curious about gigs

[chados]

although im not the biggest believer of this, it would be fun if some people could give some view on this. feel free to post

 

im not saying i dont believe theres a chance a person would change their mind. but for me there could be a lot of reasons why a person comes back. this could include loneliness/guilt/insecureness when their life is turned upside down for whatever reason that might be. every breakup is about gigs in the end, at least they breakup with you because they think the grass is simply greener on the other side. that doesnt mean they will come back. this is my own point of view.

 

 

 

this is is my breakup story. feel free to give me some personal advice/thoughts about what youre making out of this.

 

we had a longdistance realtionship because of her studies. i always felt she loved me more then i loved her. i just wanted more out of that person. maybe i felt like she needed me more then i needed her. and that killed the attraction a little, but i did love her. the last 2 months she was acting strange. she started to be more bossy, and i started to be the clingy one. i didnt see the signs really. she was testing me. she wanted me to show that i cared for her.

 

well one day when i texted her for smalltalk she acted very cold. i asked her why she acted like that, and she just wouldnt answer. i pushed her because i started to feel anxious , she said we can talk about this when i get home. i said do you wanna break up? after a long talk she said i dont know. we hang up short after that because she was going somewhere to study. she texted me 5 minutes later and said, i dont mean i want to break up. she came back from school, we had a talk, yes we had became to comfortable. everything was great after that, we spend the weekend together.

 

she got back to school, and this is where i made a huge mistake. she said "im gonna be a little reserved" she simply meant that we need some time to cool things of, and of course she wanted us to change. well i started instantly. i called her a lot and told her i loved her. even though i knew this was wrong way to deal with it. she started to act really cold this time. when i told her i missed her she could say stuff like "good". after a few days i realized this could be the end, i had a huge depression. she was just texting me because she didnt want me to hate her, she told me she didnt know if she wanted to breakup, but i continued to push her.

 

back from school again, she was going home on a wednesday but when i asked her what time, she said.. im on the buss now im coming home today. "tuesday", i asked her if she wanted to see me now instead. she said, sure we could do that. she said, i dont feel like you care about me. and that she would like to break up, she cried of course... i acted cool and told her that i knew this was coming.

 

2 days later i send her an email which looked something like this. "i understand why we broke up, i realize this is the best thing to do right now. few minutes later she texted me, "how are you"? i told her that i feel good. i asked her the same, and got the same answer back. of course i know this was a lie, just by texting me that fast after the email made me understand that this was not something she would expect to hear. she initiated contact only by text one week after the breakup, and 3 weeks after the breakup.

 

the first text was just asking me questions, and she really tried to keep the conversation going. but i didnt let her do that, so i made it short. when she texted me the second she had seen that my friend asked me to follow him to the city where she's studying. this was on a friday and he wrote "are you gonna follow me to the city on tuesday or wednesday"?, she had seen this and she didnt text me on friday, she did text me on tuesday out of curiosity i guess. "what are you going to do in the city"?. i just told her im meeting some friends. which is funny because a girl that i dont know anymore, must have been 10 years i saw her. added me on facebook, and she lives in that town

 

 

i didnt do this to make her jealous, i did this because she got nothing to do with that, and to be honest it almost felt like an insult on my privatelife. well i waited 3 hours because i wasnt gonna reply at first, but when i did she started asking me about everything else, ive been told youre going to study and so on. i made it really short and told her i had to go. one day i called her. she did not answer, 2 hours later she texted me, what did you want by calling me? i said, well do you have 2 minutes?. she called me up instantly, sounded happier then ever talking to me. i wasnt falling for this, cause it could mean she's just feeling that i hate her. she agreed to a meetup.

 

so one day i called her and asked if she had time friday or saturday, she started to say stuff like, im not sure if im going to be avaible. i didnt buy that at all so i said, i can feel that youre not comfortable with this, and i just wanted to see you because i had to say that i dont feel its a good idea that youre keep texting me. maybe one day we can talk, but right now i dont feel its a good idea. she cried but understood what i was saying.

 

now she's been changing her lifestyle a lot, pictures up on facebook every friday/saturday, mainly because of partying with her friends which she never used to hang out with, even some oldies that she didnt hung out with, she never even used facebook when we where together, she never used alcohol. she's been acting strange, when im online she's waiting for me to do something, cause when i log out, she logs out. sometimes she can even log in and out 3 times in 5 minutes. i know many people would suggest to block her, but not going to happen, i dont care what she's doing.

 

sorry for long post, thoughts?

Edited December 15, 2011 by chados

[chados]

give me some lovin guys, you dont have to read it, just give some thought about the topic

[carhill]

You might find this thread to be of interest:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986/

[chados]

You might find this thread to be of interest:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986/

 

 

 

 

yes i've read that, it seems to be around the internet. i wrote about some signs that my ex did, and it looks like she's doing exactly the same as in that tread. thing is , i cant find that many people who's been through this, whether its the person with gigs or some dumpee that had an ex who's been., ty for replying though:)

[norajane]

So you were the one with gigs? Because that's what it sounds like from what you wrote - you were the one who kept bringing up breaking up at the least little hiccup in your conversations.

