ThaWholigan Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 You have to broaden your horizons. Stepping out of my comfort zone is something I've been doing my whole life, and it's something that you're going to have to get comfortable with. Make a conscious effort to improve your skills in any area you wish, and dedicate yourself to making a better life to live. It's difficult when the girls you are attracted to don't pay you no mind, but you have to shut that out and focus on interacting with people normally and without emotional investments in the conversations you're having. If speaking is your problem, get some programs to help you. I had to have speech therapy and verbal reasoning until I was 10 years old, now I have a promising rap career ahead of me (apparently). It can happen -------------------------- I can't vouch for the men that say all women have the same interests. A lot of women I have met generally are into things like shopping and clothes/shoes etc. but those interests are always supplemented by other hobbies and interests that I would never have known until I had spoken to them and engaged them in communication. As for stimulating women intellectually, it depends. Women can be stimulated intellectually, but it doesn't make them attracted to you. There are ways of communicating your intellect that can stimulate them emotionally, you have to be a master of words, expand your vocabulary and your vocal tonality, and express yourself in a manner that will make them intrigued. I did this at times by accident, it was pretty funny.
Author quietGuy13 Posted December 16, 2011 Author Posted December 16, 2011 Thank you all for the responses but the reason i sound like i think that most women are social and like social stuff and like social activities is CAUSETHAT"s what i keep seeing everywhere. Let's go here let's go there. WE're going travling here , there....When i was at my last job that's all i heard. We going to clubs, we going to whatever. And I've seen alot of facebook pictures and Girls are always in large groups like in clubs and stuff. With like 20 people posing in pictures. and in clubs grinding or traveling in Vegas or whatever. And they are always with these talkative outgoing Arab guys or whatever. For example, I've seen lots of pictures of foreign girls in facebook who live in my city, because i tried making friends with them AND all their pictures they have those talkative loud, and playboy Arab or European or brazilian guys..All hugging and smooching and whatever. And the activities they do are: Drinking, IN groups talking alot, Traveling, eating etc. And they're always in groups like 20 or whatever. Girls seem to like to be in large groups. And they like those loud guys /playboy type guys.
Author quietGuy13 Posted December 16, 2011 Author Posted December 16, 2011 And to those who said step out of your comfort zone. I'm going to therapy, i'm going to some group, I try to talk to girls in public and they just think i'm weird crap. So no matter what, girls want guys who have stereoptypical loud/outgoing guy activities( hiking, some kind of group, happy hour, always some activity that has something to do with large groups of people) The supermarket thing that you guys suggest and things like that, that only works for outgoing/good speakers. I even do that in bus stops, and what do i get? Girls just make faces, ignore me, or think i'm stupid and uninteresting. ANd then i tell them my hobbies and they think i'm boring and also because i dont have large group of friends( like they do) they think i'm worthless.
jobaba Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 Pareto principle. 80% of the men are chasing 20% of women. The top 20% of women who don't really need to develop any kind of interests or personality to get chased. Men want the shallow women. Why? Because shallow women are hot. They have lots of friends, lots to do, on the outside they look like a great catch. Until you get to know them realize it's a shallow facade. If you're lucky enough to land a good looking woman with a lot going on who happens to run deep, you decide she's too much work. And the not so fortunate looking one's who run really deep never even get talked to. I'm not saying women are any better. We run into the same problems. Our human nature will shoot us in the foot everytime. That's why no one ever said finding that someone special was easy. If anything I think it's the other way around. 80% of women are pursuing the top 20% of men. I mean, that's an exaggeration too but closer to the truth. If your theory is true, how would you explain the fact that more women on this forum than I can remember have had little to no trouble getting men and have dates lined up regularly? Including you. You guys are all in the top 20%? And that many men on this forum have had zero success with women and will take the first nice, cute girl that comes along.
