lana_sa Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Me and my ex have been sending messages to eachother on fb(we are not friends so it was private messages,i started it by wishing him a happy holiday and he continued it with questions and all).Usually he replies in hours but lately its been taking more than a day and so.He does say sorry i am late i was busy but somehow it feels like maybe he doesn't want to continue? what do you think? what should i do? i was thinking maybe just ignore his next message and see if he will write something again? please help!
smudge21 Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 How long have you been seperated and why did you break up? Rough guess, it sounds like he's become comfortable with how things are and now just accepts you're always going to be there, just as a friend, and therefore he can reply whenever.
chados Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Me and my ex have been sending messages to eachother on fb(we are not friends so it was private messages,i started it by wishing him a happy holiday and he continued it with questions and all).Usually he replies in hours but lately its been taking more than a day and so.He does say sorry i am late i was busy but somehow it feels like maybe he doesn't want to continue? what do you think? what should i do? i was thinking maybe just ignore his next message and see if he will write something again? please help! first of all, who initiate the breakup? who initiated the first contact after the breakup? and do you want him back? whats the reason for the breakup? and since you know him, do you believe he really is busy?
Author lana_sa Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 first of all, who initiate the breakup? who initiated the first contact after the breakup? and do you want him back? whats the reason for the breakup? and since you know him, do you believe he really is busy? He broke up with me because of the distance..It was 4 months ago.He initiated first by wishing me a happy birthday,,then few weeks ago after 3 months of total No Contact i wished him and he continued talking with me,,with questions and all * We ended in a bad way by the way,but we haven't apologized for what we said and yes i would want him back what do you think?
smudge21 Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 He may have met someone else or simple see you as a friend now - guys can put girls in the friend zone. The fact you are happily chatting away simply tells him you're happy to be friends. If you want more, then tell him. Be honest, otherwise you run the risk of leaving it too long and having him tell you he's moved on. Be prepared though that he may not want anything else and may now only offer friendship. It's a tough one.
chados Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 He broke up with me because of the distance..It was 4 months ago.He initiated first by wishing me a happy birthday,,then few weeks ago after 3 months of total No Contact i wished him and he continued talking with me,,with questions and all * We ended in a bad way by the way,but we haven't apologized for what we said and yes i would want him back what do you think? well he ended it for some reason, personally i would find it easier if you told me your problems. its not like anyone is going to know its you. its not rare that the dumper contacts you at all. especially not at your birthday. what did he ask you when you wished him happy birthday?
Author lana_sa Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 well he ended it for some reason, personally i would find it easier if you told me your problems. its not like anyone is going to know its you. its not rare that the dumper contacts you at all. especially not at your birthday. what did he ask you when you wished him happy birthday? he replied thanks lani(his nickname for me) i am glad you remembered it, how are you,how is your family? i replied to that -we are all good thanks i hope you are okay too? he replied i am great thanks,so what have you been up to? did you change your hair color?(he saw on my profile pic i changed color from blonde to brown) and it all continued like this,he also said he misses sometimes how we used to talk for a long time and his mother sometimes asks about me.He is social and all.So i don't know how to take this? and this mailing back and forth has been continuing for now like over a month
Author lana_sa Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 How long have you been seperated and why did you break up? Rough guess, it sounds like he's become comfortable with how things are and now just accepts you're always going to be there, just as a friend, and therefore he can reply whenever. Well ok,does not sound positive.But what is the right thing to do here? is my idea of ignoring his next mail a good one?
chados Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 he replied thanks lani(his nickname for me) i am glad you remembered it, how are you,how is your family? i replied to that -we are all good thanks i hope you are okay too? he replied i am great thanks,so what have you been up to? did you change your hair color?(he saw on my profile pic i changed color from blonde to brown) and it all continued like this,he also said he misses sometimes how we used to talk for a long time and his mother sometimes asks about me.He is social and all.So i don't know how to take this? well im not saying this is 100% true at all times. but when a guy says my mom asks about you. it could really mean that he's saying that because he misses you a lot. and more often if he's the dumpee. you wouldnt believe how common this is. al though i would be careful, because sometimes people are just alone you know. maybe he's playing hard to get i dont know. it could mean he wants to see where you stand.
