SkyEmtRN Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 So today was my official day 1 of NC Well...all I have to say...it was a looooooonnngggg day.... I knew she was at work and school and work again so she had a buisy day. I on the other hand was stuck at home studying for finals. Yea I really didn't get much studying done but I tried my best. It was a tough battle trying to not think of her and focusing on school but I was able to hold through it. There were times throughout the day where I wanted to text her or send her a message but I had to resist and I knew it would have been a backward step. I did check her facebook a lot, but not my phone. I knew nothing would have changed on her facebook and I knew she was too buisy to message me. But its just being able to see her face in some sort of form that calms me down. I knew exactly what time she would be home and she usually signs on AIM at a certain time. Well, she didn't sign on at the time. I was hoping she would just becuase I'm the only person she talks to on AIM so its a way of me knowing she is thinking about me. But she didn't and not until an hour or so later she did sign on. And when she did my heart was racing and I wanted her to message me but at the same time I didn't becuase it would make NC more difficult to hold onto. Good thing is she didn't message me and I didn't message her regardless of the urges. But, now I know she is thinking of me and hopefully she's wishing that I would message her and I'm sure she has some stuff she wanted to say. When she signed off AIM, I wasn't sad or anything, I was kind of relived becuase I dodged the bullet of not having to talk to her and I knew she was thinking of me...I just wish I knew what she was thinking about. But I'm sure she is in panic mode right now. How do I feel after all this? - Still love her - Still want to talk to her - Still wish she messaged me saying something like "I miss you, I love you, lets get back together" (Yea I can dream to...) - Wondering if she will say something tomorrow - Wondering if tomorrow will be easier or not I'm trying to make it to Friday for my first goal with NC...Almost there. Hopefully it gets easier to handle and hope that this is the right way of getting her to come back so we can restart the relationship in a stronger way.... For anyone else starting their NC...stay strong...you'll get through it...it's hard but it's not impossible...Good Luck...Tomorrow is new day..
thepedestrian Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Good job on staying strong on not messaging her on AIM! Keep it up! Don't look at Friday as the end goal. One day at a time man. You seem strong.
youngster Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Great work! I'm on day 10. The fog is lifting. Sure I feel like a pendulum, swaying back and forth from feeling strong to weak, but I'm just trying to hang on for the duration of the ride. I recently stopped looking at her facebook. That'll kill ya!
Author SkyEmtRN Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 Thanks all. I have a feeling today is going to be difficcult. I had a dream she texted me and then called me looking for reconciliation. I woke up right away checked my phone but nothing. My heart was racing because of it and I really hope my dream comes true... Yea....it's going to be a tough fight today for day two..... Tomorrow a movie comes out and I told her I was gobba take her to see it when it did come out. Now I have thoughts of her seeing it with someone else......
Cmac Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Dreams are the worst man, can't tell you how many times I've dreamed of my ex and woke up really down because of it.
SelfCentered Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Congratulations! One day at a time mate. Don't worry about any bad days that you might have. NC will make you, you'll be stronger because of it.
MrSimple Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 You are doing great! Don't worry, we all went through this. We know how exactly it feels like. And we lived to pass on our experiences. You will definitely change and become a much, much stronger person. Believe in yourself!
Author SkyEmtRN Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 Thank you everyone. Yea CMAC...the dream felt so real and I was so pissed when I woke up and realized it wasn't. I still hope that she does find her way back and that we can work it through from the begining. Its been 2 months and I feel as if the chances are very slim. But I don't know whats going to happen in the next minute...I can only predict what will happen....but my prediciton can still be wrong. So that means anything can happen as time goes on. All I can do is continue NC keep moving forward, and maybe one day she'll realize that we belong together...
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