whitefire Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 I don't mean for the title to be a bummer, but I've been feeling pretty down the past few weeks. It's been almost a year since I've been on a date or had sex...or anything. Normally I take it for a grain of salt and just tell myself something will happen soon enough and to focus on other things. Women aren't my top priority. I'm more focused on my work than anything else, but even a guy like me gets lonely. About me...I really should have no trouble finding a girl. I'm an actor and writer in college and know plenty of girls through theater. A lot of them seem to like me. They tell me I'm very funny and talented and come to a lot of my performances. I'm very outgoing at parties and talk to a lot of people. I have fun, but nothing ever happens when the night is over. I don't think I'm very good at showing my interest in girls. If there's a girl I'm interested in, I'll talk with her occasionally and then go off somewhere else. I don't know how to take it any further. If girls are interested in, which I think they are sometimes...they'd probably figure I'm not interested and forget about me, right? A girl friend of mine recently asked why I never date anyone, and I didn't know what to say. That might be what maybe triggered this mini-depression...I don't know. I have done a lot for myself and should be a dateable guy, I just need a bit of help.
CocoaBrown Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 Are there any issues from your last relationship? Are you hiding behind your work at all? You said women aren't your top priority....could it be that women think you aren't interested in dating/are fine being single?
Feanor Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 You need to ask one of the girls you like to go out one on one. Ask her to dinner or a drink. Shoot her a text and be like "hey, wanna grab a drink?" Something along those lines. I guess the hard part would be going for the kiss at the end of the night. Also, since you know a lot of girls, maybe ask one of them if they have any single friends that they can set you up with? You're kind of lucky being in theatre where you can meet tons of girls. No reason to feel down.
Author whitefire Posted December 16, 2011 Author Posted December 16, 2011 Are there any issues from your last relationship? Are you hiding behind your work at all? You said women aren't your top priority....could it be that women think you aren't interested in dating/are fine being single? I'm fine with my old girlfriend. She's been seeing other guys, but we still see each other now and then and are on good terms. I don't have feelings for her anymore, I just want to go out with someone new. Do I hide behind my work? Well, I'm a student, and by work I mean writing and acting. I'm usually very busy with that stuff, more busy than most people who are involved with it, and it's well known that I'm pretty passionate and involved with it, so girls can maybe think that I'm too busy for them. Keep in mind most girls I know and am interested in do acting stuff too, some have even been in some of my shows in the past. I know girls outside of theater who don't know I do it, but I feel like my chances are much better with girls who do what I do, as I always feel more confident when I'm around these people.
Author whitefire Posted December 16, 2011 Author Posted December 16, 2011 You need to ask one of the girls you like to go out one on one. Ask her to dinner or a drink. Shoot her a text and be like "hey, wanna grab a drink?" Something along those lines. I guess the hard part would be going for the kiss at the end of the night. Also, since you know a lot of girls, maybe ask one of them if they have any single friends that they can set you up with? You're kind of lucky being in theatre where you can meet tons of girls. No reason to feel down. I know it really is that simple at the point I'm at, but it gets tough. There have been a few instances where there were girls I liked, but guy friends of mine told me they really liked these girls, so I didn't interfere. There's one girl I've been talking to the last few nights who really seems to admire me, and I want to ask her out so bad, but one guy I know, who hasn't been very fortunate with women, that might actually get a break with her. I feel like if I tried I could get her to go with me instead, but I don't really want to do that to my friend...but then I'm the one that's left out. It gets hard.
Feanor Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 One thing you definitely shouldn't do is worry about your friends being interested in a girl. It's not fair when a friends says "hey I'm interested in this girl, don't go near her." For one thing, she has a choice in the matter, if she likes you better then you should go for it. It's not like you're stealing his girlfriend from him. Honestly, you sound like you've been pretty unlikely too, you haven't been on a date in a year so don't worry about what your buddy's love life. Being out of the dating game that long can hurt the confidence, trust me, I've been there. I'm wondering if you're looking for reasons not to ask this girl out. Confidence man!! Confidence!!
