it's easier and safer for me to pay. He does reimburse me fincially in other ways, i.e, I will stay in very expensive hotels with him (that I may not book for myself) ,get the benefit of all his exec VIP perks,( meals, hire cars,) his company pays for all of this.

 

I know a lot of non OW who look to men to be a meal ticket, especially in America it seems, where woman seem to have an attitude of expectation.

 

Also I have noticed a lot of OW here who have very independant lives, fincially, emotionally and socially, I would say (not to paint a broad brush, even though that seems to be the flavour here) that it is often the wife who is much more reliant on the MM.

 

 

A couple people PM'd me about this quote, so I thought I'd open a new thread:

 

 

 

I've known a handful of OW and witnessed a few from afar. I experienced two OW in my own marriage. I also learned the history of many OW on the OW/OM board during my 6-month education there..... It seems a large number of OW -- not all -- had a clear, yet often unacknowledged, financial incentive for engaging with the MM. The majority were either single moms and/or subordinates. Many live beyond their means, though sometimes through no fault of their own (single moms).

 

So why is this so reluctantly acknowledged, even unacknowledged, by MM? Is love fog truly that blind?

 

It's why I've never understood the sugar daddy concept. How much fun could it be to have to PAY someone to give you sex and attention? Wouldn't that be demeaning? Or does it just make things easier?

 

And would most OW be so eager to intrude upon a marriage & accept crumbs of attention from a MM if that same MM earned significantly less money than she did?

 

[i'm not attacking here. I struggled with an inappropriate attraction myself, despite a happy marriage. Although I'd like to think it was nobility of character that protected me from crossing boundaries, I often wonder if I had an unhappy set of circumstances --- i.e., a precarious financial existence, an unhappy marriage or a lonely life -- would I have made a different choice?]

 

And how many affairs are born out of financial insecurity (and loneliness), then slapped with the label "love"? Is it truly love, or is it a mutual feeding?

 

And, although most OW are willing participants in affairs, I often wonder: Do MM exploit that insecurity & hunger for their own purposes -- i.e., knowing it's easier to get someone to cross boundaries if she believes she may get the fairy tale at the end? ..... Or do they like to play the knight in shining armor with the darling damsel in distress? Or a little of both?

 

Any thoughts?

[Spark1111]

A couple people PM'd me about this quote, so I thought I'd open a new thread:

 

 

 

I've known a handful of OW and witnessed a few from afar. I experienced two OW in my own marriage. I also learned the history of many OW on the OW/OM board during my 6-month education there..... It seems a large number of OW -- not all -- had a clear, yet often unacknowledged, financial incentive for engaging with the MM. The majority were either single moms and/or subordinates. Many live beyond their means, though sometimes through no fault of their own (single moms).

 

So why is this so reluctantly acknowledged, even unacknowledged, by MM? Is love fog truly that blind?

 

It's why I've never understood the sugar daddy concept. How much fun could it be to have to PAY someone to give you sex and attention? Wouldn't that be demeaning? Or does it just make things easier?

 

And would most OW be so eager to intrude upon a marriage & accept crumbs of attention from a MM if that same MM earned significantly less money than she did?

 

[i'm not attacking here. I struggled with an inappropriate attraction myself, despite a happy marriage. Although I'd like to think it was nobility of character that protected me from crossing boundaries, I often wonder if I had an unhappy set of circumstances --- i.e., a precarious financial existence, an unhappy marriage or a lonely life -- would I have made a different choice?]

 

And how many affairs are born out of financial insecurity (and loneliness), then slapped with the label "love"? Is it truly love, or is it a mutual feeding?

 

And, although most OW are willing participants in affairs, I often wonder: Do MM exploit that insecurity & hunger for their own purposes -- i.e., knowing it's easier to get someone to cross boundaries if she believes she may get the fairy tale at the end? ..... Or do they like to play the knight in shining armor with the darling damsel in distress? Or a little of both?

 

Any thoughts?

 

Does ANY woman have an affair with an unemployed, down on the balls of his azz MM?

 

I don't think so. If the first words out of a man's mouth is "What does she look like?" I believe the first words out of a woman's mouth is, "What does he do for a living?"

 

And maybe you are right: It has less to do with the bank account than the appearance of power; for women, the alpha males are the most desirable and that includes MM who are proven in the sense that they can provide and protect the clan and sustain a long-term relationship with a woman (the spouse).

 

It makes them more attractive to females, whether the seduction is financial or the ability to change their lives for the better, or to provide for or protect them.

 

Women need to feel safe, so would they choose to date an unemployed drug addict?

 

I think not.

