Chores for Children

[cerridwen]

I have a pretty strong work ethic.

I attribute it in part to my parents who had us do chores from an early age, and instilled the practice of "business before pleasure".

 

How do you handle chores in your home?

What is your opinion on what's appropriate and what isn't?

Were you required to do them?

How did it affect you?

[D-Lish]

I was subjected to child labour:p

 

My chores included:

 

Setting the table/clearing the table

loading and cleaning out the dishwasher

pulling weeds from the garden

shovelling snow

watering the plants...

 

I got 25cents for each chore I completed, I was deducted 25cents for any assigned chore I refused.

 

If I wanted something (like new baseball shoes, a glove, or even new basketball shoes... My parents insisted I raised half the money. I'd do things like wash their car, help my dad paint, whatever it took to raise my portion of the money.

 

My brother on the other hand? My parents spent thousands of dollars on his hockey equipment and he was never required to raise a cent.

 

Currently? My parents pay my bro's mortgage, house repairs, and for an exclusive pre-school for his kids while he works sporadically.

 

I went out and got my first job when I was 13 working at a farmers market and haven't looked back since. Clearly, two kids being raised in the same household held to different standards shaped us into two completely different adults!

 

I don't know many teens these days with a solid work ethic- it's become a culture of entitlement in my opinion.

[carhill]

The kids I never had got off easy.

 

Wow D, that's a great deal! I got 25 cents a week and, by the time I was ten, dad fired the gardener and I was in complete charge of lawn mowing and gardening chores. Unsatisfied with the low pay, I took to throwing papers and stealing the mower and edger and mowing other people's lawns with them for extra money.

 

Around the carhill household, dad worked, mom ran the house and I did everything else. That's why I have the philosophy that there isn't anything beneath me, even to this day. I still mow the lawn and would even if I had kids. They'd help. If they were on restriction, mom's old hand lawn mower would come out and they'd get more exercise. Having a power mower is a privilege

 

I used lawn mowing as a specific example, since it was the earliest 'big' responsibility involving machinery; I did everything from painting to fixing appliances to working on the cars, with the bulk of it beginning around age twelve.

[D-Lish]

The kids I never had got off easy.

 

Wow D, that's a great deal! I got 25 cents a week and, by the time I was ten, dad fired the gardener and I was in complete charge of lawn mowing and gardening chores. Unsatisfied with the low pay, I took to throwing papers and stealing the mower and edger and mowing other people's lawns with them for extra money.

 

Around the carhill household, dad worked, mom ran the house and I did everything else. That's why I have the philosophy that there isn't anything beneath me, even to this day. I still mow the lawn and would even if I had kids. They'd help. If they were on restriction, mom's old hand lawn mower would come out and they'd get more exercise. Having a power mower is a privilege

 

I used lawn mowing as a specific example, since it was the earliest 'big' responsibility involving machinery; I did everything from painting to fixing appliances to working on the cars, with the bulk of it beginning around age twelve.

 

Believe me C, I would have been mowing the lawn and doing the house cleaning had my parents not hired someone else to do that. We had 2 acres and a big home- at the age of 9, I wouldn't have been able to clear snow off a 500 foot driveway!

 

When I was 12, I asked my dad to buy a riding lawn mower and offered to mow the lawn (it was a pretty huge lawn). I would have done it though.

 

Even in the late 70's/early 80's- a good pair of baseball cleats cost $40- and a good baseball glove was over $50. I had to wash the car an awful lot to buy new basketball shoes.

 

My brother was a goalie- and during puberty, he needed new hockey equipment every single season. Good goalie pads cost $1500, even back then. Guess what? Last x-mas my parents paid for new goalie pads and skates for my brother who is now 38 years old.

 

My brother was given things- I was forced to earn things. I was encouraged, my brother was coddled- we are two different adults as a result.

 

By the time I hit highschool, I was negotiating more money for chores because weed was expensive to buy:lmao: That's also why I chose to take on part time jobs!

[cerridwen]

Thanks for responding you two.

I've always considered this part of my upbringing to be a positive thing, just like you.

