Celestine Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 I just really feel like talking to him. The way things go now, it's just fading out. It's over I know but the words haven't been spoken. I dread the thought of making that final decision but I realized I can't just carry on and let it fade. It's only a matter of time until I see him again and it will be awkward even though we were only together for 2 1/2 months. Fact is he didn't technically dump me, he just told me that he didn't want anything serious and would meet other girls and if I wanted to keep seeing him under these conditions I should contact him. It could also be him not actually wanting to tell me that he doesn't want to see me anymore, who knows... But I saw him once afterwards and he came to talk to me and tried to kiss me. I backed off and told him to leave me alone. I haven't heard from him since and it's been 10 days and I haven't contacted him neither. Basically we're doing NC without breaking up first. I met one of his best friends by chance on Sunday night, I had never seen him before because he had been out of town. He told me he had heard so much about me. Then he told me how pretty I was and that he'd like to ask for my phone number but couldn't because "you are Lucas's girl". What the hell does he tell his friends? I know he spent an entire week with this friend after everything changed between us. I'm so confused. I know I still want him and I know he doesn't want what I want. Or maybe he wants but is too coward to take the risk. It doesn't matter in the end. I know contacting him and asking him to talk will be a setback but I feel like I need it to close this chapter. Bad idea?
wilsonx Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 if you do not want what he wants, then walk away. nothing needs to be said, especially if you havent heard from him in that many days
Author Celestine Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 if you do not want what he wants, then walk away. nothing needs to be said, especially if you havent heard from him in that many days Well, I feel like there's a lot to be said. I mean I don't want him back, well, I do but not under these circumstances. I'm not trying to change his mind. I posted this in coping and in all honesty I want to tell him parts of it. It's been a short three months but I can't let you go without telling you how I feel. People say I want to be a choice but I'm not going to be an option. I wanted to be with you and therefore I made my decision. And I tried to figure out if we are on the same page. I told you I wasn't seeing anyone else besides you. You agreed with me and you said something that has been running through my head lately. You said only guys who are can't deal with one girl, would try to have side option. I guess that's true for you then. It was you who complicated the thing between us. It was you who wanted to turn it from casual making out at parties into something more. It was you who wanted the day time dates to really get to know me. And it was you who said you couldn't believe that I could be even more a wonderful person than you had already seen. Then suddenly you realized how fast it got so serious with us. You were afraid of what you yourself wanted. But you didn't talk to me, you opted for the easy way out. You just kissed her in front of me and then you still had the nerve to tell be how much you like me and how much you wished things were different but that you couldn't give me more than half of you right now. But see, I can't do this. I cannot take a step back from what we already had. I can't be the girl you might be taking home at the end of the night. I never asked for you to be a part of my life. I wasn't even that interested in you at first. But you were so utterly sweet and caring and made such an effort to win me over. I was afraid things progressed too fast between us. I told you I was scared. I told you I wanted to run away. And you just held me closer and you said that it would be worth the risk. And it was. Because it was beautiful and I've rarely been so happy. I hope you find what you're looking for. I really do. I even believe you that you didn't want to hurt me. But you did. I like you a lot and I won't forget the short time we had together but I don't want to be your option. I just can't and I don't want. When he told me how he changed his mind, when I saw him with the other girl, I always pretended to be so strong. I acted like I didn't care. But it's lie. I do care. And it did hurt. Why do I have to make everybody believe it's ok when it's not? I honestly want to tell him that it did hurt me, but that I'm going to be ok. That I enjoyed our time together and I'm grateful for it but that under these circumstances I can't continue. Is that so bad?
