Author cerridwen Posted December 16, 2011 Author Posted December 16, 2011 Well they prepared you for adult life anyway. In my mind they made you normal. While people who get by without doing them are often weakened and kind of helpless. It is hard to respect someone like that, even though they aren't really to blame. I agree. He was an only child who was mollycoddled by his mother, after nearly drowing as an infant. His being overwhelmed by daily life was nonetheless a huge turn-off. I think chores for children are a wonderful way for them to meet and get to know the staff. :lmao:
carhill Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 I forgot to mention I'm an only child and I imagine that weighed on my parent's minds when they were socializing me. I can see the propensity for only children to be spoiled. IMO, chores and responsibility at a young age helped balance that out. Even though mom wouldn't allow any help in the house, I did learn a lot by watching so picked up domestic skills quickly once I moved out. Anything I didn't know I just asked and she'd show me and then I'd take over. The skillset is likely part of why I've been comfortable living alone most of my life. It's easy to make a comfortable and welcoming home without a partner. It (the skillset and work ethic) also came in handy when I became a caregiver and finally had to do those chores mom would never let me do for her, including taking care of her. Good teacher, she was.
tigressA Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 My younger brother (by a year) and I had to do the same chores. Once a week we would clean the entire house (vacuuming, dusting, scrubbing and mopping) and we would do the dishes every night, alternating between us who would wash and who would dry/put away. When we got a dishwasher we alternated who would unload it. We alternated on taking out garbage/recycling. We technically didn't have to do our own laundry, but I started doing my own at 13 because I didn't feel my clothes were done the way they should have been. We hardly ever had to shovel snow, and we never had anything to do with the lawn. One day our dad tried to teach us how to handle the mower and after that he vowed we would never touch the mower or any other lawn/garden tool again. We got an allowance of $5 a week, but that stopped once we got summer jobs--I was 17, he was 16.
standtall Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 (edited) I believe that those without an inherent drive can most definitely be "taught". I agree with you that can train them to do the C+ job, the 2 boys can attest to that, but that A+ effort.... that internal drive, that comes from within. I wish I could find out where it comes from as it is certainly not from her parents. Edited December 16, 2011 by standtall
scaredandalone1223 Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 My grandparents raised me and surprisingly I never really had chores. They both grew up doing VERY HARD labor as children...farm work, picking tobacco and cotton, etc. Because they had it so rough they wanted me to focus on enjoying my childhood. Even when I did help with things it was usually cutting grass, raking...outdoor stuff that I saw as fun not a chore. The major drawback is I wasn't ever made to do housework so to this day it is not my favorite. Chores or not they still instilled a strong work ethic because their actions. My granddad had radiation in the late 80's. He was a master carpenter and a foreman for a large industrial construction company. He would get up at 5:30, go to work, work a full day, drive himself to radiation, then drive himself the 1.5 hours back home. His doctors and bosses both amazed. My husband's grandfather had a farm so he definitely had chores. Those chores instilled a very strong never give up, keep going no matter what attitude and a rock solid work ethic. Our children both have chores. Our oldest does the dishes (except when he cooks), cleans the kitchen, moves the clothes to the dryer (with my back problems that one of my biggest no-nos), cleaning their toilet, keeping his room cleaned and vacuuming the back porch as needed. He often helps me mop the hardwoods too because of my back problems. Our youngest has to clean off the table, get the clothes out of the dryer, take the trash out to the big can and put a new bag in, dump the kitty litter and clean up any wet dog food that gets on the laundry room floor when the dog eats, clean their sink. Neither of our children get an allowance. If there is something they really want and they've been doing their chores, grades are good, etc. we will purchase it. This in no way means they get what they want when he want it as new games, cds, toys are very RARE except on bdays or Christmas. We also cover the cost if we go to the movies or somewhere. Our oldest will be turning 15 soon and that may change. We have talked about giving him my husbands car when he turns 16 but he's going to have to get a job to pay for the gas, insurance, etc. We are debating if his grades are high enough and depending on what level classes he's taking we may start paying him for work here and not require he have a job.