Dust Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 I have a job I've been working that I don't really like. I should apply for other jobs or start a busines but I just come home every day and don't do anything. That's what you're doing. You don't like your situation, but you're not motivated to try. Lucky for you being horny can be a great motivator. Get horny enough and you'll try... oh you'll try with out even trying muahahahah
Author whitefire Posted December 16, 2011 Author Posted December 16, 2011 One thing you definitely shouldn't do is worry about your friends being interested in a girl. It's not fair when a friends says "hey I'm interested in this girl, don't go near her." For one thing, she has a choice in the matter, if she likes you better then you should go for it. It's not like you're stealing his girlfriend from him. Honestly, you sound like you've been pretty unlikely too, you haven't been on a date in a year so don't worry about what your buddy's love life. Being out of the dating game that long can hurt the confidence, trust me, I've been there. I'm wondering if you're looking for reasons not to ask this girl out. Confidence man!! Confidence!! Confidence is a weird thing. In some cases, I'm totally confident. I know I'm doing the right thing and when people argue with me I end up winning, and for the most part people support me. But with women, I don't know. I know I'm attractive and girls are interested in me, but I'm too dumb and hesitant to do something. A lot of times at parties I don't realize I blew my chance until long afterwards. I always go around to different people...but if I showed definite interest in one girl and didn't go away, maybe it would work out?
Feanor Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 Don't worry too much about what goes on at a party. We've all woken up the next day and realized a girl was interested but we did nothing about it. If you do hit it off with a girl and get her number, you've still got to make that phone call. Also, when guys are off the dating scene for a while they tend to hold women up on a pedestal. Even if you hit it off with a girl and end up going out, she could easily turn out to be a psycho or just annoying as hell. Based on what you've said I think even getting rejected might help out at this point. You've probably got rehearsal sometime soon, find a girl and strike up a convo and take that next step. Ask her out for a drink!
Lowib Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 Buddy, you're playing the game perfectly and you don't even know it. If I have learned anything over the years, it's girls crave men who they can't have. By, going around and not showing a committed interest in just one girl makes you every girls target. There is only one thing you are doing wrong. You're looking for someone to admire you. You need to admire THEM. You haven't found that one yet, and when you do, you'll know what to do. Be confident man, you got nothing to lose. If they say no, hell who cares? But, I bet they won't
Author whitefire Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 Also, when guys are off the dating scene for a while they tend to hold women up on a pedestal. Even if you hit it off with a girl and end up going out, she could easily turn out to be a psycho or just annoying as hell. Based on what you've said I think even getting rejected might help out at this point. I totally realize some women can be crazy. The closest one I came to going out with really came on to me while we were in a show together. She was pretty, but she really turned me off. She wasn't too bright so I had a lot of trouble talking with her about anything except reality TV shows she watched. She also came off as cheesy and too enthusiastic about sex (at one point she was sending me several naked pictures a day. I know this would be some guys dream but I wasn't into it...especially since she was doing some...weird things in the pictures...). She turned out to be kind of a psycho and just a headache in the end. I'm sure there are plenty out there who aren't like her, though. Buddy, you're playing the game perfectly and you don't even know it. If I have learned anything over the years, it's girls crave men who they can't have. By, going around and not showing a committed interest in just one girl makes you every girls target. There is only one thing you are doing wrong. You're looking for someone to admire you. You need to admire THEM. You haven't found that one yet, and when you do, you'll know what to do. Be confident man, you got nothing to lose. If they say no, hell who cares? But, I bet they won't I feel like you're right for the most part. One thing that holds me back is I'm afraid asking someone out will cause trouble with friends and also in the circle of people I do acting with. I know it's silly to think that, but the first girl I ever asked ended up causing me a lot of trouble, and I lost friends and went through a lot of headaches as a result of it. Plus, I don't think I've ever gotten a girl to say yes to me. Granted, I've only asked a few out, and the last one was 9 months ago, but part of me assumes that will always happen, even though part of me knows there are girls I know who are attracted to me. Eh...I've got too much going on in my head. The other night really was a low. First I hung out with two friends I haven't seen in a long time. They met up with these 2 girls they knew to go out to bars with. I thought it would be kinda like a reunion for us, but I ended up just being the 3rd...or 5th wheel to them. So, I left to go with another group of people who invited me out. When I got there, I realized it was going to be 3 guys, 3 girls, and then me. Later on when we went back to their apartment, they all went to their rooms and I was alone in the living room. The bright side was I got to eat their shares of the pizza we got, but I still felt pretty crappy. Everyone I was with that night had someone but me. This needs to end.