jobaba Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 Thank you all for the responses but the reason i sound like i think that most women are social and like social stuff and like social activities is CAUSETHAT"s what i keep seeing everywhere. Let's go here let's go there. WE're going travling here , there....When i was at my last job that's all i heard. We going to clubs, we going to whatever. And I've seen alot of facebook pictures and Girls are always in large groups like in clubs and stuff. With like 20 people posing in pictures. and in clubs grinding or traveling in Vegas or whatever. And they are always with these talkative outgoing Arab guys or whatever. For example, I've seen lots of pictures of foreign girls in facebook who live in my city, because i tried making friends with them AND all their pictures they have those talkative loud, and playboy Arab or European or brazilian guys..All hugging and smooching and whatever. And the activities they do are: Drinking, IN groups talking alot, Traveling, eating etc. And they're always in groups like 20 or whatever. Girls seem to like to be in large groups. And they like those loud guys /playboy type guys. 1st step: Accept things the way they are. -Girls don't like short guys. F@ck it. -Girls don't like Asian guys. F@ck it. -Girls don't like etc... F@CK IT! You can whine about it here if it helps, but you MUST accept it. 2nd step: Work with what you have and do something about it. You're still stuck on Step 1, the denial stage. Why, why, why don't women like guys like me? When you get out of that stage, you can start making the changes to get where you need to succeed with ONE woman and ONE woman only. Your next step will be to play the numbers to find that one woman. Start by being friendly to everybody you talk to. The bus driver, the grocery store bagger. Especially women. I don't care if she's 70 years old. Just be nice and friendly. Start from there...
bean1 Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 This is just my opinion (as a happily married woman to a 'quiet guy')- girls around 20-25ish tend to hang out in 'packs' and social situations because that's where the guys are. Yes, most quiet guys sit inside their apartment and play games but how on earth are girls supposed to know you exist if you are doing solo activities? They flock to where the men are. I met my husband through online dating because like you, his hobbies were solo (working out at home, video games, watching videos), but how else would I have met him? I think you might want to give OLD a try. Once I met him, I stopped going out to bars/clubs, there was no need. It's not that all girls only care about those activities, it's just a way of meeting people. I also prefer to just sit at home, watch the Simpsons, cook, and work out. But how the hell do you meet someone at home? Right?
DearAbby Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 Dating is hard whether you are socially awkward or really good looking. Don't think if you were social, had a good job, were super good looking, etc. it would fall in your lap - it doesn't. Women can be shallow - men can be shallower. Its just luck of the draw. You have to go out with a million girls to find one. You better start now.
serial muse Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 This is just my opinion (as a happily married woman to a 'quiet guy')- girls around 20-25ish tend to hang out in 'packs' and social situations because that's where the guys are. Yes, most quiet guys sit inside their apartment and play games but how on earth are girls supposed to know you exist if you are doing solo activities? They flock to where the men are. I met my husband through online dating because like you, his hobbies were solo (working out at home, video games, watching videos), but how else would I have met him? I think you might want to give OLD a try. Once I met him, I stopped going out to bars/clubs, there was no need. It's not that all girls only care about those activities, it's just a way of meeting people. I also prefer to just sit at home, watch the Simpsons, cook, and work out. But how the hell do you meet someone at home? Right? bean1 makes a really, really important point here. And I'm going to add that it also may be that the women you notice happen to be the louder, more outgoing ones, simply because they put themselves out there to be noticed. The squeaky wheel, and all that. I've been reading your threads for months now, and it just strikes me that you are so focused on the ways in which you feel ignored/inadequate, that you're just assuming everyone else in the world is happier and more outgoing. It's certainly true that there are more extroverts than introverts in the world. But that wouldn't suit you anyway. There are introverts out there, but yes, they are less obtrusive, and many of them may be at home, doing OLD, etc. I'm not saying it's easy, but I am saying that you're making a lot of assumptions about "girls" based on your own insecurity. "Girls" actually come in all personality types, the worst reductive threads about women on LS notwithstanding. They really do. You probably would click better with a quieter, non-party girl. Someone who is already geared to be more understanding and less impatient with the way you interact. Maybe you should stop obsessing about/hoping to date/resenting these women in large, loud groups, who wouldn't suit you anyway, and focus on getting involved in, and getting to know people in, somewhat quieter activities?
jobaba Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 Dating is hard whether you are socially awkward or really good looking. Don't think if you were social, had a good job, were super good looking, etc. it would fall in your lap - it doesn't. Women can be shallow - men can be shallower. Its just luck of the draw. You have to go out with a million girls to find one. You better start now. I hate to disagree with the Love Doctress Abigail Van Buren herself, but... I DISAGREE!!!
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