[chados]

So you were the one with gigs? Because that's what it sounds like from what you wrote - you were the one who kept bringing up breaking up at the least little hiccup in your conversations.

 

i had my doubts yes, but that was a long time ago.. but it dont see how anything i wrote is me having gigs.. its me having a hard time dealing with her being a different person.. she's showing all signs from that tread. thats why i ask if theres anyone who recognize this from a past relationship.

 

 

 

edit: i take that back. but it was still a long time ago, and i never told her about it.. i didnt feel that way when we had the talk

Edited December 15, 2011 by chados

[norajane]

but it dont see how anything i wrote is me having gigs.

 

You were the one who instigated the break up, and shut down any chance of reconciliation. I'll break it down for you based on what you wrote:

 

this is is my breakup story. feel free to give me some personal advice/thoughts about what youre making out of this.

 

we had a longdistance realtionship because of her studies. i always felt she loved me more then i loved her. i just wanted more out of that person. maybe i felt like she needed me more then i needed her. and that killed the attraction a little, but i did love her. the last 2 months she was acting strange. she started to be more bossy, and i started to be the clingy one. i didnt see the signs really. she was testing me. she wanted me to show that i cared for her.

 

So you weren't that into her, and she struggled with it because she needed you to show her that you do actually care.

 

Sounds like YOU were the one who thought he could find better, or have better, or be more attracted to someone else. gigs.

 

well one day when i texted her for smalltalk she acted very cold. i asked her why she acted like that, and she just wouldnt answer. i pushed her because i started to feel anxious , she said we can talk about this when i get home. i said do you wanna break up? after a long talk she said i dont know. we hang up short after that because she was going somewhere to study. she texted me 5 minutes later and said, i dont mean i want to break up. she came back from school, we had a talk, yes we had became to comfortable. everything was great after that, we spend the weekend together.

 

So YOU were the first to suggest breaking up. YOU. Not her. YOU. She didn't want to break up.

 

she got back to school, and this is where i made a huge mistake. she said "im gonna be a little reserved" she simply meant that we need some time to cool things of, and of course she wanted us to change. well i started instantly. i called her a lot and told her i loved her. even though i knew this was wrong way to deal with it. she started to act really cold this time. when i told her i missed her she could say stuff like "good". after a few days i realized this could be the end, i had a huge depression. she was just texting me because she didnt want me to hate her, she told me she didnt know if she wanted to breakup, but i continued to push her.

 

So YOU continued to push her about breaking up. YOU.

 

back from school again, she was going home on a wednesday but when i asked her what time, she said.. im on the buss now im coming home today. "tuesday", i asked her if she wanted to see me now instead. she said, sure we could do that. she said, i dont feel like you care about me. and that she would like to break up, she cried of course... i acted cool and told her that i knew this was coming.[/QUOTE]

 

So she finally came to the conclusion breaking up was the only thing left, and YOU acted "cool" and like it was no big deal.

 

2 days later i send her an email which looked something like this. "i understand why we broke up, i realize this is the best thing to do right now. few minutes later she texted me, "how are you"? i told her that i feel good. i asked her the same, and got the same answer back. of course i know this was a lie, just by texting me that fast after the email made me understand that this was not something she would expect to hear. she initiated contact only by text one week after the breakup, and 3 weeks after the breakup.

 

And after the break-up, YOU said it was the best thing. YOU.

the first text was just asking me questions, and she really tried to keep the conversation going. but i didnt let her do that, so i made it short.

 

AND, now YOU are still acting "cool" after the break up.

 

i didnt do this to make her jealous, i did this because she got nothing to do with that, and to be honest it almost felt like an insult on my privatelife. well i waited 3 hours because i wasnt gonna reply at first, but when i did she started asking me about everything else, ive been told youre going to study and so on. i made it really short and told her i had to go. one day i called her. she did not answer, 2 hours later she texted me, what did you want by calling me? i said, well do you have 2 minutes?. she called me up instantly, sounded happier then ever talking to me. i wasnt falling for this, cause it could mean she's just feeling that i hate her. she agreed to a meetup.

 

AND then YOU continued being a bitch and acting "cool".

 

so one day i called her and asked if she had time friday or saturday, she started to say stuff like, im not sure if im going to be avaible. i didnt buy that at all so i said, i can feel that youre not comfortable with this, and i just wanted to see you because i had to say that i dont feel its a good idea that youre keep texting me. maybe one day we can talk, but right now i dont feel its a good idea. she cried but understood what i was saying.

 

AND now YOU are telling her YOU don't want to text and talk anymore. YOU don't think it's a good idea.