Nexus One Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 (edited) I don't think I'm very good at showing my interest in girls. If there's a girl I'm interested in, I'll talk with her occasionally and then go off somewhere else. I don't know how to take it any further. If girls are interested in, which I think they are sometimes...they'd probably figure I'm not interested and forget about me, right? First of all realize this. 90% of women will NEVER approach and hit on a guy. Most of the time it's the guy that has to do it. So first of all, that's what you'll have to work on. Second of all, when you're interested in a woman, you could ask if she's single. That question gives you crucial information, but also tells her a lot. Make sure you first ask/know her name before asking if she's single. If she's single, then you could ask her to exchange phone numbers so that you can take her out on a date in order to get to know her better. Edited December 19, 2011 by Nexus One
BillieAnn Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 The answer is always in you! Try to find it! Try to figure out what makes you happy and fulfilled, and what makes you away from the girls?
Nexus One Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 and what makes you away from the girls? Cooties. Either that or a rotten pussy odor causing a gag reflex.
Author whitefire Posted December 25, 2011 Author Posted December 25, 2011 (edited) Second of all, when you're interested in a woman, you could ask if she's single. That question gives you crucial information, but also tells her a lot. Make sure you first ask/know her name before asking if she's single. If she's single, then you could ask her to exchange phone numbers so that you can take her out on a date in order to get to know her better. I get all of this, but it's always more complicated in real life...with more headache. About a week ago I met a girl through a friend of a friend in a bar. She was pretty...didn't seem like the sharpest knife in the drawer but I figured she was maybe just a little drunk or nervous. I got her number, and I felt pretty good. We talked/texted the next few days. A few nights later, she said she was going out to a bar and wanted me to come. Her friend that was with us when we met also also texted several of my friends telling them to get me to come out with them. Pretty good sign, huh? So, I go out, see them in the bar. I say hi and talk for a few minutes, and then the girl says she'll be rights back. I'm hanging around with my other friends talking, and then 20 minutes go by, so I start looking around the bar for her. Then I find her - kissing this other guy, a guy who has been a kind of rival to me the past year in a number of things...ie he's the worst possible guy in that bar she could be making out with. Her friend apologized to me. The girl texted me the next day asking if I wanted to go out again, and I declined. It's not like I'm even upset about losing her. She wasn't anything special. I was just annoyed she expressed such interest to me and my friends to get me to come out, and then as soon as I do completely bails. I'm honestly more pissed that my rival managed to one up me again. Unfortunate coincidences like this seem to happen a lot. It's like god is dangling this false sense of fullfillment in front of me, like a carrot on a string to a horse, and once I get close he pulls it away and laughs, "I love messing with people...especially THAT guy." I talked with a girl friend of mine about the troubles I've been having. She literally laughed at me, saying that it was unbelievable to her that I have trouble with women. She told me that many girls have asked her about me - if I was single, etc. I yelled at her and asked why she never told me these things. She then threw her nachos in my face. That idea makes me somewhat happy, but at the same time it baffles me further. It makes me feel like I'm wasting all I've got. That's my biggest fear - getting old and then looking back and realize that I wasted my youth, how easy it would have been. I already do that with high school and college - I look back and see all I missed and know I'll never be able to do it over. Edited December 25, 2011 by whitefire
Author whitefire Posted December 25, 2011 Author Posted December 25, 2011 The answer is always in you! Try to find it! Try to figure out what makes you happy and fulfilled, What makes me happy? Writing, acting, playing/writing music. I've noticed I get get depressed when I'm not currently working on a show (going to rehearsals every night). I still can write though, which is what I do. One thing I'm working on the side is a comedy play where all the things that happen to the main character are actual things that have happened to me. When I get frustrated and depressed, it helps me write a funny take on what I consider the ****ty parts of my life. This gets very lonely, though. I always thought it would be cool to have a girlfriend to see every once in a while, to break up the isolation, ya know? and what makes you away from the girls? Sorry, what does this mean?
Recommended Posts