2beme Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 I posted earlier about the man I was dating all of a sudden backing away. I get a phone call tonight and we are talking and he admits that he has commitment phobia. But in the next breath asked if we are still on for shopping this weekend and hanging out. He was the one that persued me so I feel that I know he really does like me. I told him that I never asked for a committment. And he said he knows he just doesn't know what is wrong with him. I am not going to push him what so ever as he is a great person to talk to and hang out with. Maybe once he realizes the connection we have as friends he will be more apt to a relationship. But I am a patient person, I can wait for the one that is right for me. Any suggestions on how to rid him of his phobia?
chryssy83 Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 You can't help someone get over a fear of commitment. It's just something in them they have to deal with. For what it's worth, I am a commitment phobe, although I think I'm coming out of it. Did that on my own. 100 percent. But I used to date a guy who I thought was afraid of committing, but then when we broke up he got married to someone else. Plenty of people cite a fear of commitment when really it's just that they know they don't want to commit to you. Find a guy who is in a place to have the relationship you want to have and forget about this guy. Meeting the right person doesn't cure one of commitment phobia.
El Brujo Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 You can't help someone get over a fear of commitment. It's just something in them they have to deal with. For what it's worth, I am a commitment phobe, although I think I'm coming out of it. Did that on my own. 100 percent. But I used to date a guy who I thought was afraid of committing, but then when we broke up he got married to someone else. Plenty of people cite a fear of commitment when really it's just that they know they don't want to commit to you. Find a guy who is in a place to have the relationship you want to have and forget about this guy. Meeting the right person doesn't cure one of commitment phobia. ^That.^ You have to make up your mind what you want, unless you want to be stuck in Player Town.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Not wanting commitment from him doesn't mean you don't want it further down the road. Do not lie to yourself just to avoid scaring him away. As someone who has been in your position, I could have saved myself a lot of heartache if I had found someone who were ready for relarionships. There's no point in waiting to change someone's mind. It's jus simpler to meet someone who knows what they want.
thehead Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 I posted earlier about the man I was dating all of a sudden backing away. I get a phone call tonight and we are talking and he admits that he has commitment phobia. But in the next breath asked if we are still on for shopping this weekend and hanging out. He was the one that persued me so I feel that I know he really does like me. I told him that I never asked for a committment. And he said he knows he just doesn't know what is wrong with him. I am not going to push him what so ever as he is a great person to talk to and hang out with. Maybe once he realizes the connection we have as friends he will be more apt to a relationship. But I am a patient person, I can wait for the one that is right for me. Any suggestions on how to rid him of his phobia? Pushing someone away then pulling them closer is what we commitment phobes do. Even if we're in love getting over the fear isn't easy. I haven't been able to do it and I loved a girl to death. You may be waiting around for a long time if he ever changes. Even then, he may pull away again.
Author 2beme Posted December 16, 2011 Author Posted December 16, 2011 I guess I never thought of him not wanting to be with me and using that as an excuse. It makes sense. I think it might be harder because I am not afraid of committment. I am trying to not jump right in and make the committment and take some time. I will see how the weekend goes. Thanks! I now have a very different perspective on it all.
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