 

now she's been changing her lifestyle a lot, pictures up on facebook every friday/saturday, mainly because of partying with her friends which she never used to hang out with, even some oldies that she didnt hung out with, she never even used facebook when we where together, she never used alcohol. she's been acting strange, when im online she's waiting for me to do something, cause when i log out, she logs out. sometimes she can even log in and out 3 times in 5 minutes. i know many people would suggest to block her, but not going to happen, i dont care what she's doing.

 

Well, duh. of course she's going to move on without you, finally.

 

Sorry, you engineering this whole thing. And you then shut down any possibility of sorting things out and getting back together. YOU did that.

[SkyEmtRN]

 

she's been acting strange, when im online she's waiting for me to do something, cause when i log out, she logs out. sometimes she can even log in and out 3 times in 5 minutes. i know many people would suggest to block her, but not going to happen, i dont care what she's doing.

 

sorry for long post, thoughts?

 

Ok Chados my dude, I gained some sanity so I'll give you my POV. You do care about what she's up to becuase your paying attention to her log in. And your always going to care until you find someone else. How do I know...becuase I'm doing the exact same thing...And it suuuckkkssssss.

 

My ex is on the same streak. Kind of. She's been spending more time with people she wouldn't hang out with. She not getting into the alcohol or anything. I guess she is just enjoying her "freedom". I think its more of a "high" that they are on so that they don't feel lonely or that they are doing this to fill up their void of emptyness that was created when they left us. Eventually the "high" will run out and that's when they will wake up from this "false" life and see things from a different persepective. It's kind of a slap in the face to wake up back to reality

 

Yes it sucks, but there's nothing we can do. Nothing at all. We can chose to wait around and see if they come back once they been slapped in the face, which might be never. Or we can move on and heal and find someone else. Many people are going to suggest the latter. But its a matter of how much we love them that determines are "waiting around" period.

 

I understand what you saying with not blocking or deleting her. I think its a good choice to not do so becuase it still keeps some kind of open line of communication in the near future. If they are not causing drama via facebook then there is no need. If they were to lets say "rub" it in your face that they have a better person they are with or they are harassing you about it, then it might be the best to block and move on.

 

How long since the break up? And hole old are you to?

[SkyEmtRN]

You were the one who instigated the break up, and shut down any chance of reconciliation. I'll break it down for you based on what you wrote:

 

Crying and begging wouldn't have made things any better...it never does. I can see if he did for a few weeks just to show her he cares but eventually you have to come to a point of no contact. So they can "miss" you.

[chados]

You were the one who instigated the break up, and shut down any chance of reconciliation. I'll break it down for you based on what you wrote:

 

 

i never told her about that, it was long before the breakup, she never told me that she felt i didnt care, it was a test. so no i was there for her. at least i tried.

[norajane]

Crying and begging wouldn't have made things any better...it never does. I can see if he did for a few weeks just to show her he cares but eventually you have to come to a point of no contact. So they can "miss" you.

 

Sure. But you can't get around the fact that he was the one who first suggested breaking up, and then pushed it until she finally did break up. And then he kept pretending that's what he wanted - basically, being DISHONEST with her about his thoughts and feelings in order to try to MANIPULATE her.

 

Sorry, I don't see how she wouldn't have left him and stayed gone with his behavior. That was not "gigs" on her part. She didn't leave him out of the blue for no reason except the grass might be greener - she left him because he instigated their break up. She had little choice, actually.

[norajane]

i never told her about that, it was long before the breakup, she never told me that she felt i didnt care, it was a test. so no i was there for her. at least i tried.

 

Dude, YOU said the words "break up" first. And then kept saying them. So you created this mess. She didn't leave you out of gigs. She left because you kept talking about breaking up, and then were adamant that it was the right thing to do.

[chados]

Crying and begging wouldn't have made things any better...it never does. I can see if he did for a few weeks just to show her he cares but eventually you have to come to a point of no contact. So they can "miss" you.

 

 

 

i screwed up, i admit it. i pushed her to choose and by doing that it was actually me choosing for her.., that made her mad and took it out on me. this it how it works. i wrote a lot on this topic, and maybe i havent made myself clear at all. this is not a tread to win her back. this is something i want to know if anyone actually been going through. there's like one real tread about this, so i want to know if someone can explain to me if this really are signs for gigs.

[chados]

Dude, YOU said the words "break up" first. And then kept saying them. So you created this mess. She didn't leave you out of gigs. She left because you kept talking about breaking up, and then were adamant that it was the right thing to do.

 

 

 

yes i pushed her. but i know that she loved me. i should have given her time. but when i called her, she had already been thinking about it. sure she didnt say it, but when i asked she said, i dont know. so i disagree here

[norajane]

i want to know if someone can explain to me if this really are signs for gigs.

 

NOTHING you have written about your break-up sounds AT ALL like gigs.

[chados]

NOTHING you have written about your break-up sounds AT ALL like gigs.

 

 

great thanks for your reply