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Just walk away... You're lucky he was honest with you and let you know the bat was coming before it hit you. You need to get your head wrapped around the fact that he doesn't want to be with you enough NOT to be with other women...even If he tried to fulfill your request (keyword: try) It would be more like forcing him to do this than mutually wanting that...that is a huge difference. This is just a recipe for disaster...there are a lot of men you will meet out there that you will want more to do with him than they want with you, If you want to spare yourself from countless amount of scars then do yourself a big favor and walk away while he hasn't done anything that has really hurt you...and make sure you get on the same page faster the next time you get with a guy. Can you imagine what it will feel like after you know he was with someone else? How'd you feel after he couldn't do it after "trying"? He's not going to tell you that..."It's over, go on...I'm done with you, and I don't feel the same way for you" He's going to be like yeaaah I like you too and I don't want to lose you (all the while knowing better than he can't give you what you want..or naively just thinking he can If he's that young) You're making it extremely easy to play you, you've got your feelings on a platter and he can pick and choose whether to eat or not. The chances are most guys are going to eat, they just don't walk away from situations when a woman makes it that easy. This is it poor little love bird, this is as clear as it gets. I hate to hurt you even further than what you are already going through already and I know you want to believe there is hope and a chance which is why you're pouring your heart out to "give him a chance" and you might think it's exciting and dangerous to pursue this guy (which is part of the lure) but to him he's just seeing all your weaknesses and If he wishes, he can easily manipulate you...you wouldn't know it If it a concrete block thrown at your face, but this guy is a player (or wants to be) and he loves attaching to women...just not one at a time, or he's not ready for that kind of commitment. Sadly...I know a lot about how this works from experience, I know everything you would ever want to be this guy and beyond that...because I've been him , so I'm telling you...back away as hard as it is, that's part of the appeal..we want to suck you in, we know that ultimately you want to take that "chance" when you might as well be betting your life-savings on a hand of blackjack in Vegas...because realistically your odds are even worse than that, at least you have a chance to win in Vegas!
Author Celestine Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 Can you imagine what it will feel like after you know he was with someone else? How'd you feel after he couldn't do it after "trying"? He's not going to tell you that..."It's over, go on...I'm done with you, and I don't feel the same way for you" He's going to be like yeaaah I like you too and I don't want to lose you (all the while knowing better than he can't give you what you want..or naively just thinking he can If he's that young) I think I can imagine how much it would hurt. I have already seen him with the other girl out, it's not that new to me. It did hurt. What hurt even more was that he let her stand there and came to me, tried to kiss me etc. I pushed him away that night. I know he's not done with me. And I know that he won't change his mind. He's decent enough to not contact me because I believe he already knows that I'm the wrong girl for the lifestyle he wants for himself right now. That's sad but it is what it is. That doesn't take away from the fact that I do want to talk to him. It's more like I feel the need to voice to him that I'm not going to be his option. He's not going to try, I think he already did. He told me he can't give more, I don't even want to make him change his mind on that. It would be a disaster. You're making it extremely easy to play you, you've got your feelings on a platter and he can pick and choose whether to eat or not. The chances are most guys are going to eat, they just don't walk away from situations when a woman makes it that easy. This is it poor little love bird, this is as clear as it gets. I hate to hurt you even further than what you are already going through already and I know you want to believe there is hope and a chance which is why you're pouring your heart out to "give him a chance" and you might think it's exciting and dangerous to pursue this guy (which is part of the lure) but to him he's just seeing all your weaknesses and If he wishes, he can easily manipulate you...you wouldn't know it If it a concrete block thrown at your face, but this guy is a player (or wants to be) and he loves attaching to women...just not one at a time, or he's not ready for that kind of commitment. Sadly...I know a lot about how this works from experience, I know everything you would ever want to be this guy and beyond that...because I've been him , so I'm telling you...back away as hard as it is, that's part of the appeal..we want to suck you in, we know that ultimately you want to take that "chance" when you might as well be betting your life-savings on a hand of blackjack in Vegas...because realistically your odds are even worse than that, at least you have a chance to win in Vegas!So I make myself too vulnerable by telling him that I did care and that he did hurt me? Because he can then tell me that he didn't want to do that? I remember I had a final talk with my ex where I basically told him that things were too broken between us to continue, I told him how much he hurt me with his actions, I acknowledged my part in the things that went wrong. And I told him that after everything that happened I was still happy that we experienced together what we did. It was a case of forgiving and walking away in dignity. I never talked to him again after that because there was nothing left to say. I guess I'm trying to create a similar scenario here. But do you think the chances of it working out are minimal?
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