stu1234 Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 We are both 20 years old, both previously had a relationship and got together and were good for eachother. Never any cheating or stuff like that but she recently said that she needed space. She has been pretty down lately, missing a few deadlines for uni, struggling financially her job is awful. I felt like I was the strong thing in her life and we depended upon eachother a lot. Financially I helped her a lot and I would always treat her to things and we would go out for a meal 1-2 times a week. She basically lived with me for a year. She said she needs space she wants to be on her own not have any commitments. She also said she needs to sort her life out get back on track with uni, go to the gym because her own appearance is getting her down. Said things like she can't make me happy until she is happy. Then I pushed her too much I asked her questions is there still going to be time for me in your life to which she basically said a long winded no. We argue a little but never a big arguement just little things that annoy eachother but we get on pretty well. She was definitely my best friend feels so bad without her. BUT I committed the cardinal sin where it appears like your begging. I was trying to convince her on several occasions and her temperament towards me got worse. Seemed like she was becoming more blunt and less considerate with her answers. I came across as desperate I'm sure. I asked her is it over for good she says she does not know but I should try and move on etc etc even though I don't want to. I've now been at no contact for a week and I do wonder whether she will come back. She is a stunning girl lacks self confidence but with me she was always comfortable I made her feel good so I thought. Wonder if she will ever come back. Do you guys think after pushing her so hard to change her mind and appearing desperate that the she will ever come back? She deleted like all my family and friends on Facebook which would imply she is running for the hills. Still, if I rang her now she would pick up. We aren't enemies we haven't cheated. Hope she realises in time..
Philosoraptor Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 She either truly wants some space, which you should give her. Or she wants to not feel bad for dumping you and wants to move on, but would feel guilty for you hanging on so she wants you to move on as well. Either way, right now she is not your concern. Take care of yourself and make no effort to contact her.
Author stu1234 Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 I was asking her things like "how long do you think you will want space" and obviously she doesnt know. Do you want to be with anyone else. Do you think when you do want a relationship again you would come to me? she says she does not know. I told her I would wait as long as it took but she says thats not good for me and she doesnt want me to wait so I should try other things. You could be right in saying she is pushing me to move on because then it will make her feel at ease like she hasnt just dumped me. I got no idea what I should do. She doesn't want contact with me but all the free time I now have should I be trying to move on even though I don't want to. It can't be good for me to wait for it but moving on is ridiculous I don't want anyone else. It's a hard situation when giving someone space.
Author stu1234 Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 OH and also, I had already bought her xmas presents only 2-3 weeks ago she was on the phone to me "don't go spending too much" lalala she was planning for XMAS then not long after she's gone. I still intend to give her the presents though I am aware it will not buy her back. Hopefully NC will have been broken by that point. Good or bad I bought her presents coz I love her.
Philosoraptor Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 The answers she gave reek of one who wants to ease her own guilt. It sounds to me like she wants to see what else is out there but doesn't want to hurt you. If you move on first then she loses all of her guilt. The right thing for you right now is to want yourself. Sure, you are nowhere near ready to date again. She on the other hand is just waiting for the guilt to go away enough that she doesn't have to feel bad for seeing what is out there. Start spending time figuring out what you want out of life and start making your own dreams come true.
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