It wasn't until I spoke with someone today, that I realized such experiences might actually turn people OFF from working hard.

Perhaps once they're out from underneath their parents' "yoke", they want a a more leisurely life.

They may resent the childhood chores and rebel later; creating a life with less structure.

 

I helped with everything from grocery shopping to mixing cement (my dad was a weekend DIY-er).

Sometimes it was a drag.

No allowance involved.

No sleeping in weekends.

But there was plenty of time for friends and activities, so I consider their treatment fair and beneficial and will likely do the same with my children (w/an allowance of course )

Edited December 15, 2011 by cerridwen

[carhill]

To me, balance was key. I experienced everything from the life the farmworkers have (I picked grapes, peaches, apricots, figs and, ugh, boysenberries) to the leisurely pursuit of my hobbies and sports. In fact, by the time I was eleven, I was earning enough to pay half the mortgage payment every month, so my dad helped me open a savings account and he said he'd match every dollar I saved until age eighteen with the caveat that I couldn't touch those savings until I graduated high school. It was up to me. In the interim I bought two cars and had enough money saved up when I graduated to put a down payment on a house, but, being a typical young person, spent some of it on a race car and went racing for a number of years, not buying a house until age 25. I credit the lessons my parents taught for the overall effect on my life. I bucked the peer trends of turn on, tune in and drop out.

 

I think the key is to indoctrinate a child from the time they are born so they don't know any different, as well as balance work with play and show it's a team effort rather than seeing the child as either privileged or a slave. Lead by example

[cerridwen]

To me, balance was key. I experienced everything from the life the farmworkers have (I picked grapes, peaches, apricots, figs and, ugh, boysenberries) to the leisurely pursuit of my hobbies and sports. In fact, by the time I was eleven, I was earning enough to pay half the mortgage payment every month, so my dad helped me open a savings account and he said he'd match every dollar I saved until age eighteen with the caveat that I couldn't touch those savings until I graduated high school. It was up to me. In the interim I bought two cars and had enough money saved up when I graduated to put a down payment on a house, but, being a typical young person, spent some of it on a race car and went racing for a number of years, not buying a house until age 25. I credit the lessons my parents taught for the overall effect on my life. I bucked the peer trends of turn on, tune in and drop out.

 

I think the key is to indoctrinate a child from the time they are born so they don't know any different, as well as balance work with play and show it's a team effort rather than seeing the child as either privileged or a slave. Lead by example

 

Brilliant.

This is exactly what I'm talking about.

Thanks, Carhill.

[Els]

Well, when I was 12 I was sweeping the house (we didn't have a vacuum!), cleaning the patio, cooking part of the meal, doing the dishes, setting the table, etc.

 

Personally, if I ever had kids, I would absolutely have them do the sort of chores that they would need to know when they move out. That includes cleaning, laundry, cooking, basic repair jobs, and such. I would, however, not make them do things that would confer them no direct benefit when they grow up. E.g. if I owned a restaurant, I would not make them wait tables, or if I owned a cookie-baking home business, I would not make them bake cookies for me. I used to know kids who had to help out at their parents' businesses from after school til night time, and fell behind in their studies because of it. That falls unpleasantly close to 'free labour' for me.

 

Also, I would be careful not to impose excessive standards on the quality of their chores. My mom is a completely OCD neat freak - she would make me hang the clothes to dry, and then go over all of them one by one because she MUST have them all hung one particular way, not even the slightest bit off-centre from the hanger, with one clip for tops and two for trousers! And she wondered why I did not offer to help her out more. What is the point of helping someone if they are only going to scrutinize your work and re-do it all the time anyway? I have been hanging my own clothes, my way, since I moved out 7 years ago - it takes half the time she uses for hers and they end up perfectly fine.

[standtall]

No allowance, the 3 kids rotate the daily mundane things weekly...trash, dishes, dog duty. They clean their rooms weekly and do other chores upon request. The 2 boys do the bare minimum, and the daughter goes above and beyond with chores and everything else she does...like some kind of internal drive mechanism. By my observations, just like with academic aptitude and athletic ability, it is something they are born with and not taught.