Author lana_sa Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 well im not saying this is 100% true at all times. but when a guy says my mom asks about you. it could really mean that he's saying that because he misses you a lot. and more often if he's the dumpee. you wouldnt believe how common this is. al though i would be careful, because sometimes people are just alone you know. maybe he's playing hard to get i dont know. it could mean he wants to see where you stand. I don't know,it would be weird if she really asked about me after 4 months...i never met his mom.so maybe he was trying to say something else there
chados Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 I don't know,it would be weird if she really asked about me after 4 months...i never met his mom.so maybe he was trying to say something else there what weird is that he tells you he misses you, and telling you that his mom is asking about you. it doesnt matter if youve met her. why would he say that? its like saying, you are on our mind.
M2155 Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Well if you keep doing the same little small talk thing, it's going to wear out and get boring. Saying someone asked about you is still just small talk. It sounds like he's just trying to get past the "bad" of your breakup and be friendly. If you're okay with that, keep chatting. If you're not okay with that and want more, speak up. Tell him it's been nice getting back in touch and that you would be open to meeting up for coffe/lunch whatever next week (or whenever) if he's available. Then leave the ball is in his court. I'm not one for pushing anything because if he wanted to make a move, he'd make a move but small talk can go on forever and you will be there overanalyzing everything. Be sure you think about WHY you broke up and what has really changed since then.
chados Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Well if you keep doing the same little small talk thing, it's going to wear out and get boring. Saying someone asked about you is still just small talk. It sounds like he's just trying to get past the "bad" of your breakup and be friendly. If you're okay with that, keep chatting. If you're not okay with that and want more, speak up. Tell him it's been nice getting back in touch and that you would be open to meeting up for coffe/lunch whatever next week (or whenever) if he's available. Then leave the ball is in his court. I'm not one for pushing anything because if he wanted to make a move, he'd make a move but small talk can go on forever and you will be there overanalyzing everything. Be sure you think about WHY you broke up and what has really changed since then. i do agree, but a guy telling you his mom is still asking for you. to me that could be a very strong sign
Author lana_sa Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 we can not meet just like that,we are a long distance relationship but still no mail from him,i really wish i could know if he is busy or just does not care :/ its been 2 days
M2155 Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Well replace coffee with skype or phone call, whatever you do. All you can do is let him know you are open to that next step, because he may or may not be. LDRs don't work for everybody. I'm sure it's not about him not caring, but it's probably not a priority either. He's not in a relationship with you and the impression I got was it's just mostly small talk, which can only go on for so long before you run out of things to say. I get those types of messages from family and I'll read it but forget to go back and reply since it wasn't anything really important. Obviously you have your hopes up so I hope you are prepared if this doesn't turn into anything more than just getting back on good terms.
geegirl Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 After a break up, people place way too much emphasis on little signs of hope i.e. he said his mother asked about me, he asked how I was doing, he asked about my hair color, etc. Is he interested or is he just making small talk? It's not uncommon for a dumper to want to contact the dumpee and engage because there was history and I am sure the dumper does feel a loss in his life. His level of engaging you is his way of rekindling a part of what the relationship gave him but it's not quite enough to justify wanting to re-establish the relationship. If he wanted more, you will hear the words. He will come forward and tell you. He won't be gone for two days. He will want to engage you and take it somewhere. Lead it to something more. If you want to be left dangling on a string, then sit there and wait and obsess. Pick apart his actions and his words. Or you can just bite the bullet and speak up. If you are afraid that your forwardness will push him away, then you will have your answer because if he wanted more, he would be thrilled to have you open the door. Either way you get an answer.
