Jessica232 Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Sometimes an affair isn't just an affair. After a lot of time, a lot of love, and yes, a lot of heartache, my MM is divorced, and we are looking for a house together. Things are wonderful. If your gut tells you it's right....follow your heart!! (and don't listen to the negative Nancys here) Best wishes ladies!!
MyApology Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 You sound happy. If you do not mind sharing. How exactly did you two relate with one another throughout the relationship? Thanks:)
bentnotbroken Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Glad to hear the wife finally gets to move on.
whichwayisup Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Sometimes an affair isn't just an affair. After a lot of time, a lot of love, and yes, a lot of heartache, my MM is divorced, and we are looking for a house together. Things are wonderful. If your gut tells you it's right....follow your heart!! (and don't listen to the negative Nancys here) Best wishes ladies!! If a MM puts a plan into action and follows through on it, then that's good. The problem is, there are too many affairs, too many OW and OM on here who have waited and waited. And nothing .. MM who want to leave and divorce DO. Obviously it happens. Just not enough for me to tell someone to sit and wait it out.. Again, it all truly depends on if the MM is done with his marriage, reguardless if there is someone waiting or not. Those who want to D, do and those who dont want to/can't/won't/not ready to - Don't. Do yourself a favour, don't shi.t on his exW and disrespect her. If your MM has kids, even more so.. Respect the fact that they share kids and don't try to 'replace' her as the MOM. You aren't and won't be, but you can be a supportive and kind step mom to their kids (again, that is if they have any.).
LadyGrey Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Yes it is negative around here, but it's tempered with a huge dose of realistic. Few affairs turn into healthy long term relationships and it's a disservice to posters to portray that the majority do go that way, they don't as evidenced by what you read here and other places. I hope your relationship beats the odds but I don't think it's fair to hurl insults at others here or give them false hope.
LadyGrey Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 I went back and read the backstory, quite a bit of gameplaying and manipulation going on a few months ago. You've got a hard road ahead of you.
alexandria35 Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Wow! just a few months ago he was still married and living with his wife and now he's divorced already? That sure was quick. I also had a look at your past threads and I think you might be writing your happy ending a little too soon here. By what you have posted it sounds like his wife got sick of the games and kicked his sorry ass out. At the time you posted that MM wasn't happy about that at all and he blamed you. If he is divorced already I suspect it was his wife who rushed it and she's probably much better off. Good for her!! Now you have him and I hope he's the prize you think he is. Doesn't sound like this was the outcome he wanted although I'm sure he says it is now that he knows his wife doesn't want him anymore. I hope you're happy with what you got but I suspect that five years from now his exwife will the happiest out of all of you.
bentnotbroken Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Wow! just a few months ago he was still married and living with his wife and now he's divorced already? That sure was quick. I also had a look at your past threads and I think you might be writing your happy ending a little too soon here. By what you have posted it sounds like his wife got sick of the games and kicked his sorry ass out. At the time you posted that MM wasn't happy about that at all and he blamed you. If he is divorced already I suspect it was his wife who rushed it and she's probably much better off. Good for her!! Now you have him and I hope he's the prize you think he is. Doesn't sound like this was the outcome he wanted although I'm sure he says it is now that he knows his wife doesn't want him anymore. I hope you're happy with what you got but I suspect that five years from now his exwife will the happiest out of all of you. It won't take that long:laugh:
TurningTables Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Hi Jessica. Well...I do wish you alot of luck and that was super quick. Reading back on your older posts,since you told his W about the A, it seems you kinda got him by default. Your older posts were very telling. Things may seem ok now, but given some time, reality of the situation will sink in and I promise you, things will most likely start to change. My advice? Come back in 6 to 8 months from now and update. I do have to say this: If your MM treated me like he did you, Id tell him to move on, dont look back and dont hold your breath thinking Im coming back. Id never forget what he did to me.( And I actually told my xmm that..lol) Just my two cents...for whatever its worth. Best wishes.
2sunny Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Looking for a house isn't actually buying it - and putting your name on the title - as his wife. Did you two marry? Or is he still dragging his feet and offering empty promises?
MyApology Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 I too, read your older posts and there was ALOT of manipulation. Not my cup of tea. Are you not afraid when things are not going well for him, he is going to project all his anger toward you?
Lostinlife4now Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Jessica! You know that old saying: "What goes around comes around", Karma is a Bitch.....you better get on your knees and start praying, you're gonna need it. God Bless, and Good Luck, hope it works out for you!
robf1971 Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Sometimes an affair isn't just an affair. After a lot of time, a lot of love, and yes, a lot of heartache, my MM is divorced, and we are looking for a house together. Things are wonderful. If your gut tells you it's right....follow your heart!! (and don't listen to the negative Nancys here) Best wishes ladies!! And on an even more positive note I sincerely hope that he doesn't cheat on you eventually when things get a bit boring for him.
reboot Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 And on an even more positive note I sincerely hope that he doesn't cheat on you eventually when things get a bit boring for him. Well you're just a Negative Nancy aren't you? Why would you think he would cheat? Oh, wait, oh yeah, never mind.
