ditzchic Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 I've been kinda seeing this guy for about 3 months. It's been very casual dates, always in public, nothing too intimate and nothing physical has happened. We are both busy people so we've only hung out maybe 6 or 7 times over these 3 months. Well lately it seems like he's been dipping his toes into having the exclusivity talk. I don't want to get exclusive with him. We just don't have the time to spend together and the dates haven't been all that fun. There's not really much going on in the chemistry department and the lack of anything physical happening has pretty much turned me off. I just lost interest. Over the last few weeks, I've been a lot slower responding to his texts and have totally avoided making any kind of plans with him. But the other day he hinted at buying me a christmas gift so now I feel kind of bad... I really really hate the break up talk (who doesn't, right) but I feel since it's been so casual that I don't really owe him one... Should I just let this die it's natural death until we both fall out of contact with each other? Or do I have the talk? And if I do have to have the talk, do I owe him a face to face or can I just call him? We do live about an hour apart so driving there just to dump him isn't exactly something I want to do... Insights please?
Oxy Moronovich Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 If you were in his shoes, would you want a break-up talk? Or would you want him to just drop you? You need to do a breakup talk. I believe you know why you do. You're just procrastinating and hoping passive-aggressiveness will shoo him away.
bean1 Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Yes, I think you do. I don't think you owe him a "break up talk" but if you've been seeing each other, I think it is just being a decent human to let him know that you didn't think it was going anywhere and goodbye, rather than let him think more to it. 6-7 meetings, nothing physical/no attraction, sounds more like a friend. Just be courteous. I think most people deserve that, right?
azsinglegal Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 It doesn't sound like you were exclusive so what kind of break up talk do you want to have? Honestly...I'd just let things die down naturally. It sounds like it's already on it's way. IF you want to say something to be polite, just let him know you're not looking for anything serious right now. Of course, I'm more the passive-aggressive type and I hate confrontation so I'd take the "ignoring and please go away" route.
Imajerk17 Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 You can do it over phone. Tell him that you think you and he are better off as friends.
Janesays Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 After three months, a grown up who cares about treating others with respect would give the man a talk and not just ignore him and hope he goes away like a troublesome flea.
serial muse Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Yeah, I think you should have the breakup talk. It's really the right and respectful thing to do, and it sounds like he's been decent to you. So, be decent to him. Just grit your teeth and do it.
ShannonMI Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 I've been kinda seeing this guy for about 3 months. It's been very casual dates, always in public, nothing too intimate and nothing physical has happened. We are both busy people so we've only hung out maybe 6 or 7 times over these 3 months. Well lately it seems like he's been dipping his toes into having the exclusivity talk. I don't want to get exclusive with him. We just don't have the time to spend together and the dates haven't been all that fun. There's not really much going on in the chemistry department and the lack of anything physical happening has pretty much turned me off. I just lost interest. Over the last few weeks, I've been a lot slower responding to his texts and have totally avoided making any kind of plans with him. But the other day he hinted at buying me a christmas gift so now I feel kind of bad... I really really hate the break up talk (who doesn't, right) but I feel since it's been so casual that I don't really owe him one... Should I just let this die it's natural death until we both fall out of contact with each other? Or do I have the talk? And if I do have to have the talk, do I owe him a face to face or can I just call him? We do live about an hour apart so driving there just to dump him isn't exactly something I want to do... Insights please? Hahahaha how about dump him via text? I know that is a horrible way to do things, but if you have no feelings for this guy, construct a nice text and tell him it's not working out. It's not like you two have been intimate. A nice text telling him it's over is not a big deal. I did it with a guy I was seeing for a few months, but he was an major douchebag and he deserved a text dump. He was so upset by the way I went about dumping him, but he f*cking deserved it. He cry babied to a bunch of our mutual friends about it. He was totally shocked I would dump HIM and over a text message. He thought very highly of himself and didn't think he deserved it. He did deserve it and I don't regret doing it at all. I chuckle every time I think about it actually. This situation is different though. The guy sounds nice. So maybe a text dump wouldn't be good to do with this one. It depends on if you really care about his feelings or not.
jobaba Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 We are both busy people so we've only hung out maybe 6 or 7 times over these 3 months. Well lately it seems like he's been dipping his toes into having the exclusivity talk. I don't want to get exclusive with him. We just don't have the time to spend together and the dates haven't been all that fun. There's not really much going on in the chemistry department and the lack of anything physical happening has pretty much turned me off. I just lost interest. 6 or 7 dates without getting any action? And he's talking about being exclusive without having f@cked you yet? And he's buying you a Christmas present. And he hasn't f@cked you yet? What??? Be as rough as you can on him. Call him and say, "I'm dumping your loser a@@. You're a boring sissy. Maybe if you were more of a man you could handle a woman like me! Why don't you get your mommy to tell you how to show a woman a good time." He's gonna hate you and curse you with a passion. And if he's smart, he'll use that passion to make sure it never happens to him again. Trust me. Best thing you could do to him. I'm serious...
Feanor Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Nothing physical, 6 or 7 dates over a three month period, definitely no need to go down there for a meeting just to break it off. Maybe call him but that's about it. I'd actually be annoyed if someone set up a meeting just to break it off.
Janesays Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Jeez o man. Some of the people on this board who complain about being perpetually single and wondering why should maybe consider the fact that they don't come across as very nice people.
