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Shock therapy right before Christmas!! Hit me!!

youngster

By youngster
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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youngster Established Member

youngster

Posted
Posted

Okay LS,

 

- Got dumped 2.5 weeks ago (together for 3 months)

 

- Initiated NC 10 days ago

 

On the morning I decided to go no contact, dumper wrote me an email with typical fluff, "youre my best friend" "who knows what the future holds" "always consider you my soulmate" and finishes it off with saying they'd stop by to drop off my Christmas present.

 

I am in NC mode, so I don't want to tell her thanks but no thanks.. and I also haven't heard from her BUT Christmas is right around the corner.. and who am I kidding?! a huge part of me wants to give her all of the stuff I bought. You know why? 'cause I'm crazyyyyy..

 

Seriously though, I'm emotionally raw and need advice

gibson Established Member

gibson

Posted
Posted

I will translate your giving an Ex Christmas gifts who dumped you after 3 months when you believe yourself to be a rebound...

 

Translation:

 

I am a pathetic loser who has self-respect or dignity and think so little of myself that I feel the need to resort to begging, pleading, manipulation (giving her the gifts hoping for it to get her to want you) because I can't get it through my head that you are just telling me what I want to hear to keep me around should things not work out and you need a soft place to land if your Ex dumps you again. I am your token b1tch and whipping boy, I will know my role and shut my mouth. Enjoy your gifts and don't feel sorry or pity me too much.

 

Is this how you view yourself? Even though you shouldn't care what your Ex thinks, is this the message you are wanting to communicate? If not, that's how it will be perceived.

 

I am glad you came here for advice... After a break up, we are all a little crazyyyyyy as you said.

 

Stick to your plan and do not give her a Christmas Presents. She doesn't deserve them. Not to mention, you will feel like a total chump after giving them and she gives you nothing in return. Very awkward moment for the both of you, wouldn't you say?

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youngster Established Member

youngster

Posted
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I totally agree with you. I'm just trying to be resilient. I wouldn't ever send the gifts to her initially. It would be more of a reactionary thing (not saying this is any better) I am really working on trying to figure out how to say thanks but no thanks if the opportunity presents itself. I don't want to break NC to say don't bother, I'll just prepare what ill say if she does end up trying to reach me.

mike588 Established Member

mike588

Posted
Posted
Okay LS,

 

- Got dumped 2.5 weeks ago (together for 3 months)

 

- Initiated NC 10 days ago

 

On the morning I decided to go no contact, dumper wrote me an email with typical fluff, "youre my best friend" "who knows what the future holds" "always consider you my soulmate" and finishes it off with saying they'd stop by to drop off my Christmas present.

 

I am in NC mode, so I don't want to tell her thanks but no thanks.. and I also haven't heard from her BUT Christmas is right around the corner.. and who am I kidding?! a huge part of me wants to give her all of the stuff I bought. You know why? 'cause I'm crazyyyyy..

 

Seriously though, I'm emotionally raw and need advice

 

They..would stop by to drop off my X.Mas gift. Who's They?

YouNeverKnow86 Established Member

YouNeverKnow86

Posted
Posted
Okay LS,

 

- Got dumped 2.5 weeks ago (together for 3 months)

 

- Initiated NC 10 days ago

 

On the morning I decided to go no contact, dumper wrote me an email with typical fluff, "youre my best friend" "who knows what the future holds" "always consider you my soulmate" and finishes it off with saying they'd stop by to drop off my Christmas present.

 

I am in NC mode, so I don't want to tell her thanks but no thanks.. and I also haven't heard from her BUT Christmas is right around the corner.. and who am I kidding?! a huge part of me wants to give her all of the stuff I bought. You know why? 'cause I'm crazyyyyy..

 

Seriously though, I'm emotionally raw and need advice

 

Did she leave you for an ex? What was her reasoning for the breakup? My ex broke up with me after 3 months too, it was completely out of the blue.

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youngster Established Member

youngster

Posted
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Posted
They..would stop by to drop off my X.Mas gift. Who's They?

 

She has a son who is a toddler. I really liked him and bought him a few toys too. I didn't even realize I typed 'they'

 

So in her 'I'm just not into you' letter a week ago, it was completely wishy washy. "we may not see each other for a long time..." "oooh almost forgot, I want to drop off your Christmas present before Christmas.. I really really hope you like it"

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youngster Established Member

youngster

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
Did she leave you for an ex? What was her reasoning for the breakup? My ex broke up with me after 3 months too, it was completely out of the blue.

 

She says she left me because I "didn't deserve drama. It wasn't a good way to start a relationship" before I knew LS existed, when she told me she was leaving, I asked if she loved him (her ex) she replied saying she loved her son. Shortly after the BU I asked her again if they were together already and she said no, and that he was not the reason we could be together. That's about as much info as I got from her, so I filled the pieces, seeking closure on LS from others experiences.