donnamaybe Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 This is two situations recently now that are very similar. WS treating the OW very badly, the OW "wins" by default once the BS finds out, and the declarations of happiness follow. Honestly, I really do hope things work out for ANYONE who is trying to make a go of an above board R. I just think, in these two recent cases, the past is going to predict the future unfortunately.
thomasb Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Sometimes an affair isn't just an affair. After a lot of time, a lot of love, and yes, a lot of heartache, my MM is divorced, and we are looking for a house together. Things are wonderful. If your gut tells you it's right....follow your heart!! (and don't listen to the negative Nancys here) Best wishes ladies!! Wow! Just what I myself have always aspired to be... second best...
thomasb Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Well you're just a Negative Nancy aren't you? Why would you think he would cheat? Oh, wait, oh yeah, never mind. That was very cute by the way...
bean1 Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Congrats OP, you've won the booby prize! After the honeymoon, when you start having arguments/disagreements (as ALL couples do, happy or unhappy), is he still going to run to you for a shoulder to cry on? Or is there now a job opening?
frozensprouts Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 jessica...i don't know what led you to the point you are at now, so maybe this comment does not apply... have you and your new guy considered getting some relationship counseling together? I'm just asking because if having an affair is the method he has learned to use to deal with stress or "downtimes" in his romantic relationships, you might want to make sure he learns better ways of dealing with things so he won't do the same thing in his relationship with you.
SoMovinOn Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 You know that old saying: "What goes around comes around", Karma is a Bitch.....you better get on your knees and start praying, you're gonna need it. That old saying has no basis in fact. It's almost never true. Many bad people do bad things and never suffer negative consequences as a result. Many good people struggle through life facing difficulties and problems they don't deserve. The concept of Karma attempts to make life seem "fair" - it rarely is.
findingnemo Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Jessica, congratulations!! I haven't read your back story and I won't. I'm not capable of predicting what will happen in your R. I do suspect that you'll have issues just like any other couple. My only advise I guess would be for you to stop thinking like the OW and start thinking like a woman in a normal R. Also realize that it will be very hard to adjust to life together because now there'll be real life issues to deal with. Real banal, annoying issues that are commonly never experienced in an A. These alone can make or break your R. Good luck with everything!!
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 That old saying has no basis in fact. It's almost never true. Not the case in my life experiences, for the most part. Many bad people do bad things and never suffer negative consequences as a result. Sure, if they have no conscience. Many good people struggle through life facing difficulties and problems they don't deserve. Difficulties and problems might be caused, earned, or "deserved," but for the most part, they are a good part of what makes up what we know as "life." It's all about how we deal with the difficulties and problems we are faced with, IMO. The concept of Karma attempts to make life seem "fair" - it rarely is. The concept of "Karma" really spans time far beyond our lives. The idea that you can watch somebody getting their big payback because of Karma is an oversimplification. A person missing some of the potential greatness of their life because of their choices might not even be aware of what they have done, but they are still living in the consequences of their own actions. I am not saying I believe in "Karma." I am not a member of any religion. I do believe that we reap what we sow. The reaping is not always obvious to other people around us, or even sometimes to ourselves. The golden rule is good, too.
26pointblue Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 You people are horrible. All so gloriously self righteous. I've always thought Jessica got back what she's dished out. I don't come here often anymore but I used to, & Jessica likes to come on here all smug when things are going her way, sounding self-righteous & selfish, & then she comes crying when her MM treats her like crap, & then she manipulates him & gets him back & comes back all smug etc. Really, how are people supposed to be happy for someone like that? I think the pattern is just continuing except that the wife got smart & moved on so she's out of the picture now (despite the MM trying to hold onto her). I think Jessica got what she sometimes wanted, sometimes didn't -- a man who cheats and who stays with the woman who sticks with him by default. My xMM was like that. His wife had been his OW before he married her. Then came me, and I'm sure a host of other OWs. With hindsight most people learn from their experiences but sometimes people never change; sometimes people are just selfish unhappy cheaters! (i don't man any ill will to my xMM or anyone but I have learned that's just the way it is!) On the subject of some people never changing, if I'm not mistaken Jessica was in a committed relationship when she met her MM. My prediction: things will stay exactly the same. He'll cheat on her, she'll cheat on him, and they'll be lots of drama & manipulation between the two of them, where they'll stay stuck in misery, & Jessica will keep up her na-nee-na-nee-poo-poo tone at other people, because she is so unhappy. This is just my opinion but I don't think anyone who comes to Internet forums to brag about winning a cheater who treated her like dog doo (less than dog doo!) is truly happy, & I'm not quite sure why we're all supposed to post heartfelt hoorahs for her, which would be insincere & silly. If you are happy for her, cool. I hope things work out for her & that she finds a better sense of self & stops letting her life revolve around this confused, cheating, lying, manipulating guy... but right now they seem to be perfect for each other, so, good for them, & I agree, good for the wife for moving on as she can probably do better.
robf1971 Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 You people are horrible. All so gloriously self righteous. I wouldn't give my heart to a cheater any more than I would trust my hens to Mr Fox. I think that is incredibly positive and constructive advice for the OP.
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