Oxy Moronovich Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 I have a cousin called Carly who I am extremely close to. She arrived in Austin for a week long vacation here last night. After she got settled in, we went out to eat at Red Lobster. I asked her what's new in her life. At first, she said things were fine. Then more as we talked her eyes started to water. She then told me she lost 3 friends she thought she was real close with. Turns out at least 2 of the 3 wanted to get the guy that is currently dating Carly. Two days before she left, she had a huge fight with them and it got ugly. There was a lot of name calling and she's now had her relationship with them severed. One of them even admitted she never liked Carly and only pretended to like her. She's devastated now and it looks like her week with me is going to be sour. Is there anything I can do to make her feel better? How do women deal with cattiness from one another? It seems like whenever women gather in a group, there's bound to be some cattiness. My cousin is only 21. She's been dealing with this all her life but has admitted she doesn't know how to cope with it. Should I try to understand why women act like this? Or is it some woman thing I should leave alone? How do women on this board deal with competitiveness and jealousy from other women?
DearAbby Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Just be sympathetic to her and tell her women are always going to be jealous of her. Tell her the best way to cope with it is just to take it for what its worth and not let it affect her because she is not the problem here. I have experienced Jealousy from my friends even my best friends. The best thing to do is ignore it. I have never experienced it to the level of Carly. I think she needs to get new friends. Good luck.
Citizen Erased Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 By telling them to bugger off and finding some male friends, that's what I did anyway. Just be there for her, distract her with some fun activities. I doubt there's anything you can do to change this.
bean1 Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 It's not so much a gender but an age thing, IMO. I avoid this very easily - I hang out with women who have long outgrown those behaviours (myself and all my girlfriends are married with babies & careers). A lot of us were like that at 21. Unfortunately it's a matter of surrounding yourself with other types of people, often those who have outgrown the competitive/insecure behaviour of these girls.
Author Oxy Moronovich Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 It's a bummer I can't do anything for her. We could have fun this week and forget about it. But she's going to remember it when she goes back to Pittsburgh. Marriage is more and more on her mind. She wanted some of those women to be at her wedding and be some bridesmaids. That's a real downer to know they won't be there for her. It's also sad to think she might have to wait more than a decade to meet women mature enough to calm feelings of jealousy.
daphne Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 How do women on this board deal with competitiveness and jealousy from other women? I try to deal with it by trying to introduce them to guys I meet out. Or by complimenting them and letting them know what I think their best qualities are. But if they behave in teh fashion that your cousin's friends behaved, I cut them loose. It's better she know now than to find out after she's had them in her wedding. It's their problem. Everyone's been jealous of someone else at some point in their lives. It's the person's problem that is experiencing it. It's not the fault of the person you're jealous of. Tell her that, in time, she'll learn to weed out the jealous gf's from teh cool girls that have confidence and she'll be better off. It's not easy, there are a lot of catty women out there.
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