Author lana_sa Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 Well replace coffee with skype or phone call, whatever you do. All you can do is let him know you are open to that next step, because he may or may not be. LDRs don't work for everybody. I'm sure it's not about him not caring, but it's probably not a priority either. He's not in a relationship with you and the impression I got was it's just mostly small talk, which can only go on for so long before you run out of things to say. I get those types of messages from family and I'll read it but forget to go back and reply since it wasn't anything really important. Obviously you have your hopes up so I hope you are prepared if this doesn't turn into anything more than just getting back on good terms. Yeah small talk for like a month now,but its also questions like "so what have you done today?" or "what will you do this weekend?".It is more like actual chat on facebook lol But i guess,what i need help with is the fact that i don't know what to do now.Because my situation is like this: I know a relationship is not possible right now,but i want it to lead to that,to keep the door open so to speak,to start all over again(we started as friends from first beginning )...i mean we will not see eachother until in a few months,and then i would want to meet up and try something,or if i have real luck maybe he could come and visit So my questions would be, should i continue with this mailing or should i stop it? any suggestions?
chados Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 im just saying that guys do this kinds of stuff. yes they can be polite without intentions. but telling you that his mom is asking about you. this is like the most common thing to do when you want someone back, especially when you starting to feel that you dont know what to do yourself. and if youre the dumpee it even more common. just saying. why the heck would his mom ask about her months later? especially since he dumped her? would she want him to never forget about the breakup or what? she's never even met her. the only thing that comes to my mind is that he's either lying or his mom can see that he's not healing very well. not trying to give you false hope here. i could very well be wrong about this. what im not wrong about is that this happens all the time when someone wants you back. if youre feeling its the right thing to do, just ask him out as friends for a coffee or something equal. not a fancy dinner.
M2155 Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 I would say yes you should stop e-mailing him because it is driving you crazy. You are hanging on to hope instead of taking charge of what you can control. I agree with geegirl, take the risk to tell him you are open to something or otherwise let this die off. When I say "die off" I mean like "I've really enjoyed reconnecting, contact me if you want to skype" or something like that. Otherwise you will be sitting there analyzing his messages for months wasting your valuable time waiting for him to make a move or end up with a new girlfriend. Either way, he will not forget how to reach you.
geegirl Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 (edited) i could very well be wrong about this. what im not wrong about is that this happens all the time when someone wants you back. Most of my ex's families have asked about me after the break-up. Did we ever get back together again, no. It was just a polite inquiry because I was once in their son's life and I was once a part of theirs. So it does not happen all the time, as you state. When someone wants you back, they show you with words and action. They don't show their interest by telling you that their mother asked about you, especially when the dumper holds the power to re-establishing the R, as in the OP's case. There's so much more he can say to her, other than his mother's queries, that spell rekindling. Edited December 15, 2011 by geegirl
chados Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Most of my ex's families have asked about me after the break-up. Did we ever get back together again, no. So it does not happen all the time. When someone wants you back, they show you with words and action. They don't tell you that their mother asked about you, especially when the dumper holds the power to re-establishing the R, as in the OP's case. There's so much more he can say to her, other than his mother's queries, that spell rekindling. of course they do, but this is months later. not to mention that theyve "never met" and he dumped her. im not saying that you could not be right about this. every person on this planet is different. let me ask you, where you in contact with your exes after the breakup? and did you initiate it?
geegirl Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 I was never in contact with my exs. Never initiated contact. They would break NC.
Author lana_sa Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 yeah we never met at all! and it is 4 months ago he dumped me he also says stuff like "i miss our late conversations" ,he says stuff that can be considered a bit flirty,but no he is never serious in our conversations
chados Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 I was never in contact with my exs. Never initiated contact. They would break NC. yeah but who broke up with whom?
chados Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 yeah we never met at all! and it is 4 months ago he dumped me he also says stuff like "i miss our late conversations" ,he says stuff that can be considered a bit flirty,but no he is never serious in our conversations i do think its weird, you know this guy better then us. if you do believe these are signs, maybe you should ask him out for a coffee. just as friends. if she says no, well then you'll stop wondering. or you wait until he asks you. this could be the easiest way for you to do it without being hurt.
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