Els Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 My grandparents raised me and surprisingly I never really had chores. They both grew up doing VERY HARD labor as children...farm work, picking tobacco and cotton, etc. Because they had it so rough they wanted me to focus on enjoying my childhood. Even when I did help with things it was usually cutting grass, raking...outdoor stuff that I saw as fun not a chore. The major drawback is I wasn't ever made to do housework so to this day it is not my favorite. Chores or not they still instilled a strong work ethic because their actions. My granddad had radiation in the late 80's. He was a master carpenter and a foreman for a large industrial construction company. He would get up at 5:30, go to work, work a full day, drive himself to radiation, then drive himself the 1.5 hours back home. His doctors and bosses both amazed. My husband's grandfather had a farm so he definitely had chores. Those chores instilled a very strong never give up, keep going no matter what attitude and a rock solid work ethic. Our children both have chores. Our oldest does the dishes (except when he cooks), cleans the kitchen, moves the clothes to the dryer (with my back problems that one of my biggest no-nos), cleaning their toilet, keeping his room cleaned and vacuuming the back porch as needed. He often helps me mop the hardwoods too because of my back problems. Our youngest has to clean off the table, get the clothes out of the dryer, take the trash out to the big can and put a new bag in, dump the kitty litter and clean up any wet dog food that gets on the laundry room floor when the dog eats, clean their sink. Neither of our children get an allowance. If there is something they really want and they've been doing their chores, grades are good, etc. we will purchase it. This in no way means they get what they want when he want it as new games, cds, toys are very RARE except on bdays or Christmas. We also cover the cost if we go to the movies or somewhere. Our oldest will be turning 15 soon and that may change. We have talked about giving him my husbands car when he turns 16 but he's going to have to get a job to pay for the gas, insurance, etc. We are debating if his grades are high enough and depending on what level classes he's taking we may start paying him for work here and not require he have a job. I've voiced my thoughts on the chores, but IMO allowance, even a small one, is essential. It will be much easier for the child to transition to budgeting their own cash in college, if they have been doing it since young. I mean, a 15-y-o without an allowance? And you expect him to handle his own insurance and such when he's never even had a bank account in his life?
Author cerridwen Posted December 16, 2011 Author Posted December 16, 2011 (edited) I've voiced my thoughts on the chores, but IMO allowance, even a small one, is essential. It will be much easier for the child to transition to budgeting their own cash in college, if they have been doing it since young. I mean, a 15-y-o without an allowance? And you expect him to handle his own insurance and such when he's never even had a bank account in his life? I don't know if it's the case but perhaps the 15 year-old earns his money and learns budgeting that way. Such was the case with me. I babysat, housesat, dog walked, taught swim lessons at that age. I didn't earn allowance mostly because money was tight, but also because my folks wanted to instill the importance of earning one's way. I still learned to be responsible with money. To this day, I've never had credit card debt, or any kind aside from student loans which I was so upset about, I paid them off within a year of graduating. My parents led by example and taught us restraint, delay of gratification, and being happy with less. Edited December 16, 2011 by cerridwen
Ross MwcFan Posted December 16, 2011 Posted December 16, 2011 I think kids definatley should be paid/rewarded for doing chores. Otherwise, making them do chores often could have the opposite effect of what you want, and could totally turn them against any kind of work when they have developed into adults. Also there's the fact that it's only fair to pay/reward them anyway.
Author cerridwen Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 (edited) I think kids definatley should be paid/rewarded for doing chores. Otherwise, making them do chores often could have the opposite effect of what you want, and could totally turn them against any kind of work when they have developed into adults. Also there's the fact that it's only fair to pay/reward them anyway. That's what I wondered. Is that your experience? Or that of someone you know? Thanks to everyone who shared their experiences. This thread has been unexpectedly cathartic for me--in a way that's difficult to describe. In ways not discussed here, I had a harsh upbringing. So finding positives about those years does my heart good. Hearing your stories helped me do that. So thanks again. Edited December 17, 2011 by cerridwen
D-Lish Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 I agree with you that can train them to do the C+ job, the 2 boys can attest to that, but that A+ effort.... that internal drive, that comes from within. I wish I could find out where it comes from as it is certainly not from her parents. I think I'm an example of someone that does bring the A+ effort to everything I do despite not really having the inherent drive. A drive was instilled upon me by my parents forcing me at a young age to embrace what it would take to prosper or fail. I fought against it (I wanted to be a lazy kid). I think there are children born with the drive, and others that can be taught to bring it given the right circumstances.