ShannonMI Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 6 or 7 dates without getting any action? And he's talking about being exclusive without having f@cked you yet? And he's buying you a Christmas present. And he hasn't f@cked you yet? What??? Be as rough as you can on him. Call him and say, "I'm dumping your loser a@@. You're a boring sissy. Maybe if you were more of a man you could handle a woman like me! Why don't you get your mommy to tell you how to show a woman a good time." He's gonna hate you and curse you with a passion. And if he's smart, he'll use that passion to make sure it never happens to him again. Trust me. Best thing you could do to him. I'm serious... I don't think it's necessary to call the guy a loser. Maybe he wanted to take things slow with her. Not all men want to immediately get into a girl's pants. I know men like that are few and far between, but there are some out there. Gotta respect the guy for that. But if OP still isn't feeling it, then she should dump him. He should be let down easy though. I think a nice text telling him you don't have feelings for him and you wish him well would be the best way to go about it. Or if you want, say it to his face. Just be nice.
jobaba Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 (edited) Jeez o man. Some of the people on this board who complain about being perpetually single and wondering why should maybe consider the fact that they don't come across as very nice people. First of all, I'm not single in the sense that I am getting sex. Currently. Besides the point. What's wrong with what I wrote? It's roughly worded (purposely), but it's nothing every man and woman hasn't agreed with here. You can't wait 7 dates to try to kiss a woman. And asking to be exclusive and buying a woman romantic holiday gifts before anything physical has happened? Far too early of an attachment. Nothing motivates a man to change his ways more than being rejected badly by a woman. She'll be doing him a favor. Also, I'll always be a good guy. You could ask those that know me. But nice guy and dating are like oil and water. What have we seen from every thread here from every guy sending letters to and texting and chasing co-workers, and obsessing and putting way too much stock into a woman who isn't even into him? Nice guys lose and get their heart ripped out while they're at it. I've been the doormat in the dating world for years. Never again... Edited December 15, 2011 by jobaba
Imajerk17 Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Jeez o man. Some of the people on this board who complain about being perpetually single and wondering why should maybe consider the fact that they don't come across as very nice people. Reading the latest round of responses, I was thinking the same thing, JS. FWIW, I think this guy deserves a proper phone call.
carhill Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Add one vote for an honest phone conversation
Author ditzchic Posted December 16, 2011 Author Posted December 16, 2011 I don't think it's necessary to call the guy a loser. Maybe he wanted to take things slow with her. Not all men want to immediately get into a girl's pants. I know men like that are few and far between, but there are some out there. Gotta respect the guy for that. But if OP still isn't feeling it, then she should dump him. He should be let down easy though. I think a nice text telling him you don't have feelings for him and you wish him well would be the best way to go about it. Or if you want, say it to his face. Just be nice. Yeah, he definitely isn't a loser. He has kissed me it just hasn't progressed any further than some light making out. He told me when we first started hanging out that he's reluctant to get physical with girls quickly because he's a one woman kind of man and likes his ladies to be a one guy kind of girl and because of his schedule and his lack of time to date (he travels for work 3-5 days of the week and is also taking MBA classes online) he doesn't want to rush things. It's totally respectable of him and I appreciate it since the last guy I dated was pushing since the minute he met me and was rather aggressive and pushy to the point it made me uncomfortable the whole time we were seeing each other (2 months). He is a good guy but I'm not feeling it as it stands now. I don't want to burn bridges to the ground with this one. If life slows down for the two of us and it's the right time/right place, I would probably consider going out with him again. And Jobaba, you sound really bitter in what you said. I would never talk to anyone like that. Not even a doucher that deserved it. If I ever respected someone at any point I wouldn't hit them below the belt. And I hope they'd do the same for me. What goes around comes around, buddy.
jobaba Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 (edited) He is a good guy but I'm not feeling it as it stands now. I don't want to burn bridges to the ground with this one. If life slows down for the two of us and it's the right time/right place, I would probably consider going out with him again. And Jobaba, you sound really bitter in what you said. I would never talk to anyone like that. Not even a doucher that deserved it. If I ever respected someone at any point I wouldn't hit them below the belt. And I hope they'd do the same for me. What goes around comes around, buddy. Well. That's COMPLETELY different from your original post. But, I'm not here to dig into you. From your original post, you said the guy never kissed you after 7 dates. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. But, if he didn't he's a doormat. If you could read between the lines, I was telling you to say that to help the guy, not to be nasty. I was trying to help the guy, not you. You don't need my help. According to your posts, you get dates all the time left and right. I don't expect women to understand. Edited December 16, 2011 by jobaba
Author ditzchic Posted December 16, 2011 Author Posted December 16, 2011 Well. That's completely different from your original post. But, I'm not here to dig into you. From your original post, you said the guy never kissed you after 7 dates. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. But, if he didn't he's a doormat. If you could read between the lines, I was telling you to say that to help the guy, not to be nasty. I was trying to help the guy, not you. You don't need my help... I don't expect women to understand. It's not completely different. I never said he was a bad guy. I said I lost interest. I said we didn't get physical. Sorry I didn't clarify further.. we never had any kind of sexual contact. We have kissed though. It's all semantics I guess.
make me believe Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 If he's hinting at getting exclusive and buying you a Christmas gift, then this is obviously not on its way to dying a natural death. So you need to do the right thing and just break up with him. Don't string him along or start ignoring the poor guy hoping he'll leave you alone. Just call him up and tell him that you've enjoyed getting to know him but you don't see it going anywhere and you wish him well in the future. I know it's easier said than done, but anything else would be unnecessarily mean.
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