[oldguy]

The kids I never had got off easy.

 

Wow D, that's a great deal! I got 25 cents a week

Thats because you and I are old carhill

[Citizen Erased]

With three kids around, my parents certainly never had to hire any help. Pool got cleaned by us, cars were cleaned by us, weeds were pulled by us, we helped our parents install the garden out the front and were responsible for the upkeep. I was packing my dad's lunch for him when most kids still had their mummies doing it for them. On the upside, I left home knowing how to cook, do laundry, clean and look after a bratty little boy (my brother). All things which seem simple to me and yet others think are the most difficult thing in the world.

 

One thing, all three of us were treated the same. We were given chores according to our age and our allowance was adjusted based on our age. And while we were doing these chores, my parents were working their butts off to keep us a happy (well, that was the lie they fed to us anyway, they always did dislike each other) little family.

[Dust]

I'm happy to say my child hood was chore free. I did get an allowance $20 a week. Plus I was the type of kid who didn't have to pick between what video game system I wanted, because I got them all including my own computer. Yes you could say I had it made.

 

I'm not going to lie I turned out grrrrrrrreat! Really though I had a loving mother who gave me energy for a life time. Thats the secret to all my success.

[cerridwen]

Well, when I was 12 I was sweeping the house (we didn't have a vacuum!), cleaning the patio, cooking part of the meal, doing the dishes, setting the table, etc.

 

Personally, if I ever had kids, I would absolutely have them do the sort of chores that they would need to know when they move out. That includes cleaning, laundry, cooking, basic repair jobs, and such. I would, however, not make them do things that would confer them no direct benefit when they grow up...

 

Also, I would be careful not to impose excessive standards on the quality of their chores. My mom is a completely OCD neat freak - she would make me hang the clothes to dry, and then go over all of them one by one because she MUST have them all hung one particular way, not even the slightest bit off-centre from the hanger, with one clip for tops and two for trousers! And she wondered why I did not offer to help her out more. What is the point of helping someone if they are only going to scrutinize your work and re-do it all the time anyway? I have been hanging my own clothes, my way, since I moved out 7 years ago - it takes half the time she uses for hers and they end up perfectly fine.

 

That's a great guideline, E.

I'm not sure I learned much from scraping paint but it's been awhile since I've had to call someone in for basic home repair.

 

No allowance, the 3 kids rotate the daily mundane things weekly...trash, dishes, dog duty. They clean their rooms weekly and do other chores upon request. The 2 boys do the bare minimum, and the daughter goes above and beyond with chores and everything else she does...like some kind of internal drive mechanism. By my observations, just like with academic aptitude and athletic ability, it is something they are born with and not taught.

 

Enthusiasm and follow-through certainly varied among my siblings and me. Additionally, my father made it clear we girls wouldn't have a free pass by virtue of being girls, which has stayed with me and served me well in life.

 

Why no allowance, btw?

[Citizen Erased]

I'm happy to say my child hood was chore free. I did get an allowance $20 a week. Plus I was the type of kid who didn't have to pick between what video game system I wanted, because I got them all including my own computer. Yes you could say I had it made.

 

I'm not going to lie I turned out grrrrrrrreat! Really though I had a loving mother who gave me energy for a life time. Thats the secret to all my success.

8 year old CE envies you.

[cerridwen]

With three kids around, my parents certainly never had to hire any help. Pool got cleaned by us, cars were cleaned by us, weeds were pulled by us, we helped our parents install the garden out the front and were responsible for the upkeep. I was packing my dad's lunch for him when most kids still had their mummies doing it for them. On the upside, I left home knowing how to cook, do laundry, clean and look after a bratty little boy (my brother). All things which seem simple to me and yet others think are the most difficult thing in the world....

 

I encountered others feeling that way once I went to college.

By that time, I'd been on my own for a couple of years so daily tasks were a breeze.

Meanwhile, a guy I was seeing was completely overwhelmed (and bitchy) about having to shop AND haul his laundry to the laundromat.

