sarah436 Posted May 30, 2004 Posted May 30, 2004 I am 21 I have been in a wonderful relationship for the last two and a half years. It is the first serious relationhip I have ever been in. My boyfriend is 24. He is wonderful and we love eachohother very very much. There is one problem and it is starting to really interfere in our relationship. I am starting college this year and I am really trying to get a life started. As far as a better job and an eduacation. He is working at the same part time job he has had since 17. I know he is comfortable there. He is also sort of a momma's boy. He can be very shy and it's hard for him to get into new things. I have tried to encourage him to maybe take some part time classes or at least maybe start look for a better job. He gets very defensive and says things like "you think I don't know that?" He feels I am putting him down. He has never taken a sick day in all these years!! I watch him struggle and work so hard for nothing and it frustrates me. I also want to think about our future together but I feel he will never get out of this rut. He talks about us buying a home someday and getting married but I just can't see it right now. I love him more than anything but there is real tension about this issue. Is there anything somone can suggest? [font=arial][/font][color=darkblue][/color]
Curt Posted May 30, 2004 Moderators Posted May 30, 2004 Find a good time when he's calm and collected...and approach the situation like this... "Hunn, I know that we always get into a bit of an argument when I bring up your job." Ask him if he feels that's true. (Get his "buy-in" to have the conversation) Then say: "I know you really like it there sweetheart, and I see how hard you work. Still, it's really frustrating to see you working so hard, and still getting so little reward from it." "You're an extremely important part of my life, and I want us to have a happy, secure future together." "I sometimes worry that we might not be able to afford the things we need to live comfortably." Move on from there?
average guy Posted May 30, 2004 Posted May 30, 2004 Are you going away to college? If so, if he moves with you, maybe the change will do him good If that's not the case, maybe you can get him involved with your university and show him how much is going on there and get him excited and interested in something. Good luck
Author sarah436 Posted May 31, 2004 Author Posted May 31, 2004 Thank you so much for your replies. I realize that maybe I have been a bit pushy. I am going to try and approach the topic better (less nagging) and also when I start college I agree it will be a good idea to show him how wonderful it is to be working towards something. Thanks again!!!!!
hurtingandconfused Posted May 31, 2004 Posted May 31, 2004 Thank you so much for your replies. I realize that maybe I have been a bit pushy. I am going to try and approach the topic better (less nagging) and also when I start college I agree it will be a good idea to show him how wonderful it is to be working towards something. Thanks again!!!!! A professor of mine once said, "College is not for everyone."
beautiful Posted June 1, 2004 Posted June 1, 2004 Sarah.... are you his mom or gf? You can't tell him what he should or should not do with his life. Concentrate on you and let him take care of himself. If you keep "telling, suggesting. coaching) him into what is best for him or what he needs to do in life.....................this relationship will end so fast you won't know what hit you. The best thing you can do is go on and take care of your every day routine. you say he is a mommy's boy.......yet you "mother him". What do you expect? Guys don't want their partners to be their parents. He may need to be away to live his own life so he can make his own choices. You extrememly young to be in a serious relationship . He is a young guy, still a child in many ways.........................think about that.
niko1999 Posted June 1, 2004 Posted June 1, 2004 I think what she is looking at is the fact that he is 24 and still works a part time job, the same job he has had for 7 years. Which is all well and good, it means she doesnt have to worry abbout him falandering from job to job. But I think she is wanting him to have a little more of a grown up approach to life. If he feels he doesnt need tog et a better job, honestly, I think you need to find yourself something else. Unless that part time job makes him $400 a week, he can probably do better. ITs frustrateing watching someone not work up ot thier potential.
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