Dims85 Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 So me and my ex broke up in Feb and havent talked since end of April. Our 7 year anniversary would have been last month and with the holidays and everything I have been getting the urge to contact her. I almost feel like i am back in the beginning stages of the breakup when i couldnt stop thinking of her. I feel like i am back to the point where everything is reminding me of her and its driving me nuts. I want to reach out but im apprehensive about it since i dont know how she will react or if she will even respond. I dont know what to do... Some advice on how to handle this situation would be appreciated.
SkyEmtRN Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 So me and my ex broke up in Feb and havent talked since end of April. Our 7 year anniversary would have been last month and with the holidays and everything I have been getting the urge to contact her. I almost feel like i am back in the beginning stages of the breakup when i couldnt stop thinking of her. I feel like i am back to the point where everything is reminding me of her and its driving me nuts. I want to reach out but im apprehensive about it since i dont know how she will react or if she will even respond. I dont know what to do... Some advice on how to handle this situation would be appreciated. First, who broke up? Was it you or the other person?
Author Dims85 Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 she broke up with me, wanted time for school and work and life. we got engaged in November than in February she left me
SkyEmtRN Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 she broke up with me, wanted time for school and work and life. we got engaged in November than in February she left me That's a tough situation. IMO I would wait till christmas day (if you guys celebrate it) to send a message. Just saying Merry Christmas, she'll know your thinking of her and if she wants to talk she'll say Merry Christmas, how are you. If not she'll probably just say Merry Christmas. But there is no harm on sending a message on a holiday.
BoredAgain Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 The point of NC is to help you heal. If you think contacting her would set you back, then simply don't do it. For example, would it bother you to hear about her relationship with a new guy? If so, then you're probably not ready to break NC.
mike588 Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 (edited) I'd guess after 7 months of N.C. and you haven't heard from her it probably won't hurt to contact her with a very short email..text like the above person said... just a Merry Xmas and see if/how she replys. I don't know if you still want her back or not so don't get your hopes up that she will respond.... you may not want to hear what she has to say.... new b/f. I'd assume if you want your ex. back and you don't hear from them after 6...7 months the chances of getting them back get slimmer. Edited December 16, 2011 by mike588
Chi townD Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 that's the problem...it's the holidays and people have a harder time around the holidays and birthdays and anniversaries...it's normal to feel this way. If you think it will set you back even farther, then don't do it. Just my opinion.
SkyEmtRN Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 that's the problem...it's the holidays and people have a harder time around the holidays and birthdays and anniversaries...it's normal to feel this way. If you think it will set you back even farther, then don't do it. Just my opinion. (Congrats on 1500 post) I sent a xmas card to my ex's family. Believe it or not, I felt pretty good about sending it. It shows that I am caring to them and still think about them. They were nice to me and all so I have no problem with that. I adressed it to the XXX family didn't put any specific names. Its the holiday season, sometimes you just have to put your pride behind and take the risk of breaking nc.
Art_Critic Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 I sent a xmas card to my ex's family. Can you not stop contacting her.. WTF.. now you are sending letters to her via the proxy of her family.. Dude.. STOP CONTACTING HER.. my gosh.. Do you ever listen to advice here ?
Art_Critic Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 I sent a xmas card to my ex's family. Can you not stop contacting her.. WTF.. now you are sending letters to her via the proxy of her family.. Dude.. STOP CONTACTING HER.. my gosh.. Do you ever listen to advice here ? Do you even follow your own advice ?? many times you have posted that you have no reason to contact her then 4 hrs goes by and boom.. contact by you...
Art_Critic Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 Sorry about the double post.. my son did something when he jumped up on the couch...
SkyEmtRN Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 Can you not stop contacting her.. WTF.. now you are sending letters to her via the proxy of her family.. Dude.. STOP CONTACTING HER.. my gosh.. Do you ever listen to advice here ? You need to relax. It's the holidays, I wasn't sending it to her it was to her FAMILY, as in everyone. It's called being nice. I havn't gone out of my way to talk to her. Plus for all she knows that card could have been sent before I stopped talking to her. And it wasn't a letter, it was a simple christmas card just wishing a merry christmas and a happy new year. It wasn't as if I poured my heart out to the family or anything. There simply no harm in that letter.
chados Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 Can you not stop contacting her.. WTF.. now you are sending letters to her via the proxy of her family.. Dude.. STOP CONTACTING HER.. my gosh.. Do you ever listen to advice here ? Do you even follow your own advice ?? many times you have posted that you have no reason to contact her then 4 hrs goes by and boom.. contact by you... haha
Art_Critic Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 There simply no harm in that letter. You are young.. you will learn.... There was no harm to them sure.. but to you... it sets your healing back to square one.. and you broke NC ... AGAIN... By the way.. I know I seem like I am cracking down on you.. well I am.. because I have been you.. and we have all done what you are doing but I also learned how bad what I was doing was for me and my healing and am just trying to save you some self respect...
SkyEmtRN Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 You are young.. you will learn.... There was no harm to them sure.. but to you... it sets your healing back to square one.. and you broke NC ... AGAIN... By the way.. I know I seem like I am cracking down on you.. well I am.. because I have been you.. and we have all done what you are doing but I also learned how bad what I was doing was for me and my healing and am just trying to save you some self respect... Ah, but sending the card didn't set me back. I actually felt good sending it, I'm not expecting anything return from them, not at all. I'm assumeing that she might say thank you to me, but I'm not waiting for her to text that. If she does she does. Setting me back would be me giving into the temptation I have right now to contact her. But I'm fighting that temptation so I have not gone backwards. I sent that card strictly for holiday purpose not for getting her back or contacting her. It did not hinder my healing process at all and I can careless if she says thank you or not.
chados Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 Ah, but sending the card didn't set me back. I actually felt good sending it, I'm not expecting anything return from them, not at all. I'm assumeing that she might say thank you to me, but I'm not waiting for her to text that. If she does she does. Setting me back would be me giving into the temptation I have right now to contact her. But I'm fighting that temptation so I have not gone backwards. I sent that card strictly for holiday purpose not for getting her back or contacting her. It did not hinder my healing process at all and I can careless if she says thank you or not. yeah but he's kinda right here. see you might not feel anything now, but maybe tomorrow when you wake up, maybe a week later. you'll realize this stuff later on, its nothing you can control. i've been frustrated just to see my ex online. even though she didnt do anything. its just emotions spinning around.
SkyEmtRN Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 yeah but he's kinda right here. see you might not feel anything now, but maybe tomorrow when you wake up, maybe a week later. you'll realize this stuff later on, its nothing you can control. i've been frustrated just to see my ex online. even though she didnt do anything. its just emotions spinning around. Yea yea, but I seriously did send the christmas card out of sheer kindness. It would have been a whole different story if I just sent it to her. Like I said, her family was really nice to me. So the least I could do was to send them this one last christmas card to return the niceness. It was just my random act of kindness you can say. I would have sent that christmas card even if she wasn't my ex and was just a friend. I'm not trying to get her back with that christmas card, not at all. I don't want to fight for her...I want her to fight for me. And I'm not waiting around for her to come crawling back.
lilyblue Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 I would have sent that christmas card even if she wasn't my ex and was just a friend. Did you send Christmas cards to your other friends?
Jono85 Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 guys stop hijacking the poor guys thread. OP i wouldn't. save your pride. it's hard. i'm 11 months NC, so first christmas holidays in NC, but my pride won't let me. SHE left ME. i'm never saying a word to her again in life without her initiating contact. she's in the process of being moved to the permanent past.
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