Els Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 I don't know if it's the case but perhaps the 15 year-old earns his money and learns budgeting that way. Such was the case with me. I babysat, housesat, dog walked, taught swim lessons at that age. I didn't earn allowance mostly because money was tight, but also because my folks wanted to instill the importance of earning one's way. I still learned to be responsible with money. To this day, I've never had credit card debt, or any kind aside from student loans which I was so upset about, I paid them off within a year of graduating. My parents led by example and taught us restraint, delay of gratification, and being happy with less. Hey C, I'm glad it worked out well for you. The poster I quoted, however, mentioned that she buys the children what they want if she feels they should get it. Therefore, I don't think the kids have any cash of their own, earned or otherwise. Given that she is buying things for them, I would think that it would be better to give them an appropriate allowance and have them plan their own budget and buy their own things instead. Then, if the kid can't afford some new item that he/she wants, he/she will learn that he had better save up for it because mommy isn't going to buy it for him. Certainly, I am not a parent, and everyone has their own principles by which they guide their children. I'm sure there is no hard and fast rule that applies to all. But I know a girl who, at 25, not only lives with her parents, but hands her work salary over to her mother every month. The mother decides what to do with it and gives her a fixed allowance from it every month. My mom is full of praise for that girl, but I think it's bananas and would never do it. Everyone at 25 should be able to budget their own cash and handle their own money. It scares me that some children are raised and encouraged to give control and responsibility of their money to others like that.
Author cerridwen Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 Hey C... <snip> I know a girl who, at 25, not only lives with her parents, but hands her work salary over to her mother every month. The mother decides what to do with it and gives her a fixed allowance from it every month. My mom is full of praise for that girl, but I think it's bananas and would never do it. Everyone at 25 should be able to budget their own cash and handle their own money. It scares me that some children are raised and encouraged to give control and responsibility of their money to others like that. Hey E , That is twisted! Talk about blurring boundaries! Bananas is right.
Ross MwcFan Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 That's what I wondered. Is that your experience? Or that of someone you know? Not really. I was hardly ever made to do chores, so maybe that has made me very adverse to hard work now. When I did have to do a chore, I didn't get paid for it. I did choose to work (building and plumbing) with the guy who lived with me on and off though between the ages of 14 to 16, and I did get paid for it.
florence of suburbia Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 I had a few chores, probably not enough. Setting table, emptying dish washer. We had a guinnea pig and I helped clean the cage. I think I got ten dollars a week or something like that. My great-grandmother was born in Russia in the late 1800s to a young woman who died in childbirth and a 70 yr-old father. As a result she did all the housework (no washing machines, etc.) and had no childhood. My grandmother was born in the US in 1915 and along with her three siblings was never asked to do any chores. I think that attitude was passed all the way down.
betterdeal Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 I adore how many of you see loading a dishwasher as a chore!
florence of suburbia Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 I adore how many of you see loading a dishwasher as a chore! Brushing my teeth and taking out my contacts are chores too. Anything you don't want to do but do it anyway is a chore.
Author cerridwen Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 We beat our dishes against river rocks until they were clean.
Author cerridwen Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 "There were 150 of us living in a shoebox in the middle of the road."
Author cerridwen Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 We had to lick the road clean... Tears from my eyes I wiped.
betterdeal Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 Tell kids that today, they wouldn't believe you.
Author cerridwen Posted December 18, 2011 Author Posted December 18, 2011 Done causing trouble in my thread yet, You? Yay! More chore stories out there? I'd love to hear them.
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