I think it was then I began realizing chores had strengthened me.

 

 

I'm happy to say my child hood was chore free. I did get an allowance $20 a week. Plus I was the type of kid who didn't have to pick between what video game system I wanted, because I got them all including my own computer. Yes you could say I had it made.

 

I'm not going to lie I turned out grrrrrrrreat! Really though I had a loving mother who gave me energy for a life time. Thats the secret to all my success.

 

It's obvious to everyone, Dust, that while you may have had it easy, you still turned out magnificently.

And incredibly pervvy.

[Citizen Erased]

I encountered others feeling that way once I went to college.

By that time, I'd been on my own for a couple of years so daily tasks were a breeze.

Meanwhile, a guy I was seeing was completely overwhelmed (and bitchy) about having to shop AND haul his laundry to the laundromat.

I think it was then I began realizing chores had strengthened me.

Exactly.

 

I never have had to clean a pool or pull a weed since my parents divorced and the slave labour ended. I suspect they weren't trying to teach us valuable skills on that one.

[D-Lish]

No allowance, the 3 kids rotate the daily mundane things weekly...trash, dishes, dog duty. They clean their rooms weekly and do other chores upon request. The 2 boys do the bare minimum, and the daughter goes above and beyond with chores and everything else she does...like some kind of internal drive mechanism. By my observations, just like with academic aptitude and athletic ability, it is something they are born with and not taught.

 

I believe that those without an inherent drive can most definitely be "taught". I fought my parents tooth and nail- but ultimately followed through for the reward.

 

Life is structured in the same way. The lessons I learned as a child regarding working for the things I wanted directly affect how I operate as an adult. I still don't love working, but I am driven regardless.

 

My younger brother was "given" everything- and to this day, my parents support him and his family financially.

[cerridwen]

I believe that those without an inherent drive can most definitely be "taught". I fought my parents tooth and nail- but ultimately followed through for the reward.

 

Life is structured in the same way. The lessons I learned as a child regarding working for the things I wanted directly affect how I operate as an adult. I still don't love working, but I am driven regardless.

My younger brother was "given" everything- and to this day, my parents support him and his family financially.

 

Yup, we have one of those too.

[D-Lish]

Yup, we have one of those too.

 

You do?

 

Drives me insane!!!!

My brother works sporadically, has never followed through with anything in his life. He should be a plumber, but he dropped out halfway through his apprenticeship. My SIL is a waitress and she works 3 days a week. My parents hand them a check once a month to cover their mortgage, pre-school for their kids, any needed house repairs, and most recently- they paid for a new roof and new bathroom for them. My SIL will actually remind my Dad about the check at family dinners.

 

My SIL recently sent out an x-mas list for the kids to family members (my nephews)... She's asking for bunk beds and I-pads for the kids... They are 5 and 3...

 

Aunty D-lish is getting them toy trucks and comic books...

[cerridwen]

You do?

 

Drives me insane!!!!

My brother works sporadically, has never followed through with anything in his life. He should be a plumber, but he dropped out halfway through his apprenticeship. My SIL is a waitress and she works 3 days a week. My parents hand them a check once a month to cover their mortgage, pre-school for their kids, any needed house repairs, and most recently- they paid for a new roof and new bathroom for them. My SIL will actually remind my Dad about the check at family dinners.

 

My SIL recently sent out an x-mas list for the kids to family members (my nephews)... She's asking for bunk beds and I-pads for the kids... They are 5 and 3...

 

Aunty D-lish is getting them toy trucks and comic books...

 

Oh, yeah.

I'm the youngest and he's the oldest yet our sense of reponsibility couldn't be more different.

He'd skate when chores were to be done.

So much for theories on birth order.

[D-Lish]

Oh, yeah.

I'm the youngest and he's the oldest yet our sense of reponsibility couldn't be more different.

He'd skate when chores were to be done.

So much for theories on birth order.

 

I am the oldest, my parents thought they had been too tough on me so they let everything slide with my younger brother:mad:

 

You're right, so much for birth order.

