Els Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 The bf has rather strongly hinted at my would-be Xmas present - and it is a fairly expensive gadget that even though I would like, I really don't think is worth the cost. We have a comfortable live-in relationship, based on a lot of blatant honesty, so I happen to know that the state of his finances are not great after the recent trip that he took back to his homeland. I thought about it and decided that I didn't feel that I wanted the gift enough for it to be worth the money he will spend on it. But, geesh, how do I turn it down without hurting his feelings? From what I know about him, he loves buying me gadgets. He has a thing for geeky women, and part of his love is keeping them well-supplied with, uh, tools of the trade. I'm deciding between just going with it and accepting it, or declining and suggesting some cheaper gifts that I would like better (but he might not enjoy buying them so much? ), or just straight out declining. Suggestions?
DepressedinDenver Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 I really think you should just accept it. If he wants to buy it he wants to buy it. Im sure he knows his money situation too.
Author Els Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 Perhaps you are right. I just feel guilty about him spending that much on a gift for me when he was glancing unhappily through his bank account a mere month ago. I also think that smartphones are horribly overpriced here since we don't live in the US.
Seneca Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 You know I have this same problem. I was thinking... what if you accepted the gift, but a few days later you get a refund for the gift and used the money to buy them something? I was thinking of doing that myself. What are your thoughts on that OP?
confused kitty Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 I think that would be more hurtful than declining the gift in the firt place, he may think that you didnt like it so returned it instead, plus it would then be like him buying himself a present....
Author Els Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 I'm agreed with kitty, I'm afraid. I'd never go the refund route.
Seneca Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Ok thanks for the input. Sorry OP I'm not so helpful on this one.
Author Els Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 Awww it's fine. Thanks for taking the time to post a well thought-out answer!
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 I think it would be nice for you to express your concern if he you feel that he will buy you this, especially since you know his finances. It's nice to get things that you want, but If you care about him and want to make a gesture that you care about us rather than just being showered with nice gifts then I'm sure he will appreciate the sentiment. If he still wants to do it for you, then that's his decision. If he really wants to spend his money on you in spite of not having the best financial situation then he really wants to make you happy.
make me believe Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Tell him your concerns before he buys it. If he hints around at it again tell him what you said here -- "You know, after thinking about it, I feel like it's just not worth the cost right now. XYZ (cheaper item) looks really cool though!" You could even bring it up on your own. If you see a commercial or ad, or see the item in a store, talk about how crazy the price is, and mention something cheaper that you like. If he gets it for you anyway, accept it graciously. Don't bring up his finances after he gives it to you ("This is so nice, thank you! But are you sure you can afford it??"), that would make him feel horrible.
lululucy Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Tell him your concerns before he buys it. If he hints around at it again tell him what you said here -- "You know, after thinking about it, I feel like it's just not worth the cost right now. XYZ (cheaper item) looks really cool though!" You could even bring it up on your own. If you see a commercial or ad, or see the item in a store, talk about how crazy the price is, and mention something cheaper that you like. If he gets it for you anyway, accept it graciously. Don't bring up his finances after he gives it to you ("This is so nice, thank you! But are you sure you can afford it??"), that would make him feel horrible. Completely agree with this post. You can hint that you'd like something else, or even say directly something (perhaps a little white lie) like "I don't think I want a smartphone, I couldn't afford the extra bill" so the criticism of the gift is on your personal satisfaction with it rather than his wallet afterwards. But yeah hun, if he buys it, just say thank you and let it go -- maybe buy him something equally expensive if you feel you're better off financially and would feel guilty accepting the phone.
Confusedalways Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 I'm in the same situation- only I stumbled on the gift by accident. All my friends told me to just shut my mouth and accept it. I expressed to him that I "really hoped he didn't spend a lot" and he told me that he doesn't care, he wanted to buy what he bought, etc. I think this is one of those times where you just have to say thank you, especially if it's something you really do want. I know it's tough but giving is a lot of fun, and we shouldn't ruin it!
Ilovewater Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 (edited) I think you should feel comfortable enough to bring up the issue with him. Tell him that you would appreciate the gift, but at this point, it might be financially beneficial to buy something cheaper. He can buy it for you later for another occasion when he has more money. I was recently in a similar situation except my boyfriend had already bought the gift. He surprised me with a tablet for my birthday last month. It's something that's nice to have, but I felt like I don't really need it, and the money could be better used for something else. Anyways, I told him my concerns, and we agreed to return it. He was fine with that, and no feelings were hurt. He ended up getting me a $50 jacket that I actually need. If you discuss it with him politely, he might not be offended. Edited December 15, 2011 by Ilovewater
Author Els Posted December 16, 2011 Author Posted December 16, 2011 @makemebelieve: Thanks for the caution. I'll bear that in mind. Completely agree with this post. You can hint that you'd like something else, or even say directly something (perhaps a little white lie) like "I don't think I want a smartphone, I couldn't afford the extra bill" so the criticism of the gift is on your personal satisfaction with it rather than his wallet afterwards. I think you should feel comfortable enough to bring up the issue with him. Tell him that you would appreciate the gift, but at this point, it might be financially beneficial to buy something cheaper. He can buy it for you later for another occasion when he has more money. I was recently in a similar situation except my boyfriend had already bought the gift. He surprised me with a tablet for my birthday last month. It's something that's nice to have, but I felt like I don't really need it, and the money could be better used for something else. Anyways, I told him my concerns, and we agreed to return it. He was fine with that, and no feelings were hurt. He ended up getting me a $50 jacket that I actually need. If you discuss it with him politely, he might not be offended. Great ideas, guys, thanks. I think I will do that. But yeah hun, if he buys it, just say thank you and let it go -- maybe buy him something equally expensive if you feel you're better off financially and would feel guilty accepting the phone. I can't do that, I'm a poor student. I do intend to make the nicest Christmas meal I can for him, though!
Author Els Posted December 16, 2011 Author Posted December 16, 2011 Well, I just did what was suggested. I guess I don't mind however it turns out from here: If he still gets it, cool, I would like it anyway. If he doesn't, that's great as well - either way hopefully he'll stop being anxious about his finances.
bac Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 Perhaps you are right. I just feel guilty about him spending that much on a gift for me when he was glancing unhappily through his bank account a mere month ago. I also think that smartphones are horribly overpriced here since we don't live in the US. IMO If you turn down his gift, he will believe that you are not good enough to get the quality gift and, also, that you think that he is a looser who cannot make his gf happy.
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