 

I do not want to be flamed here, but the OW in my sitch had my fWS pay for trips, limos, fine dining, gifts for her and her child, house repairs, and when they had broken up after DDAY, STILL tried to have him pay for a trip to a well-known, very expensive, theme park.

 

I cannot even fathom it.

 

She had him convinced that she was struggling to make ends meet (she may have been) but denied herself nothing; designer suits, hair extensions, salon treatments, gym memberships, lovely home won in the divorce, a boat, a bank account, a family support system, and acrimonious law suits against her xH regarding inheritance properties.

 

Give me a break.

 

All I initially heard was "Poor BLANK, she has no money. She could never afford that." When I began to point out all the things she seemingly could afford, his head began to explode.

 

She had him snowed, all to her financial benefit.

 

That was OUR CHILDREN's money; that was OUR money; and it still makes me angry crazy that she told him that our children should be more self-sufficient. But her child? My stupid fWS could spend every dime on her child.

 

Ayeyayyay!

[Spark1111]

PS: A woman at work throws away her marriage to date a separated MM who really screwed with her head and her heart.

 

It was so painful to see, but she wasn't hearing it from any of us who saw the writing on the wall. He used and abused her but he was the best, most educated, most powerful and successful man she had ever dated.

 

He sent her flowers; took her to fine restaurants, hotel trysts; bought her lingerie and fishnet stockings (WTH?).

 

When he broke up with her, she was a mess and we, the office, tried to shore her up. But when she emailed him, she told him she swallowed her emotions and told him she would always be there for him, she would always be his friend.

 

The office women were horrified; Why are you telling him that? He dumped you like trash and you are a mess. Call him the SOB he is....

 

Her reply: "I don't want to lose him. He promised we would take this trip in the Spring; He'd take me here and we'd do this and that....."

 

We were floored. Did she love him? Or did he represent a fantasy escape from her lonely little life? Both, we thought.

 

Her emotions were not so much about the man, but more about what the man represented: an escape from a lonely, somewhat impoverished life.

 

It was so sad to all of us.

[SoMovinOn]

Does ANY woman have an affair with an unemployed, down on the balls of his azz MM?

 

Yes.

 

..........

[beenburned]

Spark,

I would have been LIVID if my H had spent all that on his OW!

 

As a retired accountant, I have always managed all of our money and bills. H was given enough cash weekly to buy gas and his lunches. Any other purchases for the household were charged.

 

So how do you think he managed the OW? Well, all of them were young and single.

 

2 of them the deed was done at their place of employment.(1 in car, the other a back room) The 3rd OW wanted a motel room, so he did without lunches until he had saved up enough money to pay for a motel room.

 

I couldn't understand for a while why he was eating 2nd and 3rd helpings of everything at home.

[Spark1111]

Spark,

I would have been LIVID if my H had spent all that on his OW!

 

As a retired accountant, I have always managed all of our money and bills. H was given enough cash weekly to buy gas and his lunches. Any other purchases for the household were charged.

 

So how do you think he managed the OW? Well, all of them were young and single.

 

2 of them the deed was done at their place of employment.(1 in car, the other a back room) The 3rd OW wanted a motel room, so he did without lunches until he had saved up enough money to pay for a motel room.

 

I couldn't understand for a while why he was eating 2nd and 3rd helpings of everything at home.

 

Hahaha!

 

Well in my sitch he had just started a new, high-paying, powerful position that came with a generous expense account WE KNEW NOTHING ABOUT.

 

That, and the travel and the long hours were the perfect cover for the affair. I and the kids chalked up his anger and remoteness to the pressures of the new job, one we had been praying for.

 

We also were living very frugally as he wanted to grow "his business." I was working three jobs to get out of the debt we had accumulated while he had been unemployed. Yes, I did and somedays still do, want to hit somebody.

 

Go figure!

 

In Alabama? Or Arkansas? The State Supreme Court just awarded a fBS 87,000 dollars in damages for alienation of affection payable by the OW.

 

The judgement determined, after looking at cell phone bills, that the OW called the WS 3 times as often as he called her and concluded that the fBS would still be married had the OW not interfered in their marriage.

 

Crazier still is that he divorced his BS and married the OW so I guess both are now liable for the money.

 

And (yes, there's more), he and the xW met as APs in his first marriage, but the court refused to hear that from the OW's attorneys, claiming it was predjudicial to this case.

 

Maybe the court is trying to send a message that they are tired of the mess, or is punishing the H as his young son walked in on them having sex, or is saying live honorable lives and stay out of our courts with this nonsense or else.

 

But these suits are growing and most are not winnable, yet the embarrassment factor is a huge consideration as an element of revenge.

 

You can have an affair, but you cannot spend our marital assets to do so.

 

Interesting.