[Stung]

It's a bit of a struggle getting my SD to do her chores and homework lately, but she does have to do them if she wants her allowance and phone. Her regular chores are pretty minimal: she cleans the cat litter, she empties the dishwasher, she clears the table after dinner. She has other things she does on a leregular basis, however: she sometimes does her own laundry, she cleans up in the bathroom she shares with her much-younger brother, she helps with gardening and cooking because she likes to, she babysits (just while we're busy elsewhere in the house, not yet while we're out--she's a few years away from that yet, IMO). That's at our house, she doesn't have any chores at her other house. Sometimes we think maybe she should have more regular chores, but it's difficult since she's only here 1/2 the time and she also has after-school sports and arts, and homework. Since she lives in 2 different cities, we've told her when she's 16 we'll pay for half of a used car, but she has to come up with the money for the other half, and NOT from her bank account her maternal grandfather maintains.

 

My son just turned three and he helps me with the laundry and sweeping and watering in the garden. His brand of helpfulness often just makes things more difficult, but it's obviously more about teaching him good habits right now. He also has "clean up time" every evening where he picks up the toys he's strewn everywhere, and a bigger "clean up time" usually once a week where he helps me clean up his room.

 

When I was a kid, I loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, cleared the dinner table and wiped down the counters, took out the garbage, vacuumed the upstairs and the stairwell, cleaned one of the bathrooms, did my own laundry, helped in the garden. I was, of course, responsible for my animals--dog, cat, rodents, reptiles, fish, exotics. I learned how to cook a few dishes and do some minor carpentry, also did a lot of paperwork for my parents: editing, typing, organizing files, and bigger but irregular jobs like stripping, sanding, painting walls and furniture. I can't remember what else.

Edited December 16, 2011 by Stung

[cerridwen]

It's a bit of a struggle getting my SD to do her chores and homework lately, but she does have to do them if she wants her allowance and phone. Her regular chores are pretty minimal: she cleans the cat litter, she empties the dishwasher, she clears the table after dinner. She has other things she does on a leregular basis, however: she sometimes does her own laundry, she cleans up in the bathroom she shares with her much-younger brother, she helps with gardening and cooking because she likes to, she babysits (just while we're busy elsewhere in the house, not yet while we're out--she's a few years away from that yet, IMO). That's at our house, she doesn't have any chores at her other house. Sometimes we think maybe she should have more regular chores, but it's difficult since she's only here 1/2 the time and she also has after-school sports and arts, and homework. Since she lives in 2 different cities, we've told her when she's 16 we'll pay for half of a used car, but she has to come up with the money for the other half, and NOT from her bank account her maternal grandfather maintains.

 

My son just turned three and he helps me with the laundry and sweeping and watering in the garden. His brand of helpfulness often just makes things more difficult, but it's obviously more about teaching him good habits right now. He also has "clean up time" every evening where he picks up the toys he's strewn everywhere, and a bigger "clean up time" usually once a week where he helps me clean up his room.

 

When I was a kid, I loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, cleared the dinner table and wiped down the counters, took out the garbage, vacuumed the upstairs and the stairwell, cleaned one of the bathrooms, did my own laundry, helped in the garden. I was, of course, responsible for my animals--dog, cat, rodents, reptiles, fish, exotics. I learned how to cook a few dishes and do some minor carpentry, also did a lot of paperwork for my parents: editing, typing, organizing files, and bigger but irregular jobs like stripping, sanding, painting walls and furniture. I can't remember what else.

 

Did you ever feel resentful?

I don't remember feeling so but I wonder if my kids would.

[johan]

Meanwhile, a guy I was seeing was completely overwhelmed (and bitchy) about having to shop AND haul his laundry to the laundromat.

I think it was then I began realizing chores had strengthened me

 

Well they prepared you for adult life anyway. In my mind they made you normal. While people who get by without doing them are often weakened and kind of helpless. It is hard to respect someone like that, even tough they aren't really to blame.

[betterdeal]

I think chores for children are a wonderful way for them to meet and get to know the staff.