 

She did leave her EX of several years for me. Kind of a out of the pan intothe fire thing, so I accept that I am a rebound (though I hadn't realized it at the time.) from what I know, the ex cut off almost all contact with her, so maybe it was one of the things that helped our relationship fail..

Edited by youngster
KathyM Established Member

KathyM

Posted
Posted
Okay LS,

 

- Got dumped 2.5 weeks ago (together for 3 months)

 

- Initiated NC 10 days ago

 

On the morning I decided to go no contact, dumper wrote me an email with typical fluff, "youre my best friend" "who knows what the future holds" "always consider you my soulmate" and finishes it off with saying they'd stop by to drop off my Christmas present.

 

I am in NC mode, so I don't want to tell her thanks but no thanks.. and I also haven't heard from her BUT Christmas is right around the corner.. and who am I kidding?! a huge part of me wants to give her all of the stuff I bought. You know why? 'cause I'm crazyyyyy..

 

Seriously though, I'm emotionally raw and need advice

I think if I were you, I'd respond to one of her Emails and tell her, "I really can't turn on and off my feelings like this. You decided to end it, and so I think it's best to break off all contact. It's not going to work for me to try to maintain some kind of friendship with you."

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youngster Established Member

youngster

Posted
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Posted
I think if I were you, I'd respond to one of her Emails and tell her, "I really can't turn on and off my feelings like this. You decided to end it, and so I think it's best to break off all contact. It's not going to work for me to try to maintain some kind of friendship with you."

 

Thanks KathyM. I've pondered the idea of replying and stating that I respected her decision to end the relationship and I did not have the capacity to remain friends right now. However, I still feel weak and find strength and comfort in knowing that I didn't send out the last form of communication. I'm afraid that I'll fall into a slump wondering if shell respond. I'm just now accepting that she's not contacting me either. Silly huh?

mike588 Established Member

mike588

Posted
Posted
She says she left me because I "didn't deserve drama. It wasn't a good way to start a relationship" before I knew LS existed, when she told me she was leaving, I asked if she loved him (her ex) she replied saying she loved her son. Shortly after the BU I asked her again if they were together already and she said no, and that he was not the reason we could be together. That's about as much info as I got from her, so I filled the pieces, seeking closure on LS from others experiences.

 

She did leave her EX of several years for me. Kind of a out of the pan intothe fire thing, so I accept that I am a rebound (though I hadn't realized it at the time.) from what I know, the ex cut off almost all contact with her, so maybe it was one of the things that helped our relationship fail..

 

When you asked her if she was still in love with her ex. and she answered she loved her son only I'd be willing to bet she still does love her ex.

 

My ex. brokeup with her ex. (not for me) then we dated for a year... she told me that after the breakup he cut all contact with her..he just disappeared... a year later she dumps me for him..like yours she probably missed him...still in love and never got closure.

KathyM Established Member

KathyM

Posted
Posted
Thanks KathyM. I've pondered the idea of replying and stating that I respected her decision to end the relationship and I did not have the capacity to remain friends right now. However, I still feel weak and find strength and comfort in knowing that I didn't send out the last form of communication. I'm afraid that I'll fall into a slump wondering if shell respond. I'm just now accepting that she's not contacting me either. Silly huh?

I'm sure you feel torn between wanting to have some form of contact, and wanting to preserve your ego and emotions by avoiding contact. In your case, NC is the way to go. Send the one last Email stating the status of your relationship (i.e., not possible to have a friendship, not possible to stay in contact), and then let it go. I know it's difficult.

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youngster Established Member

youngster

Posted
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Posted (edited)
When you asked her if she was still in love with her ex. and she answered she loved her son only I'd be willing to bet she still does love her ex.

 

My ex. brokeup with her ex. (not for me) then we dated for a year... she told me that after the breakup he cut all contact with her..he just disappeared... a year later she dumps me for him..like yours she probably missed him...still in love and never got closure.

 

How did you handle this? That's a dumb question. What I mean to say is; did you go NC, move on, and have her contact you in the future? What happened between you two.

 

Obviously since I'm new, this is my little cloud of hope. I figure if she and him broke up once, then something is faulty in their relationship and they could eventually break up again. My best chance of getting her back would be to keep the BU on relatively good terms, go NC and heal myself. In the future if that opportunity presents itself, I'll be strong enough to decide if I'd want to risk my chips again.

 

Again, it wouldn't surprise me if she did get back with her ex. In a way I'd be happy for her. I believe if functional, a family should remain together.

Edited by youngster
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